Pentagon policy Under Fire: Soldiers remains to oldest (divorced) parent.

[elehhhhna]

The case exposes the shortcomings of a Pentagon policy that awards custody to the older parent in families of divorce
Feuding over son's remains
By DEAN E. MURPHY and CAROLYN MARSHALL
New York Times

SANTA CRUZ, CALIF. - It has been 14 years since Russell Hendrix and Renee Amick divorced, a hostile parting that dragged on for three years in the courts. They clashed over their three children, domestic abuse accusations, alcoholism and money problems.


Now the fallout from that divorce is spilling well beyond their broken family into national military policy. Their eyes rarely meeting across a tense courtroom here, Hendrix and Amick cannot agree on what is best for their eldest son, Staff Sgt. Jason R. Hendrix of the Army, this time not in life but in death.

Jason Hendrix was killed in February by a roadside bomb in Iraq after pulling fellow soldiers from a burning vehicle. His grieving and embittered parents are fighting over who gets his remains, which for the time being lie aside his grandfather's in a Tulsa, Okla., cemetery.

"It has just been horribly devastating," Amick said in tears outside the courtroom, where about a dozen family members attended a custody hearing this week. "I just pray that there isn't another mother that has to go through what I've gone through."

http://www.chron.com/cs/CDA/ssistory.mpl/nation/3394051

[napi21]

1. WOW, I would have never even thought of a situation like that.

As I read the post, I realized this must happen many times. I can't think of a good solution either!

I usually do criticize the Pentagon for their stupid policies, but what would YOU suggest in a situation like that?

[elehhhhna]

2. Simple: I'd give them to the Soldiers' FIRST designated next-of-kin.

Seems the "older parent" rule favors the men, dontchathink?

[RaleighNCDUer]

3. He joined the military, he belongs to the military.

Bury him in Arlington.

[fooj]

4. I know Renee Amick's husband. Went to school with him.

She has been begging for her sons remains for so long. It's heartbreaking. I hope things work out. I couldn't imagine dealing with something like this.

peace.

[Bunny]

5. That's a horrible situation, and it's kind of hard to believe that this

wasn't addressed in years past by the Pentagon. The divorce rate in this country has been high for years.

But in this particular instance, unless they're willing to share cremated remains, one of those parents has got to give it up. Such rancor and bitterness is a big load to carry throughout life. It's not about their son, it's about them - sounds like they have quite a history of this self-centeredness. One of them should be big enough to be satisfied with remembering their son in life, not fighting bitterly about where his mortal remains are lying.

[ucmike]

6. he's already buried somewhere, let him lie

i think the parents should move on.

[elehhhhna]

7. yeah. "get on with their lives" huh?