An Open Letter to Andrew Card

[joemurphy]

Mr. Andrew Card
White House Chief of Staff
The White House
1600 Pennsylvania Avenue, N.W.
Washington, D.C.,

Re: “The Bleak Mood at the White House”

Dear Mr. Card:

I just got through reading a report by William Kristol, the editor of The Weekly Standard, which mentioned that due to all this talk about indictments the mood at the White House was “very bleak”. This saddens me. I am a long-time Republican voter and no one likes it when everyone around you is "depressed and gloomy". Sometimes, though, things happen and people just sort of stop smiling. It bothers me that usually happy, upbeat guys like you, the President, Karl Rove and Dick Cheney are down in the dumps. That’s why I decided to write this letter.

Whenever I am unhappy or depressed, I usually go to the Slovenian National Home, which is located on the west side of Indianapolis and get involved in polka dancing. Polka is a sure way to lift the spirits and put a smile on people’s faces.

So consider this suggestion: Get all of your depressed White House staffers into a circle in one of the ballrooms at the White House. Have them join hands. Then put on a little accordion music. And start to polka! I think you’ll find that once the polkas start everyone will be cheerful and happy again. As my Uncle Bela Toth always says: “You just can’t stay depressed when you polka!”

By the way, my favorite polka song is “Who Stole the Kishka?” It’s a song about someone stealing a big Polish sausage. They play it all the time at the Slovenian National Home. It goes like this:

Someone stole the kishka
Someone stole the kishka
Who stole the kishka,
from the butcher's shop?
Who stole the kishka?
Who stole the kishka?
Who stole the kishka?
Someone call the cops!
Fat and round and firmly packed
It was hanging on the rack
Someone stole the kishka
When I turned my back
Who stole the kishka?
Who stole the kishka?
Who stole the kishka?
Someone bring it back!

See! There’s just something about a good polka! So don’t let all those indictments get you and your staff down. Polka! I polka-ed my way through Watergate and it kept me happy and cheerful. I’ll bet it works for you too!

Anyway, good luck on those indictments! I’ll be pulling for you!

Sincerely,

Lazlo Toth
Voting for Republicans (both indicted and unindicted) since 1952!

(Inspired by Don Novello’s Lazlo Toth Letters)

[ovidsen]

1. Father Guido Sarducci would love this!

I think it's good too. Catchy!

[spindrifter]

2. I didn't know that Slovenians

polka--I thought it was a Polish dance.

[joemurphy]

4. Slovenians love to polka! Trust me on this!

Hell! Everyone loves to polka!

[elfin]

3. Think Rove knows

how to play the accordion? Maybe Condi does after all those years of piano practice.

Great letter - but do they know where Slovenia is (or used to be?)

[joemurphy]

6. The Slovenians live near the Grecians n/t

[panader0]

5. Love the kishka song

[katty]

7. cheer up:one less bell to answer, one less egg to fry...

'Sometimes a scream is better than a thesis' - Ralph Waldo Emerson