Is anybody out there.I'm scared

[undergroundpanther]

I got to thinking about the post I put up
http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=104x5131176

And that led me to remember the New Freedom Commission. The cuts in Medicare,medicaid and vets benefits. The cuts in social security,the deficits Bush is running up..The way people scapegoat the poor,freaks,gays,etc. The rapacious immoral greed of corporate CEOs and the sheer unaccountability corporations and the wealthy have to ANYONE,The EVIL bankruptcy laws,The acceptance of violence and bullying in this culture..the warlike mentality,the threat of religious theocracy..The "Faith based Initiatives"..and I find I am really scared.

I am scared that I will lose my health(I have medicaid helping me out with therapy for now but for how long? what if I need an operation? and I may need one(doc says I might to avoid arthritis caused by trauma and I know cannot pay for it myself.)
What about other people with NO health care at all what about them what if they get sick,what if they can't cope? What if they are given drugs that maim and can't afford help?

I also fear I will have no income someday. (SSI may be cut so Bush can start another war for his own profit) and I can't work,no one will hire me anyways I have no history....So what than, do I just die? or do I accept a job hoping on the mercy of a boss who does not care who triggers the shit out of me and hope I can take the stress without losing it or killing myself??

I fear these thugs in power want more money so they will want to cull me and destroy the new deal.
Because I am very anti authoritarian(because of abuse),and authoritarians are sadistic when they are not bowed to I fear for my future..I fear the control freaks will lock me in some mental "health" concentration camp ,mess with my head for giggles and shits play some sort of behavioral crap and force me to take some drug that will hurt or kill me and nobody would know or care.
I fear they would want put me into some brain damaged state,and they will have thier excuse to kill me than. Do you all UNDERSTAND now what I was warning about the state getting mixed up in Terri Schiavo thing? I was not defending fundies!I was scared of Eugenics.

Do you remember what the doctors did to people in hurricane Katrina who were disabled? They"euthanized" them for "their own good". Have you ever been tortured in a mental hospital "for your own good" before? I have.I have been given drugs used for torture(anectine),in the name of "behavior modification". It has left deep scars in me and I have trust issues with a capital T. I am not mindless,I have PSTD the same thing soldiers get after a war,it is a defense against TRAUMA to preserve your mind. A way to cope with extreme life threatening danger..Caused by BULLIES rapists,pieces of shit in human suits I grew up around and was around in my life.. It's not my fault I am so messed up! I can't cope and do what others endure like deal with bosses and the mind games that freak me out in offices. I am so sorry I am not able to!!FUCK!

The rich elitist thugs the republicans voted in probably see me and people like me as a "useless eaters" and want to cull me out. I feel like I got a target on my head.The clock is ticking on the new deal,and I do not see revolts. Why? Is it because the middle class don't care because they are not disabled or poor or in need of assistance? Are they too busy at work in their own kind of"bubbles"?
Fuck I hate this feeling of helplessness and the feeling that there is no safe place,no haven,no place where these"doctors" and bullies can't fuck with me!!

I wonder if any other disabled people on DU feel this way too?
Please guys,don't abandon us/me.
I have never felt so alone and powerless and scared for us all..
shit.


What the fuck am I gonna do now? What can we do? How do we stop this horrorshow? Does anyone feel this aloneness and fear too? Or is it all in my head?

[nadinbrzezinski]

1. We will stop them

we have turned the corner, but it will still take time... we will stop them, and I will NOT stop fighting ever

[undergroundpanther]

6. Thank you

I wish sometimes I could become an invisible panther and claw them all apart.Take their 'secrets'and expose them all to the world and shame these thugs until they cannot show their faces anywhere without being in danger.Take their money away and give it to people who suffer help them heal.And take all the bullies,rapists,sociopaths,authoritarians and sadists in the world and make them stop it or die..

I wish people who do not want to live with coercion ,dominance,and tyrants who do not want to make others suffer for power trips, who are fair and can live and let live among different people would understand tolerating tyranny and coercion is not tolerant or good for humanity. We cannot tolerate tyranny and abuse if we want freedom.I wish people would understand this and would rise up and end the abuse and destroy and shame the abusers and exploiters of trust,the human condition, and power,forever.

[melody]

2. The sociopathic are few and going down quickly

I've seen many, many dangerous times go by...that's one nice thing about being middle-aged. We lived through Reagan (somehow). We survived Poppy Bush. We'll get through this monster, too.

I'm partially disabled, too, so I know the feeling of helplessness. There are far more decent people than there are monsters. For every Bush, there's a John Conyers. The worst thing WON'T happen. What reassures me is there are people who are very practical and very non-religious who really run things. They want two things: social stability and consumerism. Right wing radicals are dangerous to that.

We're seeing the beginning of the end of the right-wing hammerlock on this country.

[shraby]

3. Take a deep breath and lift your chin a bit.

No one is going to hurt you because this cabal is going to go down and besides that, there are a lot of decent people who won't allow your fears to happen.
I know I won't. Hang in there cause by the sounds of it, you have the right stuff to do it.
All the du'ers are behind you one hundred per cent.
Now go make a nice cup of hot tea and relax. K?

[salvorhardin]

4. I think we all feel like this sometimes

I know I do. It sucks being disabled, even if your disability is the kind that isn't readily apparent. You can't do the things you used to and you're dependent on the government in one form or another. You're always afraid that assistance is going to go away. It doesn't matter if it's social security and you've earned it by paying into the system. You hear to many stories of capricious cutting or ending of benefits to feel safe. You're always worried that your rent will increase beyond your means to afford it and you know the chance of getting a section 8 stipend is next to nothing. And you worry sometimes about getting the most ordinary things done because you're in pain or you're unable to do them yourself anymore and you don't know if you can find someone to help or if you can afford to pay them for their assistance.

Still, we carry on, don't we. Somehow, someway, we always get through. You will too. Like the others have said, we'll even get through BushCo.

[WePurrsevere]

21. My DH & I feel much the same way so with a bit of help we've started...

working on turning a BIG old dairy barn we have into a "market" with unique antiques, art, etc. We're very lucky in that we live in a laid back, low COL, beautiful touristy area though and that between a good friend, my DH and myself we have the (pre-disability) business experience, training and imagination to (hopefully) have a decent shot at making this work well for all of us in the long run.

We're also turning a 6+ yr old ebay selling "hobby" into a "real" business and setting up a website with my eldest DD's help.

Just a thought: It's certainly not for everyone but in the past I have helped folks learn ebay and volunteered as a mentor with the DOUA.org (Disabled Online Users Assoc). This is an excellent org that helps teach and set up disabled folks of all types (emotional, quadriplegics, blind, MSers, etc) with an ebay/website business. Over the years I have often been annoyed with eBay and their business tactics a "few" times but overall eBay is a wonderful equalizer and a way to feel one is "doing" something. It also can help give we disabled a sense that we have a bit more control over our financial future even if we only can do it part time.

It's not easy fighting against a disability of any type and having the added emotional stress of financial fears sure as heck doesn't help but we also can't let the greedy bastards beat us down. Most of us still have a VOICE and together with others who care about the disabled (whether because they simply care, know someone disabled or know that "there but by the grace....") we must "stand" up, speak out and hold on with all of our might to the belief that we SHALL persevere and NEVER EVER GIVE UP.

[CoffeeCat]

5. I also have PTSD...

...due to childhood abuse.

I do understand your feelings. I'm sorry you are feeling these awful things, but please know that you are not alone.

You are right...PTSD is a coping mechanism, a survival skill. Your mind helped you to cope with overwhelming trauma, and you are alive and kicking today because your mind was adaptive and creative. I've learned to make friends with and appreciate my PTSD. Really, it's what has kept us sane.

I also know that this administration is highly triggering. You are spot on about these "authoritative" types. BushCo is just one big, abusive, dysfunctional family. The dynamics of BushCo mirror those found in the most abusive of families.

It's totally understandable that you would be upset by the policies of this administration. You understand abusers. You know their games. You recognize the warning signs, probably better than most people. PTSD creates a "high alert" state in us. As we heal, we shed that. However, the pathology and controlling nature of these thugs--triggers that "high alert" state, where you are always braced for disaster and horror.

It's very, very difficult. I DO understand.

I just want you to know that I think you are very brave. You've endured a great deal, and you got help. I'm sorry that some of the help was harmful. It's good that you are reaching out now and talking about how you feel. That's important, and it's healing to hear that you aren't the only one who feels this way.

Many people--who don't have PTSD--are highly upset about BushCo. Millions of people find this administration repulsive. Many are worried. It's not just you.

Hang in there and keep talking if you need to.

[undergroundpanther]

11. Two Sparkles

Thank you .I love your name for a very personal reason. 'Cause one of my beloved cats is named sparkle..and he's cute!
Here is your name illustrated..what I see in my head every time I read your name.

[CoffeeCat]

13. What a gorgeous cat!

He's cute and regal--all at the same time. What a beautiful coat he has. He's got great color. His name suit him...what a cute name for a cat.

I'm a cat person too.

Take care undergroundpanther. I'm glad to see you are getting some well-deserved support here on your thread. :)

[undergroundpanther]

15. He's partly a singapura

So he is very small even as an adult he is kitten sized about the size of a 4 month old kitten.He has a BIG MOUTH he is very vocal and affectionate he is a incorrigible cuddle bum..
The other cat in the background has passed on and his name was Bigfoot.
He was a cuddle bum too.I still miss the Foot.It's been over 2 years. When you love a cat, they make a cat shaped place in your heart,and they live there forever so,you never forget them.

[marions ghost]

18. SO right ,TwoSparkles

We are being abused by this government and those who know what abuse really is can often see it best. You said that so well and clearly.
:thumbsup:

I am convinced also that a large percentage of the American people DO see what's going on, with greater or lesser degrees of ability to confront it. There is a pervasive malaise everywhere you go. People are just sick and tired of all the overblown rhetoric and spin. They finally GET that the 'war' was a grave mistake, among other revelations. This widespread depressive state is really not healthy for us as a society. Something will give. It must.

When in the pit of despair and worry, it can help to build a small affinity group. Find those who believe as you do and stick with them. Find ways to get outside this fear and look for positive actions, no matter how small. Easier said than done. I understand how hard it is to trust anyone after abuse. But Americans DESERVE to have leaders we can trust and a system we can trust to protect us against the worst kind of exploitation and abuse. This truth we know...we DO deserve better.

The OP is obviously feeling and expressing the same fear and uncertainty that many of us feel these days. This is good, it is not denial. It is far healthier to fear the excesses of an unscrupulous and tyrannical government than to deny the truth of it. But one can't live constantly in that raw state of fear. You have to fight through it. It might help to try to see the Reign of the House of Bush as providing an awakening, a much-needed peeling back of the veil of illusion about our 'free' society. And that has to happen before big changes. I think we will see big changes if we <The People> continue to demand them.

[hang a left]

7. Many times I have studied legislation that has been passed in the

last few years, and I have totally gotten freaked out. I assume their enacting it because they are gonna use it. This last 5 years has been very hard on alot of us. You will be ok. We are going to take our country back.

Take a nice bath, relax, go to sleep. Tomorrow you will feel better.

[Carolab]

8. I get freaked out a lot.

My fiance has been continually reassuring me "they'll fuck it up; they always do"--and he has been keeping a political eye out for far longer than I. It's easier for me to get bent over this stuff than it is for him. It's a matter of perspective. Your perspective is decidedly different from lots of people's but the same as lots of others, too. You have plenty of company, rest assured of that. It's a big country and it's a big world and there is a lot of sentiment running against this cabal right now. That gives me hope. But, as you say, they keep on keeping on trying to run over the weakest and the most helpless among us. That is where the rubber meets the road in measuring the difference between "us" and "them". And there are a lot more of "us" than "them".

[G_j]

9. To be hopeful in bad times

Your concerns are very real. We all must work with all our hearts to change these things.
~~~

"To be hopeful in bad times is not just foolishly romantic. It is based on the fact that human history is not only of cruelty, but also of compassion, sacrifice, courage, and kindness. What we choose to emphasize in this complex history will determine our lives. If we see only the worst, it destroys our capacity to do something. If we remember those times and places-and there are so many-where people have behaved magnificently, this gives us the energy to act, and at least the possibility to send this spinning top of a world in a different direction. And if we do act, in however small a way, we don't have to wait for some grand utopian future. This future is an infitite succession of presents, and to live now as we think human beings should live, in defiance of all that is bad around us, is itself a marvelous victory."

-Howard Zinn
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

[zippy890]

23. Thats wonderful and uplifting

thanks for posting that.

oward Zinn is right. The goodness in the human spirit will prevail.

:cry: :grouphug:

[greyl]

10. You're not alone at all.

Have you heard of pre-blissful-release syndrome? :)

You have a strong support system here, at du. We all wonder what the meaning of it all is sometimes, and doubt ourselves half the day.

The only meaning that life has, is that which you give to it.

Pull up a pillow...
You were meant to be happy.

[sandnsea]

12. One Day At A Time

Your well-being is more important and you can't be well carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders. Neither can I. I think about some of the things you do too, I know how quickly things can take a downhill turn and how precarious it all is. My son was hurt on the job and is having a heck of a time getting his workman's comp going. He hasn't worked in about a month and has run out of money. He has no health insurance and needs a back surgery. We are lucky because our local hospital has a health program he qualilfies for, but it's not a good hospital so he hopes to get the workman's comp so he can get the surgery in a better hospital. Meantime, he's back home again and we're supporting him. So it can all go bad really quickly for anybody. Cripes, I've got gum disease I can't afford to treat and an ear surgery I can't afford to pay for, but neither one will kill me. But I can't live worrying about all of that, so I just stay in today and do what I can and try and enjoy the day. For those who believe, Moses, Jesus and Mohammed couldn't even make the world perfect when they were on the planet. Why do we think we should be able to?

[OKDem08]

14. We're here for you.

I can't really articulate why but I know w/absolute certainty that there is positive, monumental change on the horizon.

I read something prior to my DC trip which, although simplistic, framed my purpose in the anti-war protest & continues to inspire me:

Action has consequences.
You are more powerful than you know.


:hug:

[undergroundpanther]

16. I have trouble holding on to optimism.

That last statement

"Action has consequences.
You are more powerful than you know. "

Contemplating that is what makes any optimism possible for me right now.
I hope people hear me. I know I am wordy and convoluted sometimes and full of typos and bad grammar but I hope people understand what the enemy is,and they stop identifying with it,as if a person with a conscience is the same sort of creature that abuses people.II for one know people with a conscience have to lose their humanity before they do horrible things to people.People with no conscience can do stuff people with a conscience cannot do so there are two different kinds of person the bullies are one kind,the people who can feel empathy and remorse are another..People must try to understand tolerance,power,privacy,control, is not to be given to bullies and abusers of trust and kindness ~ever.

[Carolab]

25. And this is what scares me about these people.

They have been initiated into the Skull & Bones society or the Illuminati, most of them, or are associated with this "New World Order" movement. The Bohemian Grove ceremonies in California each year are centered around this: The Cremation of CARE. They burn an effigy (although some say it's not a fake) of a child to demonstrate this. Sick stuff, and very telling.

[readmoreoften]

17. We won't let that happen, panther.

We all gotta stay together and fight the good fight. Tranny panthers on meds will not be left behind. We're all gonna keep fighting. I'm gonna keep fighting.

[DanCa]

19. My friend it'll be allright - you and i are in the same boat.

Take a deep breath and relax, , have a good breakfeast take a media break for the day and remember pm me any time day or night if you have these anxiety attacks. Now on to y our question.
I know how you feel, the right, particulary the religious right don't care about us. And it gives us cause to our anger and it spirals into our emotions and makes all our conditions worse.
Your right I wish I had a magic wand that would stop this pathetic regime and put Senator Kerry in the white but alas that's not in my power. What's in my power is too stay active within the community, post information here and distribute information out via your email groups about my own disability situation and inform people of whats going on, and lobby. I recently became a stem cell parkinson's advocate and it's so powerful walking thru the hill talking to senators and others about your needs and problems.
Secondly try only to think one day at a time, try to exercise if possible, and call on me day or night. Your my friend and I am here for you day or night. Peace no more no less.

[file83]

20. Rule #1: Make sure you aren't alone. In other words....

...make friends with people. Get a support group. If you are alone, it greatly increases the odds you will be victimized.

Friends are the best thing in the world you can have besides family. I sometimes feel that I'd probably be dead if it weren't for my friends and family. Lord only knows how important they'll be to me if the shit goes down in this country.

Goodluck undergroundpanther. Oh, and no, it's not just all in your head, as long as you communicate it with the outside world like you are doing. If you stay quiet, then it will only be in your head. Understand what I'm saying?

[NNN0LHI]

22. Relax. Fitzgerald will have all these thugs locked up in a jiffy n/t

[madokie]

24. My Friend, if i may use that, you will not be abondoned nor are you

powerless. I feel your fear and it's real. You will Never be Alone.
:hug:

[proud patriot]

26. I'm here , shoulder to shoulder

:hug:

[undeterred]

27. we care

It is not all in your head- you are seeing the situation quite clearly. I am not disabled and well educated yet I have had the fear of being unemployed, without an income, and homeless during the past few years when this economy has brought me to the edge. There are millions of this in this boat together and we have to rise up and take back our country.

[FreedomAngel82]

28. I'm sorry you're so scared

:( :hug: Sending positive energy your way. Be thankful you have some health insurance though. I have none and that's pretty scary. Luckily I have parents who care but what would happen if I needed a major expensive operation? :( They don't care at all about me or anybody but themselves. :cry: