The truth about Barney. White House insider.

[nookiemonster]

I need to come clean to my fellow DUers. For the last couple of years I have been in contact, albeit limited, with a canine informant who shall remain unnamed, but goes by his covert moniker "Barney".

Translation from communiques have been tedious, since he usually communicates in gestures, versus a verbal dialogue. Even with this hurdle, he has been enormously helpful to this nation. Let it be known that "Barney" is the epitomy of integrity and character of the highest caliber. Saying that, I would like to share the information that this brave canine has made possible. "Barney" will explain in his own words...well...within the limits of translation.



The photo above shows happier times. A stroll. A time when I was really naive to the nefarious activities surrounding me.



Here was a scary day! Bush, who I affectionally call "shithead", busted me leaving his office. It sucks when you can't see over the desk and I didn't know the bastard was there. Plus, this cool toy was just egging me on. Distraction is bad in this line of business, I found out the hard way. No milk bones for a week. Sucked.



I began to take a more covert approach by peering in on his conversations from the other side of the door. It was really scary. Sometimes, if he was really on a bender, he wouldn't see me...and...he would stumble...and...well you know. I do this for country.



When I finally started telling these stories to my contact, "Mr. Park Ranger", as he was known, I started breaking down. I was panting uncontrollably. I didn't even want to lick myself. I was way in over my head.



The shit was really starting to get to me. Lacking opposable thumbs, I couldn't run to the bottle. Fortunately, Laura, who I call "Snotface", dropped a few of her "meds" on the floor. It helped me cope.



The dopin' had led to some pretty strange behavior. This one time, heh heh, I can't help laughing about it! This one time I thought I'd take out the truck for a drive. Ha ha. Man, was I wasted.



In walks, or struts, my saving grace, "Mr. Blue". We chatted for a bit, and to my surprise, he had been offered the job to head FEMA! He was a little apprehensive, to say the least, but "shithead" figured he was qualified. He had campaigned for Bush/Cheney '04.



It was time to take a stand!! Dammit, this is a fine country and I'll be damned if this cabal will destroy it. I felt emboldened by an outside force. It was crazy. I'm thirsty. Pant..pant...pant...



Silly bastard. Completely oblivious to my scheme. Hehehehe



Cheney scared the hell out of me the first time I met him. And he really smelled like shit! On any other occasion, the scent would appeal to me, but not this time!! This guy had a wicked funk!! Just step back or I will bite. I mean it!




That's just a sample of some of the communication that's taken place. Since this is quite a shock, I'll give it time to sink in.

More to come...

[...of J.Temperance]

1. Oh heck :) I LOVED this!

It's SO cute, congratulations ;) I gave it a vote for Greatest Page as well.

I LOVE Barney, he's adorable, it's such a shame that Fuckface is around him.

FREE BARNEY!

[FreedomAngel82]

28. He is cute

Barney is the only one I like. I remember last year watching some 20/20 Barbara Walters special she did with George and Laura around the last "election" and George and Laura and Barbara were outside talking and Barney was there and he was with Miss Beazley and they were playing and George kept trying to call him over. Barney just looked at him like "whatever" and went back to sniffing the grass and Miss Beazley. Bush kept calling to him but Barney never went. LOL. I loved that. Someone who used to post (don't know if they still do) had a tag line that was a little button and had a picture of Barney that said: "Free Barney! He's a democrat". LOL, I loved that.

[Toots]

60. I'll take up the call with you " FREE BARNEY"

Free Barney..Free Barney..Free Barney..

[chalky]

2. Is Barney sure "shithead" isn't suspicious?

I mean, there was this incident:

[nookiemonster]

5. From what he's "told" me, that wasn't the first time.

When the shithead was drinking, he said he avoided him like the plague. It's just a bitch to run with these damn small legs. Shit!

[napi21]

3. Barney's the smartest one in the WH! He should find some friends

and take over the place!

[dooner]

4. Hilarious. You're onto something! n/t

[Catherine Vincent]

6. This gets a vote from me!

The only family of Bush that I think is so cute! Good job!:)

[nookiemonster]

10. He would appreciate the compliment, but remember,

"Barney" is a professional. And very modest.

:)

[babylonsister]

7. Rec'd! Very creative!

Shithead and snotface; Barney is probably the smartest one in the family.

[LizW]

8. The only, ONLY, nice thing that can ever be said about Bush

is that he has the cutest White House dog.

[nookiemonster]

11. He's dedicated to his mission, but it's not to say,

that he don't have a thing with the ladies.



Woof.

Any other canine would throw out the typical "bitch" comment, but he takes the high road.

[FreedomAngel82]

29. Barney is a gentleman (er gentlemandog?)

He's sharing. :) He has manners and knows how to treat a lady.

[nookiemonster]

35. Yes, "Barney" is the epitome of chivalry.

Suave? Debonaire? He wrote the book. Well, he didn't actually "write" it, it was more of a metaphor. Opposable thumb issues.

[Rhiannon12866]

48. Don't forget about Fala...

Though I'm sure the irony of this coincidence would be lost on Bush*.:shrug:

[roguevalley]

53. FDR had Fala, whom Shithead must be emulating. This dog and

his chick, Mrs. Beasley are the ONLY things I like about this dickhead.

[IChing]

9. fantastic and probably not far from the truth

nominated

[Hepburn]

12. This is sooooooo good! Thank you!

My scottie girl, Mags, is sitting on my lap and checking it out! She says, "More power to Barney." She also understands that he has registered as a Democrat!

[nookiemonster]

13. His profession and modesty prevent him from answering fan mail.

Well, and the opposable thumb thing.

He does appreciate the support, however. It's tough out there.

:patriot:

[LonelyLRLiberal]

14. Nookiemonster, do you suppose you and Barney could write a book?

I mean, after the impeachment is over and the baddies are in jail.

[nookiemonster]

15. Since this is "ongoing",

it would be premature to make a statement.

In his line of work, a shadow writer might be more appropriate.

Just sayin'.

:)

[undergroundpanther]

16. have barney interveiw ernie

about bush's mood swings and middle finger excercises..heres a pic for inspiration

[leftchick]

17. I have one question for Barney...

what exactly is the true story of the pretzel incident? Come on SPILL...

[nookiemonster]

18. Patience, patience, all this will come out with time.

He's in a precarious predicament, mums the word.

Lemme just say, this puppy could tell ya some stories. I actually heard that there's a rumor that he would sneak down to see Cindy @ Camp Casey in the middle of the night while he was in Crawford. Shithead usually slept pretty deep, due to his boose intake, and as far as snotface, she's catatonic anyway. He said it wasn't hard. He has Secret Service in the bag.

No photos to substantiate. Yet.



Edited for spelling

[leftchick]

19. LOL!

you are too much nm! This is the funniest DU thread in a very long time!

:rofl:

[nookiemonster]

20. Shameless kick. A little more insight into "Barney"

It's funny how one would think that having your "little dog" present with meetings with foreign leaders can be benign.

Sharon has a really hot Schnauzer working in Mossad. She is one fine bit...er sorry....sweet young lady. She's quirky, but I have never sniffed a butt so heavenly in my entire life. Sorry. Whoa, she just "yanks my chain".

I need to find a fire hydrant. "Barney" out.

[Angry Girl]

21. We want a Barney Blog! BLOG! BLOG! BLOG! BLOG!

[progressoid]

22. My RW neighbor has one of those - they named him 'Walker' in honor of

Shithead in Chief!

Gaaaah!

[nookiemonster]

23. Haven't these poor pups been through enough????????

THE HUMANITY!! The crap makes me wanna scream!!!!!!!!



That's just wrong. Poor lil' guy.

[MADem]

24. Ya gotta find that shot of Barney taking a massive crap during a presser

down in Crawford...!

[nookiemonster]

25. Yes, that was funny. Firsthand account follows.

"Barney" thought everyone would get a good chuckle out of the "naughty little doggy" taking a dump. "Haha, yes, the press would eat it up!", he woofed. "It's demeaning as hell sometimes, but I gotta play the part."

His folks are working on retrieving the photo. One funny statement he made to me regarding this was "If ya really want to see something funny, you should've saw the little gift I left for shithead in the liquor cabinet!"

"Good times...good times."

[CelticWinter]

26. This is too cute--

I love it......thanks for posting

[nookiemonster]

30. "Barney" appreciates the support through this difficult operation.

There's just so many stories out there. Case in point, in Barney's..er..words.



"Socks. One pretentious feline destined to save her owners from their demise. Almost singlehandedly took out the PNAC, but was thwarted by being relocated to the residence of Betty Currie in the burbs. News accounts portrayed a altercation with Buddy, a brown Labrador. Nevertheless, Socks was never seen again in public. The whole thing stinks to high heaven. God be with you Socks. wherever you are."

This is a firsthand account from a meeting between agents "Socks" and "Barney". There is no written account, due to once again, lack of opposable thumbs.

[FreedomAngel82]

36. I loved Socks!

Socks was my favorite. Here's some more Sock pics I found!

[nookiemonster]

39. The tenacity and bravery of our dear Socks will never be forgotten,

After losing contact with agent "Socks", it became apparent that he had encountered foul play, due to his infiltrations. When the impeachment heat came on, he was singled out as unsavory due to a secret rendevous with another feline, who due to national security, her name is classified. He traveled in many circles. He wasn't perfect. He knew that."

[qanda]

27. As soon as I finish wiping my eyes and changing my draws

I'll tell you how funny this was.

[nookiemonster]

44. It appears funny on the surface, but be advised, this is deadly serious.

"Barney" has been concerned about another element that is involved with this cabal. Another player, disguised as a "pet"



"Meet Willie the Cat. My biggest nemesis."

"Hardcore Neoconservacat, and has tried to circumvent my efforts on more than one occasion. Known to forge documents, well..not exactly forge..but dictate disinformation via his handlers (once again, opposable thumb issues). Heavy drinker. Spend lots of time with Condi, goes by codename "Manolo" within his ranks. Possible involvement with "Purr of death" exercise."

Out.

[NightOwwl]

31. Very funny!

Can't wait for further installments!

:rofl:

[nookiemonster]

33. Funny, that you ask. "Barney" gave me this little tidbit.

"It's never easy being covert, but it's a helluva easier when you're seen as a dossile "companion". Ha! The joke's on these rat bastards."



"Yeah, that's it shitface, just keep on talking. I'm just sitting here, paying no attention, yep, that's all I'm doing. Just sittin' around. Stupid ass. I guess you didn't listen to snotface when she told you not to feed me chocolate, did ya? It's ok, it's not a part of me anymore. If ya know what I mean. Oh, and another thing, make sure you close your briefcase next time. Oops. Was your "My Pet Goat" book and flask in there? What's wrong douchebag? Stressed? Need a drink?"

"It's just too easy sometimes with these morons."

[SnohoDem]

32. FREE BARNEY!

Having been owned by Scotties for the last ffteen years or so, I laughed may ass off at this!

[malaise]

34. There is way too much talent

at DU. Delightful indeed.

[FreedomAngel82]

37. Here are some other cute Barney pics

His birthday:



Doing the moon walk:

This one is so cute:


There are some other cute pics at the page.

[nookiemonster]

41. Obviously you have filed a formal FOIA request to obtain these.

If not, it's easy to be duped. It's not always what it seems. RW website nut, Mutt Grudge, has tried to photoshop "Barney" in provacative situations to assasinate his character.

We all love "Barney", but let's be careful out there.

:)

[malaise]

57. Thanks n/t

[IndianaGreen]

38. Barney did not raise the alarm when Bush was choking on the pretzel

Another Barney anecdote is this: I wrote to the White House asking for a picture of Barney for the kids and they sent me a picture of Laura instead. They got their dogs confused!

[nookiemonster]

43. LOL. That happens more often than you think.

"Barney" has recently begun to blog under a pseudo moniker, of course.

Maybe he can fill you in on the pretzel story. I've heard it, but it sounds better coming from him. It's a hoot!

[bonito]

40. How do you spell treason. n/t

[nookiemonster]

42. Literally, T-R-E-A-S-O-N.

Figuratively? Well, the jury's still out but I'm expecting for Alpogate to break wide open at any moment.



"I am resolute, I will not falter"

[Straight Shooter]

45. I want to ask, what's the REAL story about the election "Barney" chant?

The night of the election, when all the bushdips were sitting in the Monkey Palace, chanting "Barney, Barney, Barney."

What was that all about? Some of us suspect it was a secret code to Rove to begin Operation Nightmare, others suspect you were about to pee on Jenna's green shoes. What's the deal?

[nookiemonster]

46. Whoa, whoa, whoa. "Barney" will explain.

"Ixnay on the ightmareMay. Are you crazy? That's an operation in progress, and is not public knowledge. It's a scenario that we've cooked up for our...well...let's just say...the opposition. It's working out well so far."

"The activity on election night was dubbed Operation Yellow Trickle. It was true that Jenna received some warmth that night. Ha! Trust me, humor helps a helluva lot with this bunch of clowns. But I digress, I was not personally responsible for that but a buddy owed me a favor, so, he paid me back. They were yelling for me, but I was chasing my tail and it seemed like it went on forever. I just like it so much!"


"It was the least I could do after getting exposed to this! Good God! Quaker Oats man, indeed. Ewwwww.."



Out



edited for spelling

[Straight Shooter]

47. Okay, okay, I'm sorry I let something slip but I was laughing too hard.

Barney, we all know that you're a Dem at heart. Every time I see bushwad holding onto you for dear life like you're a gram of coke or something, it just tears me up inside. bush talks about freedom, but he won't let you go. Bad bad man!

Love & kisses to you, Barney. :loveya:

[nookiemonster]

49. Since "Barney" is currently "in the field",

I will leave notice of your compliments and kind words for his retrieval at the next "drop". While he emphathizes with your concerns and inquiries, a political affiliation designation cannot be ascertained. This is a major part of his cover and cannot be spoken of at this time.

Be assured, however, that he is preparing for something "big". Details will follow and will be dispersed at the proper time.

Patience is key at this point.



OUT

[SoCalDem]

51. and then there was the time Barney tried to escape

[nookiemonster]

52. "Barney" told me,

"Fun ass day that was. Hell, ya should've seen the whole series. Heh. This pickled bum thought he would play "chase". He was mumbling, and was really incoherent, ya know, essentially being himself. Well, the next thing ya know, the shitfaced bastard takes a header on his limo bumper. Funny as shit, I tell ya! He tried to pass it off as a "bicycle" injury. Rove tells him to go with it, I don't know why."

"See ya, gotta run, Jeff Gannon has got a frisbee. I can't stand the silly bastard, but it breaks up the monotony."

"Hey Scott, get the hell off of Jeff. This is playtime for me, not for you. Gimme a milk bone or something, ya worthless bum"

"Shit, the help here really sucks."

OUT

[Rhiannon12866]

50. Thank you! My favorite post of the day!

Recommended.:D

[Raine]

54. Two Thumbs Up

I LOVE it! :thumbsup: :thumbsup:

[the_spectator]

55. lol! I was thinking it was going to be the other Barney though,

"I love you, you love me
We're a happy justice-obstructing conspiracy
With a great big hug and a lie to cover you,
Won't you perjure yourself for me too?"

January, 2006: Barney meets with Senators Dodd and Lieberman prior to giving testimony to the Senate Plamegate Committee. Coming just after Scooter Libby's disastrous performance, Barney hopes to alleviate an increasingly tense stand-off between the White House and Senate investigators.

[nookiemonster]

56. Great lyrics!! Relavency is paramount, and you nailed it.

Trust me, "Barney" (our agent) has so much dirt on this pseudo-Jurassic freak that it's not even funny. I mean, just look at him, he's standing with Lieberman, for Pete's sake. I ask you, who's the bigger phony?

Plus, Barney the dinosaur just creeps me out. I can't explain it.




edited for spelling

[achtung_circus]

58. There is conflicting information.

BARNEY BUSH: FIRST SCOTTISH TERRIER
Hello! I am Barney Bush, and I am the First Scottish Terrier. I am a very cute doggy-woggy who loves to play! I live in the White House with my daddy and mommy, President and Mrs. George W. Bush. They have two other pets, too: a doggy named Spotty and a kitty-cat named India. But they don't like those two as much as me, which is why I get to be in way more pictures and movies and stuff and get to have a chat with you. Do not be afraid that I appear to have the ability to communicate with language. Contrary to Pentecostal teachings, this does not mean I am possessed by demons – even though I am black. I can't wait to answer your questions here on "Ask the White House," so let's get started!

<http://www.whitehouse.org/ask/barney.asp>



Is this a White House spin, playing both sides?

More research needs to be done, time will tell, etc.

[nookiemonster]

59. Propaganda. Plain and simple. Ya got this "Barn"?

"Yup"

"Considering recent events, one could assume that this WH is truth-challenged at best. Lemme clarify by running down and debunking this drivel. **scratches**

1. Barney Bush? WTF is that all about? Does residency with a family automatically make me adopt their surname? How many "pets" have surnames? I guess fetal alcohol syndrome leads you to come up with stupid shit like that. Pffft.

2.I'm a cute doggy-woggy. I got their doggy-woggy. I could give 2 shits about what grubbie-shrubbie and fickle-pickles thinks. Bah!

3.Scotty and India. Let me put it to this way. I've taken dumps with higher intelligence. Sources tell me that Indie has a real catnip problem, but it hasn't been substantiated. Business as usual, another junkie in the WH. We all have our demons, who's to judge?

4.I'm liked better than those two. Well, no shit. I suppose the clue bus has left the station. I'm an operative! My profession requires me to get close. Plus, I'm better looking. No-brainer.

5.Pentecostal Teachings. Yeah, I speak tongues. I'm speaking to my crotch right now. Next..

6.Demons, black?. Holy hell, where do you begin with that cryptic bullshit. So let me get this straight, stop me anytime. Black = possession of demons. Good way to get 2% of the black vote, ya stupid dipshits! This place is a goddamn macrabre comedy. Have no doubt.

Hopefully, this has dispelled these inaccuracies."




Vigilant.