Guys - signs you are a guy - particpation thread

[HEyHEY]

I'll start with two.

When you leave to go camping - your steak rides shotgun.

It's a nice sunny day, but you can't wait for it to rain so you can try your new windshield wipers.

[strategery blunder]

1. You know you're a guy when you're curious

about whether sports teams from cities you've never been to won or lost.

(Hint: How are the Canucks doing?)

[HEyHEY]

2. series tied 2 all

They really played like shit last night .

[strategery blunder]

Thanks. I guess I get to update you on the Blues, then?

They lost the game that I went to yesterday. SJC leads series 3-1.:grr:
http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=show_topic&forum=105&topic_id=1008614#1008679

Full game report
http://www.stlouisblues.com/GAMEDAY/RECAP/0404/040413recap.html

[LSdemocrat]

11. Could the Blues possibly be more undisciplined?

How the hell do you commit a penalty down by a goal with less than four minutes to go?

[HEyHEY]

13. At least they aren't as dumb as kovelchuck

[strategery blunder]

22. What did Kovelchuck do?

Fill me in, please...

[HEyHEY]

23. While trying to embelish and injury....

Wasn't paying attention, smacked into his own player, who was carrying the puck, causing that player to give up the puck and allow a Boston Breakaway in Double overtime....Boston scores...game over, they take a 3-1 series lead.

[strategery blunder]

27. And I thought the Blues' last minute penalty was bad

Wow. Evil.

Where's Pat Robertson when we need him? Sounds like this one needs to be condemned to FundieHell...:evilgrin:

[HEyHEY]

28. If I was in charge - he'd never play for my team again

Anyway..goodnight

[strategery blunder]

16. Yeah, that really made me angry.

We were playing REALLY WELL in the third, but that killed all of our momentum...that's two minutes we could have been trying to send it into OT.

I personally think that our ineptitude in the 2nd really cost us the game, though; if we would have been awake in the 2nd, we wouldn't have had that problem in the 3rd.

:grr::grr::grr:

[HEyHEY]

15. Hey that's one! SIgn you're a guy.....

You turn a thread about signs you're a guy into a sports thread!
BEauty!

[strategery blunder]

29. More specifically, a hockey thread.

I'm a Canadian stuck with a birth certificate issued within the United States--love hockey and a political leftist. *sigh*

The other sports, I could care less about.

[ScreamingMeemie]

36. Hey, girls are interested in this as well!!

:hi:

[TahitiNut]

50. Only the kewl ones.

... with the good sense to appreciate the Red Wings. :loveya:

[ScreamingMeemie]

66. Mike!!! Yaaay! I've missed you! So, do you think Cujo will bring

them out of this tailspin? I've thought from the start that they would end up putting him in. Gotta do something!

:hug: :loveya:

[TahitiNut]

70. We'll see tonight. He's back in the net.

I was VERY disappointed with their performance in Nashville. They never gelled. Clearly, "home ice" officiating was a factor and Vokoun was superb, but they seemed more like a collection of hungover individuals than a mutually-aware team.

[TahitiNut]

92. Well, I guess we've seen CuJo handle SOG.

Shanahan's goal was VERY nice to see. I liked 'Sook to Hull, too.

Nashville didn't get a chance to use their speed and got shelled in the first = shell-shock for the rest of the game. The Wings were better coordinated and kept on the puck.

[Wonk]

3. "Your steak rides shotgun". Is that a metaphor or something? nt

[HEyHEY]

4. ewww - ya got a sick mind Wonk

;-)
No I mean it actually rides shotgun.... yet, I don't know why :shrug:

[Sandpiper]

5. You know you're a guy when

You can wear the same pair of jeans for a whole week.

[HEyHEY]

6. And not even notice

[Name removed]

7. Deleted message

Message removed by moderator. Click here to review the message board rules.

[Van Helsing]

38. Just a week?

I wear the same pair of jeans sometimes for 20 days at a time...

[RoyGBiv]

8. Chainsaw

You live in an apartment in the middle of a large city in a plains state and own a chainsaw ... just in case.

[leanings]

31. Yep.

Guilty. I'm also the only guy I know who has to store his power tools in the linen closet.

[LSdemocrat]

9. News that claims meat is unhealthy makes you hungry for meat

[Commie Pinko Dirtbag]

54. YES!

I usually end up choosing a rodízio joint for lunch when that happens.

[JohnKleeb]

10. ok does this count

and you guys tell me if this is funny
You call your dad from a friends house late at night telling him not to eat your pork chop. Tell me if thats funny, because my friends still remember me doing it a few years ago, and I am as a result the butt of a lot of jokes, and they tell that to a lot of girls, lol so the girls laugh at me lol.

[HEyHEY]

12. Yeah, that counts

Reminds me of once when I called home from the bar at 11:30 to tell my dad not to throw out the chow mein.

[JohnKleeb]

14. see the guys think its hiliarious and I am as I said the result of jokes

I used to get a lot of IMs from girls, "pork chops", etc. lol fortunely none of those jokers go to my school, so they cant tell everyone I did that. Its funny I guess. Good to know I am not alone, seriously lol grandma makes the best porkchops there ever was :).

[HEyHEY]

17. You're embarrased by that?

Man, that be one of those things we all bring up drinking for a good laugh with my buddies.

Hey, I guess you're graduating soon?

Good luck

[JohnKleeb]

19. I am sorta

because they shove it down my throat every time, and they act like they are perfect, tho I did have my moment of pride on New Years Eve when the girls were offering kisses, and they intially refused, and hell I wanted one, so I said you all are fuckin puritans. It is funny I guess but its shoved down the throat, no unfortunely I have another year left of school, then I graduate. Thanks tho, good luck with you being an editor, I see that you went to a crash tonight, tough stuff, I am taking journalism next year.

[HEyHEY]

20. Fucking A on the journalism John

You'll love it.

[JohnKleeb]

21. I think I will too

I get to write for the paper as a result, I want to do either sports or the political commentary, since the sports editor is graduating this year, maybe they may give it to me and if the teacher who I know from her being my freshman english teacher doesnt move to Colorado, I will have a cool teacher.

[Feanorcurufinwe]

30. Look at it this way -- you got your pork chop.

That's all that really matters.

[JohnKleeb]

69. yep

[nuxvomica]

34. LOL. Alright, now I can go to work

I need to clean the coffee off my monitor, first. :-)

[JohnKleeb]

68. you can tell sis to call me porkchops now lol

:) how is ole rhi doing how.

[nuxvomica]

78. "still hangin' in there" as she would say

I'll tell her her bro's been askin. ;-)

[JohnKleeb]

89. lol you can tell her that story about me

Its funny as hell, tho I do get embarassed whenever the Catholic Schoolgirls start asking.

[Canuckistanian]

58. Sound reasonable to me

I hate it when other guys bogart my meat.
Wait, that didn't come out right.

[Sandpiper]

18. You know you're a guy when

You don't care about the expiration date on the carton, as long as it still smells ok.

[Don_G]

24. Or Turn Out A Perfect Steak On A Grill

Yet a kitchen stove will forever remain a mystery.

[HEyHEY]

26. wow...spot on

I went over this dilema the other night. I wen to our families cabin, it's about 45 minutes from my new town, I went there to watch the Hockey game and have a steak......one problem. The BBQ was out of propane...I was freakin, had no idea how to do it in the oven...had to call mom, lucky for me there was a spare tank around the side of the house.

By the way, good to see ya DonG

EDIT: off to bed now

[LDS Jock]

25. That is SO me

and I do the same thing with meat.

[Commie Pinko Dirtbag]

56. I get MAJORLY pissed off when I see people throwing food away...

...because it's a few days past the "best before" date. :mad:

[Canuckistanian]

60. I look at expiration dates as mere legal butt covering

Besides, some food ages remarkably well.

[leanings]

32. hmmm....lemme think...personal examples...

When you go to the bathroom at someone else's house and their toilet runs, you pull the lid off to see if you can fix it.

You have two clothes hampers, for different degrees of dirty clothes.

Your car emergency kit contains not only road flares and jumper cables, but a crowbar, an axe, and a shovel.

You know exactly how fast every car you've ever owned was capable of traveling on a flat, straight piece of interstate.

You frequently recite with pride the story of how you once wrecked a bus-into another bus.

[ncrainbowgrrl]

35. I'm a female. But...

>When you go to the bathroom at someone else's house and their toilet runs, you pull the lid off to see if you can fix it.

I do this too. After living with some sketchy bathroom facilities, I'm a pro at fixing common toilet problems... It always amuses me if I manage to fix it, yet the "man of the house" couldn't figure out how to do anything about the problem!

>You have two clothes hampers, for different degrees of dirty clothes.
Yep. Do this too.
Dirty_1=Too dirty for work, but ok for weekends
Dirty_2= Too dirty for weekends, must wash... someday.

[leanings]

64. Excellent!

A fellow...potty-peeker, for lack of a better term. Perhaps amateur plumbing enthusiast. I also have the same divisions of hamper. :toast: The clothes thing is more from the fact that I have to use a washer/dryer in the complex which costs 2.50 a load.

[Pert_UK]

33. Sometimes you're so impressed by the size/shape of your own crap.....

that you tell people about it in the pub, or invite them to take a look if they're visiting when you had it (or in the same public restroom).....

:evilgrin:

Also, you tell people when you're going, e.g., "I'm just going upstairs to take a shit"....rather than just going and getting on with it.

And then when you come back down you go, "Jesus! I wouldn't use that bathroom for 15 minutes if I were you!".

P.

[Van Helsing]

37. Been there, done that.

ROTFL.

[Pert_UK]

39. Technically, it's known as a "Crowd Pleaser"......

"crowd pleaser n.

Unusual or noteworthy stool which you feel an urge to show to someone before you flush. Possibly a U blocker (qv) or a copper bolt (qv)".

From Roger's profanisaurus on www.viz.co.uk

:-)

[TahitiNut]

44. I tend to regard it as a form of "INTEGRITY".

The aesthetics of an integral 'product.' :evilgrin:

[freeminder]

80. profanisaurus?? lol & Beeeeeeeee-ookmark!

thanks for the link

could come in handy when there's another "I'm more RW than you" thread :-)

[Pert_UK]

94. My favourite entries include:

"Crescent wank - arranging your favourite "jazz" periodicals in a half-moon shape in front of you, before kneeling down to perform a be-bop solo on the spunk trumpet."

"Monkey bath - a bath so hot that you find yourself going 'Oooo oo ooo, aaa aaa aaa' as you lower yourself into it"

"Double-bagger - someone so ugly that in order to have sex with them you need two bags. One over their head, and one over yours just in case theirs comes off."

P.

[TahitiNut]

43. I rarely 'LOL' in reality ... but ...

... LOL! (So true! So true!)

[Pert_UK]

45. Marvellous! I was going to use the word "turd"...

but wasn't sure that it would be understood in the US.

It makes the whole thing sound so much better....e.g. "a massive turd"......

[nothingshocksmeanymore]

71. ROFLMAO

Once in Mexico on a surf trip with a bunch of guys one of them took a shit so big we all took a pic of it......well over a foot long

[TahitiNut]

72. Hell, I'm only grading 12" as a C+ these days.

:evilgrin:

[nothingshocksmeanymore]

76. Link????

:evilgrin: (pun intended)

[TahitiNut]

77. Photo ...

[Pert_UK]

95. Sounds like he gave birth to Meatloaf's daughter....

:-)

P.

[WilliamPitt]

40. 20 minutes, a book, and a bathroom stall (cigarette optional)

Pooping is an art form.

[TahitiNut]

41. ... and a perverse kind of pride in the resulting 'aroma'.

:evilgrin:

[GOPisEvil]

42. ...especially if said aroma results in comments from other house dwellers.

There's a perverse sort of pride a guy feels when one of his friends says, "Did something crawl inside you and die?".

[TahitiNut]

46. Oh yes ... most certainly.

Paint curling off the walls, cats and dogs scratching to get out (even though it's raining), homeowners motivated to immediately fix that window that's been painted shut for years, children waking up crying, fresh cut flowers visibly perked up, playing cards discolored on the edges, GF/SO arranging alternate transportation, hostess frantically lighting all the candles in the house ... the things that make one's chest swell with pride.

[geniph]

85. Unless you set off the smoke alarm

with your personal production of methane, you're still just an amateur.

[TahitiNut]

91. Nawww... it erodes the contacts and disables the smoke alarm.

We're talking toxic, here. :evilgrin: :evilgrin:

[TahitiNut]

48. I imagine the Ultimate Aspiration (so to speak) to be ...

... a team of Civil Defense personnel arriving in HazMat suits. :evilgrin:

[dolo amber]

83. Ok...that's it. I demand answers.

<climbs on soapbox>

*ehem*

WHAT TAKES YOU SO LONG?!?!

Seriously, regardless of what I'm doing in the bathroom, I'm talking...60 seconds, tops. I don't get it. Is every man on earth perpetually constipated? Is it just a *I need some time alone* thing? Is there something more sinister and/or degenerate going on? :spank: And above all...WHY can I never get a straight answer??

I'm quite sure if the first time I asked this, I'd gotten a simple, sensible answer, I would've never given it a second thought. But NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO...it's always "Ummm, y'know, just...stuff" or something equally cryptic. What on EARTH takes 20 minutes in the john?? :hurts:

Thank you for your time, I look forward to hearing back from you regarding this important matter.

:hi:

[Commie Pinko Dirtbag]

47. I am a guy because

I consider going out to buy clothes worse than Chinese torture.

CLOTHES ARE THE MOST BORING OBJECTS IN THE GODDAMN UNIVERSE!!!

[TahitiNut]

49. Wow ... ain't that the God's Honest Truth!

I'd rather go to the dentist than shop for clothes. Literally.

[Commie Pinko Dirtbag]

51. and because

I play with my kids in ways that make wifey go nuts. For instance:

I grab my 3yo's wrists and start spinning REAL fast. She loves it.

Or grab her by the ankles and suspend her upside down.

Or put a kid in the center of a bedspread, grab the four corners and walk away with the "bag" over my shoulder (another favorite).

[IronLionZion]

53. I second that

I can't understand women's obsession with clothes and shopping. :crazy: It's cruel and unusual punishment.

[Pert_UK]

52. You know you're a guy when you buy the clothes you want......

rather than just buying a shit-load of stuff, coming home, getting 2 yards through the front door and saying, "I probably won't like any of this stuff and will take it back next week....."

BLOODY HELL! Just buy the stuff you like - try it on if you have to - but don't come home from a shopping trip with 13 skirts you've no intention of ever wearing!!!!!

It's enough to make you chew your own foot off.....

[Commie Pinko Dirtbag]

55. ...you know an inordinate amount of trivia and stats from some sport

Come on, any Formula 1 Grand Prix from 1970 to 1983. I'll tell you the winner.

Also, champion, runner-up, and final game score for every soccer World Cup since 1930.

[Champ]

57. Just made this up-don't know if it's any good

You know your a guy when you refer to your favorite team as 'us' or 'we'. Ex. We'll win next week.

[HEyHEY]

67. I've always noticed a switch in the references,

Depending on the team's performance.
Example : If the team is doing well, "We're gonna win!" if the teams is doing poorly "They're gonna loose!"

[JVS]

59. When you watch TV, you keep track of every show on at once

To the untrained eye it looks like you are flipping aimlessly.

on edit: by every show I mean every you care about. The first round will tell you which shows you can ignore.

[TahitiNut]

73. ... and ambidextrous handling of the remote.

The remote is Excalibre. Women can't handle Excalibre. :evilgrin:

[Blue-Jay]

61. Indescribable joy and pride

when your friend relays the story of how he farted in the car and made his wife puke.

[JVS]

62. Would you mind telling us your friend's story?

Had she been drinking or had the flu, or was it just a perfectly healthy woman vomits from a fart?

What did he eat to fart like that?

[Blue-Jay]

82. Story?

This guy has something truly not-right going on inside him. He's run us out of the room on several occasions, gagging. What does he eat? Everything in sight.

To be honest, his wife was hungover from a night of reveling, and (being evil) he locked her window for maximum effectiveness. I'd have felt sorry for her, but this is the same woman that approached me from behind with some salad tongs and ....ummm.... tonged me in an unmentionable way.

[slinkerwink]

63. Reading all those responses has made me glad that I'm a woman!

:evilgrin:

[TahitiNut]

75. Is that what it took?

:dunce:

[Love Bug]

65. I have 4 remotes -- does that make me an honorary guy?

AND I KNOW HOW TO USE THEM ALL!! }(

[TahitiNut]

74. Women aren't qualified to handle Excalibre.

:evilgrin:

[MisterP]

79. I know of something both genders are guilty of:

when you are about 4-5, you learn that it's impolite to make smacking, mashing, mushing, splopping, lapping, blutching, LOUD chewing noises while you're eating, whether in public or private; it's disgusting and irritating, like how slugs would sound if a rolling pin were vigorously applied. By the age of 8-14, you know you'd be living in caves for the rest of your life if you did so continuously or regularly intermittently for half a minute.
So why's it okay to do so for three hours in public, if you're chewing gum.

[freeminder]

81. clothes & sports

You hang all used clothes (which you don't wanna throw in the laundry - you are causing too much work) on your bedside chair until it is about to crack. After all, the closet is what you take fresh clothes out of, not to store clean used ones.

You speak a lot about sports you used to do when you were young. Now the most demanding thing you do is turn your head in impossible ways when trying to look at women you pass while driving.

[Mass_Liberal]

84. you know that you're a guy

when you can't decide whether to eat or sleep, so you just sit there, lazing for hours.

[JohnKleeb]

87. man thats hard

So I compromise, I eat in bed, and as a result get a lot of grief from my parents.

[geniph]

86. After having read this thread,

I have come to the inescapable conclusion that I am part guy.

[JohnKleeb]

88. you feared your dad eating your pork chops too :)

[JVS]

90. You've lifted a leg to allow a fart to sound out more clearly

[Deja Q]

93. Well, if you look down and see a penis and probably some testicles...

Then, yup, you're probably a guy. :D

[Pert_UK]

96. Either you're a guy or you're eating in a VERY budget restaurant....

:evilgrin:

"Waiter - your fly's in my soup!"

P.