Online affairs 'are infidelity'???????????

[emad]

Snip from BBC News:

Having an affair over the internet is perceived as actual cheating by most people, a survey suggests.

The affairs, even if not physical, are damaging to relationships, the British Psychological Society's annual conference was told.

More than half of 245 students who took part in a survey carried out by Belfast's Queens University said anyone flirting online was being unfaithful.

Experts said they were often a symptom of a relationship in trouble.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/health/3631961.stm

Surely, sympton of sense of humour?

[ScreamingMeemie]

1. I don't think flirting online is any more damaging than in person,but

if it goes beyond that...into a personal relationship online, then yes I would have to agree with the article. :hi:

[cjbuchanan]

2. are you coming on to me?

just a little joke.

08)

[SayitAintSo]

3. I don't get it ...

I don't believe they are the same as infidelity anymore than I believe my boy Bill had "sex". They both may (or may not) be symptoms of a troubled relationship but there are big differences in my book.

But that's just me...

[latebloomer]

8. You don't believe the Big Dog had "sex"

with that woman? Please explain.

[SayitAintSo]

10. Perhaps it's too fine a distinction ....for some ...but for me ...

I see a bit of a difference between a BJ and doin' the 'wild thang'.

Could be that it's a southern thing ... down here "it didn't count if you were drunk or 'did it' standing up" .... LOL

[latebloomer]

11. I don't know, friend

But it sure looks like sex to me!!

[SayitAintSo]

14. Gettin' gnarly with semantics !

It may have been within the 'category of sexual intimacy'... Which some refer to as SEX. But I guaran-damn-tee you ... there are a lot of women I know that wouldn't call a BJ sex ! LOL

[flaminlib]

4. I think fantasy is fantasy, reality is where it counts

Then again, if your partner is upset about it, doesnt matter how you label it but, I cant see how flirting online is any different from watching soaps or reading "adult" material.

But dont tell my wife that :)

[matcom]

5. wanna screw?

:D

[Parrcrow]

6. How far would you go to keep it from your SO?

I think that its probably a subjective matter.

[Nikia]

7. I wouldn't think they are, but some people might

I suppose that is something that you should discuss in your relationship. My husband and I wouldn't consider online friendships "affairs". To us, affairs involve a physical aspect. We have both had opposite sex friends as well as same sex gay friends. People were not meant to have only emotional relationships with one person. Friendship is cool with us.
Things might cross the line if either one of us spent several hours online with our "friend" or the messages included naked pictures or were sexual beyond an occaisional dirty joke.

[Samurai_Writer]

9. Cyber sex IS sex

It involved someone else other than your SO, without their knowledge or consent. (well, unless you two have an agreement on that kind of thing) I believe ANY contact that involves sex, whether in person or online, without the consent of your SO, is cheating. Plain and simple. If you have to lie and hide about it, it IS cheating.

[FreakinDJ]

12. As opposed to what other kind of affairs

Like as with my Ex, "He was just laying on the bed. I passed out. Nothing happened, Honest"

Ya right........and Saddam flew the planes up Bushies butt to make him start the war in Iraq

80% of all divorces are filed by the woman

more then 60% of all divorces caused by infidelity are because the woman cheated

I am sure some feminist group will tout these facts of "On line affairs are infidelity" to say women keep your men off the internet. The bottom line is if there is trouble in the relationship then people are susceptible to temptation.

BTW Bushco opened an office in the White House for the NOW. They suckled up to the Bushitas tiet long ago

[slackmaster]

13. Physical contact is not required for an affair

Emotional alienation is sufficient, and that can be the cause or a symptom of relationship problems, or both.

[Nikia]

15. Would a friendship be an affair then?

Some people do consider close opposite sex friendships between heterosexuals married to other people as affairs or inappropriate. Is it an affair though then when your spouse, who is 100% heterosexual, spends more time with his male heterosexual friend than you? Is it inappropriate if they spend time talking about things that they would not talk with you about? For some people, they think this entirely appropriate, including those who would be upset about an opposite sex friend.
An opposite sex friendship is not always about sex.

[EstimatedProphet]

17. Perhaps, but

an opposite sex friendship that focuses on sexual acts, whether fantasized or not, is about sex.

[slackmaster]

18. It all depends on how the "left out" partner is affected

An opposite sex friendship is not always about sex.

No, but if that friendship makes you feel alienated it could qualify as an emotional affair.

If your male partner spends a lot of time with a male friend and that bothers you, you might be what used to be called a "golf widow". I've seen a lot of marriages break up because the man spent too much time doing his own thing. The mother of a friend of mine committed suicide partly as a result of being neglected.

[EstimatedProphet]

16. The one question you have to ask yourself, to answer this:

If cybering isn't cheating, then why aren't you doing it with your SO?
If you are spending time online with fantasies, that is time that you are not spending with your SO (unless your SO is the other person of course).

[FreakinDJ]

19. If you can't discuss it freely with your SO then....

It would be hard to define it as any thing other then cheating.

When the little voice in your head (not talking about the CENTRAL SCRUTINISER) is telling you to hide it from then i feel it passes the test.

[Interrobang]

20. You people are weird!

So I'm flirting over the internet with someone who lives five or seven friggin' time zones away and whom I'll likely never meet in person, and that's the same to you as actually going out and having an affair?! Where *ever* did you folks pick up the idea that thinking about something is the same thing as doing it?

For all the censure that I'm likely to get for even expressing such a viewpoint, let alone that flirting with no intention to take it beyond flirting has been a valid conversational mode for me for over half my life (and is totally acceptable in the social circles I travel in, by the way), I might as well just *do* it. I'd have more fun in the short term, the likelihood of my getting caught is significantly less (no incriminating chat logs or what), and therefore the real or perceived damage to my relationship is approximately the same.

Speaking specifically rather than hypothetically, though, considering that neither of us care what the other person does mediated by a computer and (a lack of bandwidth), your opinions are especially perplexing. Why aren't other people similarly well-adjusted? Are everyone else's relationships so fragile they can't take a little harmless lechery?

We're both gonna stop looking approximately half an hour after the EEG goes flat; we just admit it...

[SarahB]

21. It's complex

Sometimes people may flirt with someone online because they are an ethical person who perhaps could cheat if they wished to and/or has serious marital problems and knowing that someone is far away makes the possibility less likely to become reality. The problem occurs when flirting becomes a deeper emotional connect and the two involved begin to have real feelings and entertain thoughts or plans on taking it into the realm of "reality".
Whatever happens or doesn't happen physically, if a married person is developing strong feelings for someone else and entertains the possibility for physical involvement, albeit whether they met online, work, school, or where ever, they need to stop and take a serious look at their marriage and find a way to either work through their problems or take the necessary steps to end things (likely both). Stuff like this can affect marriages, but what were the marriages like to lead someone to do this (unless they were a scumbag to begin with)? I know for myself, trying to live one life and some other covert one wouldn't work, nor is it fair to other people. I hate liars and I wouldn't want to be one.

[bobthedrummer]

22. It is if personal info about sexual activities is exchanged-you betcha!

Who would think otherwise?