There's this guy nailed to a cross

[gottaB]

There's this guy nailed to a cross, walking up the hill to Golgotha. He steps into a bar, and asks the bartender for an ouzo.

And the bartender says, "Jesus, man, I can't serve you. You're already hammered."

[bigwillq]

1. LOL!!!

There was a smiliar joke to that posted on DU!!

Jesus walks into a hotel with three nails, slams them down on the counter and asks--"Can you put me up for the night?"

It's just a joke for all those die hards out there!

[WannaJumpMyScooter]

2. A seal walks into a bar and the bartender asks him, what'll ya have?

The seal thinks a minute sand says...





Anything but a Canadian Club.

[C_eh_N_eh_D_eh]

3. Why do people always get that wrong?

It's "Canadian Club on the rocks".

[southerngirlwriter]

4. Two cannibals were cleaning up after eating a clown for dinner.

One turned to the other and said, "Did that taste funny to you?"

[WannaJumpMyScooter]

6. So later on that week, the same two cannibals are sitting around

after dinner, and the one says...

"Man, your wife makes one great stew."

The other replies, "Yeah, I am gonna miss her a lot."

[DemoTex]

5. Jesus is on the cross on Golgotha hill.

He looks down at Paul and whispers: "Hey, man, I can see your house from here!"

[bigwillq]

7. There's a much longer version of that joke

My boss does a wicked good impression. It's visual so I can't tell it but it has the same punchline

[DemoTex]

8. A F/O of mine told the long version, a few years back.

We were laughing so hard that neither of us could do the customary "Bye-Bye" PA to the peeps, twenty minutes out from landing.

[pagerbear]

13. An impression of Jesus?

How does your boss know what he sounded like? How does anyone else know he's doing it well?

[DemoTex]

17. Do you know what Jesus sounded like?

Do you know - for a fact - that Jesus lacked a sense of humor? Do you?

[unblock]

9. a string walks into a bar ...

... the bartender asks, "aren't you dating yourself a bit with this joke?"

the string say, "no, i'm a frayed knot."

[pagerbear]

14. A horse walks into a bar

...the bartender says "Why the long face?"

[On the Road]

10. Bush Goes to His Doctor for a Checkup

His doctor sees something unusual and refers him to a neurologist. The neurologist examines him and says "Sir...." "Who you talking to?" says Bush. The neurologist says "Excuse me. Mr. President, there is a small problem with your brain. It has a left half and a right half." "So what?" says Bush, "everyone has a left half and a right half." "Yes," says the neurologist, "except in your case there's nothing right with the left half and nothing left of the right half."

(Rimshot)

[On the Road]

12. There's a Political Bumpersticker This Year

which is being sold in great numbers to both Republicans and Democrats. It says "Run, Hillary, Run!" The Democrats put it on the back bumper, and the Republicans put it on the front bumper.

[JVS]

11. I don't believe that distilling was known in Roman times.

[unblock]

18. ambrosia, anyone?

bacchanalia?

they definitely knew plenty about fermenting grapes.

[gottaB]

19. "strong drink"

If we're being literal, we might as well stick to Scripture.

Since there is a distinction between strong drink (shekar, sikera) and wine (yayin), I imagine Jesus asked for a strong drink, even if it was only beer.

[greatauntoftriplets]

15. Why can't nuns be good nurses?

They only believe in one God.

[tinnyguy1777]

16. Did ya hear about the baby seal---------------------

that walked into a club???????????