Today was fun (sarcasm)

[Deja Q]

Apart from the possible child abuse incident...

I was treated as if I didn't exist by a person who had been set up to meet as a blind date. However, others noted we have a similar personality so maybe he was just more comfortable with being around his friends. And that's okay. (it still hurt though, we have a similar physiology and he was quite cute. Of course, I later found out he was 8 years my junior, so it's not so bad. Waaay too young.)

Then came boozin' time. I don't know what kept me from breaking down and going to the emergency room, but I didn't crack.

I dunno.

I like booze though. For a few minutes at least, it made me feel good.

Which is why I've got to swear off the stuff. The cost is a bugger and it seems booze only exacerbates my mood at the time; If I'm depressed, booze only makes me more depressed. Where the bogus myth comes into play that, despite being a depressant, booze makes people happy is beyond me.

Lonliness hurts. It's better to accept it than to risk yourself for rejection so many times.

[Systematic Chaos]

1. My 1 1/2 cents here....

I seriously think that as long as you're feeling depressed that the LAST thing you want to be doing is drinking, even a little. The only way you can truly cope with your circumstances is to approach them with a clear mind.

As for your last statement, Lonliness hurts. It's better to accept it than to risk yourself for rejection so many times, I would recommend working on that viewpoint a little. Please remember that all the stress, depression and worry over a problem will do nothing whatsoever to make that problem go away. Have some faith in the law of averages. I don't know how old you are, but it took me until I was 33 to find anything even remotely resembling a real relationship. Prior to that I had been deeply hurt so many times I was nearly off my rocker from it and was ready to give up on life. Somehow, I managed to find the woman I would end up marrying and my whole mindset did an immediate 180. What I find myself wondering in retrospect is how much earlier might my loneliness been cured had I kept a more positive outlook in spite of the horrible things I'd been through.

I've seen pictures you posted of yourself a while back. You are NOT, by any stretch, some hideously ugly person. There are quite possibly many thousands of suitable matches for you out there, and that's just in the USA. Believe that you are honestly worthy of the love you are seeking and it will come to you much sooner than if you are more inclined to just give up.