Question about divorce

[Onlooker]

A good friend of mine is in a terrible relationship that looks like it's coming to an end. Marriage counseling has not worked.

The problem is, the couple has a young child. My friend's wife just quit her job, they have lots of debt, and my friend does not make a lot of money. If he decides to go ahead with divorce, what advice would you give him? What will his life be like after the divorce? Are there things he should do now before pursuing the divorce? (My guess is his wife will retain child custody, but they're both good parents.)

[LynzM]

1. Get a good lawyer

And by good, aim for 'fair', not greedy... My mom totally got jacked on my parents' divorce agreement, and it sucks not just for her, but us as well. Some of that will depend on whether it's 'his' debt, 'her' debt, or 'their' debt, in terms of what they can work out. Obviously, she's going to need a job, and he will continue to need his, possibly two to incorporate having his own place to live, managing that debt, and presumably paying child support. It's a tough road ahead, many hugs and prayers for everyone involved. Extra hugs for that kiddo...

[MichaelUK]

2. I don't know much about US Law, but...

I think I'm right in saying that to claim dependency of a kid you need to show that you are a fit parent. Jacking in a job when the family is in a bad state isn't a good example of that.

It sounds as though the relationship is over, so perhaps he should try and talk to the wife about the "d" word. Does she want it? Does he? Perhaps they could have a trial seperation?

Peace and Love to you all, esp to that little kid

[BostonTeaParty04]

3. I don't think quitting a job is a standard for determining 'fitness'

for parenthood.

And is a very slippery slope into HELL when one parent starts to consider 'dequalifying' their child's parent as incompetent..... You can never go back.. and then what do you have? A parent who will never forgive their child's other parent. Very uncool........... and downright RUTHLESS.

But I will suggest one thing that the friend should consider. It is VERY possible that this woman quit her job under the advice of a greedy, creepy attorney who she has already consulted. You see.. if she makes at least equal to what HE makes... then she won't fair as well under the divorce. So... she quits her job, and in the eyes of the court, HE is the primary provider.. et voila.. he will be paying to maintain TWO households in due time.

I think SHE has already been to an attorney.......in which case... your friend should consider doing the same. He should also do some sleuthing to see if she took out any large sums of CASH from the ATM sometime before or at the time she quit her job. See if there is a withdrawal for $200 to $400 bucks... if so.. she probably paid the attorney in cash to hide that.

And if this is the case, she will probably plan to file for divorce after she has a HISTORY built up of being the caregiver and not a wage earner.... 6 months or so....

Lord, I am glad I never got married. People are HORRIBLE to each other...

[stellanoir]

4. the key to an amicable divorce is. . .

Mediation! I've known plenty of couples separating amicably until they hired separate lawyers. Many lawyers ( not all ) thrive on conflict. So they create where there is none. Mediators specialize in conflict resolution. It's in the best interest of all, especially the child, to minimize conflict. In the hands of lawyers, divorces can and do drag on for years.

[BostonTeaParty04]

5. You are so right.... and it should be Law that people should go that route

from the get-go...

Sure would save a lot of court time

[radwriter0555]

6. BEFORE he talks to a lawyer he MUST talk to a TAX ATTORNEY in order

to protect the family assets, and make the best arrangements financially for all concerned.