Once again it's "What would your pets post about if they could post on DU"

[LynneSin]

We love our pets but what if God gave them the ability to type and post on DU. What would your pets post about? Last time I had this thread, I only had one cat but now I have two. Here is what my cats would post about.

Abbott:

• "Hey, who wants to have a DU gathering at my place - we'll play with cat toys all day and snort catnip"
  
• "Anyone else like to snack on Cat Litter....yummy"
  
• "I'm in love and she won't return my affections - anyone have any idea of how to win her over?"
  
• "Anyone have any ideas on how to clear up acne?"
  
• "I'm ballless and I'm loving life - how about you"
  

Evita:

• "Who said you could pet me, please go away"
  
• "How do you deal with stalkers? I have this guy who follows me around all day and I'm just not interested in him. Geez, he eats cat litter, has acne and a bad catnip habit"
  
• "You know, if I could figure out how that big person opens up the cans of food, I could ditch her"
  

[BurtWorm]

1. I just coughed up a hairball. Ask me anything.

[NicoleM]

2. Spooner would say

What is this new thing they carry around all the time? It smells interesting, but it makes a hideous noise.

[Bertha Venation]

3. Do your people try to fake you out by calling treats by

other names? My people think if they call treats "bones" or "shoes" we don't know what they're talking about. :eyes: (Toby)

If you could ask your people one thing that they'd actually UNDERSTAND, what would it be? (Harry)

DAMMIT! TURN ON THE TAP! I'M THIRSTY! (Richard)

I'll let Mrs. V. do the other three . . . ;)

[Champ]

4. Ok

Kiki:

*Food! How many DU doggies eat all the food they possibly can get their paws on?
*Poll:Question how many hours of sleep do you get? Me, I get 20 hours.
*Your favorite sleeping spot? Mine is my owner's fulton.
*What's the longest you ever barked? Do you bark at anything that makes noise?
*What do you do to annoy your owners? I get a bunch of twigs, sticks, leafs, etc and chew on them everywhere.

Alaska:

*Dogs who never bark check in here.
*Anyother dogs here like to sleep under the stair-case?
*How often have you tried to escape and how far have you made your owner's chase you.
*Big shedders check in here.

Sponge(kitty)
*midget cats check in here.
*Who else has to fight your way through two dogs to make it upstairs or outside?
*It's too hot outside for my fur!
*Purrrrrrr, try rubbing your body against the monitor. It feels good!
*Tuna?

[RebelOne]

5. Tell my mommie to stay off the computer

and pay more attention to me.

[rbnyc]

6. Jones: Does anyone know of a website...

...that shows you how to break through a screen and escape out the window? I want to go outside!

Beverly: No one's paid attention to me in over 2 minutes. Does anyone out there still love me?

Elliot: Cliff is sitting in MY chair. Ask me anything.

[LynneSin]

10. What are your babies going to do when the new baby comes

that should be fun

:bounce:

[rbnyc]

23. Bevy will be very upset.

He follows me from room to room whenever I'm home, and sits on top of the computer waiting for me when I'm away. He asks for attention all the time, and gets jealous when I pay attention to the other cats. I'm a little worried about him.

[BurtWorm]

7. How do you prefer your chicken: Grilled, Flaked, Sliced, Marinated

or freshly dead?

[bif]

8. If I have to eat any more dry food, I'm gonna puke!

And I just did! Right on the stairs.

--From my two cats.

[ET Awful]

9. Quinn . . . .

Where did the other two cats go? There was that other bi-ped that used to live here, but he and the two other cats disappeared the other day, now I'm lonely and I have no one to play with. . . but I can still attack my own bi-ped's feet and other exposed extremities.

What's that on the floor? It looks like it needs illing . . . POUNCE!!!! . . . oh wait, never mind, it was a shadow.

Feed me DAMMIT, no, not that dry yucky food, that yummy soft stuff in gravy that you hide on the top shelf . . . let me show you where it is. . . CRASH, oops sorry, didn't mean to knock that stuff over, I'm just trying to show you . . . CRASH . . .oops, sorry again. Here it is, this stuff right here.

Where is my bi-ped and why did he leave me here alone for hours on end. . . I think I'll eat this curtain to show him how upset I am . . . CRASH . . . oops, didn't mean to yank the curtain rod off the window, sorry bout that.

[HawkerHurricane]

11. Welp

Tux: I've got another skunk cornered! BTW, can anyone tell me where the bad smell is coming from?

Princess: He's got another skunk cornered, can someone get rid of this idiot?

Tomas: Skunk? Where! I've never seen a (sniff sniff) ewwww!

[Red_Viking]

12. Here goes

Panda Man Mega-Cat: How often do your two-leggeds use the bathroom? Do they let you come in and help?

Jezebel (aka Jingle Chunk): My new exercise plan is totally working--I can make it into the kitchen and all the way to the food dish without needing a break!

Miss Kitty: Are you too aloof? (Poll)

Boo-Boo: Uh, I forgot where I am. Hey, I'm 19. Give me a break.

Max (Lone Pomeranian of the Apocalypse): Who else here is a top-notch guard dog? Let's discuss barking tips. Which works best for you--a piercing shriek, or a long series of piercing shrieks?


Thank goodness they don't have opposable thumbs. We'd all be in trouble.

:dem:

RV

[DinahMoeHum]

13. Why are humans so stupid?

n/t

:evilgrin:

[Hand]

14. I just ate this chair! Ask me anything!

http://community.webshots.com/photo/133256710/55034006OlZEuz

[sus]

15. jack & stella

Jack: who put this lipgloss on the coffee table? i need clear surfaces!

Stella: pet me, please. don't touch my head!

[LynneSin]

16. Evita would say the same thing as Stella

are you sure Evita and Stella aren't sisters?

:shrug:

And btw, if we ever got Abbie and Jack together, Abbie would probably show him the wonders of munching on Cat litter.

[Jokerman]

17. The Daily Food Bowl Watch Thread

8:00 AM - Humans have left for the day and food bowls are only 50% full.

10:00 AM - Everyone has finished brunch and food levels are estimated to be below 30%.

1:00 PM - Lunch should be over but Frankie won't stop eating. Food levels are dangerously low.

4:00 PM - BOTTOM OF THE BOWL ALERT!!! Someone snuck back for an afternoon snack and we can see the bottom of one of the bowls! Humans won't be home for over an hour! MAY DAY! MAY DAY!

5:30 PM - Remaining food consumed in panic...both bowls empty...starvation imminent!

6:00 PM - Humans are home and the bowls have been filled. Rescued from starvation...until tomorrow.

[sus]

18. there are no secrets in this house!

Stella:

why are all of these cabinet doors closed? what are you hiding?! open them! what are you hiding in the bathroom! let me in there! <scratchscratchmeow>

[fudge stripe cookays]

19. f.sdfhjsk,.s.fhasdfjk sfsadf.kjh asdtjlka sdjkf hasdkfj haslfh kals

He can't help it. He has really big paws.

But I think he'd WANT to say that he'd like for us to stay home more often. Being a latchkey dog SUCKS!

Oh...and...more Pupperoni please.

BOOOWOOOWOOOWOOOOO!

[HEyHEY]

20. Help! I'm with a cruel master who feeds me the same food

every fucking day!

[BurtWorm]

21. I get all warm and fuzzy-headed when this babe in my apartment is near me

but I don't have the balls to do anything about it. :(

[SoCalDem]

22. Something like this

[Bonhomme Richard]

24. For God's sake! The guy pisses in my water bowl.

[slinkerwink]

25. My dog would say, "Don't call slinkerwink a bitch! She's no bitch!"

;-)

[BlueJazz]

26. Probably something nasty like:

I hate my owner...All my friends are outside Fighting and Fucking
and my ass is stuck in this damn house.

[LynneSin]

30. My cat would say that if he still had the balls to do so

:shrug:

[Blue-Jay]

27. I just puked in a shoe. Ask me ANYTHING!

Other than that, Ash would just bitch about not getting enough canned food.

[WoodrowFan]

28. the finer points of butt licking

by my dog, a rat terrier.

[Cuban_Liberal]

29. Come over to our house--- our dads are PUSHOVERS!

And it's true, I'm afraid...:P

[geniph]

31. Maine Coon commentary:

Yankee:
Why do these stinky boycats have to be here? One of them almost TOUCHED me a few minutes ago. I hate them. I want them gone. I'd kill them, but that would entail having to TOUCH them. I liked it better when I was the only kitty. I think I'll pick my butt bald in frustration at their existence. I'm going to go tell them that Mommy hates them and won't come back until they leave. Maybe they'll leave.

Cappy:
What are you eating and why don't I have any?
Oooh, a flying treat! (a flying insect of some sort) YUMMY! I wish there were more of those in the house for me to eat.
Mom! Mom! The bathroom door is shut! I can't get in! What if you need help! Let me in! Mom! Why is the door shut!
I think I'll pounce on Yankee and make her neurotically pick at herself for an hour afterward.
There's almost dish bottom. There could be dish bottom within seconds if Yankee doesn't stop eating all the kibble. We could DIE.
I wish Mom would come home and we could have tuna, or turkey bacon, or chicken, or salmon, or even a piece of a mushroom. I'm hungry. All I have is kibble, and there's nearly dish bottom.

Fire:
Where's my Mommy! Yankee says she's not coming back because she hates me! She's always come back before (and Yankee says that every day) but I'm afraid she really won't come home this time and I'll be ALONE FOREVER! WAHHHH! I'd better find my toy rat and carry it up and down the halls howling at the top of my lungs to assuage my anxiety.