Jessica Simpson really can't sing. Who told her she can? I saw her

[radwriter0555]

on leno or letterman a couple weeks ago, and tuned in just as she was gulping for air and gutteral blasting her way with heaves and sighs through the absolute worst rendition of my once beloved Terry Nun's "take my breath away'.

Well, indeed, she took my breath away. I can never ever hear that song again without being reminded of JS looking like a blow fish as she heaved and hurled her way through what was once a genuine classic song written for a woman with a true Voice.

Who on earth convinced that bent-nosed, poorly dressed piece of trailer trash that she possessed any ability to sing? She mutilated that once brilliant composition...

These teens don't 'sing' anymore. Brittany Spears' guttaral regurgitations have somehow cleared the way for more of these overstylized, talentless women to heave their breasts and simulate passion and sex on stage, while pretending to 'sing'... when in fact it's all little more than nasal and glutenous vocal meanderings comprised of no talent or skills.

MAKE THEM STOP! Please, make them STOP. MAKE HER STOP.

[burythehatchet]

1. so do you like her or not?

:)

[radwriter0555]

16. yeah, I'm THAT kinda waffler, ain't

I?

[KissMyAsscroft]

2. It's America.

We are a braindead people...what can you do...the good looking corporate backed singers get all the air time regardless of talent because 11 and 12 year olds are the target market..

Destroy your television and you won't have to put up with it.

[radwriter0555]

7. and you know, I don't WATCH much teevee... it was an accident...

it really was.

[YellowRubberDuckie]

3. And she does too much with her hands and face when she sings...

Stand still, do minimal movement...and you're fine...Whoever told her to do that shit sucks, and needs to be fired.
Duckie

[radwriter0555]

11. her mother taught her that crap. when she was being the teen christian

singer girl thing.

[amazona]

4. simpson is famous for being stupid

Expecting her to be able to sing on top of her day job is going a bit far, don't you think?

[Whitacre D_WI]

5. I'm sorry, you lost me at the word "breasts."

[radwriter0555]

6. "...blowfish" didn't do it for ya eh?

;)

[Whitacre D_WI]

24. Huh huh.

You said "blow."

[bbernardini]

8. There's still hope!

I recently discussed her performance with Jewel with some of my middle school music classes, and the general consensus was that it sucked. Really bad.

Personally, I'm doing my part to break them out of the braindead MTV mold by playing them things like "Rock and Roll McDonalds". :) As I said in my message to the 8th grade class in this year's yearbook (apologies to Negativland), "Never accept the mainstream as your best entertainment value."

[mitchum]

9. She's a fucking horrible singer...

her VERY creepy dad/manager had to pimp her tits and ass somehow. "Singing" was it.

[radwriter0555]

12. ooooo you thinking nasty jon benet kinda things

going on there?

you could be right.

[mitchum]

17. Absolutely...

I saw him interviewed and he said that when she was sixteen he gave her a promise ring and made her vow that she would retain her virginity until her wedding night! That's classic- "All female sexuality in my house belongs to me" Even if such unsavory activity wasn't ACTUALLY occuring, it was certainly being thought about.
He is a creepy Texan Southern Baptist minister with a penchant for peddling softcore come ons.

[catzies]

19. That WAS creepy.

Your dad asks you to "go steady?" WTF is that?

There is something reaaalllly strange going on there...

[oregonjen]

15. Isn't her Dad a Christian preacher?

[Van Helsing]

10. All she's good for is for me to lust after.

Other than that, she's brainless and can't sing.

[DEM FAN]

13. For The Life Of God. I Can't Stand Simpson. What A Airhead.

Did I Tell You I Can't Stand Simpson.

[PragMantisT]

14. Turn off the tube and put on some Ella Fitzgerald.

Or just turn down the sound cuz she has a helluva rack.
Who cares about anything else she may posess or not?

[Skittles]

18. she looks like a drag queen

nt

[mitchum]

20. or a Tahoe call girl

not even the Vegas variety

[radwriter0555]

that's a terrible thing to say

about drag queens.

[Skittles]

25. yes, there are some fine looking drag queens

I have said it before, that drag queens piss me off. Where do they get off looking better than some of us REAL women??? :o

[Name removed]

21. Deleted message

Message removed by moderator. Click here to review the message board rules.

[AmandaRuth]

22. personally i can't stand divas in general

what ever happened to bands....

[RC]

23. Who cares? she's hot.

http://www.jessicasimpson.com/

[Spider Jerusalem]

26. You have horrendous taste.

She has no talent. She's an idiot. She is quite likely an excruciatingly annoying human being whose company is utterly unbearable for anyone with an IQ above room temperature. Who cares what she looks like? THe other facts of her personality are enough to disqualify her utterly from any consideration as attractive.

[RC]

27. I'm over 30.

'think that may have something to do with it?

[Skittles]

28. maybe the drag queen look appeals to you

:o

[RC]

29. Hey now be nice.

[Skittles]

30. lol

I just got back from seeing Connie and Carla. Dammit, those drag queens make some of us hopeless "real" women look very bad. :o

[Awsi Dooger]

31. Jessica Simpson ruined my twice-weekly Pizza Hut lunch buffets

She looked so world-class hideous in that close-up shot in the Pizza Hut commercial that I'm too petrified to venture there until the chain has been decontaminated.

One redeeming quality: her husband appears to be a USC fan, based on one 10 minute segment of their show, all I could tolerate.

[Hell Hath No Fury]

32. I heard this morning...

that she just performed with Aretha on one of the VH1 Diva shows -- now THAT I would have loved to see!

Good gosh, trying to keep up vocally with ARETHA -- puh-LEASE! Dream on Jessica. :)