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Well folks, we have made it, and it has paid off. We are here, here in Heaven, and liberal-free. Congratulations folks. Sitting next to me is a great leader, a man who made it all possible for us. A man who single-handedly brought the liberal world to an end with his wisdom, compassion and courage. The courage to use nuclear weapons to extinguish the enemies of God.
President Bush, tell me, how are you enjoying your afterlife?
"Well, it's really nice. They have a nice place here. Look, there's my dad. And my whole administration. And look. No Democrats. Oops. I see one. How did LBJ get here?"
I have a feeling, my friend, that his stay is temporary. He is being briefly honored by God for his rule in liberating Viet Nam, but he will soon be sent to his permanent reward for his role in Civil Rights and the Great Society. That was no great society. Look over there. There's Richard Nixon. And Candy Crowley. This is a great society.
"It's nice, ins't it, Rush. Really nice. But why is he here? Why is Usama bin Laden in Heaven with us?"
Well, Mr. President. May I call you Mr. President a few more times? See, that way people will start to believe it. Well, Mr. President, I think it is because he was your greatest adversary, and since you never caught him while alive, God has granted you the chance to defeat him here. Oh look, your Daddy was listening. What do you think, Mr. President. Are your great adversaries here?"
"No, Rush, mine are not here. Bill and Jimmy. But I think I know why. They were so abd that God could not taint Heaven with their presence."
You may be right, Mr President. May be right. And I'm sorry I called you a turkey the day after you lost the election. Let's go to our first call. Formerly from Iowa, you are on the Rush Limbaugh Afterlife Show. How can I help you?
"Well rush, mega eternal dittos, but I do have a question. So far, it's pretty hot here, and I am in constant pain and darkness. Is this what Heaven is supposed to be like?"
Yes it is, my dear friend, yes it is. I know, I know that you were led to believe that Heaven would be pearly gates and golden streets, but that was a lie. A lie created by the liberal media and published in their version of the Bible. But think about it, my dear girl. Why would Heaven look like that? See, use logic. Logic always defeats liberals. Heaven is a good place, right? And what else is good? Oil! And what color is oil? Black, like this darkness. And what does oil do? Burn, baby burn! It burns like the world my friend President Bush created. Created as God would have created it. So don't believe those liberals who are whispering that we are not in Heaven. Do not believe them on bit. Listen to me, and I will tell you the truth. They Pearly Gates would take too much labor to clean, and that means common working people. Do you see any common working people here? Not a one. They are all scrubbing those Pearly Gates and streets of gold, that's where they are. Do not listen to those liberals."
"But Rush, I haven't met a liberal yet down here."
"Look over there, my friend. There's LBJ. Oh, where'd he go? His time must have been up. And so is mine. Let us now go to an advertiser, my friends, and hear about the new H4."
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