Here's a sort of girl related question...

[HEyHEY]

I've been meaning to get opinions on it for a long time. But kept forgetting, another thread just reminded me.

About four years ago, I had a thing for a girl. VERY long story short,nothing ever happened. But her friends were always trying to get us together, and once she made a move and I liked her so much I was to terrified to respond. SO the next day I made a move and got shot down....so basically I think she felt I rejected her first and maybe was a bit pissed so she shot me down...

Anyway, I never really knew if she liked me seriously or not. We've been good friends ever since, she lives in Mexico though, but we repsond via email all the time.

So basically, I am over the whole thing, but I really wanna know if she had it for me or not. I'm not looking for a relationship or anything, but I really wanna ask her. But I'm also worried if I do, she'll think I'm trying to go for it again and that could affect a good friendship.

Should I ask?

[Teddy_Salad]

1. Nup

If you don't want a "relationship" with her and just want things to stay the same, don't go there.

Why ruin a good friendship?
Just 'pretend' that she had the hots for you. Less grief that way.

[Seldona]

2. Absolutely.

Life is to short.

And who knows?

It just may strengthen the relationship, one way or the other.

Women appreciate the honesty.

[HEyHEY]

3. I'm also worried about sounding like a flake

or a guy going throught the "what does it all mean" thing. It's not that, it's just I'm curious and it was four years ago, so I'm wondering if it'd be safe.

[Pale Blue Dot]

4. Let me ask you a question:

Do you want to torture yourself for the rest of your life?

For God's sake, ask her.

You may not like the answer, but at least you'll know.

Good luck, buddy. :thumbsup:

[HEyHEY]

5. Well, I'm over it all, so a no answer wouldn't hurt too much

It really is just being curious.

I think I will ask her. Also, in doin this I think I may make a step forward in figuring out why the hell I am great friends with women and that's it.

[jpgray]

8. Because the women you are attracted to do not find you attractive

:D

As to WHY they don't, that one's up for grabs. My brother has your disease, but once he gets wealthy he'll pull out of his rut and into some women who will use and abuse his delicate sensibilities. Sometimes it's standards that are too high, and other times it's an approach you naturally have that locks you into the friend mold and that's it. Sometimes it's even an attachment you build based more on proximity and forced contact (work/school) than seeing a stranger that attracts you and making the meeting happen yourself. I much prefer the latter method, myself.

[HEyHEY]

9. Well, plus, I'm like SCARED of women

Even last night, at the conference, I was talking with a really cool girl from another paper. As soon as she asked me to dance and got a little personable....I was freaked and backed away slowly.

[jpgray]

11. My bro is the same way

He'll take it to the next step, and make the excuse that those girls interested in him are too stupid or ugly to be worth his time, when he's really just scared to death of his own inadequacies or what his social circle will think. It's funny, but the only way to really get comfortable around women in a romantic context is to date, and date lots. Spend all your time around women in a friend context, and you're going to have some problems switching gears.

It's not really just something you can psych yourself up to be good at, you have to just go to it and do some blind dates, put up a personal ad, approach a stranger, whatever. Don't look for a life partner, just sort of get your feet about dating and being with women in a romantic context. Our society puts up this huge amount of pressure to have a cute date, and only a cute date, but really even dates with the meanest, ugliest, dumbest women have a lot of value. Pretty unhelpful advice, but hey, that's what I do here.

[glarius]

12. If you are good friends now, maybe by asking her in a casual way

without being heavy about it, and hearing her answer, it might help you in the future if a similar situation should occur....You'll be meeting lots of other women and who knows?....

[KissMyAsscroft]

6. I agree Finn...

Just go for it, but pick a good time. Pouring your guts out probably isn't the right approach because you will sound desperate.

Maybe ask to get together in person or something, or kind of hint at it...if you can convey that you like her without having to "spill your guts" you will have a better chance because you won't come off desperate. That is key.

Good luck man, rootin for ya.

[HEyHEY]

7. Oh, I won't see her for years

She lives in Tampico. Plus I'm not interested in her that way anymore. Even if I was, there'd be no point. She lives in Tampico, I live in BC.

I think I'll just send her a tactful email that outlines I am only asking out of curiosity and that's it. I can't see how that would go sour.

[salinen]

10. Hey

Listen. In my tenure on this planet, I have learned only one truth. Women discreetly let Men know when it's the right time to get friendlier. If you miss the opportunity when it's offered, BLAMMO! You are off the list forever. She will never admit to this. You will get a polite answer, but it won't be what happened. Just take this into the future, and forget the past.

[Bossy Monkey]

13. You'll never know even if you ask (Speaking from experience)

People change their minds about relationships and personal history. I was in the exact same situation, but I did ask, twice. Close to the time of almost-intimacy, she told me that she'd been completely head-over-heels about me, was ready to throw over her boyfriend for me, and her boyfriend was cool with this. Later when I asked again, it was completely different; I even had the highly dubious distinction of having the word "repulsive" applied to me. So don't go thinking there's one final answer. You're not sure how you felt about her. Why do you expect she'd be sure about her feelings?

[Skittles]

14. dear God HEyHEY you worry about details, don't you?

you are friends - you can ask her and you should. Just DO IT ALREADY.

[HEyHEY]

15. LOL, yup....I'm one stressed out cat.

[Skittles]

16. you need a kitty qualuude

calm the f*** down and just ask her already :D

[NMDemDist2]

17. from a woman's point of view

who turned 49 yesterday and played many many boy/girl games in my younger days here's my suggestion--

Don't ask her about the "missed opportunity" instead tell her you really really respect her opinion and since she knows you so well blah blah, could she help you out with the whole woman thing? Tell her you are meeting lots of ladies in the new job and just are freezing up in the clinch. Ask her how to approach a woman and for any suggestions. This will accomplish a few things, 1) she will know you're not hitting on her, 2) she will think of the "missed opportunity" and will probably reference it and 3) she might give you some great advice

win win win all the way :)