Best advice your old man or good old mom ever gave you?

[Snoggera]

I'm still thinking................

[mr_hat]

1. No advice. My dad did tell me I was a "cold son of a bitch" though. >

That helped me quite a bit.

[Kadie]

2. Grandma always told me

Be good, and if you can't be good, be careful!

[HEFFA]

3. Dad told me...

Use a rubber, and you will learn....
No deposit, no return.

Man, I wish I'd listened to that advice. Well, okay, maybe not. I'm pretty happy as a parent, but I'm really not looking forward to that vasectomy appointment.

[freetobegay]

4. If you see someone without a smile give them yours.

:)

He also told me to always vote Democrat!

[happyslug]

5. Put your trust in your Father, your Mother and the Almighty Dollar

In the reverse order I just gave.

[No Mandate Here.]

6. When my Dad took me to college freshman year, he got all serious...

...and said, "These are the last four years you can enjoy yourself."

He meant it. With a straight face.

I have spent the last 34 years (really? Wow!) proving him wrong.

Well, I used to have a lot more fun when I wasn't this worried about the future of our country.

[leftofthedial]

7. never vote for a damned Republican

nt

[flamingyouth]

9. I got that advice too

And it has served me well.

[leftofthedial]

43. kind of a no-brainer if you think about it

which repukes never do.

[smiley_glad_hands]

8. Tomorrow is a New Day.

[candy]

10. Never criticise other people's kids because----

you never know what your own are going to do.

[SW FL Dem]

11. illegitimi non carborundum

or something close. Don't let the bastards grind you down. My dad's favorite phrase. No wonder I'm feisty

[WannaJumpMyScooter]

12. Stay out of the stock market, it is a playground for Republicans

to play with YOUR money.

[BigMcLargehuge]

13. Be humble

A humble nature opens more doors than all the charm in the world.

best thing my dad every said to me.

If you're ever facing down more than one guy, hit the guy with the biggest mouth first.

Second best thing my dad ever taught me.

[Westegg]

14. When I would argue with my mother (the irrational parent)...

...and then go to my father (the rational parent) to complain that mom wasn't "getting" what I said to her, he'd say: "It doesn't matter what you think you meant. What matters is what the OTHER person thinks you meant."

Took me a long time to begin to understand this wisdom, but now I think I do, and frankly, living my life with this credo in mind has been a good thing.

[Kat45]

15. My mother told me "all men are pigs."

Probably the most truthful of all the weird things she told me. :-)

[VelmaD]

16. From Daddy: "Win if you can...

lose if you must, but always cheat." Followed closely by, "Never play someone else's game for money".

From momma: "If you don't know someone well enough to discuss birth control you don't know them well enough to have sex with them."

[T Bone]

17. Run out ahead of everybody else at an easter egg hunt

past the first eggs you see, until you are halfway through the course where the eggs are. Start picking up eggs there to the end of the course. All the rest of the kids will be slowed down fighting each other for the egs at the beginning, and when they get to the middle of the course, there will be none left because you will have them all.
It worked. heheh.

[Mobius]

21. They usually hide the "special" egg about 67% to 75% in, as well.

But I hated that nasty dried out lamb cake they gave you and just went for the candy filled eggs. Real eggs sucked and sat in the fridge until we knew for sure the yolks were green all the way through.

[Mobius]

23. "Get out and get a job you leaker, you c**ks*ckers are bleeding me dry!

from dear old dad. After the divorce I think he was happier. I have actually got him to not say "n*gger" in my presence, as of a few years ago.

[Gildor Inglorion]

18. If you need a helping hand, look on the end of your own wrist.

n/t

[Mobius]

19. Dont spit dierectly above your face and wait

very prophetic in a way :shrug:

[havocmom]

20. Mom quoted a little poem, (perhaps by Dorothy Parker?)

Martinis, my dear, are deceiving.
Drink one, if you dare, at the most.
Two and you're under the table.
Three and your under your host.

[NightTrain]

24. Yeah, that sounds like good ol' DP!

Here's one of hers that has stayed with me:

If I abstain from fun and such,
I'll probably amount to much.
But I shall stay the way I am,
because I do not give a damn.

[NightTrain]

22. "Your mother's not mentally ill by choice. Don't hate her for being sick."

It was great advice. Shame I never followed it....

[lucidmadman]

25. My dad once told me that the stupid were always sure of everything...

...and that the intelligent were full of doubts...
I think he was right. Maybe...

[chrisesq]

26. Never get into a wrestling match with a fat kid.

Told to me when I knew that there was eventually going to be a fight between me and a kid who had about 100 lbs. on me.

[TahitiNut]

27. Mother: "Don't let the bed bugs bite."

Father: "Always accept any gift, even if you throw it in the trash when you turn the corner."

[bubblesby2002]

28. From both parents a real nugget

From Dad: Wish in one hand and s**t in the other and see which one comes true first.

From Mother: You shouldn't listen to that music that loud, you'll go deaf.

And you know what? They were both right.

[Generic Other]

29. If a baby bites when you are nursing

plug its nose and it will let go.

[SarahB]

30. My dad: "Never marry a Republican."

Very good advice. Politics has never been an argument with us.

[Wapsie B]

31. No advice.

Not a word.

[LastKnight]

32. love isnt real... but...

herpes is... so watch it out there.

just kidding...

ok seriously:

never really had much advice... best thing my parents have done for me is allow me to go my own way and figure out life for myself, and still anwser questions when i do ask them, which is almost never, i wanna live it first hand.

-LK

[voice of reason]

33. My dad's advice

never get married!

[HEyHEY]

38. My dad always said

Meet the girls mother, that's who you're REALLY marrying.

He also said that's why he married my Mom...happily together for 30 years now.

[PurityOfEssence]

34. Mom told me to always look it up in the Dictionary

Best advice ever...

(It takes about 20 seconds, but somehow people are deathly afraid of the damned thing...)

[kodi]

35. "always be away when 'they're' moving"

when i asked who "they" were, he said it didn't matter.

[guitar man]

36. Dad was a die-hard union man

A Teamster freight driver. His advice: "Son,you can get all the work you want if you'll just work cheap enough!"

[HEyHEY]

37. "Learn to trust people - if you don't you're like everyone else"

And you'll end up like everyone else.

[MSchreader]

39. "Even a blind squirrel can find a nut"

"You can have all the atta-boys in the world, but it only takes one aw-shit to wipe them out"

"'Ignore 'em' is two-thirds of ignoramous"
(told to me on the eve of an anti-KKK demonstration)

Martin

[REP]

40. "When a Man Says You're Too Good for Him - Believe Him!" - Mom

"Never draw to an inside straight" - Grandma

[Seldona]

41. I guess it was by example

more than anything in particular he ever said.

When my mother took off, and was subsequently put in prison (long story), he raised the four of us himself.

He is legally blind as well.

He worked for living, and was only on assistance one very short time when he got colon cancer.

We had everything we needed growing up, if not what we wanted.

He made some mistakes, and I resented him as a kid.

But now that I am a man with a family of my own, I understand just how big a hero he is.

I tell him how lucky my kids are that I had such a man to learn from.

[MichaelUK]

42. From my Dad:

1) An intelligent person asks complex questions at the right time. A genius asks simple questions at the right time.

2) When doing DIY/Home Improvements, you should know all the technical terms. It's not a screwdriver, its a thingy. Its not getting fixed, its getting bodged. Its not going badly, it "sh*t!! Michael, I need some help. Sh*t. Oh, and bring the exact wrench I need that's hidden under 3 tons of crap in the garage or the house will explode"

3) When your father is up a tree, cutting the branches, and you're standing underneath him holding the ladder up as it leans into the tree, always wear your sisters riding hat. Falling branches the size of Michigan always hurt.

And from my Mum:

1) If in doubt, wash. (Actually from Jennie by Paul Gallico, but she made me read it and I attribute it to her)

2) A woman's place is in the kitchen, the bedroom, the sofa...in fact, anywhere DIY/Home Improvement is taking place, trying to organise the men doing it 'cos they haven't got a damn clue what they're doing.

3) ALWAYS go bearfoot on Rodeo Drive (which will be the title of my autobiography, so DIBS!!)

[WillParkinson]

44. Get out.

No, seriously. Get out. Now. Go on. Go. No, we're not kidding.