I just looked at the Yahoo Personals for my area and

[Lydia Leftcoast]

ai-yay-yay!

The photos that some of these guys submit are unreal. Don't they know how unflattering some of those pictures are? Guys, if you ever submit a personals photo, do not wear a cowboy hat or a captain's hat or a baseball cap, because you will look dorky. (I mean, why is somebody in Minneapolis wearing a cowboy hat anyway?)

I am also astounded at how many of them have not learned to undo the caps keys on their computers or to spout anything but the cliches that they think women want to hear.

Also, a huge percentage of them list their politics as "conservative" or "very conservative."

In other words, it looks sort of like the Yahoo Personals for Portland. :-)

[Snoggera]

1. I make it a point

to not where or wear anything.

Where was I again?

[liberalhistorian]

2. I gave up on online personals a long time

ago, they did nothing for me and I got tired of the men always wanting perfection while not having much to offer physically, emotionally, or intellectually themselves.

I got tired of taking the time and effort to respond to postings and never hearing anything in return or finding that my response was automatically deleted by them without even a "thanks, but no thanks." It was enough to make the most confident, upbeat person run screaming for the door. And I'm not alone in that experience.

And if you're honest about your weight and some other things, you either never get any responses or you get rude, nasty responses from men who aren't any great shakes themselves. So I don't even bother with them anymore.

Of course, now I have Dean (NightTrain) thanks to DU, and hopefully, we'll finally be able to meet in person soon thanks to the generosity of our fellow DUers!!!!!

I still think we should have a personals section right here on DU, there are more than enough singles on here and it's hard enough to find friends who are the least bit liberal/progressive, let alone a date who shares your political views and values.

[Lydia Leftcoast]

3. I've actually given up on them, too

because all I got out of my previous ventures was a series of horror stories, not in the Stephen King sense, but in the sense of bizarre anecdotes about some of the blind dates that resulted.

[liberalhistorian]

4. AAAAACCCKKKKK!

You said the most dreaded, horrible words in the English language, BLIND DATE!!!! AAAAHHHHHH!!!! Never again! NEVER EVER AGAIN!!!!!!!

Whew, sorry, just HAD to get that off my chest, boy I feel better now!!!!!!!!

[Lydia Leftcoast]

5. Here's another scary word:

Singles' group!!!

BWAHAHA!!! :evilgrin:

[BiggJawn]

8. Oh, lord, single's groups....

Can you say "Desperate"?
Did that for a year before I flashed on "Hey! these people are LOSERS! What's that say about ME?"

And the sex wasn't all that great, either.....

[liberalhistorian]

10. LOL!

Yes, indeed, you've really hit the nail on the head as far as singles groups are concerned!!!!! Sometimes it really sucks to be single, doesn't it?

[bratcatinok]

11. I had fun on my dates from the personals.

I met several really nice guys and one weirdo. I don't know if it would be different if I lived in a big city though. Most of the guys were from small towns within 25 miles of my small town. They were more sincere than I think guys would be from a city because it's not as easy to get lost in a rural area as it in the city. It's also not as easy to meet people you want to date in small towns because everyone knows your business. Also, if you're an outsider like I was there wasn't really a place to meet singles since the one bar here is more like the town coffee shop.

The one weirdo was someone I took a chance on and he was from Oklahoma City. He was thrilled to find out I was on disability because as he later told me, he had been approved for SSDI and was about to get his settlement check. He really thought I'd be interested in him because he was getting a check from SS for close to 30,000.00. He had big plans for that money...why he was going to buy a nice car, buy some clothes for himself and spend the rest of it on me. All of this was after talking to him on IM for a couple of weeks, talking on the phone for a couple of more weeks and then meeting at the local Italian restaurant.

After we had dinner together, he called me the next day and that was when he told me about being disabled. Unfortunately his disability was emotional. I can't remember the exact medical name of his disability but it had to do with being obsessive. I was unlucky enough to experience some of his obsessive behaviour after our one meeting. I tried to be as gentle as I could be with him but because I became part of his obsession I had to finally get rather abrupt with him. He had decided we were an item, he was going to buy me an engagement ring with his settlement check, we were going to get married immediately, we were going to take a cruise for our honeymoon and we were going to live happily ever after.

[mike_c]

6. BTW, what's your sign? Do you like to party?

Sensitive MWMP seeks 20-25 YO SWF for fun, friendship, and conversation. Really. Likes dancing, long walks, sunsets, and poetry. Pet peeves: bad teeth. #3984716

[liberalhistorian]

7. Hey, hey, hey,

now, you're a married man, Mike, I happen to know that!!!!! Whatsa matter, the wife "bugging" you too much? (sorry, couldn't resist it, I know, I'm too baaaaaaaaaaad!!!!!!!)

[mike_c]

12. jeez, that was awful....

She bugs me all the time, as you well know!

[liberalhistorian]

16. Well, maybe you're

making a "pest" of yourself! :evilgrin:

SWF, 39, likes to make annoying puns, learn to put up or shut up!!!:bounce: :bounce: :bounce: :bounce:

[mike_c]

23. skewered on me own petard....

This is getting a mite too refined for my blood.

And on that note I'm going to say g'night DU.

No doubt liberalhistorian will cut me off at the knees! I am not worthy....

[liberalhistorian]

27. LOL!

Oh, you are indeed VERY worthy, Mike, unfortunately, you're married!!!

[Lydia Leftcoast]

14. You're frighteningly good at imitating the style, Mike

I mostly saw ones like this:

SENSITIVE LONLY NICE GUY THAT KNOWS HOW TO TREAT A LADY AND HAS WIDE RANGE OF INTERESTS FROM NASCAR TO FOOTBALL...

:scared:

[mike_c]

18. you should see my cowboy hat....

I'm too much of a dweeb to have thought to include a reference to NASCAR though.

I am in awe.

[BiggJawn]

9. And what's with "I'll tell you later"

As in:
Want more kids: I'll tell you later
Religion: I'll tell you later
Marital Status: I'll tell you later
Release date from Prison: I'll tell you......

[liberalhistorian]

13. "I'll tell you later"

translated from singlespeak, basically means "I want to take as much as I can from you before casting you aside, THEN I'll tell you what you wanna know!" :mad: :mad:

[Lydia Leftcoast]

15. Or...

"You won't like the answer." :-)

[liberalhistorian]

22. Exactly!

I'm 39 and have never been married (though I do have a son who just turned 13 years old today, AAAACCCKKK!), and I think, by now, that I could easily write a singlespeak dictionary!!!

[bratcatinok]

17. Or it means

I want to cast my net so wide that I can't be decisive about whether I want any more children, whether I ever had any children and why I'm now single.

That one about marital status being 'I'll tell you later' always had me thinking they had murdered their last spouse or that it was some long involved story or they were married.

[indigo32]

19. It's a jungle out there

but from experience I can tell you there are significantly better online dating sites than Yahoo.

[BlueJazz]

20. Uncaring, Filthy, Disgusting, lying......

...Sack of Shit desires Beautiful, Lusty, Rich, 20-30 yr old Lady
to "service" my every need. Must like short walks and enjoy being abused. A love for Coon Dogs and Large Cockroaches a Plus!

[Lydia Leftcoast]

24. Actually, my favorite personal ad of all time read

in its entirety:

"Minimalist seeks same."

The best parody personal ad I ever read went, "Sixty-year-old boring grouch who don't know nothing and ain't got nothing and don't look so good neither wants to meet cute sixteen-year-old nymphomaniac that has her own trust fund."

[liberalhistorian]

25. ROFLMAO!

And LOL some more!!!!! As a recently-married friend of mine once asked, "why is it that men with potbellies the size of Kansas insist on dating only women who look great in teeny, tiny bikinis?"

[BlueJazz]

28. How True.. How True

Oh! Liberalhistorian..I want to apologize. You wrote me a nice note about 4 months ago and unfortunately my Mail Server went down and I didn't get your mail until about 4 weeks after that (and about 750 other E-Mails)...anyway..I never answered you and I'm terribly sorry. It was very rude of me...

[liberalhistorian]

30. That's perfectly okay,

I'm horrible when it comes to returning email, as much as I plan to respond, so we're even!

[mike_c]

26. that one never really worked for me....

But maybe it's just me.

[Mobius]

21. Here are a few from my area:

This guy claims to be 29:
http://us.f1.yahoofs.com/users/3f7fb876_7763/bc/Yahoo!+Photo+Album/cd73.jpg?psl2djAB0T5G3T7Z

I am a fun and energetic person.I'm looking for a woman that likes to have fun.A woman who knows how to treat a man.Not afraid to speak her mind and that she can be honest about what she ...
http://us.f1.yahoofs.com/users/400127e5_1249a/bc/Yahoo!+Photo+Album/e6bf.jpg?psr4djABwTgDwKH5
Scares me


I guess I'm doing this to meet new friends and maybe it might lead to something more. Life is to short not to take advantage of what it offers. I'm looking for someone to go to perha ...
http://us.f1.yahoofs.com/users/4046c96c_3941/bc/Yahoo!+Photo+Album/6d9d.jpg?psV6djABo4TB3glt
No for obvious resaons :puke:



http://us.f1.yahoofs.com/users/40888a36_1023e/bc/Yahoo!+Photo+Album/714f.jpg?psk7djABCKzR4Nuu
cute baby, wehere the wedding ring. I should call this fuckers wife.


This guy reminds me of Brett Favre, might have to call him :crazy:
http://us.f2.yahoofs.com/users/4049e561_7a3c/bc/Yahoo!+Photo+Album/5fc1.jpg?psi9djABeiWRHnGo


http://us.f1.yahoofs.com/users/bda98b8b/bc/Yahoo!+Photo+Album/pers2457398605.jpg?psR_djABuvP9XmzW
yeah, 34...sure...


Hi, I'm recently divorced. Ready to try the dating thing again. UGH! Is this how you do it? Feels rather strange to be putting in an ad, but I really don't like the bar scene, and I ...
http://us.f1.yahoofs.com/users/d11c2900/bc/Yahoo!+Photo+Album/a13d.jpg?pshAejABQ8OflIws
Too depsarate

[Feanorcurufinwe]

29. All the online personals said they didn't want a 'weirdo' so I gave up.

[BlueJazz]

31. LOL!! N/T

.

[SarahB]

32. I dread the thought of being single

Enough to want to improve the marriage if it's possible. (Call me Ms Ambiguous.)

Something along the lines of:
"Spirited and spiritual, but rather introverted and somewhat brainy, opinionated, professional, cute and voluptuous, green-eyed, blonde with joint custody of multiple kidlets who likes books on left-wing politics, crafty household projects, documentaries, classic movies or independent films, and lots of lovin' seeks quiet, super-brainy sensitive man (tall a plus) who likes similar things, is physically active, but hates watching TV sports, rarely drinks nor smokes or uses drugs, and can keep up with me in all respects. Must like children, pets, and not expect perfection. I'll do the same."

Let's see, in past experience before I was married, they generally saw the cute, voluptuous blonde part and didn't care to know anything beyond that. Not that every man is into that, but I seem to attract a Neanderthal element at times forgetting women are more than just the sum of their parts. Not to mention, my type is rather elusive. I generally have to compromise on the things I like somewhere, but compromise is often overrated and I get sick of it. I'd sure hate being single only to go from one set of compromises to another.

[lucidmadman]

33. Oy Oy Oy Oy Oy...

I'm leaving Portland soon. After almost 20 years. There are some seriously twisted people here. Never done the 'singles group' thing. But I've met nice people on-line. What I don't quite get is how many 'victims' there are. They've been Oprahfied.
Can't the man/woman thing be simple? Most people, regardless of gender, want the same things: companionship, affection and etc...

[camero]

34. skinny neanderthal seeks progressive woman

:evilgrin:

[liberalhistorian]

35. LOL!

Camero, you are hardly a neanderthal and I have no doubt that you will, indeed, meet a lady who will recognize that and see you for the great person you really are!!!

[Lorien]

36. I just tried eHarmony.com-what a waste of time!

It took about an hour to take their questionnaire (pages and pages worth) . It was supposed to filter out 99.7% of the candidates and leave me with only the most suitable matches. So within a day I was sent a list of about 25 "close matches"...Oh dear God, what a sorry group it was! I kept thinking "is this the best I'm going to do? If so, I'll stick with my cats!" Guys that looked like serial murderers, guys that said that their friends described them as "a cross between Dan Quayle and George W. Bush" (I kid you not!) Guys that had their photos taken in a bar with their drinking buddies, or in front of a golf cart with their beer belly hanging out from below a tee shirt, guys that listed their leisure activities as "working around the house and shopping". Of course, even the ones that were 5'6" and weighed about 280lbs. wanted a woman who society would deem "very attractive". What were some of the "important interests" eHarmony said I shared with these people? "Conversation, learning, and friends". I fill out ten pages on likes and dislikes (rating from one to ten activities like foreign films, golf, fishing, line dancing,the theater, etc.) and those are our "important shared interests"?? Gee, I could have gone to any grocery store in town and done as well! Thankfully, the trial period was free and it cost me nothing except a few hours of my life that I would like to have back. At $49 a month, it's a helluva scam!

[Triple H]

37. Crap...I better remove my photo of me in a cowboy hat.

shucks. :evilgrin: (kidding)