Don't wake up a pregnant woman at 7 am and tell her...

[rbnyc]

...that she has to give one of her cats away. She will cry and cry and throw up, and then cry and throw up and then cry some more.

One of my cats has a chronic health problem that costs us about $120 a month. We've recently had a lot of car problems that have pretty much drained our savings. I was very sick and couldn't work for 2 weeks and I have no sick pay left because of the car accident in July. So money is very tight.

Kitty has to go to the vet again. My hubby was up early this morning worrying about money. He decided that we should ask our vet if she could help us place our kitty with someone more prepared to manage his ongoing needs. He woke me up at 7 am to tell me that. It did not go well.

Later he agreed that he doesn't want to give the cat away, he's just stressed out. I think he's really worried about having enough money to take care of our baby, due in September. Really, I think this morning was way more about the baby than about the cat.

I know I am getting a raise in July. Also, I have a good shot at a GREAT promotion next year, and we WILL get money from the insurance companies for pain and suffering from the accident, but we don't know how much or when.

Money is tight right now, and it IS scary. I mean, we're bringing a kid into this world, and if more than one thing goes wrong in a month, we have trouble taking care of the cat.

But we DO take care of the cat. My husband is at the vet with him right now, and I have the money to cover it. It just makes things even more tight, but we always seem to have what we need. Maybe I'm just an insane optimist, but I'm really sure we'll be okay.

Money sucks, but I sure wish I had more of it. I wish we'd get our settlement already.

DU fathers: How much did you freak out before the birth of your first child? How were your finances?

DU moms: How much did your partners freak out while you were pregnant with your first child?

:scared:

[KinkyDem]

1. How much did you freak out before the birth of your first child?

Please, don't remind me. And whatever you do don't mention any of it to MRS. Kinkydem! Dear god! Don't do it.

Finanaces?

Arghhhh!!!! Money.

Bleh ...

Wish I had some though.

[rbnyc]

10. Hi.

I won't tell.

;-)

Thanks.

:hi:

[elfwitch]

2. It's not as bad as you imagine...

My son is almost 3. I had no baby experience when he was born. I never did any baby sitting or had any sibs.

The first three months are hard no matter what. You don't sleep. And you don't get any positive reinforcement from your little bundle of joy. No matter what you do for them in the first few months all you get back is eating baby, sleeping baby, crying baby, stinky baby.

But then.... One day you do something and they respond. You see them interact with you. Then they learn to roll over and then sit up then creep along the furniture then stand then walk then talk then... You see where this is going?

It is amazing what they can do. They have the ultimate capacity for love and learning.

Then one day you will come home from work and mention that you are thirsty and your little one will offer you his/her juice and say "here you go mommy!".

Pregnancy sucks. But having a little person in your house is worth it.

[rbnyc]

12. It's so amazing to love our son so much already...

...and all he does is sit on my pelvis and kick me in the bladder. LOL. I know we're in for an amazing time. Amazingly hard and amazingly worth it.

My husband is great, and if he didn't freak out at all, I'd be worried. But this morning sucked. Too many things have gone wrong at once, car, sickness, kitty. The pressure got to him, and spread to me.

Thanks so much for your post.

[ugarte]

3. Hate to tell you this, but when the baby comes,

the cats won't matter. We gave away a beautiful dog when our first baby came. Priorities change and time is in short supply.

Good luck. Don't worry, things calm down later.

[rbnyc]

14. Baby trumps all for sure.

I'm just hoping we can get kitty's health under control before our son is born so it won't be such an issue.

Thanks for your post.

[nothingshocksmeanymore]

4. Not a DU mom or dad but please take your focus off of getting the

settlement. I have seen more people CHEAT themselves out of a decent settlement based on needs and desperation due to just wanting to get it over...pretend it isn't there...in the long run it will serve you best given the severity of your injuries and your future medical needs...planning on getting a settlement by a certain time will undoubtedly cut you short.

Hugs for you Cliff, baby and the cats.

[rbnyc]

8. True...

...but our lawyer is great and is really looking out for us. I'm not rushing the process with him or the insurance companies. I, of course, don't even talk to the insurance companies anymore...that's why we have a lawyer. But when money is so tight, it's hard not to wish that we'd just get a big, fat, huge check already.

But it is best to pretend it's not there.

Thanks for the hugs.

[nothingshocksmeanymore]

16. Since the carrier clearly has liability, you might want to inquire with

your lawyer about getting an advance against the settlement...can't hurt to ask and sometimes it happens.

[rbnyc]

21. I never thought of that.

That's something to think about for sure. Yeah, there is NO question about liability here, and NO chance of going to court. It's just a matter of negotiation.

Thanks.

[GoddessOfGuinness]

5. Tell him, "Breathe in....breathe out...."

You'll all be just fine. Kitty too.
~sending good vibes~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

[rbnyc]

15. Thanks for the vibes.

Hubby and kitty just got back from the vet, both seem to be doing much better.

:hi:

[GoddessOfGuinness]

19. Glad to hear it!

We were on a bare-bones budget when my first was born during those wonderful Raygunomics years; and had a problem kitty as well. He was a Blue Persian, and highly susceptible to UT stones. We still managed, though.

Be prepared...Kitty might get a little jealous when baby's born. :hi:

[BigMcLargehuge]

6. How much did I freak out...

Not much that I remember, though I developed a strange taste for Indian food that I'd never had before. Mrs. McLargehuge was very patient with my constant questions.

As for finances? Not good. Mrs. McLargehuge was fired two weeks before her due date, and event from which we've never recovered. It doesn't matter. We still kind of make ends meet. Both of our families have been very charitable.

[rbnyc]

17. I'm glad your families were there for you.

We're getting A LOT of hand-me-downs and we have nearby grandparents for free baby-sitting. My hubby is going to be a STHD. He will continue to do some freelance work. He isn't thrilled about the work he does, but he makes great money when he does it.

If I get the promotion they're grooming me for next year, we'll be in great shape. But you just never know what's going to happen. The whole organization could go under before then.

Yet, I'm confident things will work out.

[Supormom]

7. Don't wake up a pregnant woman at 7 am and tell her ...

ANYTHING! If she's asleep then leave her alone!

But seriously, I am very sorry to hear about your cat. We had a similar problem with our cat and we did everything possible to keep him alive. I couldn't bear to lose him while I was pregnant. He continued to be sick, and we had to put him down a year later. I think that last year of his life was miserable- he was sick and I was too busy to take care of him while caring for a small baby. Listen carefully to your vet and follow his/her advice.

My husband was a wreck during our first pregnancy. He worried constantly about money. Fortunately, I had a number of girlfriends to lean on during that time.
Stay strong and don't be afraid to ask for help when needed!

[rbnyc]

9. They just got back...

...and Bevy (kitty) has a good appetite and lots of energy. We're trying new meds. There may be a surgery that will help.

I'm so sorry to hear about your kitty. Boy, from your post I can tell you can totally relate to the situation over here.

Thanks so much.

[Supormom]

13. Take care of yourself.

That is the most important thing you can do for yourself, your baby, and your husband right now.
:hug:

[rbnyc]

18. Thanks.

I've actually been napping most of the day. I have a cold and I took the day off work. (sick again! sigh)

Hubby takes good care of me too. He feels bad about waking me up and freaking me out this morning. He was just brimming over with worry.

[July]

11. Money, baby, cat . . . the good old days

You're taking me back almost 20 years. We had practically nothing when Kid #1 was born. Hub was in grad school, I was working but quit about 3 months before Kid was born, owing to an intolerable situation at work. Cat was a fixed tom who still got into fights, meaning vet visits. Hub lost 15 lbs. during my pregnancy. Somehow, we didn't freak too much. It was a great release to quit the awful job, and hub was very supportive.

My advice (JMO) is to concentrate on the good things, prepare for your baby, and line up family and friends to spell you once in a while so you can get some precious SLEEP. Also, watch out for the cats. My very cool cat was jealous of Kid, slept in his crib whenever we went out, and scratched Kid (with cause, when Kid tried to eat Cat's tail). We had to keep our eyes open; loved Cat, but loved Kid more.

Sending good vibes.

[rbnyc]

20. Yeah...I'm a little worried about jealous kitty syndrome.

Bevy is very attached to me. He doesn't like it when I pet the other cats. I wonder how he's going to react to breast feeding.

Glad you got such a good hubby. And thanks for the vibes.

[Bossy Monkey]

22. Maybe this trip to the wayback machine will cheer you up

complete with 2 tributes to you: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=show_mesg&forum=105&topic_id=1062771&mesg_id=1062771
Sorry about the bad morning; kudos on maintaining your positive outlook, though

[rbnyc]

23. Cool!

LOL. I forgot about that. Maybe I should add to that page.

[Southpaw Bookworm]

24. Not even married yet

But finances seem to be my SO's primary concern about childrearing. He's just getting to a point in his life where he's got a bit of a nest egg (equity in his house) and some disposable income. The thought of going back to scrimping and saving and having no retirement money scares the bejeezus out of him.

Folks with kids: Are they that damn expensive that two people with good educations and careers in the making (after many moons both of us are finishing up graduate degrees) can barely survive, or is the figure of $15K a year to raise a child over the top?

[rbnyc]

25. Folks with good educations and careers...

...are having trouble surviving in this world even without kids. A viable middle class is the product of taxation and regulation. Thanks Mr. Bush!

[Southpaw Bookworm]

26. I know and that's part of the problem

SO and I are both in fields that are currently under attack by the Bushistas and other repukes (both in the realm of improving the public good, which the neocons are strictly against), so everything looks so uncertain right now.

[rbnyc]

30. That sucks.

There's just no good reason for you to be struggling and uncertain. We just have to reverse this.

[geniph]

27. Rene, I don't know if you've considered this,

but talk honestly to your vet about finances. Explain that you want to do everything possible for the cat, but money is a problem. While the vet is a small businessperson and has to make a living, their first priority is probably helping your pet get well, and they may be willing to help you out; they may have opportunities to help around the clinic to help defray expenses, perhaps a local teaching veterinary hospital could do some of the treatment, maybe you guys could learn to do some of the procedures (sub-Q fluids, injections and such) at home to save money - but if you don't ask, the vet can't help.

What's the matter with the kitty?

[rbnyc]

31. I hadn't thought of that.

My vet runs the local no-kill shelter, so I usually think about how I can manage to give them a donation now and then. But we did get our cats from her, and she cares about them very much. She knows we have a baby coming. She may be flexible. Maybe we could offer to do some volunteer work for her shelter. Good idea.

Kitty ailment: (Very gross!)

Beverly (who's a boy, btw) has under-developed rectal muscles. We have to feed him a super high-fiber diet and tons of laxatives because if he's poo gets harder than pudding-consistency, he's not strong enough to squeeze it out and he gets backed up which makes him very sick. We do everything we can, but every once in a while, he just can't go. He gets swollen in the back, sore to touch, he can't eat, he vomits, and he has to go get it scraped out and have an enema.

His brother, Elliot, also has birth defects. His back legs aren't connected to his brain right, so he's never been able to walk very well, run or jump. He hobbles and rolls. Because he can't run or jump, he's overweight, but otherwise healthy.

Bev and Elly were the two runts and the last two kittens left in a litter at the no-kill shelter. We had gone to get just one cat, but we couldn't take one of them ans leave the other behind. Elliot obviously had something wrong with him, but it took a while to realize that Bevy wasn't quite right either.

They are wonderful tho. We love them so much.

[geniph]

38. I wonder if they're part Manx?

unfortunately, that defect you describe ran through a lot of Manx lines. The breeders have done their best to eliminate it, but there's still crossbreeds out there carrying that and similar spinal defects.

I know this is an icky thing to do, but can you have the vet techs teach you how to relieve him when he gets stopped up? (Good training for parenthood, btw - you'll spend the next three years dealing with poop!)

[rbnyc]

39. I mentioned that to my husband today.

He didn't think it would be safe for us to do. I think I'll let him stew on it and ask him again later. I think that's a really good idea.

I'm not sure what a manx looks like. I'd have to look it up. Bev and Elliot have orange and white med-length fur.

[geniph]

50. The most identifiable characteristic of Manxes is the tail

which is often either a "stumpy" (short) tail or a "rumpy" (completely tailless). However, it's very possible for a cat to be part Manx and have a full tail. It's breeding the rumpies to the rumpies that caused so many of the spinal deformities and pre-natal lethals, to the point that breeding two rumpies together was banned in several countries.

Manxes also tend to be very round cats - round heads, round bodies, cobby sturdy little legs, rounded little ears, medium-length muzzles. The color and length of fur isn't going to help, as they come in most colors and coat patterns, and there are both short and long-coated Manxes. The gorilla Koko (the gorilla who learned ASL) was given a Manx cat for a pet, and she named it All Ball because it was so round.

[rucky]

28. I'm right there with ya, brutha

wife is just starting her second trimester. we have a home business that pays the mortgage & that's about it after wife quits her job. then there's the healthcare we will lose if I quit my part-time union job.
I'm going to grad school next month - spending lots of money to maybe become a low-paid teacher while wife stays home w/ kid and runs the business.
so yes, finances are a cause of worry right now.

[rbnyc]

32. I feel ya'.

Good luck with everything. That's awesome you're going to grad school. Maybe the timing doesn't seem great right now, but you can make it work. What will you be studying?

[rucky]

34. right back at ya

studying education: teaching credential - language arts, grades 5-9

[rbnyc]

35. Of course, that was actually in your post.

I got to thinking about other aspects of the situation and that part fell out of my head. Thanks for not picking on me.

[LynneSin]

29. We love yo Renee

:hug:
take cae of th tiny pee-pe growing inside of you.

Depending on the healthof the cat, I could check out a cat sanctuary I know of here in Delaware>

:hi: from DC

[rbnyc]

33. Thanks.

We'll keep that in mind if things get worse. Right now we're really hoping we can keep him. DH was just over-tired and over-worried this morning. I'd be heartbroken if we actually had to get rid of him. But if we find that we do have to make that choice, I'd appreciate any help in finding a good place.

I was thinking about you on Sunday. I missed you. I hope you had a great time, despite the fact that we're fighting for things that should be settled by now.

[Khephra]

36. Oh gods.....

I don't know what to say.

[rbnyc]

37. Hi sweety.

Good to see you anyway.

:loveya:

[SarahB]

40. The worst thing

would be to tell her the toilet's not working and she can't use it.

Seriously, I hope you're kittie gets better somehow or at least you can all manage it. I won't get to issues of children and finances at the moment or I'll be here all day and unnecessarily cause you even more worry.

[fortyfeetunder]

41. The last month

In childbirth class, one of the couples delivered a month early. She came to class a week later with baby and shared the story. Her water broke at work and think she had emergency surgery. The spouse, well, if a man of color could lose his color, he would have been a prime candidate. He looked at me with this bug eyed look after listening to this story and said, "when were you planning to take maternity leave"? I said the Friday before the due date (which was a Sunday). And he got all huffy and said no, you are not, you are leaving a month early!

Well I took off about 2 weeks before my due date and was not working for nearly a month because the kid was two weeks late. I had saved up some dough but ended up taking a month LWOP (Which screwed up my pension vesting, etc) because of the extra time I was taking off. I had planned to take 4 months but ended up taking off 5 thanks to this early departure.

RBNYC, you will be absolutely fine. Just take it easy, eat small meals, RELAX, and take care of kitty. On the settlement money, if this is a civil case, you might be waiting a while and then you don't know how the jury will favor you monetarily. Hope kitty recovers and you and your DH can relax a bit.

[rbnyc]

45. Thanks for sharing that.

Planning leave is tricky. Sorry you lost that month, and thanks for the good advice.

I'm 100% sure we will settle out of court. I was in a car accident, as a passenger, a day and a half before my wedding. I had terrible injuries, and I lost the baby I was carrying. I was married in my hospital bed. The other side does not want me to tell my story in front of a jury. But, it will take a loooong time, and it's hard to say how much we'll actually get.

Thanks again.

[Pithlet]

42. Yes, with both kids

He freaked out more with the first, though. I think it happens to most fathers-to-be.

The mom-to-be version seems to be "Oh my God, something is going to happen to my partner!" syndrome. Both times I'd go through phases where I'd be in tears, worrying that something was going to happen to my husband, particularly when he was away on business, but sometimes even just when he was running an errand.

Edited to add that I hope everything turns out okay. It sound to me like it's very workeable, and your husband was just doing the typical father-to-be fretting. :hug:

[rbnyc]

48. Thanks.

I agree. He seems to have calmed down since he got it out of his system, too. He's really awesome.

It's hard not to worry when your sweety's away, I know. Even when you're not pregnant.

:hi:

[Pale Blue Dot]

43. It's one huge blur to me now, rbnyc

I don't remember being that bad, but I'm sure my wife would say something different!

BTW, my son (9) told me today that he wants to be a Democrat, because his dad is. :D

[rbnyc]

44. That is SO cool!

I can tell you're a great dad!

:loveya:

[LynzM]

46. Hugs, and hang in there!

Money was quite tight for us when we had our daughter. Hubby's in school and I didn't qualify for FMLA, so we lived off savings for 2.5 months until I went back to work.

Suggestions? Don't buy new if you can buy used. Don't buy into all the CRAP that you don't need to raise a kid. Got breasts, diapers, wipes, a few dozen sleepers, and a sling? And maybe a used swing and a bouncy chair (see if you can borrow from friends or find used!?) It's so not worth the money to buy all sorts of carp you really don't need. Especially clothes, as they will get stained/outgrown quickly. Get from goodwill if you can! And if you breastfeed, it saves about a zillion dollars :) </soapbox>

I used to cry every day before I went to work, hated my job but had to do it. John was worried about finances and stuff, but tried not to be for my sake. But we made it work, so can you. If you want to PM me anytime for support/suggestions, please feel free! It is tough in the beginning, but so worth it. Our daughter is 17 months now, and a wonderful, exciting, challenging little person!

:hug: All the best!

[rbnyc]

47. Thanks so much.

Congrats on having a wonderful little girl.

We're getting a lot of hand-me-down stuff. My husband's cousin had a boy in February. Also his mom's assistant is giving us a crib, dresser and changing table. I'm also getting a lot of habd-me-down maternity clothes, and our insurance is good, so so far expences are low, thanks god.

I'm sorry you hated your job. That's the worst. DH doesn't like his work either. I wish I made enough that he could just stay home and not worry. He'd great at taking care of the house and he'll be a great dad. I'm lucky enough to love my jobs, but I work for non-profits and under-earn for the type of work I do. I'd make 3 times as much doing similar work in the for-profit world. But I'd probably cry every day too.

But we will make it work. Thanks so much for your post.

[LynzM]

49. Yeah, luckily the job situation changed...

I was working in inbound telemarketing, and HATED it. Would get yelled/sworn at most days. Hated trying to get people to buy stuff I knew they didn't want, and felt like a schmuck :( Luckily, though I still work there, I've moved into IT/database admin stuff. Much more up my alley!!

Non-profits are great, good for you for doing that!! That takes a lot of conviction to keep working somewhere like that, especially when money is tight. My mom is in the same situation, she could make more somewhere else but loves her job and the place she works! You rock :bounce: