Cuban Liberal - any other law/probation people, I need help with a problem

[Red State Rebel]

My daughter has been dating a loser for the last 3 years and I am trying desperately to get her away from him. He is mentally unstable and not on medication, he is very dangerous.

He is currently on probation because my daughter pressed charges twice when he got rough with her. She was trying to leave him and he was suicidal - had a rifle and when she tried to stop him he threw her against the wall.

I found out tonite that he has broken his probation at least twice but I'm terrified to do anything about it. He had an argument with the business next ours over a car repair. He waited a month or two and drove by one night and fired his shotgun into one of the bays. He drove my daughter by the next day and showed it to her. He also had an incident with some people where during a verbal altercation he shot the shotgun over their heads. When they called the police he left and hid the shotgun. Nothing ever happened.

When he came home from his last probation visit last week, he was livid and threatening to harm or kill his probation officer. He is a whacko control freak and probation along with having to take anger management classes is just making him worse.

I'm terrified to say anything to anyone because I know what will happen. If he knows I have turned him in I have no doubt he is capable of killing me or someone in my family.

Any advice???

[NMDemDist2]

1. good heavens! and good luck n't

[lovedems]

2. He sounds like he needs to be committed to the psychiatric ward.

Can't you anonymously talk to his probation officer about having something like that done. He is not only a danger to himself, he is a danger to others and needs some serious psychiatric help.

[Cuban_Liberal]

3. Drop the dime on him.

I know it will take guts, but at some point, you do what you have to do. If he's out of control, the longer you and your daughter are in contact with him, the greater the chances are that he WILL harm you; he'll find a reason, regardless--- trust me.

Threatening the life of a probation officer is a SERIOUS felony in Illinois, and I can only assume that it is in your state, too; call the probation office and talk to his PO directly.

Good luck! :hug:

[WannaJumpMyScooter]

4. First off, are you and he in the same state?

And does that state have mental health laws that would allow your daughter to testify that he could pose a grave danger to himself or others?
And will she do that?

If you are not in the same state, or he travels out of the state while violating his probation, it is a FEDERAL crime, add a weapon charge and a bored federal prosecutor and he will go away for a while.

As to the mental health statutes... find out what needs to be done in your state, they vary.

Do you or he have connections with the town police or local sheriff's office? If he does and you don't, go to the state police. If you do, use them, pump them hard to help.

[Dookus]

5. CL is right...

you can't appease someone like him. He *WILL* hurt someone eventually, no matter what you do.

I don't like suggesting this, but if I were in that situation, I would get a gun and learn how to use it. If somebody has to get killed, better him than you or someone in your family.

[Cuban_Liberal]

6. "Better to be judged by 12, than carried by 6."

Dookus is right.

[Red State Rebel]

9. I am in Missouri...

They just passed concealed carry so I will get started on that right away.

He has been taken by the police to the Psych ward 3 times and they always releas him in a few days with some drugs. Never mind he doesn't take them when he gets released. It's a revolving door.

I'm thinking of sending my daughter to my sisters out of state for a few weeks to see if that helps.

I will call his probation officer tomorrow...I hope I can give him enough information to do something without my name or my daughters being involved.

[Cuban_Liberal]

10. Good luck!

You're doing the right thing. :hug:

[Dookus]

13. I think that's very wise...

and best of luck. I'll be thinking about you.

Get that gun and learn how to use it. Practice. Practice. Practice some more. And if he shows up acting crazy, put a bullet through his chest and worry about explaining it later.

[ewagner]

18. CL is right on the money

This situation will only get more dangerous with time....

Step one: get him off the streets
Step two: once he's confined, get help for him for the long term.

Best wishes and good luck......

[movonne]

7. Does your daughter want to stay with him...If not I would send

her away to live for a while (maybe relatives or friends). Tell him she ran away and you don't know where she is.

[belladonna]

8. I've sort of been there and done that

Still doing it to a certain extent, but I'd rather not go into detail here. PM me if you want, but other than that, I'd just say get her as far away from him as possible. As far as the probation officer goes, I'd definitely report it, but make sure you have something solid to back up your accusation. Do it anonymously too, don't take any chances whatsoever that he'll find out who ratted him out. Believe me, it happens.

[readmylips]

11. If your daughter is of adult age.....

talk to her about seeking a shelter in a different state. That is if she wants to live. If not, let her go and run for your life. If she's a minor, you both run to another state to a shelter. They will protect you and give you a different identity. If your daughter is in love (with abuse), even if you run for your life, she will contact him and you will both end up d.e.a.d. That is the truth. It's a big decision but it is a life or death decision.

[seventhson]

12. The guy needs help -- but jail won't do it. I hate to say this but...

This past week the daughter and grandson of one of my oldest friends was murdered by just such a guy who was off his meds and doing drugs as well.

The girl, who was one of my son's best friends, was 10 years old. The baby was 15 months.

The father of the baby stabbed them to death after attacking the baby's mother (who survived).

This guy in your daughter's life is exceptionally dangerous. But he will not stop unless and until he is treated as a condition of his probation.

Get your daughter out of town to an unknowable location. Advise your local police department that you fear this guy and make sure your daughter gets a restraining order (you may need one too), And drop the dime on him quick.

Then follow up with his probatiion officer so that you make sure his probation in the future requires him to stay away from you and your daughter AND that he get treatment and medication if necessary.

He will ruin his own life and he appears to be decompensating (getting worse and going off the deep end) - which is the most dangerous time.

The probation officer will know how to deal with him -- but you ALSO need your daughter to communicate to him that you want to HELP him. That he needs HELP. -- This MIGHT reduce his hostility towards you and your daughter. This communication should be in court and via the dafety of the judge or prosecutor.

Good luck

[Dookus]

14. Ugh...

that's so awful, Seventhson. I'm sorry for your friend.

I've always felt that in this situation, I'd kill the guy and take my chances. There's no way I could live in dread about what some crazy guy would do to me or my family.

[roguevalley]

15. call a crime line anonymously. get a gun. Get your daughter some

mental help if she still feels helpless to pull away. Find another
place to live. Move to another town if you have to. Sometimes its easier to do that than live in fear and dread from a nutjob. God bless you, honey.

[seventhson]

17. Thanks - these were my friends too. The little girl was my friend and..

camer for birthday parties or just for visitis.

It is a horrific loss.

But the system failed the man who desperately needed help.

The justice system is flawed and saick and makes people sicker.

You do not take a guy like that and lock him up for a few months or years and drop them back into the street pissed at the perople who "betrayed" him.

Like 9-11 , there are reasons that people go nuts and use violence.

(well, Mihop aside)

This man needs treatment and compassion not violence and rejection. And the jail system IS violence.

But these women need protection and need to use the system to get him help so he does not hurt them (or anyone else)

My point is that this is something requiring immediate attention and tactfulness. JUST calling the police or probation will resolve nothing.

To prevent trasgedsy there needs to be a plan which results in him getting treatment with the THREAT of serious jail time over his head (not a few months or a year in jail after which he will just be more insane and more violent)

Society is sick. Those in it are responding to this sickness and many are snappiung out completely. Environmental factors play a huge role (fetal alcohol syndrome or lead paint poisoning or even radiation damaging people's hormones and emotional/neurological and immune systems).

So the danger requires fast thinking and a comprehensive plan: get out of harm's way, linbe up protection, and plan a way to get the guy the help he needs under strict court orders.

You will HAVE to testify asgaiunst him but you need to make it clear it iss to help him ir he will only get worse and more dangerous (whether you mean it or not).

[necso]

16. Talk to the people with the shotgun fired over their heads.

If they pressed charges and the cops dropped it, you be living in the wrong state. My bet is that the victims dropped it. If you can get them to reinstate the charges, then you should be able to get him violated.

I would get myself a 12ga shotgun (in any event and tomorrow), and a mess of 00 buckshot (turkey shot will do). Learn how to use it and keep it handy. Also buy yourself a nice carry around piece (in any event and tomorrow) and become well practiced. If you can get a carry permit all the better... but ...

Send your daughter away (now), but expect him to come looking for trouble. He might be smart enough to wait awhile or target some other family member, so I guess you have to be prepared for that.

A piece of shit like that will feed on fear, so harden yourself. If he comes looking for you brandishing a gun, kill him and worry about the consequences later.

Maybe your family should start sleeping in the basement. "Forting up" can be a wise precaution for the 3 am driveby.

I think that your daughter needs some counseling too. If she keeps going back to this guy, her cooperation is uncertain. My last girl friend's previous boy friend was a batterer (and one bad boy) and I was never sure if it came to a fight, whose back she would have jumped on. Of course I was also never far from some kind of a weapon.

It wouldn't hurt to talk to a local attorney and get the take on "self defense" in your area.

[Red State Rebel]

19. I got busy tonite...

My husband and I are starting the classes next Wednesday for concealed carry here in Missouri. Luckily the range is 10 minutes from us.

I talked to my sister and she said to send Lori up when she is ready. I'm going to talk to her tomorrow and then discuss this with the probation officer and let him take it from there. I think if he can look up the incident with him shooting over those peoples heads maybe he can get something moving.

Luckily he is extremely anti-drug so I don't have to worry about that part of it. He's just a control freak and when he realizes he's out of control in the situation it is gonna get ugly. I'm just hoping he doesn't realize it's us ratting him out.

Thank you all for your advice...I'll keep you posted on what happens.

[necso]

20. Sounds good.

But make sure you have a shotgun around the house now --- it is much better to be facing a shotgun with another rather than with a handgun. If a 12ga is a little much for you, a little 410 double (snake charmer) with turkey shot works just fine and there are a range of options in between. Get lead shot if you can, even if you have to use reloads.

In any event he is liable to come looking for you. Crazy is about the same as drugged out, and just as dangerous. And don't fall for the begging and crying BS either. At a former job, one of the secretaries split and her husband (a real mean piece of work) came looking for her with crying and all that, kids in tow. I had quit already and he scared the crap out of my former employers, even though they didn't recognize the prison tattoos (teardrops and all). Dude would have killed you as soon as looked at you. Had he thought that they knew anything, it could have gotten real ugly... although I knew the guy and he would have whacked them elsewhere.

Expect the worst and be prepared for it. The only time that this kind of scum may back off is when they realize that you are ready to kill or be killed on the drop of a hat. Even then they may try to backshoot you.

Best wishes and believe or not, you will probably get (more) used to it. A good buddy lives with the threat of a little "visit" from somebody that he had put away (life supposedly, but the dude is out and about), every single day. Another buddy has 18th Street looking for him. You learn to live with it... more or less.

[WannaJumpMyScooter]

21. Don't ignore the fact that he may take the gun away from you

and use it on you.

If you or your husband pull that gun out, the next sound should be it going off and the rounds entering his body. Period.

If he knows you have a gun, it is worthless. He will come steal it.
If you just threaten him with the gun, he will come back and kill you in your sleep.
The only way a gun works is in a superiority situation, i.e. when your assailant does not know you have one and this lack of knowledge on his part makes your position superior. You already have an advantage, as you know he is a nutcase and is armed. He has no reason to think the same of you.

So, if it is brought out, you had better use it. And don't wound him either. It is kill or be killed when it comes to firearms. You HAVE to be prepared for that. It is not easy to take someone's life, even when they are attacking you, trust me, I know.
If you want to discuss this further, PM me.