Any advice for online dating (keep it clean now)

[Guy_Montag]

Right I'm fed up with being a single. I've moved to a new town for a new job (well I've been here for a couple of months) all the people I work with are chaps/too old/too married/all of the above. All their friends are the same - I never seem to meet any single girls, so I thought I might try meeting some nice, young ladies online or through personal ads.

I am quite aware of all the safety stuff (it'll all get ignored when I think I'm going to get lucky anyway), but any other advice would be warmly welcomed.

I'm 27, fairly symetrical, passibly educated, have a delightful Scottish accent & matching kilt (for special occaisions only) and pretty crap with girls (generally get on very well as friends (most of my best friends are girls) I'm just shit at getting them into the sack).

thanks & cheery bye

ps. Don't be offended by my flippant remarks.

[Commendatori]

1. Yes: don't do it.

If you meet someone you like, you'll be in that lucky two percent. I've never tried it myself, but all of my co-workers seem to have tried, and the "freak show" stories around the water cooler scared the hell out of me.

[Bertha Venation]

20. Hello from the 2%

:hi: Mrs. V. and I got lucky.

[Commendatori]

22. I'm happy for you, honestly.

However, everything I've seen and heard indicates that you're really in the minority.

I've always been of the belief that the best relationships just happen. You're the only person I "know" (i.e, have communicated with) that actively sought a relationship and wound up happy with what you found. Don't get me wrong, I'm really happy for you - but wouldn't bet a whole lot on it ever becoming a truly common thing.

[Bertha Venation]

23. Actually, we didn't actively seek a relationship.

It was more like we were at a mutual friend's barbeque.

We met much in the same way you and I have today: on a message board. Mrs. V. was impressed that I could write in English the way it's supposed to be used. She read my profile and saw that we shared the same initials and the same favorite movie, among other things. So she sent me an email. We corresponded for months.

So really, maybe I'm not part of this 2% -- since we weren't looking. Perhaps when it happens like this there is a higher success rate.

PS I took no offense, BTW.

[Commendatori]

25. That's not what I meant

Getting to know someone over a period of time over a message board of similar interests and views is different than what I understood the original post to mean: post a pic and jump right into the dating scene blindly. I'm afraid my statistic of 2% doesn't apply to you, but I'm happy for you anyway :)

Glad you didn't take offemse, though, because certainly none was meant.

[Dogmudgeon]

2. A Tale of Two ISPs

I must have spent the better part of 1988 through 2000 trying to "hook up" (not necessarily sexually) using BBS communities and then the Internet.

It was one big ol' honkin' failure.

I did get to meet a number of young women who are probably legally prevented from carrying firearms, though.

My brother, who has always led a charmed life vis-à-vis the opposite sex, logged on to a system and sent a letter to a girl on the first page of Women Seeking Men he saw.

They got married a year later, and now have a year-old son.

Take from that whatever advice you will. But if you ask me, you're a prisoner of fate either way.

--bkl

[TinaTyson]

3. Suggestion:

Don't keep it clean!
:evilgrin:

[Guy_Montag]

6. Maybe I'll try that...

I just need to practice my cheeky grin - in an attempt to avoid getting slapped too much.

[KissMyAsscroft]

4. It's good for cheap sex and little else....

If you want a one night stand, go for it...if you are looking for a relationship...go to a coffeeshop or something.

It's mostly a way for women to boost their egos...they look at their emails and it boosts their self esteem...its just a game to them..men actually want to meet.

[Dogmudgeon]

5. Get thee to Amerikay

You're a wee bonny Scot, are ye?

Mebbe a hale Geordie boy?

At least an Englishman?

An' ye say ye can't get yerself a bird to save yer life?

Come to America. Even for a two-week holiday.

Birds? We're talkin' the whole flock. American women are dead simple for anything with an accent. And they won't even complain if you say you're a socialist.

You can even call them "right slappers" and they won't mind at all!

So if you want to get flocked, come to the USA.

--bkl
Yippie Tai-Yai-Oh!

[Guy_Montag]

10. I'll try it...

...if I get a jolly across the pond with work.

Does Puerto Rico count as the USA?

I'm off there in about 3 weeks

Are you a Brit BKL?

[Dogmudgeon]

16. Me? A Brit?

Why, if I was a Brit, I'd be up to my neck in ... uh ... smockage. Yeah, smockage.

Alas, I am a humble Mutt from across the pond.

Most people here in the States don't think that Puerto Rico is part of the USA, but it really is. It's not a state, but it's a territory, which means that they don't get to vote in the general election, but they don't pay income tax, either. The confusion over whether PR is part of the USA is good for a laugh when some racist yells out, "If you hate America so much, go back to Puerto Rico!"

You should have a fine time in P.R. But for the most "bang for your buck" (or Pound, as the case may be), you want to go after the chalk-pale white woman who are trying to imitate Gwyneth Paltrow. Just don't say you're in Coldplay unless you actually are in Coldplay.

Have fun. And remember to drink heavily and avoid sleep.

--bkl
Ich Bein (k)Ein Puertorriqueño

[Misunderestimator]

12. OMG... I think you're serious

... are you? Cause if not, that's a damn fine parody of the false impression of American women. Congratulations.

[Guy_Montag]

13. Don't take him too seriously

I didn't

[Dogmudgeon]

17. Serious?

I've been single far too long to be serious.

--bkl

[amazona]

7. my only advice...

...is don't send them money for bus tickets, airfare, whatever. You probably already know this, it's a pretty old scam, but it's amazing the number of pretty students who just can't find the money to get together but if you would send them some money...

[Guy_Montag]

9. I'm far to cynical to get stung by that one

I hope

[radwriter0555]

8. MEET the prospective amour AS SOON AS POSSIBLE. Immediately

if you can.

That way, if the physical spark isn't there, you are done with it and the emotional ramifications aren't as tough.

It's real easy to fall for words, but when it comes to charisma and physical attraction, you can't make something happen that doesn't exist.

So meet em early.

That came from a friend who has dated online... and she's very sensible.

[GregW]

11. Big fan here

Joined match.com almost exactly a year ago ... started sorting through the interesting matches, and after a month was in various stages of contact with about a dozen women. Went on one date (good) ... then out of the blue was contacted by someone looking for me ... and the rest as they say is history.

Started dating ... hit it off right from the start ... proposed on Christmas Eve ... will be married three months from now. This relationship is FAR superior to anything I have previously had ... the whole 'incompatibility' thing was removed from the equation up-front.

Instead of listening to the typical DU uninformed opinions ... tkae it from me ... try it!

Words of advice:
- Be truthful
- Setup some 'blind' email accounts to converse
- Don't fall in love with a person 'online'
- Make sure you understand what issues are non-negotiable (like politics, drugs, etc) and stick to your guns

The right people are out there, why waste time fumbling around in the dating scene when you can cut right to the chase.

[-..__...]

14. You never know who's on the other end.

SWF seeks M for romantic companionship

"Must be 25-27 years old, passably educated and have a delightful Scottish accent".

"I'm 25, 5'4" 115lbs with shoulder length blond hair and sparkling green eyes". "My interests include dining by candle light, cuddling up in front of the fireplace, nude beaches, warm fuzzy kittens and posting on progressive web forums".

:D

[Guy_Montag]

15. See number 8, I guess n/t

[KinkyDem]

18. My few words of wisdom

Post honest pics of yourself with the bio.

Pay to join a site. This will give you better usability and e-mailing capabilities.

Insist on pics fromn the other person.

Target the service you use, www.alt.com may NOT be the place for you but it worked for me :)

Meet in public place the first time ... blah ... blah

I'm sure you know the rest.

[La Lioness Priyanka]

19. yes

www.nerve.com

[Guy_Montag]

24. I take it...

I shouldn't look at www.nerve.com & www.alt.com are not the sort of place to look at at work.

[La Lioness Priyanka]

29. sort of

[Bertha Venation]

21. Guy, Mrs. V. & I weren't trying -- it just happened.

But I bet it can happen if you are trying. Keep a good attitude and realize that many, many, many people on the internet are extremely immature. But it is possible to find some good ones.

Good luck. :)

[fudge stripe cookays]

26. Like Bert, I'm in the 2%....

And I recommend it highly.

You get to know the other person much more in depth than you do with in person folks. At least we did because we "talked" for hours every day.

We've been married for almost 4 years, and are still really happy.

Try one of the dating sites where the e-mail addresses remain hidden at first so you can decide if you are comfortable with the person and their info. If not, they don't have to know who you are.

Be honest about your appearance, your situation, and anything else important about you.

We knew we had something special from the beginning. It took us 3 months to meet, but everything fell into place.

We used personalpossibilities.com, but I believe they were bought out. Check around and compare. eharmony.com sounds like a good bet for a "real-ationship." If you finally get to talk on the phone, milk that accent, baby!

Good luck!
FSC and reprehensor

[Lydia Leftcoast]

27. If you really have a Scottish accent

the lassies in the U.S. will fancy you.

I'm serious.

[Deja Q]

28. Waste of money and time

Those who get the hots from viewing your face may or may not respond. If you don't click after one e-mail or 10 minutes on the phone, they avoid you for the rest of eternity.

Those who just want to tickle your pickle, and that's as clean as I'm going to make it, will be succinct and not want to converse anything, except for an address and a time.

(now I've met more friends in real life; people who waited to get to know me. (On edit: 1 friend, 2 work-related acquaintances.) Yes, I have a shell. Yes, I am initially shy. Yes, I've been beaten, molested, taunted, attacked, framed, and betrayed during my childhood so I grew up to be quiet and apprehensive and have every god damn fuckin' right to remain clammed up, pardon my proverbial French... x( x( x( x( x( )

We are who we are because of what we were made to be. If we fail, well que sera sera... :-( All we can do is find a way to cope peaceably with an insane world.

I'm 32, mostly symmetrical, mostly educated, have a great quasi-British accent due to spending more time watching British TV on PBS than dealing with the bastards real-life presented but no kilt (sadly, my heritage is Scottish), and pretty much shit with anybody - on a social level. I scare people off, no matter how good I am "in the sack". :eyes: :cry: And would I trade it all to become, in my next life, an anteater with an addiction to vicadin? You betcha.