ulysses
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Fri May-21-04 03:42 PM
Original message |
Jehovah's Witnesses next door. Hide! |
ewagner
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Fri May-21-04 03:43 PM
Response to Original message |
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Edited on Fri May-21-04 03:44 PM by ewagner
Time to get the baseball bat and head for the front door!
on edit: I remember once when I was on the phone when they came to the door. I motioned for them to leave without interrupting my telephone conversation. In retribution they wiped their feet at my door...I think this is what they are supposed to do when they encounter "evil".
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ptsmknhipy
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Fri May-21-04 03:49 PM
Response to Reply #1 |
6. Try to sell them Amway |
ulysses
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Fri May-21-04 03:58 PM
Response to Reply #6 |
Kat45
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Fri May-21-04 05:30 PM
Response to Reply #1 |
18. That makes sense, believe it or not! |
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In the Bible, when Jesus sent his apostles/disciples out to spread the good word, he told them to stay at the homes of those who welcomed them, but for those who did not show hospitality, wipe the sand off your feet (as a testament against them) when you leave their doorway. I imagine the witnesses envision themselves as the Lord's disciples.
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Momof1
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Fri May-21-04 03:44 PM
Response to Original message |
2. Answer the door and ask them WTF is up |
GOPisEvil
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Fri May-21-04 03:45 PM
Response to Original message |
3. Invite them in...tell them about your lord and savior... |
ulysses
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Fri May-21-04 03:46 PM
Response to Reply #3 |
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Lord, I haven't thought about Rick Astley in forever. :D
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TrogL
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Fri May-21-04 03:57 PM
Response to Reply #3 |
WillParkinson
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Fri May-21-04 06:01 PM
Response to Reply #7 |
22. He had a few minor hits in the 80's... |
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"Never Gonna Give You Up" is the one that comes to mind.
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TheWizardOfMudd
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Fri May-21-04 03:47 PM
Response to Original message |
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Pepper them with questions and fuck with their heads for about a half an hour, then tell them they're crazy!
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texas1928
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Fri May-21-04 04:08 PM
Response to Original message |
9. get a pit bull with herpes and a bad attitude |
ulysses
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Fri May-21-04 04:10 PM
Response to Reply #9 |
10. a lot to ask in a dog on short notice. |
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Besides, they've come and gone. I farted in their general direction.
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lanparty
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Fri May-21-04 04:18 PM
Response to Original message |
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Witness: "Knock, Knock"
Door opens: "Hello sir ....."
You: "You're late, where the fuck have you been. You were supposed to be here an hour ago."
Witness: "I don't know what you mean."
You: "I sent you here. But you're late. Get you're ass in here, I got something to say. Look, I don't know what you THOUGHT you read, but it's wrong. I didn't send my son to Earth so you could harass people."
Witness: "We haven't met, what's you're name???"
You: "I'm GOD shit for brains!!!!"
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ulysses
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Fri May-21-04 04:25 PM
Response to Reply #11 |
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Beats the "pentagram on the jacket" thing my best friend in junior high used to claim.
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camero
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Fri May-21-04 04:34 PM
Response to Reply #11 |
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You: "and stop writing in my book."
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lanparty
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Sat May-22-04 07:55 AM
Response to Reply #11 |
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Witness: "You don't look like god."
You: "What the fuck were you expecting. A burning bush, a pillar of fire. Do you really want me to go into pyro mode?????? I'll light your ass on fire no problem. Just ask."
Witness: "Sorry we have to go."
You: "That's a good idea. And tell all your freaky cult friends to stop prostletizing in my name fuck wits. .... Hey, stay off the fucking grass. A nice lawn is NOT a miracle!!!!!!"
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Hobarticus
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Fri May-21-04 04:34 PM
Response to Original message |
14. Answer the door naked!!! |
damnraddem
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Fri May-21-04 04:38 PM
Response to Original message |
15. I used to enjoy it when the JW came around and I could argue with him ... |
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about evolution. But now all the RW religios are arguing about it. That just takes all the fun out of the JWs.
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nothingshocksmeanymore
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Fri May-21-04 04:40 PM
Response to Original message |
16. Just tell them you can't be one because |
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you didn't see the accident.
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Shakespeare
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Fri May-21-04 05:46 PM
Response to Reply #16 |
lojasmo
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Fri May-21-04 05:13 PM
Response to Original message |
17. I had one the other day. |
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I told her I only debate religion with people if they can agree not to cite the bible as "proof"
Our conversation didn't last long.
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Speck Tater
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Fri May-21-04 05:31 PM
Response to Original message |
19. My late father-in-law would quote these lines from the Bible... |
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(I don't recall which chapter and verse these two quotes come from)
First quote: "Judas went forth and hanged himself." Second quote: "Go ye and do likewise."
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amerikat
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Fri May-21-04 10:21 PM
Response to Reply #19 |
36. and then there was Woody Allen who said |
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I told them to be fruitful and multipy......but not in those words.
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TheMightyFavog
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Fri May-21-04 05:39 PM
Response to Original message |
20. Just pretend to be balls-out shitfaced. |
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That's what I used to do.
I also yell out "Y'all don't come back now y'hear? Git offama land!
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proud patriot
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Fri May-21-04 06:25 PM
Response to Original message |
23. Just put on an AC DC cd |
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they'll skip right past your house
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Syncronaut Seven
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Fri May-21-04 06:44 PM
Response to Original message |
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They're delicious deep fried!
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citizen snips
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Fri May-21-04 06:48 PM
Response to Original message |
25. I am a Christian and I can't stand those people. |
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I believe and the majority of Christians believe they are a cult.
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wyldwolf
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Sat May-22-04 01:34 PM
Response to Reply #25 |
42. I am not a christian and I can't stand MOST christians |
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I think they're all a cult.
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demosincebirth
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Sat May-22-04 01:42 PM
Response to Reply #25 |
43. They are classified as a cult... |
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so are the Mormons
The are not Christians.
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Ratty
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Sat May-22-04 02:21 PM
Response to Reply #25 |
44. At least they don't vote! |
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All christians are part of a cult in my book. They're all the same to me: Mormons, Baptists, Catholics ... But JW's don't vote nor do they tell their parishioners who to vote for. That makes them way better than any other religion in my book!
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citizen snips
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Fri May-21-04 06:49 PM
Response to Original message |
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Edited on Fri May-21-04 06:49 PM by MATTMAN
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CatWoman
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Fri May-21-04 06:58 PM
Response to Original message |
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Guess what??
My oldest sister is a Jehovah's Witness!!!!
I told her if she EVER tries to sell me anything (WatchTower, etc.) she will live to regret it.
Can I borrow Mr. Kitty if the time comes? :evilgrin:
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ulysses
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Fri May-21-04 07:11 PM
Response to Reply #27 |
29. we're talking about a cat that won't chase mice. |
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You think he's going to do anything but hiss and run in the face of a JW onslaught?
:hi:
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CatWoman
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Fri May-21-04 07:18 PM
Response to Reply #29 |
30. Yeah -- he may not chase mice |
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but he doesn't give a rats ass about taking chunks out of humans.
:D
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ulysses
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Fri May-21-04 07:44 PM
Response to Reply #30 |
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He won't do it on command, though. I've tried. :D
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Padraig18
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Fri May-21-04 07:10 PM
Response to Original message |
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Edited on Fri May-21-04 07:11 PM by Padraig18
Answer the door naked, wearing nothing but my crucifix and holding a beer in my hand. I've never had one take longer than 3 seconds to turn around and leave.
:evilgrin:
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lucidmadman
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Fri May-21-04 09:15 PM
Response to Original message |
32. What do you get when you cross a Jehovah's Witness and an Atheist? |
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Someone who comes to your door for no reason...
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fujiyama
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Fri May-21-04 09:40 PM
Response to Original message |
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of answering the door with a bottle of hard liquor in hand, naked.
Welcome them in, and ask them if they want a shot -- or better yet, if you have some weed, ask them if they would like a hit. Of course that one could get you reported -- after all, smoking weed will be the downfall of the US!
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chicaloca
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Sat May-22-04 01:34 PM
Response to Reply #33 |
41. You could also do that if you have oregano... |
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To the untrained nose, it smells like pot. Then you don't have to worry about getting in trouble. ;)
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Streetdoc270
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Fri May-21-04 09:47 PM
Response to Original message |
34. Open Door: Honey! The Sacrifices are here! Light the Candles! |
camero
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Fri May-21-04 10:17 PM
Response to Original message |
35. they came a couple of weeks ago to mine |
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An older man and his daughter. I go to the door without a shirt and answer. I kindly ask them to let me get a shirt. The man says that's ok and makes small talk with me. Religion wasn't discussed at all.
His daughter was in her mid 20s looked like. I never saw a woman's eyes get so big.
Nothing much came out of it. I just said I had to answer the phone and see ya later. Didn't take the literature. I doubt they'll be back.
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2bfree
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Fri May-21-04 10:23 PM
Response to Original message |
37. Here are some good ideas! |
Astarho
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Sat May-22-04 12:50 PM
Response to Original message |
39. At least it's not Mormons |
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no offence to any LDS out there, but they only show up when someone in the house (usually me) is sick. It's creepy.
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Parrcrow
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Sat May-22-04 01:25 PM
Response to Original message |
40. When you open the door |
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Edited on Sat May-22-04 01:26 PM by Parrcrow
look furtively both ways up the street and ask them in a paranoid voice "Did they see you come here? Get out of here, you're in danger!" Then slam the door. You could just save your neighbours some trouble.
edit to slam the door
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