Should I give up on Women for the rest of my life?

[coloradodem2005]

[Nlighten1]

1. I feel your pain.

I was on a similar downward spiral with my life years ago. I reached my breaking point and realized that no amount of will power was going to help me so I went and got professional help and was on medication for years.

I thought that I would be on those medications for the rest of my life. That was until I discovered Buddhism. I'm not a dogma type person but the philosophy of being unattached to things freed my mind from its purgatory.

I have been drug free and happy for years now.

[Don_G]

2. Give Up Women?

[coloradodem2005]

3. Yes.

I have failed with them. They hate me.

[Don_G]

7. Relax And Don't Push It

When it happens, it happens.

[coloradodem2005]

11. It won't happen.

[benburch]

4. Yes.

I can use all the extra women I can get.

:evilgrin:

[nini]

5. no.. I haven't given up on men..

then you shouldn't give up on women.

There's someone out there for us, we just need to find 'em.


sorry if you're in pain :-(

[coloradodem2005]

9. My impression.

There is not someone out there for everyone. There are 5 or 6 people for certain people and nobody for the rest of us. I am in the latter group.

[nini]

12. may seem like at times.. but I doubt it

I've been on my own for a long time. To be honest, I'd rather be alone than in a relationship that isn't right. So, I take it as it comes. If I meet someone then good, if not I keep myself busy doing other things.

You may or may not ever find your dream girl. Regardless, make the most of your life and don't dwell on what you may or may not have. When you get into that mindset you'll be more likely to have someone look your way because you will be happier and more at peace.

Good luck..

[enough]

20. Dear Colo-dem

If you can write a line like that, there is someone out there for you, probably several.

The best thing for you is to GIVE UP. As the old bullshitter Baba Ram Das used to say: "You have to give it up to get it." This has been a running joke in our house for several decades now, the internal contradictions being so obvious.

Love from here.

[Droopy]

6. I'm 31 and I'm a single guy

I haven't had any women in my life since I was 22. It hasn't been bad for me. I did a lot of growing up when I was in my twenties and if I had been in a relationship chances are that it would have been disasterous. Man, there's a lot of time left to find the right woman and I bet that you'll be a totally different person not so long from now and wanting different things in your life.

I've done a lot of things while single that I could not have done and sustained a relationship with. Lifes been one big adventure for me so far and things couldn't have been that way if I were tied down.

My advice to you is to forget about women for now. Concentrate on finding a good job and becoming self sufficient if you are not already. Once you get a good job, a nice place, and a cool set of wheels, and are secure finacially, then start thinking about finding a mate.

[I Clenis]

8. Send them to me

Please.

[Leprechan29]

10. Don't give up

We all have our downward spirals, each of varying length

[CTLawGuy]

13. don't give up

I am going through a similar predicament. I have a degree from an Ivy League institution and I have been unemployed for six months. It's not easy for anyone in these times to find work.

If teaching is what you really want to do, then find a way to do it. What do you need to do to get "ready" for student teaching? You should concentrate on getting those things done. Set small, manageable goals for yourself. If you want to teach, you owe it to yourself to become a teacher.

As for women, they can be tough nuts to crack sometimes, but you have to keep plugging away. You should not let opportunities pass you by. That said, you should also not approach women unless you are feeling 100% confident about yourself. When around women, you must feel as if you are the greatest guy on the planet, and that they would be crazy not to want to go out with you. that does NOT mean to be a bastard, but it means that you need to be sure of your desirability.


I asked one of my friends, who is in a fraternity, why fraternity guys seem to get a lot of attention from women. He told me that it was because the women were coming to a place where the frat brothers were most at home. The brothers are totally relaxed, having fun, and feeling accepted. that confidence makes it easier to talk to women, and makes a man more attractive in a woman's eyes. My friend described it as "a guy being in his element." to attract women you need to be in your element. Go to a place where you feel comfortable, accepted, and confident. that's the best place to meet women.

You'll get through the tough times!
:hi:

[coloradodem2005]

15. The teaching thing.

I will not teach. They let me get all the way to student teaching before "determining" that I am not ready. Is that my fault? I'm sorry.


Women seem to want bastards.

[CTLawGuy]

17. what did they say?

in what way were you "not ready"?

To me "not ready" implies that you could potentially be "ready" in the future. They didn't say "not qualified", or "incompetent".

Its true that women seem to want bastards. But you dont know whether what they REALLY want is correlated with being a bastard, rather than bastard qualities per se.

The greatest quality correlated with being a bastard is confidence. You have to love yourself better than someone else to be a bastard - to think of yourself better than others. That requires confidence.

Women tend to love the confident qualities inherent in bastards, and they may think they can change the undesirable qualities.

[coloradodem2005]

21. THey said not ready.

They also were not interested in helping me. They made that clear when they never gave me an opportunity to get "ready." They most likely wanted to label me incompetent but didn't want to say it. If I was so incompetent, they should have not let me get that far.

[CTLawGuy]

26. do you need more education, more experience??

maybe you could try to teach somewhere else?

[coloradodem2005]

28. I refuse to teach again.

[murielm99]

14. You need a good, abrasive woman -- one to match you.

I do understand what you are saying, though.

I student taught last year, too. The difference was that I was going for a masters degree, and I had teaching and other supervisory experience.

My supervising teacher was very hard to work with. I appreciated her pointers on how to improve, but she became very difficult if I made mistakes. And of course I did make mistakes.

Anyway, I had difficulty with a couple of kids, so she did not want me to take over teaching her class. Independent teaching is required for certification!

I became worried about the grade and evaluation I would receive. No way was I going to let this woman give me less than an A, when I had straight A's in my academic work, and glowing evaluations from my two practicum teaching assignments. All A's, but a B in student teaching would have deprived me of a career. So, I complained to my university advisor, and told my supervising teacher I was thinking about asking for another placement. I would have done it, too.

My advisor had already had me in another class, and he knew everyone in our group well. He listened to me. I completed my student teaching, and got an A. He assigned my final grade.

Maybe it helped that I am older and that I had some life experience. But put your abrasiveness to work when you need it! I did.

Yes, abrasiveness can hurt you too, but work with what you have.

I don't have a teaching job yet, but I do think it is because they are cutting so many positions where I live. Most of the schools here have terrible budget deficits. And to think that a few years ago, some of them were arguing about how to spend their surpluses! The district in my hometown put an addition on the elementary school with theirs.

I do sub alot, and most of the kids have gotten to know and like me. Abrasiveness can work well in that kind of situation. The students have to know that the sub doesn't take any crap.

I am told that there may be jobs within the next two years. Many people will be retiring, so that even if there are not any new positions, some spots will be open.

Maybe you should try student teaching again. Learn from what went wrong the first time. In the meantime, good luck with the job search. Keep your spirits up.

[coloradodem2005]

16. Thanks for the insult of calling me abrasive.

THe teachers screwed me. I will not have anything to do with that profession. I am a social failure. Inspite of my best intentions and best efforts. What I have to work with is not enough. I am getting to the point that I hope I die really soon.

[WiltedFlowerChild]

18. Nah

Don't give up. Women, and being one I know, are the only thing that keep men going. You're not either abrasive or suicidal.

[Bake]

19. Hang in there, CD. It gets better. It really does.

And ignore the "abrasive" reference (like, where the crap did THAT come from???). Just let life come to you, concentrate on your friends, your work and your interests. Believe me, it will happen.

Bake

[coloradodem2005]

27. I am almost 25.

It has happened for everybody else. but not me. On another note, why should I ignore the abrasive thing? I have heard that word way too much to describe me.

[WiltedFlowerChild]

30. Hey

I met mine..he was 25, I was 20
We married..he was 28, I was 23
That was 28 years ago.
Hang in there.

[Kali]

31. 25?

honey you haven't even grown up yet, give yourself 5 more years, jeez 25! I love my guy totally but if I had it to do over no way would I have settled before 28 or 30. Too much to do and see, too much growing to happen! They guy above talking about confidence is right - we like a guy who is confident - (and that's probably why bastards get women - they DO tend to have outward confidence, but then listen to the complaining after the real personality takes hold) But a good guy who is sure of himself, has seen a bit of life, maybe traveled a little in the world - well, now your talking a catch! Stuff (cars toys etc) are not as important. I mean who wants a partner that only cares about what kind of stuff you have?

OK something didn't fly in your current life plan. Take stock, you must have graduated, what else can you do with it? In AZ I don't think you even need a cert to teach at charter schools - what other opertunities are there? Can you tutor privatly? Get some income going plus experience and work on furthering your ed? Go for next degree? God, NOT having a women gives you total freedom to check out life - try to take advantage of not being tied down.

[Dookus]

22. insult?

YOU have started many threads about your real or perceived shortcomings. It's not an insult for somebody to use your own words.

I'm not sure what kind of reassurance you're seeking here. If you're depressed, I genuinely hope you seek help from somebody qualified to assist you - DU is not qualified in this respect.

I wish you the best, but starting thread after thread about your social difficulties isn't helping you. Get help. Focus on something else. Repeatedly bashing yourself, then being offended when others quote you won't solve your problems. Good luck.

[murielm99]

23. Hey, you called yourself abrasive! nt

[Droopy]

25. There's always alternatives

If you are having thoughts of hoping that you die, you need professional help. Your depressed. Your situation can look a whole lot better when you are not fewing the world through a darkened haze. I speak from experience here as I've been through some pretty dark times. A therapist can help you see things in a different way. Maybe you need an anti-depressant to go along with talk therapy.

There's always another way. Or I guess you can just continue to slip into that self-defeating downward spiral. Choice is yours.

[Guy Fawkes]

24. as apposed to....?

[salinen]

29. dem

dude, you are over the top. You need to get yourself to someone who will prescribe some anti-whatevers. Do it!

[ringmastery]

32. Why do you need a woman to make you whole?

Lots of people have said it before...to be happy in a relationship, you first have to be happy with yourself ALONE.

I would concentrate on getting a job and forgeting about women for now.

And if you are sexually frustrated and just need to release some steam, there are lots of places on the internet for sex with no strings attached. Have you checked out adultfriendfinder?

And if that doesn't work, take a trip out to the outskirts of Vegas and spend some money at one of the brothels there. It could do wonders for your self-esteem. It's not only sex the women offer there. They also offer companionship and might give you pointers about why you may be repelling women. Think of it as an investment in your future.

I would also read this article about confidence and finding a job.

http://biz.yahoo.com/pfg/e08newjob/index.html

You have to APPEAR confident. Nobody wants to be around someone who always feels sorry for themselves either for a job or a relationship.

When I get down, I always think about how fortunate I am compared to others. I am physically able with all my limbs and mental faculties. I am not hungry and I have a roof over my head.. I am not in Iraq.

When you look at your life in this perspective, you'll see that you have little reason to complain.

[Ready4Change]

33. After 10 years without a girlfriend, I met my wife.

I'd had several girfriends. A couple mostly dating, but several steadies for a year or more. Then no one for about 10 years. I figured maybe I just wasn't cut out for love. Or maybe I just enjoyed my solitude too much. Then I met the woman who is now my wife.

I am convinced that not only is there someone for everyone, but that there are MANY people for everyone. The real issue is, are you ready for them? I wasn't for a long time, and when I finally was, she was too.

Don't waste your time alone. It is part of who you will become, and who she/he will come to love.

[Donkeyboy75]

34. You will not find what you're looking for in a woman.

You need to make peace with yourself first, or else you'll have a terrible relationship when you finally get a woman. Seriously, get some help.

[2cents]

35. Keep chasing them - 'til one catches you n/t

[Moderator]

36. Hi coloradodem2004

DUer's aren't qualified to give advice to you.
PLEASE Call 1-800-784-2433

DU Wishes you the very best, but this thread
will be locked now in the hopes that you call
1-800-784-2433

[LastKnight]

37. this morning i decided to... and tonight when i got off work...

one of my friends turned into something more... and the stupid thing was, i didnt even know she was interested... funny how that shit sneaks up on ya.

-LK