Things I've learned from watching low-budget sci-fi

[Bossy Monkey]

1: In the future, white people still won't be able to dance
2: In the vacuum of space, spaceships and explosions sure do make a hell of a lot of noise
3: Everyone in the universe understands how time is measured on Earth ("your Earth minutes" "your Earth hours")
4: By now, we should all be wearing pastel spandex jumpsuits at all times
5: Everything, no matter how large, has a self-destruct button, machine, procedure, briefcase, etc.
6: Evolution all over the universe converges on intelligent beings with two arms and two legs, no matter how weird the heads turn out. Quite the co-incidence, ain't it?

Feel free to add your own!:D

[salinen]

1. Alien women

are sexy and attracted to earth men. But earthmen have no idea they want them as incubators.

[Richardo]

2. HA! Here's mine

First: two notes on yours:

2: In the vacuum of space, spaceships and explosions sure do make a hell of a lot of noise (Observation: '2001: A Space Odyssey' is still the ONLY film ever made that gets this right.)

4: By now, we should all be wearing pastel spandex jumpsuits at all times (with a big V shaped graphic in front)

6: Evolution all over the universe converges on intelligent beings with two arms and two legs, no matter how weird the heads turn out. (Corollary: And all alien females are mammals with two breasts.)

7: All interspecies translation is instantaneous with error-free syntax.

8: Spaceships have gravity.

9: All planets outside the solar system have numbers attached to their names.

10: A lot of alien beings have names ending with "-or"

[Richardo]

7. 11: Aliens visiting Earth land almost exclusively in the United States

[Servo300]

12. Re: Sound in space

>> 2: In the vacuum of space, spaceships and explosions sure do make a hell of a lot of noise (Observation: '2001: A Space Odyssey' is still the ONLY film ever made that gets this right.) <<

I recall several years ago, there was a movie which had the advertising tagline, "In space, no one can hear you scream." But I can't remember the name -- does anyone else remember that?

[Rabrrrrrr]

14. That was Alien

And it was filled with screaming (though, of course, screaming onboard the ship which had an atmosphere). The tag line meaning, of course, that the sound doesn't carry outside the ship so no one in the universe would have any idea what was happening.

Alien also did a pretty good job, if memory serves, of not having the ship make sound while cruising through space.

[Servo300]

17. Ahhh... yes,

Didn't realize that was "Alien" -- that was a good flick. Sigourney Weaver was SOOOOOO sexy fighting off that alien in her underwear....

[Richardo]

"...and how it got into her underwear we'll NEVER know."

Thank you, Groucho Marx! :thumbsup:

[THUNDER HANDS]

15. Alien

I think.

[Richardo]

16. Yeah: 'Alien' - which still had spaceship noise in space.

Remember the shuttle craft undocking from the mother ship? Latches letting go with big KLUNKS and stuff?

No screaming in space, though. They were right on that one.

[Kid_A]

3. I've noticed that at some point in the near future...

the entire universe will become black and white, and spaceships will all be suspended from mysterious strings. Then the question that philosophers begin to ponder is "Who's holding the other end of the string?"

[BigMcLargehuge]

22. I think that's "super string theory"!

eureka!

[Terran]

30. LOL!

That's very good!

[TroubleMan]

44. I'll call Michio Kaku now

and tell him you've solved it.

[zbdent]

26. No, sorry. Calvin's father explained that effect.

He pointed out that the entire world was black and white up until sometime around the 1930s.

After that, everything was in color.

Calvin asked about the paintings done in color prior to the 30s.

His father explained that they were done in color, so to speak, because the artists were insane. It was a well-known fact that all the great artists really were insane.

[Guy_Montag]

27. I genuinely thought that the world was black & white

until about the 50s (technology doesn't move so fast here), when I was wee. It only discovered that it wasn't when I asked my parents why the world changed from B&W to colour.

[Sentath]

4. I always hate it when people just post a link

And here I am doing it.

http://www.criticalmiss.com/issue7/rpgcliche1.html

Excerpt:

Axebeard Law. In fantasy games, all dwarves should have the words "axe" or "beard" somewhere in their names. (Exception: Dark Sun) See also the PineSol Law.

{rlg}

[TheBlob]

5. You can

call Star Wars a lot of things.

"Low-Budget" ain't one of 'em.

;-)




2: In the vacuum of space, spaceships and explosions sure do make a hell of a lot of noise

[Richardo]

6. Much to my dismay, Apollo 13 also screwed up the sound in space thing

:eyes:

[Skarbrowe]

9. bad Sci-fi movies

are all being made in Bulgaria.

Skarbrowe

[Bossy Monkey]

43. In space, no one can hear Ron Howard telling the sound effects guys

to take five, either.

[arwalden]

8. So Are We "Earthlings", "Terrans", "Earthers"... or WHAT?

[Rabrrrrrr]

10. What do the stars tell you, Arwalden?

Look to the stars - surely they tell us what aliens will call us in the future. :-)

I think we should be called Gaians.

[arwalden]

11. Extropian?

Or is that more of a movement and philosophy?

-- Allen

[Rabrrrrrr]

13. Yeah, I think that's more philosophy

Extropians call themselves extropians, but I don't think in the sense of using it to define their race or geographic enculturation, etc.

I could be wrong, though. Haven't read about the Extropians for a couple years.

[MamaBear]

31. According to the Firesign Theater Guys...

We are humanlings and earthoids. It's on disk titled Everything You Know is Wrong.

It was, too.

[MisterP]

50. filthy Earthenoids!

[Servo300]

18. The terms "galaxy" and "universe" are totally interchangable.

[Pale Blue Dot]

19. One more

If a lady scientist is on a spaceship, she's there to fetch the coffee.

[BigMcLargehuge]

23. Science officer "sweetcheeks" reporting for duty

LOL... Worst offender is Angry Red Planet.

[flamingyouth]

42. And she's either wearing a miniskirt or a really tight catsuit

It's important for the science officer to be extremely fit in order to fetch that coffee properly, you know.

[rinsd]

20. A few more....

7) Death rays of surprising lethality and destructive force still cannot penetrate the hull of a spaceship.

8) The need for drinking water has been eliminated. Though you will find crew enjoying exotic libations.

9) Technology has made incredible leaps and obviously education followed suit. All to see a 9 foot hairy creature fix a hyper drive by banging on it with a wrench.

10) A surprising amount of planets have the exact atomosphere that Earth does.

[tsakshaug]

21. another

people from all planets know what we call the constellations as viewed from earth.
"We come from the second star in Ursa Minor"

[BigMcLargehuge]

24. Atomic accidents produce gigantism

More advanced civilizations come to us when they have political or military problems

Teenagers ALWAYS have the answer, always

A "loose monster rampage" usually culminates with said monster carrying a woman around the wilderness

She's the princess, trust me, just because she says she isn't the princess doesn't mean anything.

The Vaardaa says it's wrong to kill... unless you need to. The Vaardaa also says spaceships can have breasts (See: Nel in Battle Beyond the Stars)

Aliens want either our natural resouces or our women, but never at the same time.

All robots look like either mimes or trash cans, and all can be foiled by a staircase

The incredible enemy superweapon always has an undefended weakness to be exploited

In space, no one ever needs to pee (or poop)

[flamingyouth]

25. Equipment will still be clunky and will break down constantly

Apparently, all machines will still be a piece of junk. :shrug:

[Pale Blue Dot]

38. "I can't shoot it! The gun is jammed!!"

AAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEGGGGGGGHHHHHHH!

[Bossy Monkey]

39. In the future, preventive maintenance will be rather spotty n/t

[Richardo]

41. Geology of alien worlds: rocks are igneous, sedimentary and styrofoam

The styrofoam boulders bob to the surface for use in hand-to-hand combat.

[Bossy Monkey]

28. Also, around 2150, 80s New Wave music will inexplicably become cool n/t

[Liberal Veteran]

34. Not only that....

...but there Earthlings of the future will only listen to instrumental music (usually classical) or Opera.

[Richardo]

29. "There are some things man was not meant to know."

:)

[Liberal Veteran]

32. Not only are universal translators instantaneous...

...they have holographic projectors that make alien mouths move exactly the same way as humans to create sounds.

[DrWeird]

33. Everybody travels back in time to 1980's America.

Where, apparently, there was a big nuclear and/or eugnenics war.

[Terran]

35. For males, having a love interest ensures survival.

Corollaries:

The Black Man (or other minority) will always get killed.

The Older Male Scientist will always get killed.

The Crewman With No Obvious Role will always get killed (see Star Trek).

[Bossy Monkey]

40. Always bet against the guy in the red shirt (except Scotty) n/t

[KG]

49. it started out as a cliche,

but extras destined to die in a scene are now referred to a 'red shirts'

[Liberal Veteran]

36. Figuring out how to operate an alien spacecraft takes only minutes...

....and their computers are so user friendly that you can retrieve all their data in just moments.

[Richardo]

37. Soylent Green = people

!!!

[Deja Q]

45. Sounds like sci-fi in general

1: In the future, white people still won't be able to dance


What do the black people do in the future? And everybody of every other color? Even the purple and yellow spotted horse people, they were at an intergalactic conference once...


2: In the vacuum of space, spaceships and explosions sure do make a hell of a lot of noise


Otherwise it wouldn't be exciting...


3: Everyone in the universe understands how time is measured on Earth ("your Earth minutes" "your Earth hours")


Everytime sci-fi dares to speak in alien terms, people are going to get confused and turned off. Fantast can't stretch too far into reality or else it'll be lost on all.


4: By now, we should all be wearing pastel spandex jumpsuits at all times


Cool! :D


5: Everything, no matter how large, has a self-destruct button, machine, procedure, briefcase, etc.


People have learned how to deal with paranoia.


6: Evolution all over the universe converges on intelligent beings with two arms and two legs, no matter how weird the heads turn out. Quite the co-incidence, ain't it?


It costs money to make rubber costumes. That's why network execs eyeballing sci-fi love humanoid androids and doubly-especially those quite commonplace invisible species... :D

[Speck Tater]

46. When entering a room where the monster is hiding...

... the hero never thinks to look UP. That's why the monster is always hiding in the pipes near the ceiling.

[Lisa]

47. nobody seems to suffer adverse effects when changing gravities ...

They can leap onto the surface of any old planet as if it were a one-gee environment, and start doing battle immediately, without noticeable fatigue or dizziness.

Oh, and there's always one dissenting scientist who tries to warn everyone about the Terrible Danger but is ignored -- and s/he is invariably handsome, intelligent, and charismatic (though evidently not enough to sway the rest of the room).

[KG]

48. from sci-fi novels: in the future, in far flung corners of the universe

coffee is ubiquitous.

[baldguy]

51. Our captain-hero always gets to meet the planetary ruler.

He's got billions of people to govern, budgets to plan, legislation to approve, meetings to attend, etc. etc. etc. But he's always got all the time in the universe to deal with our wayward traveler.