Let's have a big round of applause for today's contestant...

[salvorhardin]

OK, so my cannabis deodorant thread didn't get much of a response, much to my disappointment; and here I thought I'd discovered a sure-fire money maker. C'est la vie. So let me tell you about one of my hobbies -- fucking with telemarketers' heads (as opposed to just fucking telemarketers which probably would be verboten on DU).

This afternoon the phone rings and when I answer a very cute female voice on the other end asks in what can only be described as a girlish giggle, "Can you hear me?" Ah! I think, the game's afoot!

"No... but I can hear you."

"Uh... Well, I'd like to send you three free issues of Wastewater Fisherman, Sports Illiterate, and Outdoor Plumbing."

"I'm sorry, but none of those magazines interest me."

Although she was obviously thrown by my opening move, my opponent has regained her composure now that I've fallen right into her script. The impossibly happy girlish voice continues...

"Oh, but we have lots of sports magazines to choose from!"

"Ah, but my dear, I think your computer has discombobulated its' bobulater and picked the wrong guy. I detest sports."

Apparently the poor thing had never heard of a guy who hates sports because she then very tentatively asked, "Oh... Well, what do you do in your spare time then?"

"Well... I don't like to talk about it."

Pause. I can almost hear the little hamster wheel spinning in her head at this point. I think it was 50/50 whether she would just hang up or pursue the call, but in the end curiosity got the best of her.

"Umm... well, you can tell me."

"World domination."

"Huh!?"

"World domination. In my spare time I work at total world domination."

"You're kidding me!"

"No... not at all." I pause briefly for dramatic effect, "...but I'm not very good at it, so I like to concentrate on the little things."

"Ummm... what do you mean?"

"Well, I really shouldn't be telling you this, but have you ever been walking along at night all alone and just as you pass underneath a street lamp it suddenly blinks out?"

"Yeah..."

"Well, that's my work. It's small, but still I'm quite proud of it."

"You're kidding me!"

(Sigh) "Nobody appreciates what I do."

[amerikat]

1. We should all have more fun with telemarketers

telemarketing must be the worlds worst job.

[salvorhardin]

2. I agree

I was a telemarketer for less than two weeks. It was the most horrible, demoralizing, humiliating experience. I was going to quit after the end of the second week just so I could get my whole paycheck for that week, but I got fired first. The reason I was going to quit is because one night I forgot my jacket and went back inside to get it and discovered our manager fishing all the contact cards out of the garbage. We were told that when someone told us "No" twice in a row to throw their card in the garbage and they would never be contacted again. Liars.

[TOhioLiberal]

3. Poor thing...

...you probably made her head explode or something.. :);) :crazy:

[salvorhardin]

4. One can only hope. :-)

[demgurl]

5. I also have fun with telemarketers!

You should hear them when I tell them my time is worth money and ask if they have my address. I say I assume they do. I tell them to send me $5 for five minutes of my time and include their phone number. I say I will call them and if they want additional minutes that will be extra.

I have gotten all sorts of comments. People wonder if I am kidding! People agree as if they will send the money. Every sort of response!

I have tried to explain that if I give them five minutes of my time, that is five minutes of my life I shall never see again. Five minutes I will have ticked off the clock of my life. Five minutes closer to death! They just never get it.