To what degree are you alone?

[WilliamPitt]

My relationship of eight years has come to an end. I have finally, finally, cut off all contact with She Who Will Not Be Named. That's mean, because I will die being crazy about her, but as the relationship was never going to work out after The Catastrophe, any contact was only salt in the wound.

So that's that, and as she was pretty much the only woman in America who finds me attractive - a fact I have established through the assiduous collection of empirical data over the last several months - I am settling in to a long bout of solitude.

This has been exacerbated by the fact that my friends Dave, Dave, Dave, Erin, Steve, Bob, Andrew, Chris, Erin, Chris and Toby - my crew for years and years - have all gotten married, babied up, and moved over an hour outside the city permanently.

So...that's me. How alone are you?

[Wonk]

1. Marriage proposals start rolling in from your fan club in 3... 2...

1... ?

[Fenris]

2. She was the "only woman in America who finds [you] attractive"?

Dude, do you read this board? You're popular. The women go wild for you.

[WilliamPitt]

4. Mmmm...the invisible man

:P

[charliebrown]

133. Maybe she sees you as arogant and pompous.

I dont post a lot here but have been reading for a couple of years. You are so into Will Pitt that anything else is a sideline thing. I am Will Pitt and I write for Truthout, so Love me(when I have time for you).

I like some of your stuff but to let it take control of your life is stupid. (As I think some other of your stuff is).

If you want a love life then spend time with her and listen to her also. LOL..me telling you about love.

Spend time and true time with her and forget truthout and DU sometimes. Life isn't always politics. (well it is), but not con v. dem.

[flamingyouth]

3. The worst is when you're married AND feel alone

That really sucks, believe me.

[WilliamPitt]

7. ...which is why I didn't get married

which is why I'm here.

8 years costs you a lot of friends, experience, etc. My bad.

[lapauvre]

48. Or have a "best friend"

and are even more alone because he doesn't want you to have any other friends.

[SammyWinstonJack]

93. I can relate to that!

:-(

[dawn]

99. I hear ya.

totally...

[never cry wolf]

112. No, almost the worst but...

THE worst is when you're married AND feel alone AND you have a She who will not be named who is in the same boat but you're only contact is via email and messenger. No looky, no touchy, no talky.

salt, meet open wound!

[flamingyouth]

126. You're right

That is worse. :(

[Angelus]

5. Just fucking kill me and have done with it.

:(

Dating sucks. It sucks more when you pick up a chick and she's an airhead. :grr:

I need me a smart woman who knows more about stuff that matters instead of crap like fashion or gossip.

Sigh.

Shall we go to the bar and get wasted? I'm buyin'!

[WilliamPitt]

8. You're on

Let's get drunk and leer at the women who'll have nothing to do with us. :)

[Angelus]

9. Right on.

:toast: :)

[WilliamPitt]

25. When? Where?

[neverborn]

64. Hey I'm In too!

[libhill]

122. Wouldn`t advise that

I met my wife in a bar- strangely enough, we`re still married after 23 years, and have a good relationship- it`s the kids that drive us bonkers-

[SoDesuKa]

6. Chill Out for a While

The worst relationships are the ones you get into when you are feeling lonely and rejected from a previous relationship. Take time to heal.

[WilliamPitt]

10. Yep

Rediscovering my roots. Sitting here in candlelight watching Apocalypse Now, *cough* enjoying the fruits *cough* of my labor *cough*, and generally speaking appreciating the novelty of a hassle-free life.

Selah.

[liberalhistorian]

92. You wanna hassle-free life right now

Will? Ya ain't gonna have one if ya don't finish my book soon (remember-the one I lent you on May 4 right before you delivered your brilliant, eloquent, and oh-so-true speech?) and send it back to me!!!! :evilgrin: :P :bounce: :bounce:

Seriously, though, Will, I've never been married but I do know for sure that you have to be happy and comfortable being single before you can be happy and comfortable being married or in a serious relationship. If you're not happy with yourself as a single person, there's no way in hell you'll be happy with yourself as a married person or as part of serious relationship.

I think that's a large part of the problem with many troubled marriages; people get married to "save themselves" from being alone instead of for the right reasons, and it just isn't gonna work. Just because someone's married or in a serious relationship doesn't automatically mean that they're happy and contented and their life is stress-free. Take advantage of your solitude right now and learn to actually enjoy it, there are, indeed, a lot of pluses to it!!!!

P.S.-okay, now you've aroused my curiosity, just what was The Catastrophe, as you put it (if you want to share, that is!)

BTW, other posters on here are right, you have NO idea just how popular you are with a lot of the gals on here!!!! Your PM box and email are probably being flooded as we post right now, lol!

[Just Me]

118. Well, hmmm,...I've always been comfortable "alone".

But, that fact does not make me particularly confident in offering advice to people feeling the inevitable sense of loneliness.

I wish had "the answer" because I could do a helluva lot of healing for a helluva lot of people.

I survive by holding onto and embracing anyone who, for even a moment, holds onto and embraces me,...no strings attached,...just an embrace of our common human struggle.

[Pobeka]

11. Met my wife after I was fully comfortable being alone.

I had been through the "why the hell am I not married, I'm 28 years old?" thing.

And I reached a point where I decided that if I wasn't happier being with the "potential other" than being alone, I'd go it alone.

2 years later I was married. 14 years after that I'm still married.

Life is not predictable.

[rucky]

96. That's exactly how it happened for me

I was resigned to being the "crazy dog guy". 3 years later I have a new home, wife & daughter on the way.

Still my mutts and every stray in a 10 mile radius, but I love the chaos.

anyhoo, it should feel good, Will. After 8 years you either crap or get off the pot. If it wasn't meant to be it means there's something else waiting for you.

[Eye and Monkey]

12. I think you've just invited a stalker into your life.

Of course, you could be optimistic about it. Perhaps the two of you will get along.

[WilliamPitt]

14. I don't get mad, I get stabby

:)

[Radical Activist]

13. You have friends just over an hour away?

Oh what I wouldn't give for friends that lived 2 hours away! Mine are all in other states spread around the country. Such is the life of a traveling political gun for hire.

Ending an 8 year relationship is something I've never done so I can only imagine how hard that must be. Good luck moving on.

[LastKnight]

15. dang writers...

its so much more composed and poetic when you guys bitch about your problems than when I or some of the others around here do, your making me/us look bad! lol

anyway... i hope you find what your looking for, best of luck to you.

-LK

[Lisa0825]

16. Hey, I'm not in your fan club... in fact, you kinda tick me off now and

then.... but I guess I have to admit (just so I can disagree with you yet again) that I think you're kinda cute... unless of course the pic I saw was airbrushed, or a stand-in or sumpthin.

I know how you feel. I'm the extra everytime I go out with my friends.

[WilliamPitt]

19. Heh...the added burn

is that my roommate Fitz is pretty much an Abercrombie model: 6' 4", lean, smart as shit, green eyes...I get hit in the head by all the women who fly at him when we go out to the bars at night. Boom! Baff! Spud! It's like an old Batman comic.

:)

Thanks. If I tick you off, I must be doing something right.

[Lisa0825]

22. LOL! Hey, I was just trying to be a little funny....

and play off of what was posted about your "fan club." Seriously.... I understand how you feel. Hang in there.

And models are sooooo overrated! ;-)

[WilliamPitt]

24. Overrated? Tell that to Mr. Hot-and-Cold-Running-Chicks

in the next room. :)

My favorite joke is that I'm basically the piano player in the whorehouse here. Just smiling and watching it all go by... :)

[liberalhistorian]

94. Having recently met Will in person I can

guarantee that he is, indeed, kinda cute, very smart, very nice, and is quite good at kicking repuke ass!!!!

[rumguy]

17. standing in the doorway?

I'm walking through the summer nights
Jukebox playing low
Yesterday everything was going too fast
Today, it's moving too slow
I got no place left to turn
I got nothing left to burn
Don't know if I saw you, if I would kiss you or kill you
It probably wouldn't matter to you anyhow
You left me standing in the doorway, crying
I got nothing to go back to now

The light in this place is so bad
Making me sick in the head
All the laughter is just making me sad
The stars have turned cherry red
I'm strumming on my gay guitar
Smoking a cheap cigar
The ghost of our old love has not gone away
Don't look like it will anytime soon
You left me standing in the doorway crying
Under the midnight moon

Maybe they'll get me and maybe they won't
But not tonight and it won't be here
There are things I could say but I don't
I know the mercy of God must be near
I've been riding the midnight train
Got ice water in my veins
I would be crazy if I took you back
It would go up against every rule
You left me standing in the doorway, crying
Suffering like a fool

When the last rays of daylight go down
Buddy, you'll roll no more
I can hear the church bells ringing in the yard
I wonder who they're ringing for
I know I can't win
But my heart just won't give in
Last night I danced with a stranger
But she just reminded me you were the one
You left me standing in the doorway crying
In the dark land of the sun

I'll eat when I'm hungry, drink when I'm dry
And live my life on the square
And even if the flesh falls off of my face
I know someone will be there to care
It always means so much
Even the softest touch
I see nothing to be gained by any explanation
There are no words that need to be said
You left me standing in the doorway crying
Blues wrapped around my head

Bob Dylan

[WilliamPitt]

21. Hey thanks. I'll just nip off and shoot myself.

Moo.

:)

[johnnie]

18. There isn't one I can vote for

I live alone, but I don't feel alone. And not knowing you William, but seeing how you are in this place...you are not alone either.
I have a lot of people who are there for me whenever I need them, but to have that one single person who I can call my own has been gone for 10 years. I have seen others, but not as I did her. But alone...I don't feel like it.
I was engaged once, until she left me for someone else. I hurt, but I let her go knowing that it isn't right to try to keep someone who needs to see if they can find someone who fit them better. I went on with my life and thought of her often, but did what I had to do.
It's been 10 years and I have done a lot of living. Last Friday I stopped at a place to grab a beer and when I came out she was walking up the drive. We talked for a few and she asked me to come see her where she works. She is single again and seemed pleased to see me again. It might have been 10 years of time, but the time slipped away quickly as we spoke. I don't know what will happen, but it was meant to be like this.
I hope that you will carry on and let the chips fall. They will anyway, but it is your decision to let them fall quietly. It will get better man...

[WilliamPitt]

26. "it was meant to be like this"

Bingo.

Thanks.

[prolesunited]

20. Hate to say it

But you have MUCH more important work to do right now. I'm sure you realize this and perhaps that played a role in your difficulties.

The rest will happen in it's own good time. :hug:

[WilliamPitt]

23. It didn't, strangely enough

One area where we had no problems at all was my work. She got cheesed off sometimes when I'd pull a ranting all-nighter with a bottle of scotch (basically how I wrote the Iraq book), but beyond that it wasn't an issue. She was a litigator, as hard-assed as they come and awesome at her work to boot, and knew all about sacrificing the body for the cause.

[prolesunited]

27. Guessed wrong then

Still right about you having important work to do right now.

I was alone for a VERY long time and never thought it would happen for me either. Just as I was digging in to spend the rest of my life alone, everything changed.

It'll all work out for you. You'll see.

[WilliamPitt]

33. Act as if ye have faith, and faith shall be given unto ye

Read that somewhere... :)

[haele]

28. Just wait a few years, Will...

We've got a 12 year old who thinks you're great, especially since you even talked to her!
She shows everyone your book and tells them she knows the author and he's cute, smart and funny!

And I seem to remember several women being more than a bit taken with you at the book-signing and Kucinich rally...and if I weren't already married or was 10 years younger (and slimmer)...

:evilgrin:

Seriously, Will - in my experience, you can't rush these things. I had to slow down, get old and fat before I finally found the love of my life. Before I turned 40, I was just too busy and distracted to even really attempt to make a long term relationship that was also fair to the other person I'd want to be involved with.
I came to understand that and stopped feeling the yearning and sadness of not coming home to someone, because I chose to work on my career instead of relationships - and my friends and family accepted this and supported me through all my choices.
It all comes down to this fact - you're only as alone as you want to be. You can have all your family, friends and lovers hanging around you, but if you can't - or won't- connect with them whenever you think you want to, you'll be alone.

When you're really ready, you'll eventually find someone that you'll find you'll be able to make time and effort for - one who will be equally willing to make time and effort for you.


Haele

[WilliamPitt]

34. Thanks

Tell the lady I said hi. :loveya:

[woofless]

29. You're still young man.

Sometimes the thing that stands in the way getting what you want is the want itself. It's the paradox of desire. You can't get what you want without the desire, but you will not achieve it until you give up the desire. It's not as hard as it sounds. Visualize yourself happy, know what you want inside yourself, then fucking forget about it. It will come. Trust an old fart. I spent way too many years doing what I thought I was supposed to do and living for another. When I finally quit it and decided I would give myself a chance to be happy, it happened. I have now been with K for 3 years and every simple day rocks out loud. You've got all the tools. Relax.

Woof

[WilliamPitt]

35. That's the plan

Best job ever

Best place to live ever

I could be waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay worse off.

Thanks.

[liberalhistorian]

95. "Sometimes the thing that stands in the way of

getting what you want is the want itself." EXACTLY! That is especially true when it comes to this kind of situation. I don't know why, really, it just is. People can sense frustration and/or desperation and it's often a real turn-off. When you relax is when things always seem to start happening.

BTW, Will, if your ex is a litigator, would she know of any available paralegal/research jobs for an unemployed and getting-desperate paralegal/researcher/free-lance writer? (Sorry, couldn't resist it, lol!) :evilgrin: :bounce: :bounce:

[Waverley_Hills_Hiker]

30. "other"...long term gay relationship,...

have no idea where to characterize this....like Kurt Vonnegut wrote about in Mother Night..."Ein Reich fur Zwie".

[WilliamPitt]

31. Six down from the top

:)

Happiness to you. Come to Massachusetts and get married. I'll throw the party for you. I live in the South End, fa Chrissake. Only Provincetown is better than here.

[Waverley_Hills_Hiker]

63. from what I recall of Mass...

...on a buisness trip to Hanscom, I think I could really enjoy a honeymoon in Baaahstaahn! LOL! (serioulsy, from what I saw thats one great city,,,even I broke my arm and ended up in the Leahy Clinic...LOL....).

[PVnRT]

32. Marriage is for suckers, anyway

To hell with women, bring on the video games. You can always restart one of those.

[WilliamPitt]

36. Ouch

I'm trying to assemble a Galaga-esqe image...not working...

:)

[PVnRT]

98. Galaga is passe

I go for the unmitigated, senseless violence of Grand Theft Auto.

Or, if you prefer the organized kind, you can always grab Ali on Fight Night and pound the shit out of some featherweight chump.

[PittPoliSci]

104. That's just funny.

I usually just play Timesplitters 2, add a whole bunch of easy bots, and go on a rampage with a shotgun.

[SarahB]

37. Let's see

I've been married for 13 years.
I'm your age.
Married up.
Babied up.

Still feel alone a good chuck of the time. Maybe it doesn't have to be like this, but that's what it's become and likely my husband is the tortured soul who's stuck with me like this knowing how lost I feel with him at times, wishing I could feel differently now. I wish I could too, but I don't know how to force it. We've even been kicked out of marital counseling. I'm in a state of envy at singledom sadly enough, but we have responsibilities nonetheless.

For the record, you are attractive. Most definitely. In fact, there have been coversations amongst women regarding that very fact outside of the walls of DU in graphic detail if you must know. So there!

[WilliamPitt]

42. Kill me

[DS1]

114. *snort*

:hi:

[SarahB]

125. Not sure what this means here.

But perhaps I'll have some insight at the end of next week. :shrug:

(Hmmmm....missed this little exchange before. Interesting.)

[Qanisqineq]

38. I'm married and I'm alone every single day and night

[WilliamPitt]

44. I'm sorry

I guess what I'm complaining about seems petty. It is, I guess. Burns anyway, though.

I'm sorry.

[Qanisqineq]

50. don't feel sorry! I didn't say it to make you feel bad!

it's just that my husband is military and I've been finishing up grad school and we've had to live apart (even more miles between us when he was in Iraq). It was my choice, really. But, having finished my degree, I will be moving at the end of this month (somewhat reluctantly, but not because of him). :)

[WilliamPitt]

53. OK *whew*

I had a vsison of something totally different and worse.

Cool!

:toast:

[FDRrocks]

39. Hey Will

I know it's obvious, but you have alot going for you. You are going places, my virtual-passive-acquaintence. I hope you start perking up a bit. :) Love your work.

I voted 'very not alone'. I've been dating the same girl for two years but there has been much turmoil lately and I feel it will go the same way as your former relationship.

[WilliamPitt]

45. I'm plenty perked

I live in downtown Boston, the bartenders love me, and the Director of the fucking CIA just quit under suspicious circumstances. I couldn't avoid having fun with a gun and a guide. :)

[Mike Niendorff]

40. "other"

I need an option for "so alone I can hear the echo of my own heartbeat".

(So, yeah, pretty alone :P ).


MDN

[WilliamPitt]

46. Mmmmm...had that going on last night

So I got that going for me. :)

[Kenneth ken]

41. I am perhaps more alone

on the basis that my list of "crew for years and years" is shorter than yours.

Chin up, you're on your way to being very famous, and possibly rich. Once you achieve that, you'll be a babe golddigger magnet. :D

[WilliamPitt]

47. Never famous (not good enough), don't want to be

and fucking kill me if I am ever 'rich' by even passing standards.

Just digging with everyone else.

[Kenneth ken]

51. pshaw

you're definitely good enough. I can understand why you might not want to be famous, that would be my worst nightmare.

Rich isn't a sin. Nor even a bad thing. Greed and chasing money are sins, or at least ought to be. There are quite a lot of people who have amassed piles of money by doing what their passion is, and being rewarded for it.

But if you ever find yourself being well-rewarded for your passions, and also uncomfortable with it, you can always give away money to any number of good causes.

[Arwennick]

43. Just need a ROADTRIP,Man

Fly down to Jamaica
Experience the local ware
Hang out at Ricks
be prepared to party

SMILE MON

It does get things going

[WilliamPitt]

49. Jeez

Now I gotta *think*...

[librechik]

52. Will

it doesn't matter who loves you or how
it's who you love and how

I've been with my Mustang lovin psycho genius for 25 years. He's a gorgeous caution! Together, together--And We've always each been alone. We console each other about the cold utter loneliness of existence. Sometimes we have moments of epiphany when we are able, out of the pain of being human, to appreciate The Other.

You know what makes me stay with my impossible other despite all the pain?

He never gave up on me. No matter how much I gave up on him . He persisted and persisted and persisted. He convinced me. And he must convince me, because the relationship is what makes life real, and it is worth pursuing.

Foreget all your friends< No offense, but they just distract you from the Essential Relationship. A love is Two. In the entire universe there is only you and Her. There will only EVER be you and Her. She needs you to be abject and utterly utterly reliable/responsible to her. Accept nothing less. THAT is a relationship. If she balks and rejects you, be patient. A relationship like yours doesn't end because you are apart and opposed. It doesn't matter, you are there anyway, no matter what,to the point of madness, in the face of everything & anyone.

Will. I only say all this because I understand from your words that this is not resolved for you and you need more. Communicate, communicate, communicate and prepare to be available to your relationship for years.

As an aside--Having met you and so on, I have to say you are very cute, sweetie. And you could have a dozen liberal women on this forum alone, not to mention real life, if you wanted. Anyway, a girl could fall in love with you just from your writing without even meeting you.
You are a cuddly teddy bear with a mind. Problems? everybody has em. Life is about learning to live with them.

So buck up, nimrod. I'm holding back a crowd of sexy femmes trying to grab you in indecent ways as we speak. Please!

A relationship of 8 years is just getting started. Do everything you can to keep it going and developing however you can and however it goes. You write your own future; take control! It's important, don't take no for an answer without being beaten senseless by a horde of demons.

Don't be envious of your friends. I know, it's hard! that's so wonderful and sensitive of you to want the beautiful lives and families they struggle to have! That desire is attractice to women. Don't give it up, celebrate it! You have your own life to live,and it too is beautiful, dearie. Though they have the good life, as it were, they probably envy you your delicious famous freedom and creativity and influence-- you're not hung up and hamstrung with the babes and the mortgages. You make things happen! Love That!

Enjoy who you are and grab love as you can.Whenever, wherever. Life is short. Make it count.

Heheh! VODKA!

:loveya:

[WilliamPitt]

54. Best. Post. Ever. Ever. Ever. Ever.

Hoo.

Thanks.

:)

[supernova]

103. This only works

if the two people involved are healthy individuals. So, of coure the relationship would be worth fighting for.

Some people, for reasons of one's own sanity and survival, must be let go of.

The wisdom is in knowing which kind of person you are in a relationship with. Sorry.

[Myra]

55. I'm sorry Will

I certainly know how it feels to realize I'll die being
crazy about HE Who Will Not Be Named, but almost certainly
never see him again.

Even though contact is twisting the knife, it sure
bleeds when the knife is pulled out completely.

As they said in Jerry McGuire:
"Alone alone alone."

Again, you have my sympathy, and empathy...

On the upside, this is the best DU poll I've seen in a while.

[WilliamPitt]

56. No need to be sorry

Facts is facts. :)

Thanks.

[hayduke1]

57. Bahhh!!

Eight years is a long time... I feel for you on this point. I really do. I've always hated losing my best friend, especially one of eight years. I am sorry for your loss.

All of my friends are married with children and have moved on to that other facet of life that calls them. I have remained single. Our relationships are vastly different now, I won't sugar-coat it for you... the only constant in the universe is change. Change doesn't have to be negative.

A lot of people will try to sell you on this point, that change can be good, and that its the only true constant. Still, it does suck. Sucks badly. I can't help you there. But, like everything else, it will pass.

You do seem to have a gift with words. I have admired your writing at TO long before I equated your "Posted By" moniker at DU with your alter-ego there. You have inspired me.

As an environmental (I am First and foremost, an environmentalist) engineer that works exclusively with large scale energy projects, I have felt like a massive sellout during the years of this regime, but the space your web page connotes to the environmental issues of these times has served to drive me forward, and to continually push for the "change from within" paradigm with which I began this journey. I've been lurking here for awhile... not much can elicit a response from these jaded fingertips, but your post did. You have people that consider you a friend that you have not even met yet! HA!

You have exactly one week from today to wallow in your self-pity. Wallow good sir, for the rest of us fighting the good fight desire your assistance.

[WilliamPitt]

60. Well

I've passed your second-to-last paragraph on to our environmental editor, minus the DUisms...:)

So there's wallowing. :)

[Zorra]

58. Other.

One thing I realized after a really great 13 year relationship and marriage ended was that there would be no space in my life for the future if it was already filled up with the past, and moved to a place that I love and left almost everything behind.

I decided to myself time to heal, learn more about myself, not get into another committed relationship for at least 3 years, made a list of my goals and dreams, set out to accomplish or live them, and have had some success.

Been alone now for 4 years, but have had several 1 or 2 month long casual relationships and occasional other short "flings" during this time, and always let it be known from the beginning that I was not going to fall in love or get committed.

The thing is, I have actually learned to enjoy being alone. The longer I am alone, the more enjoyable it gets, and it is getting easier to avoid having anyone compromising my space and time unless it's good.

If I ever get into another committed relationship, it will have to be with a really special, independent person. I don't even know if committment is possible anymore. I just don't want to waste my time with someone that is not just about perfect for me. Life is too short to be in a bad relationship.

Anyway, this is what worked for me, and I don't know if it would work for anyone else.

(Oh.....I didn't mention my Multiple Personality Disorder, so actually I'm never really alone. There are, like, thirteen of us. Fortunately, none of us are freepers, violent criminals, or religious fundamentalists, so we all get along pretty well with me).

(Just joking).

[WilliamPitt]

61. We think we're funny

Wheeeeeeeeeeeee!

:)

[Dogmudgeon]

59. FWIW

46.

Unmarried.

No 8-year relationships in my past.

No 1-year relationships in my past.

My last girlfriend decided that being with a self-destructive married man was preferable to being with me.

I was doing well as a programmer; that came to an end. Right after my job moved to Asia, I took ill and my medical insurer decided they didn't have to pay benefits after all. In very short order, I lost close to $12k and was summarily evicted from my home.

That's the third career in which I've failed since I left school.

Two friends left -- one is a lawyer busy establishing his practice, another is back in college, has a new boyfriend, and is trying to get her 18-year-old off to college. Naturally, they have very little time for their friends.

I moved back in with my mother and grandmother; essentially, as a full-time aide for my grandmother, who is dying, and I also spent the spring taking care of my mother after she had extensive thoracic surgery for lung cancer -- which turned out to be a misdiagnosis.

Life has never sucked so much, except for one thing: I am experiencing no distress over it. I have a few new projects I'm working on, and my health is slowly improving.

I can't explain it at all. I should be miserable. I'm not ecstatic, mind you, but I'm not miserable, either.

For what it's worth, I will happily not try to figure it out.

--bkl

[WilliamPitt]

62. "I will happily not try to figure it out"

Sounds like the safest bet at this point.

Peace, bro. I owe you 10,000 beers.

[SmileyBoy]

65. I have my parents, brother and friends (of the same gender).

That's basically it.

[JPJones]

66. That's life

You're riding high in April, shot down in May.

If you have your health, you should be jumping up and down with joy.

The last time that I was in your current situation, a few years after we broke off contact, my ex-girlfriend got cancer and died.

[leftofthedial]

67. marriage does not mean "not alone"

just FYI.

[Sticky]

100. Marriage can be the loneliest of lonely...

When you have a spouse and no intimacy it can be even more painful than having no one.

Edit: spelling

[matcom]

68. dude. you are MUCH better off

and probably should have broken ties LONG ago.

get out there. you'll do just fine. trust me

[VelmaD]

69. Oh good grief Will

You know at least one woman who thinks you're a hottie...and a doll-baby. ;)

[buddhamama]

72. and you're not just any woman

you're Velma! :thumbsup:

[buddhamama]

70. wait a minute- You kick ass! You're very attractive

physically, mentally and spiritually. I have no idea why you would think "she" was the only woman in America who would find you attractive...but if you truly believe that Will, You're Nuts!!

don't let the pain and separation kill your self-confidence
and self-worth. even if you were grotesque physically,
your other qualities, your inner self, would attract women to you.
(women who possess a kind heart and strong intellect)


if and when i am alone, or feeling all alone, it's because i want to be.
i have an incredibly wonderful son and SO,
and good friends who enrich my life.

[peacefreak]

71. Alone vs. solitude

I've been out of a pretty bad marriage for about 12 years. I was more lonely in that marriage than I ever have been on my own. I cherish my solitude. That's not to say if the right one ever came along I would turn my back on him. But I am facing facts that I probably will be on my own for the rest of my life. It's hard sometimes to be in a two by two world, but it also gives me the freedom to do what I want when I want.
Cheer up, bucko. You're in good company. (and since you are one the DU studs you probably will find Ms. Blue State right here!).

[Deja Q]

73. Well, if it's of any consolation, I find you attractive!

I'm a guy though... but nobody's perfect. :-)

Loneliness is okay, to a point.

[Raven]

74. What a way to get a compliment!

Shameless! :-)

[SOteric]

75. He is kind of fishing for compliments, dontchya think

;-)

Not that isn't a sweetheart of a guy. :7

[molly]

78. Hi Raven!

he needs his mommy. :hi:

[Raven]

87. Hi Molly!

Nothing like a sad, cute, lonely guy to get your sympathy going. I think he's just practicing his line for the next time he and Fitz hit the neighborhood bar. Watch out ladies! :hi:

[WilliamPitt]

81. Hey, this was all your big idea

with the bla bla and the 'get over it' and the 'move on.' The dog was there. She heard it all. You're busted.

:)

[VelmaD]

85. Well, it's not like...

the dog can confirm your story. :P

Be nice to your momma. She's usually right about these things. :)

[Raven]

86. Yeah, yeah, it's always my fault...

Tinker heard it all and agrees with me although she thought I could have been a little more subtle than "get the f**k over it, man"!

[NMDemDist2]

76. OK seriously what's not to love here?

a smile would make you a perfect man for most any intelligent, thinking woman

[molly]

77. I didn't vote - none applied to me - but I am married

and not physically living with my husband of over 3 years. You know the story.

Anyway, I had been divorced for 18 years and had given up. I was prepared to spend the rest of my life alone. Will, it happens when you least expect it. We were married within 5 months.

Knowing you, you are both mentally and physically attractive - don't sell yourself short. Someone will come along that both loves you and respects you - don't give up. :hug:

[ElsewheresDaughter]

79. would you like to meet my sister in greenfield, mass....mindy?

[Tatiana]

80. ***Sigh***

I have been a maid of honor twice.

I have been a bridesmaid seven (COUNT THEM... SEVEN!!!!) times.

Sometimes I feel paranoid, as if I'm a defective human being. But that's really not it.

I like to tell myself I am so special that it's just going to take a lot more time and effort to find someone compatible with me. But it does TOTALLY SUCK watching all of your friends around you get married.

Hang in there.

[Paragon]

82. We're all alone.

And yet, we're all together.

/bong

[GOPisEvil]

83. It's not the living alone part; I'm cool with that.

It's the "not having anyone to share all the stuff that goes on in life" part. As you know I'm buying a house (closing Monday, thank GOD!). My parents are happy for me. My friends are happy for me. Heck, I'm happy for me. But, there's no one there to just share the experience with me. No one who's come up with me and knows the struggles to get to this point. The same went with the last job promotion I earned. After the initial congratulations from my parents and friends, I ended up getting rather bummed.

So, I don't know exactly how you feel, but I kinda know where you are.

Lonely, but not always alone. :sigh:

[johnnie]

107. You hit it on the head

When I closed on my house, I was the only one there signing all the papers. I felt like I was about 3 inches tall sitting in that office. Then when I moved in and everything was done...I sat here staring at the place. No one to sit with, or call.
I got two promotions and there was no one to really tell, except my family. Oh well...life is life.

[tilsammans]

116. Me too.

I earned my college degree a couple of years ago, and I didn't attend the graduation ceremony because I would have been there all alone. All my family members are dead, disabled, or living out of state. And although I have tons of friends, I wouldn't expect them to take time out from their busy lives to drive 60 miles to attend my graduation.

[bearfan454]

124. That is very true GopisEvil

Mrs bearfan is my best friend, my soulmate, and my lover. But on top of all of that she is here for me to talk to about anything at any time. Companionship is very important to everyone. You will get someone that is your soulmate David, you will.

[supernova]

84. Where's the option for "alone and not lonely?"

Will, it's perfectly possible to be alone and content. That's were I am. You'll get there too if you let yourself. I promise. ;-) Afterall, Raven's in the same boat and seems very content to me... at least from a distance. :hi: Raven. You could have that too.

I'm about as alone as a person could be:

1)I'm not very social. I really have to work to make myself get out there. Yes, I enjoy myself when I do go out, but I have to make myself get out first.

2) I'm unemployed right now. Like many people, my job has historically taken most of my social interaction. So in this situation I feel more intensely alone than I otherwise would.

3) Like you, all my friends from high school had moved away. It was more difficult than I had imagined moving back home. I returned to the church of my childhood because it felt right, even though I had to face a weekly barrage of "ain't she the cutest thing!" from the blue hairs who knew me when I was three. ;-) At any rate, making new friends is not as easy as it was in school.

It is difficult to learn to live without love, even a damaged love as mine was. But you learn to appreciate the gifts you do get:

1) Your time is completely your own. Your priorities, your goals, your dreams are all yours to pursue unencombered by the expectations and needs of others. Go out til 3am or spend all night watching PPV, who cares?

2) You find serindipity. If you're so inclinded, go off with a new friend you just met on the street for a cup of coffee, or lunch. Last minute adventures are great. ;-)

3) You're more open to the other people you cross paths with in a way that maybe you wouldn't be, being absorbed in a relationship. What about that old man who sits staring at the same painting in the museum each day? Who is he? Why that painting? Go find out. Maybe not true for you since you're so open in the first place. I find that not being in a relationship, there's much more of me to go around.


she was pretty much the only woman in America who finds me attractive

I hereby personally negate that statement. You are *extremely* attractive, Will. Intelligence, passion, and wit carry a lot of truck with me. Plus you're cute. And I bet I'm not the only one. ;-)

[gpandas]

88. we are all alone n/t

[Carolina]

89. Hang in there, Will

First give yourself some credit. Though married for 21 years, I saw you in Boone, NC and you must see a different person in the mirror than I did. Second, all relationships go through peaks and valleys. Most times I can't imagine life without my husband; but there are other times when I daydream about ways to kill him (and get away with it). And in between, there are some lonely times... as people evolve differently despite continuing to love one another. My husband can't understand my DU addiction and my obsession with getting rid of the Bush bastards though he agrees they need to go; I can't fathom his addiction to golf ( both playing it whenever/wherever possible and watching it on TV :boring:) ... You get the drift.

Anyway, do soul mates really exist? I dunno. Does it take another someone to complete our lives? Are lovers better then true friends over the long haul. Oh hell, think I'll go play with man's best friend ... my canine critters, Toby and Fred. They never fail to warm the heart and lift the spirit.

Remember, here at DU we :loveya:

[AgadorSparticus]

121. i think this has to be one of the best description of marriage ever!!!

"Most times I can't imagine life without my husband; but there are other times when I daydream about ways to kill him (and get away with it)."

Reading that just cracks me up. It hits too close to home. lOL someone once told me that sometimes in marriage (or any commitment), the only thing you are committed to is the committment. so true.

[Champ]

90. I am

And no prospects either. Oh well.

[darkstar]

91. Could be worse. Could have lots of freinds coming round

like 'ol Pete here:

All of my friends come to see me last night
I was laying in my bed and dying
Annie Beauneu from Saint Angel
Say "the weather down here so fine"

Just then the wind came squalling through the door
But who can the weather command
Just want to have a little peace to die
And a friend or two I love at hand

Fever roll up to a hundred and five
Roll on up, gonna roll back down
One more day I find myself alive
Tomorrow maybe go beneath the ground

See here how everything
Lead up to this day
And it's just like any other day
That's ever been
Sun going up and then
The sun going down
Shine through my window
And my friends they come around
Come around, come around

The people might know, but the people don't care
That a man can be as poor as me
Take a look at poor Peter, he's lying in pain
Now let's come run and see
Run and see
Run and see
Run, run and see, and see

[HEyHEY]

97. Not as alone as I was when Lived in ALberta

Now I live 2 1/2 hours from Vancouver so I can pretty well see my friends and family whenever I wish. But during the week, I'm pretty lonely. When it comes to girls....well I haven't had a "relationship" in about six or seven years.

[chaska]

101. Jesus man, I wish I had a tenth as many friends as you.

Count your blessings.

[Insider]

102. 8 years ended last august

the best i've ever had, but it just wasn't working. we have agreed to be 'separated', not quite divorced. when it happens, we agreed to share with the other first. i like that. makes it not only bearable, but comfortable.

best wishes, lone ranger.

edit:
we were not married on paper.

[Lydia Leftcoast]

105. Wi-i-i-ll-iaaam

What's all this nonsense about no women finding you attractive?

How come there weren't any men like you around when I was in your age group?

[tilsammans]

117. "How come there weren't any men like you around . . .

. . . when I was in your age group?" Indeed. Hell, how come there aren't any men like you around in the age group I'm in NOW?

[dpbrown]

128. Now you listen to Lydia now....

She makes a lot of sense.

[Skittles]

106. you are not alone William

you have a mother who cares deeply for you and plenty of friends. I have no family to depend on.

[rbnyc]

108. Will, you are sexy, smart, funny...

...and an awesome catch. Believe me, lots of women find you attractive. What happened in your relationship sucks and it will hurt for a long time, but you will not be alone for long if you don't want to be.

And in the meantime, you have enough character to deal with being alone and make the most of it.

(Also, for what it's worth, you have us. I think you agree with me that that's worth a lot.)

:loveya:

[rbnyc]

110. P.S. To answer your question...

...I'm VERY lucky. My husband and I are very much in love and are great friends and partners. And I'm literally never alone right now, because I have a little peanut kicking me in the ribs and having little parties in my uterus all day and night. :)

[aljones]

109. I felt more alone yesterday than ever before

I have been single for almost two years. I am still unsure why. I have never went this lone in my life with out a boyfriend or something. Right after my entire world fell apart when he left with that other woman. I left society complete and spent almost a year in solitude. I can say I was happy then. I had me and my books. No one to bother me. I almost never left the house unless I had to. The only people I talked to were my immediate family. Only a few times did I speak with my friends. I was alone and happy then.

But that has all changed now. I have a job and am back in the world. I can say that this is the depressing part. Seeing other people in their various states of happiness or depression. Knowing that I have found what makes me happy and can't have it anymore. Knowing that all I want to do for the rest of my life is read and write and be left alone and can't have it. I cried all the way home from work yesterday.

I am sorry that you feel alone and feel sad. I am sorry that your life has not gone the way you had wished. I feel your pain and I cry for you as well

smile if you can,
ally

[On the Road]

111. Will, I Discovered Something about My Own Marriage

after it broke up. Don't know if it applies to you or not. But an activist writer and a litigator may have had too much in common.

My ex-wife and I agreed on almost everything from money to how to raise kids. Tended to plan and work well together. Problems usually either work themselves out or they escalate. We had the same weaknesses or qualities that did not play off each other very well (like being introverts), which prevented things from working themselves out very effectively.

I used to really want an intellectual (my ex had a PhD in Philosophy from Yale). After getting divorced I began to be more open to other types of people who might balance me more. I now have a long-term relationship with a wonderful outgoing Chinese woman who is completely apolitical. We have nothing in common, but strangely enough it works in some very fundamental emotional ways.

Just something to think about. Whatever anyone says, it's a disorienting and devastating thing.

[Susang]

113. I'm married - and to a writer!

But you already knew that. ;-)

What you don't know, is that when Michael and I met, I was dating someone else and Michael had a mullet, and yet I still ended up with him. Yes, you read that correctly, a MULLET! In 1991!

He also wore flannel shirts, t-shirts and jeans exclusively and this was pre-grunge. He went to the same horrific Brazilian born hairstylist not because he gave such a great cut, but because his accent and South American plastic surgery stories were hysterical.

I'm telling you this potentially incriminating evidence to prove to you that there are many women out there who do not judge men based on physical appearance. Certainly, it's a factor, but most of the women of quality that I know place compassion, intelligence and humor far above physical beauty when considering who to date.

I do not know you other from DU, but from what I know of you here, you seem to have those qualities covered. Being without a partner is not necessarily a bad thing. I know you've heard this a zillion times from a zillion other people already, but if you live your life the way you want to and to the fullest, you will eventually find someone. Or, someone will find you. The important thing is to be happy with yourself, otherwise there's no way you can be happy with someone else. Cliches all, but true.

[Armstead]

115. She Who Won't Be Named

Oh boy do I know that one. I had (have) a She Who Won't Be Named. When she left in the early 90's and moved out of town, it knocked me for a loop for a couple of years. I never felt so alonbe. I deliberatly lost touch with her six years and eventually did get on with my life, including otehr relationships.

Then by chance we got in contact again a couple of years ago. Strangely, we found that we are still "soulmates" but in a different way. We'll never be a couple, and sh's still there, I'm still here. But we have got as really great something -- not a romance but beyond a friendship.

Occasionally, it still pangs me to think of what could be. But then I realize what it would be in reality, and that's it's much healthier and happier in the odd place it's in. I actually enjoy the bittersweet aspects of our unusual connection.

Don't know the point, except to say that you will move on, and your relationship with She Who Won't Be Named may also find the right level -- whatever that may be.

[mike_c]

119. in the midst of an ugly protracted divorce....

Glad to be alone tonight, to tell the truth. Each 24 hrs alone is time spent healing, at this point. All our friends are mutual, so there's no relief there that doesn't just spread the heartache.

[tilsammans]

120. Chill, Will . . .

As others have said -- more eloquently than I could -- be grateful for all the wonderful things you do have in life.

Love will come for you. And I believe it will come for me too. (I'm the lone vote cast for "Very less alone - My friends are close and I'm dating.")

:hug:

[Ksec]

123. I wish

And as far as relationships and women.

You have to settle with what youve got. Stop bein so damn picky.

They are all the same .

[dpbrown]

127. Have Dennis get you on the Dating Game

Worked for him, and you are Mr. William Pitt, after all.

[devilgrrl]

129. Equally alone and way indifferent about it.

I find it odd that you think that only one woman in America could find you attractive. Oh, honey, you're a cutie - and in a big way.

Don't worry sweetie, I'm not hittin' on you - I haven't the "fabulousness" required for a fine gentleman such as yourself.

Chin up young man. :hug:

[CTLawGuy]

130. I am not dating,

but I live in the same town as a couple of good friends, and most of my college friends live one to two hours away.

[Throckmorton]

131. Widowed three months ago,

and have never felt more alone in my life.

[SOteric]

137. There's perhaps no

greater ache available than losing a long-time love to death. :hug:

It's all those empty chairs and the snoring no longer there.

We're here for you in whatever small way we can be.

[jus_the_facts]

132. gimmie a fuckin' cigarette and blindfold already.....

....I've lived with the same man goin' on 14 years...the last 4 have been a livin' f'n nightmare....since the sElection..then 9/11 this person who taught me my political ideology has said to me ad neauseum...ALL MUSLIMS MUST DIE...it's kill or be killed...THEN and only THEN should we turn our sights on the pukes! So even though I've co-habitated with this man for all these years...I feel like he's virtually a total stranger to me ever since * took office....but since I'm not employed...I'm dependent on him financially...and completely abandoned and burned emotionally...so I'm not alone...I just wish I were...well not alone...just not here anymore. x(

[jus_the_facts]

134. btw....

...I meant not here *with HIM* anymore....I didn't mean to imply...not here literally. *insatiable sighs* :nopity:

[SoCalDem]

135. Sooner or later, everyone gets to "that age"...

I liken it to the "Friends" phenomenon, and I have two sons going through it right now..

High school and college are ALL ABOUT MAKING FRIENDS and having fun....Carefree, breezy, wild fun.. Those years from 15-25 are the "foundation" for all "your stories".. All the "Remember the time that you and I went.....and then the guy said......or ..etc.."...and your friends finish the story for you, without missing a beat...?? Well those days DO come to an end for all of us..

The significant others that you connect with during that time, are the "supporting cast" of your "story".. One by one, they do fall away, and if you are not falling too, it can get lonely, when you realize that all the "new" people you have in your life don't have the shorthand down.. You have to explain things to them, that you never had to with your old gang..

In a way, it's meant to be that way.. You must re-create your story as you tell it to new people in your life..It keeps the memories sharp and in focus, when you have to remember them all by yourself..

After 8 years, if you were not married already, it was probably never going to happen.. There was a reason why you two did not marry.. Probably neither one knew it, though.. The person you are at 22 is NOT the person you are at 30 ...or 40...or any age.. We are constantly evolving, and unless the synchronicity is just right, the "moment" may pass, and never come back again..

Grieve for the loss of the relationship, but not for her... After 8 years, the comfort of the relationship is what you have lost.. She would have pressured you into marrying her ,long ago, if that is what she truly wanted..

There is some woman out there who probably does not even know you exist, and through a series of random events, you two will meet, and the electricity will be there.. If you want marriage, there will be no stopping you..

Case in point..

I was engaged to a guy ( I was 19..he was 22).. His father was chancellor of Kansas University , and I dearly loved his parents.. I was marrying him because I got "caught up in the moment"...not because I deeply loved him.. While I was engaged to him, I was trying to think of reasons NOT to marry him.. I was young and cowardly, so I was prepared to go through with it.. The wedding date was May 5th 1969.. Dresses were bought...flowers were ordered... honeymoon was paid for..

April 4th was a very hot day (unusual for Kansas).. I wanted to take a trip to the lake, but my mother said I had to take my brother with me.. He did not want to go, and ducked out the front door, while I was waiting by the back door for him.. I was pissed at him, put my swimsuit on and decided to just wash the car in the driveway to get some sun...

A guy driving home from a girlfriend's apartment (she was not home that day), saw me in the driveway, and stopped to talk to me..

I called my fiancee, and (collect...yeh I know that was a shitty thing to do...but..) called the wedding off..

The "new" guy and I got married 3/1/70, and now he's my OLD guy..34 years later...


The "moral" of the story....Be OPEN.. don't plan !!

[Misunderestimator]

136. You're missing a category

For those of us who are very close to being very alone. All my friends still live in NYC and I'm stuck here in Florida in a relationship that is on very shaky ground.

Anyhow... I feel your pain, Pitt. :)

[LynneSin]

138. Get over your loathing low self-esteem pity!!!

First, I have a "He Who Will Not Be Named" and we have a great Catastrophe. We all have had it. Hardly a week goes by that I don't wonder what happened to 'Him'. Heck I moved to Delaware and unlisted my phone number just to ensure that he wouldn't call back again and we wouldn't get back together (believe me, we'd break up and not speak to each other for a few months to a year. Then he would call me back again and I'd get into the same old rut).

First, you would be suprised at the number of women who find you attractive. Not only are you pleasing to look at but damnit if you don't have this incredible mind that is a major turn on (No, I'm not starting a long-distance stalking here - I'm just stating the facts).

The pain of your relationship with her will always be with you, but you'll learn to put it in a lockbox in your heart and find a way to move on with your life.

Being alone isn't a bad thing. I've done it now for the past 3 years with only a few relationships here and there. But I find that "It's better to be alone for all the right reasons than together for all the wrong ones".

:loveya: this too shall pass!!