Things NOT to say during a job interview.

[NightTrain]

"I've tasted my own semen."

[NMDemDist2]

1. well, that may be ok if you are applying for a job as a

porn star

[Parrcrow]

2. Nice tits, lady!

[Philostopher]

3. Is that a picture of your wife, Sir?

Wow, she's pretty tasty!

[AwakeAtLast]

4. I didn't know if I would get out of jail in time . n/t

[AlGore-08.com]

5. My hobbies include embezzlement, cannibalism & faking Tourette's syndrome

eom

[guitar man]

9. The first one

Might get you a job at Enron, the second two might land you a job on *Bush's staff!

[legin]

6. sort of slightly on topic

I sort of work/volunteer in this field.

My 'boss' has interviewed people for jobs before where they listen to their Walkman all the way through the interview.

The other one is where they come with their sandwiches, plonk them on the table in front of them and eat throughout the interview.

Not that I am in any position to feel superior given some of my performances, e.g. a teapot stain on the front page of my application form followed up by wearing gym shoes and something that was close to being a clown suit (I thought it looked nice), to a british civil service interview (the pinacle of stuffiness).

[JohnnyRingo]

7. How 'bout

"Just exactly WHICH drugs are you gonna screen for?"

[Mike Niendorff]

8. "Sure I can take a drug test

does end-of-next-month work for you?"


MDN

[imax2268]

10. this one tends to get attention...

"I steal office equipment and sell it at flea markets"...

[punpirate]

11. Umm....

"Will I be working for you, or someone who wears less dramatic ties?"

"Yes, that's my dog. Say hello, Sparky."

"Didn't I work for you once before, in the circus?"

"My shirt? No, those are palm trees, not marijuana plants."

"Why I left my last job? Well, it was just a silly mistake. They're rebuilding the lab now, and most of my co-workers have already recovered."

:evilgrin:

[Devil Dog Dem]

12. LMAO!!

Those are great!

[Devil Dog Dem]

24. kick

eom

[Jokerman]

13. God told me to apply for this job.

No shit, someone I was interviewing actually told me this. I was so desperate at the time to fill the position, I hired her anyway. Two weeks later I over heard her cussing out a customer and fired her. I guess God didn't warn her about that.

[eyesroll]

14. "I'm relocating here so I can live with my girlfriend."

By itself, that statement is fine. (I don't care who you live with, and my company doesn't pay relocation for assistant-level editors.)

But it came accompanied by an article clip -- a travelogue, actually, about the last time this guy moved across the country to live with a girlfriend. Long story short, he got dumped and quit his job and moved back.

:eyes:

[davsand]

15. "Oh--that's the year I took off ...

...with that Biker dude. I just can't remember his name, tho..."


My old boss had a great cartoon with a guy sitting in a HR office across from some old guy looking a bit cranky. The caption on that one was, That was the year I took off to travel with the Dead..."


Laura

[TrogL]

16. Oh, that's when I had my nervous breakdown

I actually did use that line in a job interview and got the job anyway. They were looking for someone on the mad side of the genius/mad boundary.

[Feanorcurufinwe]

17. "Do you guys monitor the computers?"

[DS1]

18. I'm trained to kill and I'm depressed, and really need a satisfying job

[Canuckistanian]

19. So, what are the benefits? SHUT UP, I'LL DO THE TALKING

(slaps self)
I thought I told YOU to stay in the CAR!
:silly:

[jmowreader]

20. But they were just little ones!

At my last job, one week we were interviewing new utility employees--people who could work in any department. The secretary and the pressroom foreman were both on vacation, I had the only valid forklift license in the building..."looks like it's up to you, Jim."

In walked the first man.
"What position are you applying for?" Forklift driver.
"Yes, there is a lot of forklift driving in this position, but you'll do many other things too. Is that all right?" It was.
"What's your job experience?" Driving a forklift.
"Who was your last employer? And how long had you worked there?" We have several distribution centers in the area; he named a good-sized one and a decent period of time--several years.
"Why did you leave?" I totaled two forklifts.
"How in hell did you total a forklift?" He let one roll off the edge of a loading dock, where it fell four feet to the ground. The other he ran into a door with the fork head raised, and hit it so hard it buckled the mast.

I didn't hire that guy. The other three were no great bargains either: one got fired for doing cocaine in the men's room, one had just finished a year for pimping and pandering and had spent his time working in the prison warehouse, and one had never driven a car before. I hired the pimp and he was a real good employee.

[daligirrl]

21. "I can start right after the trial is over.

Don't worry, that little girl is lying."

[No2W2004]

22. You don't read the newspapers do you?

Yes, that was me with my coat pulled over my head leaving the scene of the massacre, but it was really cold outside that day...do you allow firearms? Not even little ones?

[sniffa]

23. as of this morning...

i stopped taking my medication. homicidaL tendencies be damned.

[La Lioness Priyanka]

25. someone stared at my boobs while i was interviewing him

he did not get the job...

[geniph]

26. Actually had a candidate for a job I was interviewing

go off about how psycho his ex-boss and coworkers were, and how we shouldn't contact them for a reference because they were all liars and they drove him out by doing evil shit to him, like moving his office supplies around and changing his computer settings. They were all out to get him, you see, because he was the only competent person in the department.

Um.

Whether or not that might be true, it is less than wise to bring it up in an interview. It might cause a prospective employer to think you might not play well with others.

[sus]

27. HAHA! semen cracks me up.

[BigMcLargehuge]

28. aside from being a professional Instructional Designer I also offer

ninja-based assassination services. I am very loyal, provided my retainer delivers ten Troy ounce of gold on the first day of spring every year. I am skilled in Photoshop, Illustrator, MS Office, Macromedia Flash, Dim Mak Death Touch, and my Shuriken accuracy is about 95%....

[Retired AF Dem]

29. The customer is NOT always right