"So I tied an onion to my belt, which was the style at the time...

[CanuckAmok]

...we didn't have white onions, because of the war. We had to use those big yella ones..."

http://www.fortunecity.com/lavendar/thundercrack/224/grandpa.htm

http://www.thesimpsonsquotes.com/characters/grandpa-simpson-quotes.html

[bbernardini]

1. "AAAAHHHH!!!! DEATH!!!!"

[bahrbearian]

2. Big Deal

Big deal! When I was a pup, we got spanked by presidents 'til the cows came home! Grover Cleveland spanked me on two non-consecutive occasions

[alvis]

3. If only Grampa Simpson was right about this one.

Homer:
Wow. Look at me, er, uh, Mom, I am, er, uh, President Kennedy.

Mrs. Simpson:
Oh, Abe, maybe our Homer could grow up to be President some day.

Abe:
You, President? This is the greatest country in the world. We've got a whole system set up to prevent people like you from ever becoming president. Quit your daydreaming, melonhead!


http://www.snpp.com/episodes/2F07.html