Single parents - how do you do it?

[NewJeffCT]

My wife went away on business 10 days ago - to return in a week - leaving me to care for our very active, almost 16 month old daughter by myself during the evenings & on weekends. Even though I do a majority (at least 75-80%) of the housework, we tend to split baby things up fairly close to 50-50.

But, without my wife around now, I feel like I'm falling apart. I'm exhausted, I'm sick, the baby has her first cold & sore throat, there is a pile of unopened mail on the kitchen table. And, this is in only 10 days. For only the second time in my 15 years since getting out of college, I took two sick days.

So, I would like to express my appreciation to all the single parents out there. I'm falling apart after 10 days, but I at least have a light at the end of the tunnel next week when my wife comes home. It must be an incredibly hard job to do by yourself. I knew it was tough before, but I never knew how tough it really was until this week. So, when my wife comes home next week, I will raise a toast to all single parents out there. Assuming I survive the next 7 days.

[LosinIt]

1. The only way to survive is to not sweat the small stuff

So the house is not spotless, the lawn isn't impeccable, kids don't take dance lessons, as long as everyone remains healthy and happy I considered it a success. My husband left when I was in the hospital having my second child. I was left with a 21 month old, a newborn, all of the bills, a non-functioning furnace (we had used a woodstove), and an acre of lawn. Somehow, I made it through, but truth be told I really don't remember much of my daughter's infancy. I lived the Campbell life and worked full time. Proud to report that my now 21 and 19 year olds are doing fine, thank you very much.

[SheilaT]

3. And think of the incredible

example of a strong women your kids got.

When I was 14 my mom packed up five kids (the oldest was 21 and already off on his own) and moved us from New York to Tucson, Arizona to get away from my dad who was an alcoholic. I always admired her for it, because we know from the beginning we'd have a better life that way. But the early years were an incredible struggle. It did take me until I had kids of my own to understand what a remarkable thing she did.

[NashVegas]

16. May I Offer Some Unasked for Advice?

Somehow, I made it through, but truth be told I really don't remember much of my daughter's infancy.

Should your daughter ever ask you what she was like as an infant, if she hasn't already, LIE. Make up something.

[LosinIt]

17. Always do, she is already resentful about her father leaving

she is a lot better now, but had some pretty rough years.

[SheilaT]

2. I have been

married all along AND a stay-at-home mom for the last 22 years while raising our two sons, and I likewise don't know how the single parents do it. My husband was never out of town for longer than two weeks when they boys were young, but every time he was gone I realized how much he actually did share the burden. Even if I did do the bulk of the physical work of childcare, he was home in the evening and on weekends to play with them, give me time to go off by myself, and was someone to talk to about them.

I think that single parents know they're the only ones, and they're geared up for it, while those of us who have a partner around just don't understand how much the other one actually does.

As a mom who has not held an outside job it angers me at the total lack of support for working parents (and we all realize this refers mainly to working moms) out there in the workforce, or even in some cases in the schools.

Hats off to single parents everywhere.

[radwriter0555]

4. Try doing it for 11 years. Juggling job, the kid's school, the house,

the marketing, pets, the kid's social calendar.

One big difference is that I got a maid. She comes once a week and she helps a LOT.

You have to be organized and anticipate what comes next. If things are well organized, then you can handle the unexpected. Procrastination will kill ya. Do whatever you can at the moment you can, then things sort of slow down.

I never had any help with my daughter from day one; it was just she and I. Thank goodness for the best day care provider on the PLANET for her first 4 years. That made all the difference in the world. 11 years later, Miss Carol is still a close family friend.

It's getting tough now. These pre-teen years are a real pain in the ass.

[LincolnMcGrath]

5. Only one child?

hahahhahahhaahahhaaha

hahahhahahhaahahhaaha

hahahhahahhaahahhaaha

[NewJeffCT]

7. well, I we started late

I was 36, my wife 33 when we had our daughter in February of 2003.

[LincolnMcGrath]

9. cool beans

I sired offspring at age 25, 28, and 33

[candy]

14. One child is a piece of cake-what's the big deal?

[NewJeffCT]

21. I'm old and I was spoiled

My mother-in-law dropped everything and came from the other side of the world to live with us for 10 1/2 months to help us out with the baby.

Since then, it has been my wife & me. But, this is the first time I've been on my own with my baby. And, she's had her first cold & sore throat of her life. So, I was up all night for 3 straight nights trying to comfort a screaming baby (who now has laryngitis from all the screaming!)

Also, I'm 37 years old now, and I don't have the nearly energy I did when I was 27.

[MissMillie]

23. Sometimes one child can be worse than two

I'm a twin, and my mom said we were the easiest babies on earth to care for... (and mind you, my twin and I were babies 5 and 6 in the house).

My son cried for 4 months straight (colic). I was staying w/ my mom after he was born, and let me tell you, she was at her wits end trying to cope with him when I went back to work at 8 weeks.

[Solly Mack]

6. My mom did it with 4. I couldn't do it.

Single parents are amazing to me.

[Rainbowreflect]

10. My mom also raised 4 kids by herself after my dad died.

When asked how she did it her reply is; "It's amazing what you can do when you don't have a choice."

[SmokingJacket]

8. Single parents are heroic.

I'm not a single parent, though my husband takes business trips, and let me tell you, that first big one, when my son was 15 months old, was the **worst**: up all night crying with an ear infection, etc. Actually I don't recall the details, I blocked them out.

It gets easier. I now rather enjoy the business trips (kids are 4 and 7).

But single parents are incredible.

[cally]

11. Single parents are amazing!

When my kids were little and my husband traveled, I always wondered how single parents do it. Now that my kids are older, I rely on my husband to share the decisionmaking and responsibility. I admire all single parents for doing an incredibly tough job.

[Samurai_Writer]

12. You take what you're given...

I was married at 18, had my son at 20, and divorced at 21 from an emotionally and verbally abusive husband. Have been a single parent ever since, worked two-three jobs sometimes, and went back to college fulltime when my son was 4-7 and held down a 30 hour a week job while earning two bachelor's degrees. I steadily worked my way up in the IT field, even surviving four lay-offs while being the sole supporter of my son.

I'm 43 now, and my son is about to turn 23. Looking back, I don't know how I did it. I had support from my family, which I am very grateful for. My son has grown into a fine, caring, responsible young man. Never been arrested, never gotten a girl pregnant (knock on wood), graduated from high school, has been with the same company since he graduated. Even though we live 1100 miles apart now, we are still very close. All that hardship and struggling was definitely worth it, to see what a wonderful person he has become.

*sniffs* OK, now I have to go call him because I'm getting homesick for him again!

[bearfan454]

15. Damn that's a lot.

You are a hell of a go getter. My hat is off to you.

[DemExpat]

13. One more "hats off to single parents"!!!

My husband was always away from the house for long hours every day, which made me often feel like a single parent, but the doing it alone for me was NOTHING compared to single Moms and Dads.

I always had some relief in the weekends, and he was always there to help out in tough times....

:toast: :toast: :toast: :toast:

to all single Moms and Dads out there.

I really have tons of respect/admiration for you all.

DemEx

[RFKHumphreyObama]

18. Single parents are wonderful

:toast: :toast: :toast:

I know plenty of single parents and they do such a wonderful job of raising their children -in fact some of the brightest, most intelligent, gifted, compassionate and friendliest people I know have been the children of single parents. They too often get unfairly attacked or savaged by politicians and moralists looking to score cheap political points and I think it's high time they were recognized for the wonderful job that they do :toast: :yourock:

[geniph]

19. Well, there's always the way my mother did it

when she and my father divorced and she was left with no child support, a miserable pink-collar office job, and six children (of whom I was the youngest, at six weeks - obviously, I don't remember the divorce). She went to work and pawned everything off on my oldest sister, who was 13. Gale was responsible for EVERYTHING her 5 younger siblings did or didn't do, and Mom beat her like an old rug. You want to talk heroic, that was my sister. She did her damndest for 2 years, then told Mom she wanted permission to marry her boyfriend. He was 30. Gale was 15. My mother, god damn her black soul, said yes. He was an abusive asshole, but at that, it was less abuse than Gale was getting from Mom, and she didn't have 5 little siblings to care for anymore.

I was two when Gale left, and that was the last physical affection I got from anyone for about 15 years.

There's good single parents and there's horrible single parents. They aren't all heroes.

[Raven]

20. I was/am a single parent.

Love is the first priority...after that, everything has a way of working out. When I started out I acknowledged to myself that I would probably make a thousand mistakes each day but if I tried my best and gave my son all the love I had to give, we would do OK...and we did!

[MissMillie]

22. It's not about "how"

you just "DO".

You do the best you can, and you remember to try to do it in the name of love. Your kid counts on you, and you come through--as best as you can and as often as possible.

And you surround yourself with people you can turn to when you need help.

My son will be 17 this year, and I've raised him alone for all of those years (his dad, now deceased, was a real dead-beat). It was tough, but it would have been a lot more difficult if I had not had supportive family and friends. And now, as he's a young adult, he's probably the best support I have.