Maybe I'm just a dumb heterosexual - but what's with Toasters & Lesbians?

[LynneSin]

:shrug:

I lived a sheltered life - blame my mother!!

[mzmolly]

1. I second that, I thought it meant that Bush is toast?

:P

[LynneSin]

3. I did a google search and got alot of entries

but nothing that explained what the heck it's all about.

[YellowRubberDuckie]

69. Maybe it's a salute to joining a bank...

Open a checking account, get a toaster. Come out of the closet as a Lesbian, and get a toster?
I don't know. I'm not a lesbian, but that's what it sounds like to me.
Duckie

[mr_hat]

2. Ri-i-i-ght. You protest too much.

[Misunderestimator]

4. It was from the "Coming Out" episode of Ellen Degeneris' sitcom...

I can't recall the exact scenario but at the end of the episode, Melissa Etheridge did a cameo and said something about welcoming a new "out" lesbian with the requisite toaster.

[Dookus]

6. yeah

it was a joke about getting prizes for recruiting new lesbians.

[mzmolly]

9. OH LOL. That's funny!

;) Hey, I could use a new toaster? Ahhhh, but then again, I'd rather have tupperware.

[Pithlet]

7. Oops, maybe I was mistaken.

[LynneSin]

13. I never watched Ellen, not much for TV sitcoms

:oops:

[Pithlet]

5. If you're gay

and you convert someone, you get a toaster. A joke about how the religious right think homosexuals are out to convert us.

[Solly Mack]

8. It's the toaster for converts program

Turn enough straights and get a toaster..

it's part of the homosexual agenda...page 31, subsection B..

there are several categories of prizes but everyone cheers when you reach toaster level.

[mzmolly]

10. That is too funny!

;)

[LynneSin]

11. I could use a new toaster, can I recruit even if I'm a straight gal?

:shrug:

anything to piss off the religous right!

[Solly Mack]

19. Sure you can!

I do my part because I'm also a toaster fiend.

[mzmolly]

23. LOL. Hey I'm there!

:) Here is some toaster art for your viewing enjoyment.

http://www.toaster.org/art.html

This is my personal favorite.

[Solly Mack]

25. I'll put your request in

but I think you might have to convert double the amount for that model.

[TrogL]

12. Don't get too excited about the toaster

It's only a two slice and so cheap it broke as soon as the warranty ran out.

[Misunderestimator]

16. I take offense at that....

Actually it's quite a state-of-the-art toaster, dontcha know... Two wide slots, fits up to four bagels (not just that skinny toast), and you can choose to toast just 2 or all 4 slices... AND it's electronic, with an LCD screen and push buttons to set the darkness. So there! :)

:bounce::bounce::bounce:

[Solly Mack]

21. lol!

:)

[Bertha Venation]

24. actually, it was a toaster oven

but who's counting?

(when you recruit enough straight people to turn gay, you get a toaster oven)

[Misunderestimator]

27. LOL.... Then I deserve a freaking stainless steel double oven by now...

:evilgrin:

[exJW]

83. er... But I'm a straight male, how come lesbian women keep....

...coming up to me, handing me a toaster, and winking?

Oh shit! Don't answer that.

[Terran]

76. I hear when you hit 100,

you get a trip to Hawaii. Damn, I've got a long way to go!

[Sapphocrat]

82. You ARE slacking, dirk...

I just got back from my second cruise on the QM2... or are they offering a different trip to the guys this year? I forget!

[TrogL]

50. How come you got the good toaster and I got a piece of crap?

Must be 'cause I'm bi.

*sulks*

[Misunderestimator]

55. You got it....

The best ones go to those who go all the way, so to speak. :)

[TrogL]

63. Hey, I've gone all the way

in more ways than [remainder moderated in order to avoid sex thread, prosecution, titillating Freepers]

[jpgray]

37. Never heard that before, but it's hilarious

:D

[Solly Mack]

65. And it pisses

rightwingers off to boot!

Always a silver lining...

[ronnykmarshall]

60. I never forget when I hit toaster level.

July 9, 1987 7:47am. He walked in my bedroom a hetero and swished out a flaming homo. Well, it wasn't a total swish ... more like he'd been worked over all night.

[Solly Mack]

64. LMAO

Toaster Day is always a memorable one. It's like your first time, only better...cause you get to have your bagel and toast it too.

[ronnykmarshall]

75. I was one guy's toaster hitter.

[MessiahRp]

14. Actually strange coincidence here...

But the house of the neighbors of my best friend, burnt down. They were Lesbians (with an adopted child) and yes it was a toaster that went whacky and had a short in it and torched the place. Although that has zilich to do with the Ellen joke it's just a funny coincidence. :)

Of course they rebuilt the place and it was like 10 times nicer than it ever was before that so they ended up with a much better property out of it. I guess the kid popped some toast in but wasn't watching it and the short set off a fire.

That's why they say to never leave your electrical appliances unattended I guess.

Rp

[Wickerman]

17. ah, but did they upgrade their toaster?

[MessiahRp]

46. LOL

Now that I don't know. Let's hope so. :)

Rp

[MuseRider]

15. How about a

blender? I would convert for a new blender, or maybe a juicer? Hmmm?

[Misunderestimator]

18. You should hold out for a food processor...

Unless you're really committed to the idea. :)

[LynneSin]

20. I like those smoothie machines

I mean, if I testdrive lesbianism then can I get a free smoothie maker?

[nothingshocksmeanymore]

26. we can give you a smoothie without the machine

or we can use the machine...I was just trying to conserve on batteries...environmentally correct slut that I am :evilgrin:

[LynneSin]

32. Environmentally correct slut on the hood of your car...

....that is!

:eyes:

[Misunderestimator]

35. ROFL....

Oh jeez.... what a slut you are! ;)

[Solly Mack]

39. ROFLMAO

but can you make the sounds the blender does?

[Bertha Venation]

22. The Puppy Episode

(that's what they called it to throw snoopy entertainment reporters off the scent)

[Misunderestimator]

29. That's right... I forgot that... Puppy Love... n/t

[Misinformed01]

28. I don't watch "Ellen"...sorry, thought you knew

There was a lounge thread a year or two ago where something was said about the Homosexual Agenda, and were Gays actively trying to recruit the heterosexuals?

I replied with a smart assed remark about having a crush on NSMA, and she said if I signed up in the next 30 days, I would get a toaster as part of the Homosexual Agenda Promotional Deal--

Then I met Michael...and I never did join and get my freaking toaster!

I didn't know about the Ellen joke; I thought it was a DU thing-

Stephanie

[Solly Mack]

31. It's never too late to get a toaster

:D

[Misunderestimator]

33. LOL... NSMA was taking credit for it!

... for shame... tsk tsk... :)

I'd be glad to send you one of my many extras as an honorary tribute.

[Misinformed01]

42. No! NSMA was not taking credit for it

She is just so brilliant and wonderful, I ASSUMED she makes up all her own lines! :)

Ummmmm, I will PM you my address so you can send my toaster...so, does this make me an Honorary Member? What priviledges do I get with my membership?

[Misunderestimator]

44. You get a discount on Subarus and Reeboks...

:) and you're absolutely right... she's both brilliant and wonderful... I should never had made such an insult. :evilgrin:

[Misinformed01]

48. OK, I already drive an Outback, have a pair of birks,

and have two flannel shirts....

How about pool priviledges, and a big DU gettogether...ummmm...say somewhere way South of NC?

[Misunderestimator]

51. LOL... Uh oh... sounds like you're already on the slippery slope

of real toaster-ownership... are you sure you married a man? :evilgrin:

[Misinformed01]

54. oh, hell YEAH

Have you not ever seen a picture of the World's Most Fabulous Husband, JantheStudMichael???

Lemme tell ya, sister...this guy is hot!

:)

Stephanie
Proud Owner of the Cutest Man Ever

[Misunderestimator]

56. Then I'm rescinding my offer...

no toaster for you... :bounce:

For a man... all you get is a safety pin. :)

[Solly Mack]

57. oooh...someone got the parting gift

[Misinformed01]

58. No WAY

Absolutely no way....I will be an Honorary Lesbian. Look, I already have all the accroucements..that Outback set me back some serious cash! (OK, well, not THAT much...it was used...) and those birkenstocks ain't cheap!

I am going to go whine to The Grand Yeoman...she will reinstate me; she loves me!

[Misunderestimator]

62. Gee... I wonder who THAT would be...

:)

[ronnykmarshall]

66. Shhhhh!

Don't give out the secret discounts in public! You know The Rules!

[Misunderestimator]

68. Sorry....

I got carried away... you know how we are... :)

[nothingshocksmeanymore]

53. No..it's just that I am a distributor..I told you women could PM me

and send a dollar to my PO Box in Battlecreek, Michigan and I will send you the "Complete Unabridged Gay Agenda" which includes instuctions on staging a commitment ceremony to get revenge on all your hetero friends who forced you to buy them wedding gifts. It includes instructions such as registering as MS/MS Clambiter at Nieman's and Tiffany's and includes pics on which one of you has the right body habitus to wear the tux.

There is also a special sex toys for nubians section with instructions and an additional bonus section on how to change your oil, shop for plaid shirts and cut your hair in the most andrgynous new styles.

It also has answers to the most frequently asked questions such as "mommy what's a lesbian?" Answer " I don't know, ask your father when SHE gets home."

....sorry...we are all out of harmonicorns but save your box tops and we will issue a raincheck as they are the perfect sex toy substitute and you can blow a tune into your sweetheart while she provides the background sound effects....

[Misunderestimator]

59. OMG... ROFL... *splurt*

All that, and all they have to do is ask for it? You are too, too generous in your philanthropy. Now you're going to be inundated with messages.

[nothingshocksmeanymore]

61. Yes I am an environmental AND altruistic

SLUT!!!!

[Misunderestimator]

67. Three out of three ain't bad... :)

[Misunderestimator]

30. Yep... you're just a dumb heterosexual...

:bounce: Wanna toaster? :evilgrin:

[LynneSin]

34. I'm holding out for bigger appliances

They have a new dryer that has a drying rack on top for clothes that need to be dried flat. What level do I have to reach to get that appliance

[Misunderestimator]

36. It depends... how old are you...

and how many good years do you have left in you? :evilgrin:

[LynneSin]

38. You're worse than a man

You know 18 is the legal age!

[Misunderestimator]

40. Ouch! LOL

I swear I was just thinking that to get your numbers high enough for that appliance... you'd need quite a few years...

I'm not usually accused of being worse than a man... Cool! :)

[Solly Mack]

41. You better get busy!

Busy busy busy busy...

[nothingshocksmeanymore]

43. According to the protocols of the school of

Lesbian Internatonal Carnal Knowledge (also known as L.I.C.K.), we are not allowed to tell you about the toaster until you have taken the Determination and Invocation of Lesbian Decorum Oath form (also known as D.I.L.D.O.) and given it (with the feeling) to the big Department Yeoman of Kinky Events (also known as D.Y.K.E.) who also happens to be the author of this post :evilgrin:

Maybe then we can tell you about the toaster :D

[Misunderestimator]

45. Damn... my soda just went up my nose! n/t

[Solly Mack]

47. and for the secret handshake?

pg 31, section A?

(I'm dying here..lolololol)

[MuseRider]

52. OK, now

I am going to have to go and bookmark this thread. Gotta go but I will never forgive myself if I miss the answer to that.

[TrogL]

70. Are you sure you want to tell them?

It's rather messy.

[Solly Mack]

74. You say that like it's a bad thing

:)

[nothingshocksmeanymore]

71. You obtain that from the

Commission of Universal Nubile and Novice Inductee Lesbians Interested Newly in Girls Underwear Society also known as...well...if you aren't quite able to put your finger on it (so to speak) yet...:evilgrin:

[Misunderestimator]

72. STOP It... You're killing me! n/t

[Solly Mack]

73. Oh, sure....lip service...always lip service

O8)

say the oath....lower...lower...

[nothingshocksmeanymore]

77. If lip service bothers you, then write to the

Board of Authorization for Nasty Girls' Manual Eroticism also known as BANGME

[Solly Mack]

79. LOL

but, ah...it bothering me wasn't my point :)

[nothingshocksmeanymore]

80. Oh you want a point?...That's addressed in the

Sapphic Team Recruiting Agency for Penetration Ombudswoman's Newsletter

affectionately referred to as STRAP ON

[Misinformed01]

49. Oh SHIT, Ms. Yeoman....was I not 'sposed to mention

the damned toaster????

Crap!

[Political_Junkie]

78. To all of the

beautiful ladies on this thread, thank you. I've had a shitty day and you just cheered me up considerably!
Don't fret TrogL, I got the crappy toaster too!

[TrogL]

81. Glad I'm not alone

[nothingshocksmeanymore]

84. This thread is just too fucking funny to die

[Kenneth ken]

85. you are correct

and it is too funny, largely due to your wit and acronym wizardry.

:hi:

[nothingshocksmeanymore]

86. Evenin'...got any toaster stories for us?

[Kenneth ken]

87. sorry no.

and now it's hours later so you're probably off to bed (with a new convert, working your way up to the espresso machine)

I suppose it's possible I've converted a number of women to lesbianism, but I've never gotten credit for it. :evilgrin:

pity, because I've also never owned a toaster in my entire life.

[LynneSin]

88. I left work before this thread got interested

all I can say is: