PLEASE HELP...I had a car accident today and am having nervous breakdown

[cedahlia]

I was involved in an accident today when a drunk guy on a motorcycle hit my car on the front passenger side. My brother was in the passenger seat but was not injured (neither was I, at least, not physically, just EMOTIONALLY!) To make matters worse, the accident happened on the road that runs right next to the house we're under contract to buy. The drunk offender lives right down the road from our prospective home. I am absolutely FREAKED OUT about the whole thing and I am terrified now about living in the house. I feel like this was maybe some kind of sign that we're not supposed to live there or something. The house is in the country and has 7 acres, which I thought I wanted, but today after the accident I felt so isolated out there in the midst of a bunch of drunked redneck-y weirdos. There's no local police so it took the state cops about 45 min to get there. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAh!!! I am just freaking out, terrified here, about living up there now! For the past few days we've been all happy and excited about the house but now I feel terrified of it! Is this just maybe because I'm still in shock about the accident, or is it my intuition telling me to find a way the hell out of the contract??? I am prone to panic attacks as it is and this was definitely a trigger I didn't need! Thoughts just keep racing through my head about being terrified to drive on those roads now because they are probably loaded with other drunks! I'm even scared of the guy involved in the accident who will probably go to jail as a result. It was his fault, but he (and his drunk buddies) didn't want the cops called...his mom just wanted to give us a check for the damage! I don't even know if they're going to get him for DUI because his wife and mom took him off to the hospital before the cops could get there, but the cops said what he did was basically a hit and run because he left before they arrived, so he's definitely going to get in trouble. So now I'm obsessed with the thought that these are our neighbors and they're going to fuck with us somehow because we did get the cops involved. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAh!!!

I just need some hugs or something now guys 'cause I've already taken an anxiety med and the fear is still penetrating through. Mr. cedahlia is asleep and needs to be up a 4 am so I don't want to wake him. I would just really really appreciate some kind words from anyone right now.

Sorry if this was an incoherent rant...I am just REALLY freaking out about this. Thank you for listening.

[Donkeyboy75]

1. Just a coincidence.

Not a sign. This accident could have happened anywhere. Hope you get some sleep tonight! :hug:

[cedahlia]

Thank you so much

My husband repeatedly reminded me that we currently live right smack in front of one of the busiest roads in our county, where there are numerous accidents every year...that fact never bothered me before, so I guess you are both right that I shouldn't obsess about this one.

Thanks for the hug, too...needed that. :)

[Gothic Sponge]

2. It's a coincidence

I wouldn't worry. It could have happened anywhere.

[Don_G]

3. Settle Down

Stuff like this happens, okay?

If the cops and the hospital are smart, there will be a record of his blood chemistry in his medical file and the police will follow up on it.

And you don't know if they're a bunch of red-necks or not at this point. Chances are that they will feel it was the idiot's fault in the first place and feel it was the guy's fault for getting himself into that position anyway.

[kikiek]

4. No one was hurt...it wasn't your fault..and you will not take

responsibility for his poor judgement. What if you let them pay you off, and he hit a kid tomorrow night drunk. You may have saved his and someone elses life. Talk to hubby tomorrow about the house. I am sure you will be fine there. People don't want to get into more trouble than they are in already. You did the right thing. Where is Stuart Smalley when you need him.

[GoddessOfGuinness]

5. ~hugs~

Try some breathing exercises to help you relax.
I'm glad you and your brother are ok. It might help if you focus on that as you breathe. Everything's going to be ok...:hug:

[flamingyouth]

6. How traumatizing for you!

I would be totally upset too if I were in your place. At least just be thankful no one was hurt. And don't read it as a sign about your new home. Glad you had a med to take tonight. I promise you'll wake up feeling better tomorrow. When things like this happen, we all get freaked out. :hug:

[cedahlia]

23. Thanks for the kind words

They really do mean a lot, and might just help me get some sleep after all!

Oh, and it's not quite true that no one got hurt (in my ranting state I may not have mentioned it) but the drunk motorcyle guy did get hurt, but he was drunk so he didn't feel it right away. He had a big gash in his leg and a perhaps a minor head injury. He begged us to take him to his friends house (just up the road) so they could take him to the hospital, and I and my brother were both in shock as well, so we did that...which in hindsight was bad judgement on our parts, but anyway...his mom and wife took him to the hospital before the cops arrived at the house, so who knows what happened to him. It's all a big mess that I sure didn't need...:(

[flamingyouth]

28. Geez, that is awful

No wonder you're feeling anxious about it! Just seeing that would shake up the strongest person, believe me. You did what he asked you to do - don't feel weird about it. You did everything right. I just feel bad for both of you! :hug:

[Gloria]

7. I can understand your anxiety....the accident alone plus all the

fear about living there.

As for the accident: I was hit on the side and spun out into 3 lanes off traffic by a guy who decided to try to pass me as he entered the highway, on an icy road. He bounced off a concrete divider and hit me.

It was a miracle I wasn't hit again by other cars. I got the car off the road and was, luckily, near the polic station. I then drove to work with my car bashed in and worked all day. It was only late that night that I felt I was in total shock and I couldn't go to work the next day.

You are traumatized so everything you feel is heightened. Try to get some rest over the next few days. Talk this over with your husband and try to explain your concerns as calmly as possible.

However, if you wind up still upset about the neighbors and area...your fears aren't something that should be ignored. You are feeling like you've lost control of events....so, somehow, you have to regain that feeling so you don't feel "victimized." Whatever you do, realize that you learned something about your potential new home and the area, things you didn't realize before. Deals fall through for lesser things than what you see as negatives now about the house and area.

[havocmom]

8. Sorry about your accident. Glad you are OK other than seriously rattled

And being upset is the normal response.

Also wondering about the possibility it triggered the all too frequent experience of 'buyer's remorse'. It happens to just about everybody when they are making a big change.

I live in a pretty remote community. It does have it's drawbacks but the perks are interesting and sorta liberating too. As with anything, there are many facets.

Yeah, there are not a lot of cops around, but when I lived in a large city, the police response time was the same 45 minutes you experienced today, at best, and 6 hours at worst. Anyone who thinks the police will always be around to save their butts is just not looking at life really clearly.

No matter where we are, there will always be some sort of danger and cops just can't be with each of us 24/7. Security is a myth. That makes us shake for a long time until we get used to the idea, then it can be very liberating too.

I know that doesn't sound like much help tonight and for that I am sorry. But you will find someday that it is OK that life is life.

Think back to when you were about to get married. Panic attack? Just about any sane person has one sometime before getting married. It is a natural thing to fear change. Throw in the scare of the accident today and realize being a bit bonkers tonight is probably a healthy response.

Do consider the phenomena of Buyer's Remorse. And know your new home will take some adjusting to. There will be good days and bad days, but give it some time. I think you might find there is such richness in living outside of the dominate paradigm that you will look back and wonder why you didn't do it sooner.

I have walked the road you seem to be starting down. There are lots of beautiful sights ahead. I'll be just ahead of you. Call out to me anytime. I might be able to give you a hint of what is around the bend in the road.

[cedahlia]

13. Thank you for the beautiful and helpful response!

I'm so glad I posted about this...you all are making me feel much better, and your post means a lot. I will definitely take you up on the offer of calling out to you...thanks. O8)

[Name removed]

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[Liberal Classic]

10. Well isn't that special

Wizard, thy name is mud.

[nothingshocksmeanymore]

11. Completely inappropriate?

Perhaps you should rethink your lapse of perception and edit this insensitive post out.

[Name removed]

17. Deleted message

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[Donkeyboy75]

19. Let's all live our lives according to the Rules of the Wizard.

Your egotistic posts are getting tiresome.

[TheWizardOfMudd]

21. Who is being egotistical?

Think.

[Donkeyboy75]

24. Exhibit B

[Liberal Classic]

25. Entered and accepted...

...as evidence.

May it please the court.

[Donkeyboy75]

37. Thank you, Your Honor.

;)

[TheWizardOfMudd]

27. Blank sheets of paper don't get introduced into evidence.

Heh.

[Name removed]

30. Deleted message

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[TheWizardOfMudd]

32. He said he wasn't injured

[nothingshocksmeanymore]

35. Anxiety can be injurious...so can obtuseness

Do you have to work at this poor behavior? Or is it natural?

[Name removed]

20. Deleted message

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[TheWizardOfMudd]

26. Because the original poster was not injured. Neither was his brother.

[nothingshocksmeanymore]

33. It is a HER.....oh yeah

besides rude, insensitive, crass, and uncaring...add unobservant and unthinking.

Thanks..YOU make a difference :eyes:

[cedahlia]

36. I am very thankful my brother and I are safe

The drunk motorcycle man was not so lucky...as far as I know he has a very bad gash in his leg and maybe a less serious one on his head, and perhaps a broken bone or two. As much as I was pissed off at the asshole, I hope he will be okay, and the sight of his injuries are still in my mind and I do feel traumatized by them. He had no helmet, and after hitting my car he smacked into a guard rail and flipped a couple of times...he definitely could have died. Witnessing something like that was very traumatic for me. I'm guessing you haven't experienced panic attacks before or you might be more understanding. If you think I'm whining about nothing, that's fine. I actually was just hoping to find some support to help get me through the night. Panic attacks are very hard to go through alone, and often just hearing some kind words will help ease me through. I'm thankful to those who've responded as such.

[nothingshocksmeanymore]

38. There's a little X next to the thread he COULD have hit

but let's not do what works when we can do what doesn't work.

I'm really sorry for your experience tonight on this thread..hope you feel better soon.

[cedahlia]

41. You're great!

I appreciate you sticking up for me, and for the well wishes! His unkind words are insignificant to me in the face of all the kindess I received in this thread. Thank you.

[Name removed]

42. Deleted message

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[nothingshocksmeanymore]

29. Hey man, you are rather incompassionate

This board is a community where people CAN ask for support...thanks for pissing in the space of trust simply because you cannot relate...it works to be an ass when that happens, right?

[Name removed]

12. Deleted message

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[WilliamPitt]

15. And the Douchebag award goes to...

:eyes:

[Name removed]

16. Deleted message

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[Rabrrrrrr]

34. And the Wizard plants foot solidly in mouth yet again

last time I called you an ass for a similarly assinine ass-like comment I got a note, so I won't call you an ass this time even though your behavior warrants it, or perhaps Will Pitt's naming of you for the douchebag award is the more appropriate term. I don't know, cuz I don't call people names. But if I did, it's you who would be getting it.

So I'm not calling YOU an ass or a douchebag, but your BEHAVIOR is utterly ass- and douchebag-like, offensive, inappropriate, rude, sophomoric, stupid, and getting pretty damned close to being disrupterish and has been since you arrived.

You've said some wildly uncalled-for rude things while at DU, but I think this is perhaps the most extreme example of it.

[Liberal Classic]

9. Was recently t-boned at 40 something miles per hour

By some lady in a sports car. The first thing I did was run out to see if she was okay, and she was already talking on her cell phone. I tried to open her door, but it was jammed. I said "you need to get out of your car, there are fluids all over the ground" but she looked at me and shook her head. I kept knocking on the window telling her that she needed to evacuate her vehicle and she refused. The ground was covered in coolant and oil, and what I thought might be fuel from the line, but she wouldn't get off the damn phone. I finally tried her passenger door and manged to get it open, and tried to tell her that she wasn't safe in her car.

When the police showed up she told them that I had run a red light. Fortunately, there were people stopped at the light going the opposite direction as she was and they saw the whole thing. I got two witnesses who were stopped there and watched her plow into me as I crossed the intersection. She then tried to say I had been verbally harassing her. One of the witnesses had overheard what I was saying to her and told the police. This whole time she had been on her cell phone non stop. I don't know if she was talking to her husband or her lawyer, but in either case she was getting bad advice.

It was a clear day, with dry roads. She didn't even touch her brakes hardly at all. I can't help but think she was futzing with her cell when she plowed into me.

I was so agitated and anxious after it happened. I can certianly understand. It is bad enough to be involved in an accident, but to worry that the other party is going to try to use the court system to screw you over just makes that all the worse.

Now, please allow me to say that rednecks aren't necessarily your enemy here. Chances are some of your neighbors have been bothered by this drunken guided missile before now.

On top of this now I have to fight with the insurance company, too.

:hug:

[nothingshocksmeanymore]

14. It's pretty natural to be feeling anxiety given the circumstances

I guess the only advice I have when one is so profusely engulfed in this kind of anxiety is to breathe, and ask youself if there is ANYTHING at all you can do about it tonight...what is the worst thing that can happen if you do nothing tonight?

If the likelihood is that nothing will happen, let it go....just for the night...turn on some soft music that will distract you and lull you to sleep and tell yourself you will better deal with it tomorrow with a clearer mind.

Hope you can find some peace or support with that.

[Mnemosyne]

18. Take some slow, deep breaths...again...again RELAX your body

think of things you love, keep breathing, slow and deep...

Breathing is main thing to concentrate on for now, when you breathe too fast lack of oxygen clouds thinking. Another deep slow breath...

I'll tell you a story. While you keep breathing deep and slooowww...

A few weeks ago, my grandson, 3, was here for the nite. He was helping me make dinner when suddenly, the peepee dance hit me.

"What's wrong Grandmama?"

"I've got to go potty."

"Come on Grandmama, hurry!"

"I can't, wait a minute."

He waited as patiently as a 3yr old can and said "Hurry"

I thought I was ok so headed for the bathroom.
Got right next to sitdown and all bladders broke loose!!!

He said "Grandmama, you pee your pants!"

I was laughing so hard just kept going. took shower.

Rest of night and for days after anytime I say I have to go, he grabs my hand, and yells "C'mon Grandmama, hurry! Don't want to hab an accident"!

I'm only 46, but have been ill, so have had a few mishaps.

This little guy just cracks me up all the time.

Are you still breathing slow and deep...

Hope it helped a little and that things go alright for you.
Trust your instincts only when you have calmed down.

Breathe, slow and deep... count of 8 in and 8 out.

Take good care. wish I could stay later, but need to rest.
You need rest, shock of tough day, and a good cry, let it out, but get in that breathing thing. IMPORTANT!!!


:hi: :hug: :hug: :cry:

[cedahlia]

31. Thank you for the funny story

and the hugs and breathing coaching. :)

[Mnemosyne]

49. cedahlia, good a.m., hope you are feeling more centered today.

pm me if you need anything.:pals:

[richmwill]

22. Cedahlia...

I just had a car accident myself about 2 months ago (not my fault, either). I hope you're calmer by now, hopefully getting some sleep. Just be thankful that you're ok- as my mom told me when I called her regarding my accident, "A car can be replaced- you can't". I understand your being upset right now- I was a wreck after my accident too. Even the cops who came to the scene were cracking jokes, trying to make me feel better. All I can offer you, though, is my best wishes, a good "hug", and a hope that you're feeling better. You can always PM me if you want to talk.

[elsiesummers]

39. Don't Panic (Douglas Adams)

Buying or selling a house or property is seriously panic inducing stuff. So is a car accident.

Recently I sold and purchased property and have been laden with panic inducing episodes. Since purchasing a co-op I'm only now getting over the panic of the fussy neighbor repeatedly knocking on the door and complaining of the smell of paint fumes.

And selling - sold a house recently - that's as bad or worse - no one can live that clean and tidey for a month - 'til the deal's closed.

Chickened out on a country property because I couldn't deal with running off the local ATV riders who had taken over.

So take heart - it will calm down - surprises will become known quantities. I'm finally getting up the nerve to order necessary furniture for the co-op rather than running out the door screaming "I'm free."

We all have to live somewhere and the problems seem to be the luck of the draw. Might as well make the best of the location you have chosen.

[cedahlia]

40. Thanks to everyone for all of your kind words

And thanks for defending my plea for help. If a poster thinks I'm "whining" for no good reason, I'm not going to let that bother me. I realize that the emotional pain and scariness involved with panic attacks is not something that's understood by everyone. But there's enough people here who've shown compassion, and have some understanding of what I'm going through, to make me feel much better. I soooooo appreciate the help.

You all are wonderful...thanks again. :hug: back at all of you.

[Djinn]

43. even without a predisposition to panic attacks

car accidents truly suck. After he first (and only major) one I had I was fine for the first day - the next evening my dad found me sitting in the wreck of my car which had been towed back home - listening to the stereo (which amazingly still worked) and shaking and crying, he gave me some valium and I slept.

they throw you because the "what if's" get you, it's not a bad thing to be freaked out after an accident - if you're not then you're probably a bit thick.

Try to be nice to yourself in the next few days and don't overdo it - acknowledge that you've had a shock - I didn't I thought I was fine and it caught up with me later. You'll be OK. :hug:

[cedahlia]

44. It's always the "what ifs"

that get me. What if the guy had come through the windshield instead of hitting the front bumper and bouncing off? My brother could have been seriously hurt or worse...shouldn't even think about that one! I would have wanted to kill the drunk bastard myself if that had happened! Ah, but that's enough with the what ifs...your advice is good and smart. I will try my best to take it EASY.

Thank you. O8)

[DemOverseas]

48. Accident

The drunk driver was lucky not to get hurt worse than he did. Or do damage to more than your car. This whole incident should be a wake up call to him. I'm glad you went ahead and called the cops. He needs to be off the road for awhile. It will all pass and enjoy your new house.

[JCMach1]

45. Bail on the house deal if you can!

:hug:

[Eye and Monkey]

46. Hugs. Trust your judgement. Another hug.

[Delano]

47. Calm down. Everything will be fine.

But I think your feelings fo reluctance to go through the move are more than just hysteria. Livingg near to a drunk-driver who has already victimized you once is a neeedless potential complication in your life. If it's not too late to extricate yourself from the purchase, I would give serious thought and discussion to canceling it.

Just like the city, there are desireable neighborhoods, and more lowlife neighborhoods in the country. If the DUI guy is in your opinion indidcative of the caliber of people in the area, looking around a bit more might not hurt.

But there's no reason for panic. The guy is probably just a typical irresponsible fuckup, who meant no harm. But do you want to live close to such a person? That's gonn have to be your call...