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Not sure if anyone has posted this prior, first I've seen it.
The Washington Post annually publishes a contest for readers in which they are asked to supply alternate meanings for various words. The following were some of the winning entries in this year's contest:
* coffee (n.), a person who is coughed upon * flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have gained * abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach * esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk * willy-nilly (adj.), impotent * negligent (adj.), describes a condition in which you absentmindedly answer the door in your nightie * lymph (v.), to walk with a lisp * gargoyle (n.), an olive-flavored mouthwash * flatulence (n.), the emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller * balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding hairline * testicle (n.), a humorous question on an exam * rectitude (n.), the formal, dignified demeanor assumed by a proctologist immediately before he examines you * oyster (n.), a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddish expressions * circumvent (n.), the opening in the front of boxer shorts * frisbeetarianism (n.), The belief that, when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck there * pokemon (n), A Jamaican proctologist
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