Fun with Harry Potter's...umm...'wand' (NC-17)

[dolo amber]

It's been brought to my attention (thank you bash.org! :D) that by changing 'wand' to 'wang' in many of the Harry Potter passages...hilarity ensues.

A few stellar examples:

"Yes, yes. I thought I'd be seeing you soon. Harry Potter." It wasn't a question. "You have your mother's eyes. It seems only yesterday she was in here herself, buying her first wang. Ten and a quarter inches long, swishy, made of willow. Nice wang for charm work." "Your father, on the other hand, favored a mahogany wang. Eleven inches."

"Harry took the wang. He felt a sudden warmth in his fingers. He raised the wang above his head, brought it swishing down through the dusty air and a stream of red and gold sparks shot from the end like a firework, throwing dancing spots of light on to the walls."

"Something silver-white, something enormous, erupted from the end of his wang. Then, with a sigh, he raised his wang and prodded the silvery substance with its tip."

" 'Get - off - me!' Harry gasped. For a few seconds they struggled, Harry pulling at his uncles sausage-like fingers with his left hand, his right maintaining a firm grip on his raised wang."

Lord have mercy, I am SO going to mod hell for this...but I just couldn't help myself. :evilfrown: :evilgrin:

[Magrittes Pipe]

1. You rule over all things.

That is all.

[dolo amber]

2. Right back atcha,

toots! :D

[bushiehater]

3. OMG!!

I can't stop laughing. I'm stealing this and sending it to my friends and family (those who can take a joke anyways)

[daveskilt]

4. good lord - you ARE the funniest human being in creation

I just cried laughing - it's the beavis in me.

[supernova]

5. HAHAHAHAHAHA!

I needed that laugh soooo bad. Thanks, Dolo. :yourock:

PS. I got an interview either tomorrow afternoon or Thursday. Go me! :bounce:

P.P. S - Do mods lock their own sex threads? :think:

[dolo amber]

8. YAY!!

Best of luck with that, supe!! :hug:

(Me and the girls tried to make it to Hog Day but as we got off the freeway (we'd been on 15-501 shopping) the sky opened up. When we got there you couldn't even tell humans had been there. :( I had your sunglasses in my purse, too. :hi:)

[flamingyouth]

6. I so needed this laugh

Laughing so hard ... :7

[WilliamPitt]

7. Something silver-white, something enormous, erupted from the end of his...

:)

[mongo]

9. Is that a wand in your pocket or are you just glad to see me?

[m-jean03]

10. WOW!!

You are an artist of the risque. THANK YOU, MA'AM!!! ROFL :D :yourock:

[Fenris]

11. JK Rowling is a total perv!

It makes me want to read those books now. Is that wrong? :evilfrown:

[supernova]

12. Wondering if Bertie Bott's Every Flavor Beans

really do come in ... every flavor. Nudge, nudge. Wink, wink.

[Fenris]

13. SICK!

I'm trying to eat!:D

[DinahMoeHum]

18. Cum again, supernova ??

:evilgrin:

[Deja Q]

14. Naughty naughty!

Match Game PM is also dirty, yet clean. :D

[MallRat]

15. That's so, so WRONG.

:evilgrin:

[Deja Q]

16. But it feels so... so right!

:evilgrin: :evilgrin:

[Screaming Lord Byron]

17. Good God, woman! Think of the children!

Oh....you are.

[dolo amber]

19. Kick

:kick: :D

[eyesroll]

20. This was IMed to me last night by you-know-who

(not Voldemort) and usually, if he says "ooh, you gotta see this, open Messenger and I'll send it" it's vomit-worthy. Or something he wants me to Photoshop.

But this was funny. I think it's deliberate, too, if HP is a metaphor for growing up. (I mean, come on -- his uncle walks in on him "playing with his wand?")

So, thanks! :D

[Magrittes Pipe]

22. Who?

:shrug:

I can't think of anyone who would want to talk to either one of you, let alone both of you at the same time. Now quit your girlish gossiping, or face the full fury of my wand!

[eyesroll]

24. It was Whitacre.

Coming out of his undisclosed location, and all that.

[Screaming Lord Byron]

25. Well that's an image I'll have seared into my brain until death.

[Magrittes Pipe]

30. Lies!

Whitacre would never go in for such back-door shenanigans!

[Screaming Lord Byron]

21. Locking.

Dolo Amber, report to the Moderator Lounge for re-moderation. This will involve spanking.

[Magrittes Pipe]

23. Line forms to the left....

:evilgrin:

[dolo amber]

27. Pffft

Don't make me get my wang out...:P

[Magrittes Pipe]

28. You call that a wang? That's not a wang.

Now THAT's a Wang!

edit: Someone, please comment on my beautiful Wang. I mean, I went to Google Images and typed "Wang" and it took me forever to find one I really liked. So a little validation here, please.

[eyesroll]

31. That's one beautiful wang...

Not as good as one Whitacre would have conjured, but beautiful nonetheless.

[Magrittes Pipe]

32. Whatever.

Go chat up your girlfriend.

[eyesroll]

33. I could say the same to you.

And it would make infinitely more sense. :shrug:

[Magrittes Pipe]

34. Just what the sam hill are you insinuating?

[eyesroll]

35. I don't know...maybe you could ask YOUR girlfriend...

So there.

(On edit: No, I'm not making sense to me, either.)

[Screaming Lord Byron]

36. I'm gonna ask my girlfriend what this all means.

:shrug:

[Magrittes Pipe]

38. I don't know, dear.

I just don't know.

[Screaming Lord Byron]

40. Ah. Well, it probably doesn't matter.

Fancy a shag?

[Magrittes Pipe]

41. Always.

Shag a fancy?

[Screaming Lord Byron]

42. a fancy shag?

[Magrittes Pipe]

43. By default.

[Screaming Lord Byron]

29. Wanger!

You're are such a wanger.

[sus]

26. they used to sell a Harry Potter broom and it vibrated.

mom's across america were using it for personal pleasure and they discontinued it.

[IronLionZion]

37. haha

that's rich

[eyesroll]

39. I remember when the broom came out

I hadn't read or watched any Harry Potter at the time, but it still cracked me up.

Firebolt, indeed. (Or was it a Nimbus?)

[hunter]

44. Can't touch that...

But I have this sudden juvenile urge to read Harry Potter again.