American People Ruled Unfit to Govern

[smirkymonkey]

http://www.theonion.com/news/index.php?issue=4026&n=1

WASHINGTON, DC—In a historic decision with major implications for the future of U.S. participatory democracy, the Supreme Court ruled 8-1 Monday that the American people are unfit to govern.

The controversial decision, the first of its kind in the 210-year history of U.S. representative government, was, according to Justice David Souter, "a response to the clear, demonstrable incompetence and indifference of the current U.S. citizenry in matters concerning the operation of this nation's government."

As a result of the ruling, the American people will no longer retain the power to choose their own federal, state, and local officials or vote on matters of concern to the public.

"This decision was by no means easy, but it unfortunately had to be done," said Justice Antonin Scalia, who penned the majority decision in the case. "The U.S. Constitution is very clear: In the event that the voting public becomes incapacitated or otherwise unfit to carry out its duties of self-governance, there is a danger posed to the republic, and the judicial branch is empowered to remove said public and replace it with a populace more qualified to lead."

"In light of their unmitigated apathy toward issues of import to the nation's welfare and their inability to grasp even the most basic principles upon which participatory democracy is built, we found no choice but to rule the American people unfit to govern at this time," Scalia concluded.

The controversial ruling, court members stressed, is not intended as a slight against the character of the American people, but merely a necessary measure for the public good.

"The public's right to the best possible representation is a founding principle of our nation," Justice Sandra Day O'Connor told reporters. "If you were on a jet airliner, you wouldn't want an untrained, incompetent pilot at the controls, and this is the same thing. As federal justices, we have taken a solemn oath to uphold every citizen's constitutional rights, and if we were to permit an irresponsible, indifferent public to continue to helm the ship of state, we would be remiss in our duties and putting the entire nation at risk." (cont'd)

The Onion is especially good today! Check it out at www.theonion.com

[Romulus]

1. laugh now

but if/when BushCo gets reelected, I'll remember this thread . . .

[smirkymonkey]

4. The Onion does tend to be

eerily prescient...let's hope they're wrong on this one!

[DBoon]

2. Reality catches up to The Onion

far too often

[shaolinmonkey]

3. Some other scary Onion headlines:

"Bush: Our National Nightmare of Peace and Prosperity Is Finally Over"

and

"bin Laden Reminds World that Millenium Doesn't Really Start Until 2001"

creepy.