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A cop was patrolling the countryside when he sees a guy filling in a hole with a shovel. Naturally, he pulled over to take a look.
"A truck full of freepers ran into that tree right over there. All of 'em died, so I'm burying them."
'That's nice of ya, but are you sure they're all dead?'
"Yes, they're all dead. Some of them said they weren't, but you know how freepers lie."
* * * * *
It takes two freepers to change a light bulb. One changes the bulb, the other goes on Free Republic and starts a 3200-post thread claiming that if it weren't for Bill Clinton paying that evil liberal Jack Welch to develop a way to make light bulbs burn out quicker, responsible private enterprise would have created a bulb that lasts for 90 years and costs 43 cents.
* * * * *
DC Comics is ready to unveil its newest superhero: Superfreeper. He's kinda like the Man of Steel, but he has a mullet and changes his clothes in a portable toilet. Superfreeper can't fly, but thanks to his choice of dressing rooms he draws a lot of them.
* * * * *
Two counterfeiters printed up a batch of $18 bills with Ronald Reagan's face on them. They decided to pass them in stores operated by freepers. They headed into freeperland and looked for shops with mullet-headed cashiers wearing "Go USA" t-shirts. When they found one, they bought some stuff and asked the freeper if they could break an $18 bill. "Shore can, you want that in sixes or threes?"
* * * * *
Two freepers went deer hunting. They got one, field dressed it with the hide on, and started dragging it back to camp. It was rough going. One freeper looked at the situation and said "I know. We're dragging it against the hair. If we drag it by the front feet it will slide easier." They went around to the front feet and started dragging. After twenty minutes or so, one said "This does make it easier! I just wish we weren't getting farther away from the truck."
* * * * *
This one's no shit: A freeper came into my store once wanting materials to build a fireplace out of plywood. I asked her how she planned to simulate the fire; she planned to build a real fire in it.
* * * * *
A hurricane is like a freeper divorce: someone always loses a trailer.
* * * * *
And speaking of trailers, once the Jerry Springer Show ran a "win your dream home" contest. He was giving away a doublewide. (Really. He did.)
* * * * *
And speaking of divorces, a freeper was standing in front of a judge explaining why he had to rid himself of his no-good wife. "Your Honor, that bitch is a hobosexual." The judge glared at him. "Mr. Jones, I believe the term is 'homosexual.'" "Naah, judge, she ain't queer, she's just a bum fuck."
* * * * *
Also speaking of divorces, the judge told the freeper he was granting his ex-wife $1000 a month in alimony and child support. "That's right nice of you, Your Honor, and every couple of months I might slip her a few bucks myself."
* * * * *
A freeper was ordered to give a blood sample to prove paternity. When he came back from the lab, he told his dad they'd never prove a thing because they drew the blood from his arm.
* * * * *
A freeper was vacationing in the big city when a gorgeous prostitute offered her services for $125 an hour. "Ma'am, I have never paid more than five dollars a night for a woman in my life." The hooker walked off. Half an hour later he met his wife; half an hour after that they met the hooker...who glanced at his wife and said, "see what you get for five bucks a night?"
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