The First Official DS1 Groveling Thread (DTG)

[Rabrrrrrr]

As called for in this thread:

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=show_topic&forum=105&topic_id=1339975#1340115

All hail the mighty DS1! Your presence here doth fill us with the highest of joys, the most sanguine state of bliss, and does make us all that much smarter for the posting of your irrefutable truths. We're not worthy of your presence, nor even to lick the feed troughs of your peacocks which keep us up all night with the sound of their lovemaking. On bended knee, with eyes lowered to look only at the floor, I beseech thee to regale us with tales of your exploits, your political theories, or other subject matter as you deem fit as necessary for us to hear that we might be enlightened so!

Please, we grovel, speak. Speak, and we shall learn therefrom.

I walk backwards out of the room, eyes down, with rapid whispers of prayerful thanks for you to God, bowing deeply and often. As I leave the room, I shed my clothes and burn them, for now that you haev cast your gaze upon them and blessed them thus, they are not worthy for any human to wear.



p.s. - how's that? Is that a good DS1 Grovel Thread (DTG)? Did you notice that even though it should be DGT, I used DTG because that's how you, in your infinite wisdom and genius, decreed it to be? All hail DS1!

[matcom]

1. can you get him to SHOWER?

i prefer worshiping kinder-smelling Dieties myself

oh yeah

DS1 ROCKS!

:D

[MikeG]

2. Grovelbot will not sleep well tonight.

[Rabrrrrrr]

3. HA! I out-groveled Grovelbot!

I bet he's Cheneying steaming right now.

[WannaJumpMyScooter]

4. I announce myself as the Vicar of DS1

Henceforth and forevermore you knaves shall pay me tribute as the founder of the Church of DS1, the one true church which we will fill with all sorts of saints and such so that you can't tell one from another without a scorecard and a $50 in your hand.
Especially the $50.

So, carry on the grovelling. I have to make plans to expand our mission to the ends of the known world (or the rim of the Long Island Sound, whichever is further) and carry on

in the name of DS1,

Peaches be unto you.

[DS1]

5. I am DS1, and I accept this offering.

Rabrrrrr, do not concern yourself with acronyms that don't make sense to the nonbelievers! While you stamp out the ashes of your recently shed clothes, know that your toes are tingling with the love and wisdom of the Reverend DS1.

Don't eat soap.

Stop using drop shadows on your text.

Marv Albert is a false prophet.

I have spoken. Now carry about your holy and just duties as a member of the Church of DS1 - I have now blessed your urine, sprinkle it liberally over the next Kinkade prints you run across.

[Rabrrrrrr]

6. I hear and I obey

Thank you for not smiting me this day, as would be your right since I am but a nothingness and you, DS1, are Supreme! Every day of life is a gift from you, and I thank you profusely for it!

I shall sprinkle my urine as you have commanded, O Great One, whose knowledge exceeds my own, or that of anyone!

[dolo amber]

8. Blasphemy!!

There can be only one...:evilgrin:

[Rabrrrrrr]

7. I can't believe no one else is groveling

Grovel, people!! WannaJumpMyScooter has demanded it of you!

[DS1]

11. It's going to be a small party in the promised land

let me tell you.

ME, you, WannaJumpMyScooter, SOteric, and MY toenail clippings.

Oh yes, but there will be miles of vintage arcade games, the new stationary SegWay simulator, sugar-free cotton candy, 2 bic pens per person (now featuring red), a community label maker and all the tofu you can eat.

hooo boy it's gonna be a barn-burner!

[Rabrrrrrr]

20. Can we have a whack-a-mole game, too?

Should be a fun, albeit somewhat small, party in the promised land, but sad only one woman and three guys. But what a woman! :D

[DS1]

22. In light of recent events

It'll be a whack-a-Rabrrrrr's nuts game, and we'll all be winners. Except you, you won't have balls, you'll have meat pancakes

[jus_the_facts]

9. "Oh STOP groveling....GET UP!".....

:D

[SOteric]

10. Well. What the hell. Okay.

DS1, whose hump holds more water than a camel has body weight, so if you wanted to never take a drink again you would not have to.

Your knowledge is more precious than the baseball diamond.

Your exquisiteness is more detailed than the diamond skull the Aztecs cut some many moons ago.

Your scent is like that of wonderful incense, fragrant and blissful.

I need only to think of you to put my mind at ease, therefore I shall never suffer from insomnia. (except maybe once or twice. And now. But other than that notsomuch)

Your knowledge is vast, and even at it’s weakest point, no less than half-vast, it encompasses all realms, universes, galaxies and dimensions.

I can only hope to be so worthy as to grovel before you until my forehead bleeds.

Never will there be a virtual entity that is more grand than yourself.

Never will there be a supplicant worthy of your answer, we are not worthy enough to even ask anything of you!

You deserve nothing less than to be worshipped online every hour of every day.

To be in your presence is awe inspiring and a priviledge.

I am less than nothing before you. I bury my face in big fluffy pillows and snore loudly to show you my less than nothingness.

I roll naked in pudding so you will know my dedication.

You are all there is, and all that and a bag of chips.

I lie prone before you I ask only one thing from your vast knowledge and wisdom....
I tremble before you .....

I eat a bowl of Beefaroni to appease you.

I blubber and wail at your toe nail clippings...

I throw myself into a vat of boiling athletes foot fungus.

I castrate your enemies with a rusty spoon...

I pour no wine before it’s time…

I sit through infomercials for hours at a time smiling for you...

I come not to ask anything of you but to warn you..

Master please forgive me, but Rabrrrrrr is in league against you with the woodchucks.

[DS1]

13. My army of gophers is almost complete

Fear not, my beefaroni chompin', pillow snoring, enemy castrating, nail bluddering forhead bleeding minion!

For that groveling, you have been guaranteed to not ride over the axle hump in the sedan of salvation

[Rabrrrrrr]

19. I most certainly am not!

I would never do such a thing!

and they're not woodchucks. Woodchucks have nasty teeth and they scare me, staring at me all day from the vanity with their beedy little eyes and their constant singing of "Afternoon's Delight". They're damned I tell you, damned!

[DS1]

21. You Damned Dirty Woodchucks!

I am not blind to your sigline!

JUDAS!!!!

[Rabrrrrrr]

23. Am not!!

I am no Judas!

And besides, you can't prove it. :evilgrin:

Of course I am utterly and irrevocably dedicated to you!

[DS1]

24. Then I'm sure you won't mind the metal detector I just had installed

at the door to my chambers...

That and your broken thumbs I've just dispatched ForrestGump to snap you so can't do any of that fancy martial arts shit on me...

In fact, why don't you take a couple steps to your left, okay one step forward, yeah that's it right there..



<- pre frikkin laser!

[Rabrrrrrr]

25. My Lord! no!! You wouldn't cast out your first apostle, would you?

I meant nothing by it!

[m-jean03]

12. Well, here ya go DS1

I'll leave these pictures as my offering at your altar (in gold frames, with candles burning on either side of them.)





:hi:

[DS1]

14. Don't forget the incense and postage machine!

You'll be required to mail Red X's to my foe, to tease them with the delicious ogling of Ms. Driver.

[m-jean03]

17. Are you getting red X's?

:shrug:

[Padraig18]

15. As GrovelBot's attorney, I must advise you of...

... pending litigation, should this obvious copyright infringement continue...;)

[underpants]

16. ## Support Democratic Underground! ##

DU GrovelBot

[DS1]

18. Bring them on!

You and your trial lawyers are the enemy of man!

GROVEL! Turn the other cheek - no! the other cheek - plead your case before the church and prepare for your dunking!