ranting...... I want to crawl out of my skin... I am just so uncomfortable

[2Design]

I just wish I knew what would make me happy....
I need a real job making real money...but can't stand cubicle living, or micro manager bossess....

I am not happy where I live in this apartment. But when I look at others they are way more money and smaller.
Houses here have increase by 4 times..in 5 years.

I want to move some where, anywhere it is peaceful, calm, safe, trees, ocean, not crowded, affordable and can have a job with flexibiility that pays over 45,000 a year...with supportive kind, people.

I want to lose 75 lbs and feel healthier.

When I hear about jobs, they are half way across the country and pay in the low 30,000. Far from the ocean. Or locked up in a cubicle.

are there any nice jobs. Or do all jobs suck and you just have to live through them...

feel like I am in survival mode for way too long...

whew...so much crap in my head...

[GOPisEvil]

1. Happiness is not something you find outside you.

It's something within. Start with the things in life that make you happy and focus on those. Change what doesn't.

Pick a goal and clearly define it. You'll be surprised at how soon you start seeing things to help you get there. It's like shopping for a TV. As soon as you decide to buy a new TV, you start seeing TV sales everywhere. Well, TVs are on sale all the time, but you don't notice because you don't want to buy one.

[trumad]

GOPisEvil, your reply is perfect and I have nothing to add....

It does come from within... Start small and work your way out of your situation...

[Fenris]

12. Sir, there is a Zen nature about you.

I could not agree more. The solution is action inward, not action outward.

[Spinzonner]

2. You need to ask yourself whether all of those things together

are compatible or likely to be found.

Maybe some of the things you seem to yearn for like peace and a certain amount of independence - which has to mean responsibility and reliability unless you are going to be your own boos (and maybe even more so in that case) - can be found somewhere or somehow where the cost of living is relatively low so you dont need 45K a year.

You havent said anything about what it is you want to do and what makes you happy and satisfied as a vocation.

[2Design]

9. jobs held over the years

flower seed seller (10yrs old)
bagger, grocery clerk (16,17)
draftsperson high school
vacuum door to door (part time)
store clerk and vacuum repair
draftsperson worked at at least 5 places and two states (for 9 years)

drove around country because I didn't know what I wanted to do (27)

joined corporation
- fixed computers
- computer support (mainframes)
- system programming
- technical support
- project admin
quit corp because I couldn't stand it and cya life and politics
Field of IT was dead for several years 1992-1994 and no one wanted older computer people

finished BA in liberal studies after 28 years from start

ALl below have been temp jobs or independent contractor for past 12 years
craft fair sales of photography
teacher aide in grammer school
teacher aide in day care
phone answerer for real estate office
repair computers for school
teach part time for hs
office work temp
massage therapist
build bicycles
put signs on carts at grocery stores
stock shelves for chrismas
deliver phone books
go back to college
AAS degree
teach college adjunct
go for master but not sure it is right but the student loans help pay rent. Field of IT has died again

where I am now. I don't know that I like computers. not able to compete with younger people who have grown up on them..

want jobs where I am not confined to office but what does an older, out of shape worker do...

[Pale Blue Dot]

3. I was in your boat until a couple of months ago.

I don't have any profound advice for you, except to say that the answers often come along when you least expect them. The best thing you can do is leave yourself open to change, even massive change, and trust it to take you where you want to go.

Best of luck to you, 28erl. I believe that you are going to be who you want to be. :thumbsup:

[Bronco69]

4. First of all

concentrate on what makes you happy. Focus on what kind of work would make you happy instead of how much money you'll make. If you're happy at what you do for a living the money will eventually follow. If you just work at losing that 75 pounds and finding a job that makes you happy just sit back and watch the rest come along. :-)

[2Design]

7. what makes me happy seems to illude me

I think I will like certain work, then try it, and I don't or it doesn't work out or I don't get the job

I continue to try things. I just can't seem to find something I like so all I see is what I tried and feel I failed at. But at least I tried.
In last 10 years, I have done so many different jobs, none full time. Been under the poverty level.

back in 1992 had 42,000/yr job and quit. I couldn't take corporate or lies and wanted something simpler. But survival mode is very very hard and I can't change the decision to leave.

I have taken myers brigg and strong interest career testing.

[ihaveaquestion]

5. I have friends who say Belize is just such a place.

It's peaceful and prosperous and apparently not spoiled yet.

[LosinIt]

6. Standing on the shore of the Great Lakes you wouldn't know

that is wasn't the ocean. That opens up a lot more areas to try. We live on itsy bitsy Ontario and you can't see Canada across the way so it could just as well be an ocean. And you don't have to worry about salt water messing up your boat and...... no sharks.

[wishlist]

10. Finding a job and moving to a new locale could help-why not go for it?

I went through what you are feeling years ago and made a drastic decision to both get in shape and apply for jobs in a better location hundreds of miles away where I could make a new start. I got a job offer and moved to a state where I had never been before and didn't know anyone but the drastic move helped me to establish a personal life and career in an affordable area where I love the climate and scenery. It was lonely and tough going in the new location for the first year or two but was the only solution for me and paid off in the long run.

[2Design]

11. where was the new location.. what state..city?? if you don't mind

answering...I moved here without job or anything... went to massage school after 15 years in computers.....that is not a lucrative field unless you own a place and have lots working for you and you take half..

[jukes]

8. Steely Dan

has a wonderful metaphor for 9>5: "dime-dancing", ref to the paid "taxi-dancers" of the '30s/'40s.

[Arugula Latte]

13. Oprah would probably say

that you need to take small steps, but take them every day. It might be going for a walk and doing Internet research on various places one day. It might be calling high school acquaintances and asking them about job leads the next day. And so on. Step by step ...

P.S. Ever think about Oregon? I really love it here (I'm not a native). The job situation here is not the best; however, all it takes is getting lucky once, right?

[SarahB]

14. All you can do is tackle one thing at a time.

If you want to lose weight, start taking a few walks or check out Weight Watchers or Atkins (both seem to work well, but for different people). If you want to do something different, check out a local college and take a couple of classes to improve your marketability. You might even be able to get grants or scholarships and not have to pay much. Start researching different parts of the country and see what has what you might want. If you don't have any dependants, consider a move.

Life is not impossible to make how you want. It just takes awhile for radical changes to take place. When I turned 30 two years ago, I was determined to lose weight (I did- 70 pounds, mine was largely related to having babies though, but just as hard to get off), go back to school for a better degree (currently doing that), and somehow make my life happier (I'm getting out more than I used to, rediscovering old passions, etc.). Lots of things changed though when I couldn't behind food for comfort. Are you ready for that? I couldn't be in denial about my marital problems any longer. People treat me differently and I'm not invisible anymore. I like it, but it's an adjustment again. ANYTHING can be done. I firmly believe that, but it can be a long road. Make it a fruitful one and don't expect changes overnight. It takes years. Best wishes. :)

[AlCzervik]

15. I quit the cube farm

and i was an accountant so that is the ultimate in boring. I went into real estate almost 2 years ago, best move i ever made. I work mostly from my house when i'm not showing a house or looking at one to list. In my off time i really don't enjoy people that much, maybe thats the one downside to the job but it has many positives. You can take a course at night and get your lisense and maybe start off on weekends.

[Insider]

16. similar situation until recently

similar situation until a couple of months ago (like finnfan said), down to losing weight also.

took a gov't job overseas. i don't like cubicles or ANY kind of boss. but i get travel, ship my goods, set up in housing, morale trips authorized like 3 times a year, adventure, and more benefits (good pay) for a two year assignment. the military prepped me for the whole environment, but almost anyone can try a tour for two years.

there are many similar gov't jobs around the country where they'll interview by phone, and pay for your move.

pm me for more info if you want. check out www.usajobs.opm.gov. it might be the kind of change you're looking for. even the search feels positive. it is OUR gov't too.

best wishes, 28erl. you made a good decision to share about it.

[Reality Not Tin Foil]

17. Crawl out of my skin

You have GOT to be a Jewel fan.. if not, you should be. Her lyrics are so much like your sentiments.

Deep Water
Jewel
(Spirit)

You find yourself falling down
Your hopes in the sky
But your heart like grape gum on the ground
And you try to find yourself
In the abstractions of religion
And the cruelty of everyone else
And you wake up to realize
Your standard of living somehow got stuck on survive

CHORUS
When you're standing in deep water
And you're bailing yourself out with a straw
And when you're drowning in deep water
And you wake up making love to a wall
Well it's these little times that help to remind
It’s nothing without love

You wake up to realize your only friend
Has never been yourself or anyone who cared in the end
That's when suddenly everything fades or falls away
'Cause the chains which once held us
Are only the chains which we've made

CHORUS

We've compromised our pride
And sacrificed our health
We have to demand more
Not of each other
But more from ourselves

CHORUS