Theories on the origins of spam.

[Screaming Lord Byron]

Locquatia Volquez Frillibate Conjunction!!!!! - from my mailbox today.
This message was e-mailed to my from the mysterious Centipede O. Masterworks. I have recieved several such messages from Mr (Ms?) Masterworks recently, some in the unsettling code as seen above, some offering me 'Dirty Bitechs on wbecam' or asking me 'CAN YOU HONESTLY HANDLE THIS INVESTMENT PROPOSAL' (note lack of question mark). My attempts to contact Mr (Mrs?) Masterworks have proved fruitless.
What do these messages mean? Are they code for foreign spies determined to destroy our western culture? Are they desperate attempts by an alien civilization to make contact? Are they perhaps sexual come-ons from Liz Fraser of the Cocteau Twins?
I don't know. However, I recieve so many messages from Mr (Dr?) Masterworks on so many varied and profound subjects, that I must crack this code. This information must be of great importance, and I have a feeling that if I can understand and deliver them, we may be able to consign to the dustbin of history another of man's greatest mysteries.
Help me, DU, you're my only hope.

[Lautremont]

1. I can only commiserate,

and tell you that today I received two seperate offers, both very tempting: "Look up people's pasts!" and "Look at people's paste!" I don't know if it's a coincidence or what, but it sure was strange.

[Fenris]

2. I have the information you requested.

Want a bigger penis? Try VIAGACOR today! VIAGACOR is the only non-prescription, non-FDA approved penile enlargement pill on the market today that boasts ancephelin, a dangerous narcotic found to grow penile tissue at an incredibly unsafe rate! We guarantee that within one week your penis will double or even triple in size. Not only that, we guarantee that immediately after taking VIAGACOR, you will get an erection that will last until either you stop taking VIAGACOR* or your penis is surgically removed! So why wait, tiny pants? Order VIAGACOR today.




*It is not recommended that you stop taking VIAGACOR. Doing so may cause your heart to explode in your chest. For more information, contact Dr. Pepe Lopez, 47 Malpractice Dr., Crackton, Pennsylvania.

[Screaming Lord Byron]

3. OK, I think we need to nominate that post for the front page.

Genius, man.

[Fenris]

4. Cheers, friend.

:toast:

[Screaming Lord Byron]

5. Doesn't look like they're doing the whole nom thing anymore, though.

It's that or I'm too blind to see the button.

[Fenris]

6. You have to nominate an ORIGINAL post

In which case, the above would have to be reposted as a seperate thread.

[Screaming Lord Byron]

7. OK People! Nominate this thread to get Fenris the respect and regard

he may someday deserve! :evilgrin:

[Fenris]

8. Indeed, nominate this thread that two people seem overly concerned with.

:D

[Screaming Lord Byron]

9. That's the beauty of the internet.

Otherwise us maniacs would be out on the street yelling at children.
Do you want that on your conscience, DU? :evilgrin:

[Fenris]

10. Nominate this thread or we will yell at your children.

And I don't think they want to hear about VIAGACOR.:evilgrin:

Hey, dolo's a mod. We should make her put this on the front page.

[Screaming Lord Byron]

12. Makes DU look great, doesn't it?

Two bored guys trading random non-sequiturs about pointless issues. That's gotta be front-page worthy!

[Fenris]

14. It shows a sense of community and comraderie unseen on other sites.

Or something like that. It may be two people laughing at what is essentially a penis joke. And there's nothing wrong with that.

[tigereye]

15. hey no yelling at my kid you two!

silly people.

[Screaming Lord Byron]

17. Therefore, it is in your best interest to keep us occupied.

Occupy us!

[tigereye]

18. ah the invasion is postponed

I was planning to occupy this location...

[Screaming Lord Byron]

19. We got oil, baby!

[tigereye]

20. no I want gold and precious jewels

and all your intellectual capital, Lord Byron!

[Screaming Lord Byron]

21. My intellectual capital is Bratislava.

Good enough for yer?

[tigereye]

25. better than bratwurst

:)

[EstimatedProphet]

11. I think these belong in the Spam Museum

found here

[Screaming Lord Byron]

13. Hooray! SPAM, SPAM, SPAM, SPAM, SPAM, SPAM, SPAM, SPAM

SPAM, SPAM! LOVELY SPAM!

[Donkeyboy75]

16. SHUT UP!

Thought you were a Scot, not a bloody Viking.

[bif]

22. Gotta do something with the leftover pig parts

Oh, not that kind of spam.

[MisterP]

23. ITU reports that 85% of e-mails are spam

http://www.cnn.com/2004/TECH/internet/07/06/un.spam.summit.ap/index.html

[Az]

24. You looked... mission accomplished

Thats all it means. Nonsense subject lines are designed to make you look and defeat spam filters. Sorry humor impaired when it comes to spam here. I am a sysadmin. I know the damage it causes. I know the laws broken to send it.