sus
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Fri Jul-09-04 03:09 PM
Original message |
"You should know you'll have to change my diaper for me," |
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and other ways to end a blind date IMMEDIATELY.
share your stories as well as your vision.
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GOPisEvil
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Fri Jul-09-04 03:10 PM
Response to Original message |
1. We'll have to meet at my house. My monitoring bracelet comes off soon! |
JVS
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Fri Jul-09-04 03:10 PM
Response to Original message |
2. "Do you know what a colostomy is?..." |
latebloomer
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Fri Jul-09-04 03:37 PM
Response to Reply #2 |
38. actually that makes me feel bad |
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Hate to be so 'politically correct", but I have a lovely and vibrant friend who loves to swing-dance, is single, a dem, and has a colostomy due to chronic bowel problems that proved impossible to live with. Hate to hear people being mocked like that.
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JVS
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Fri Jul-09-04 03:48 PM
Response to Reply #38 |
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It was just that I was in a lecture once where the prof. wanted to demonstrate an application of a type of putty he was lecturing about and said "Do you know what a colostomy is?" and then proceeded to talk to the class about his colostomy. I already knew because both my father and grandmother have had them, but a good portion of the class was rather grossed out.
I didn't intend to mock people for having colostomies, but rather those who would talk about them while chatting someone up at a bar. Bowel movements in general are not good conversational topics when in a dating setting.
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latebloomer
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Sat Jul-10-04 07:23 AM
Response to Reply #54 |
81. "Bowel movements in general are not good conversational topics |
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Edited on Sat Jul-10-04 07:24 AM by latebloomer
when in a dating setting"
No argument there! :D
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LynneSin
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Fri Jul-09-04 03:10 PM
Response to Original message |
3. "Hello my name is sus" |
GOPisEvil
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Fri Jul-09-04 03:11 PM
Response to Original message |
4. I haven't killed anyone...this year. |
Screaming Lord Byron
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Fri Jul-09-04 03:12 PM
Response to Original message |
5. You ever see that show V? Yeah? Good. |
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We can watch it all weekend. Over and over again. I have the DVD's with multiple commentaries and everything.
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Fenris
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Fri Jul-09-04 03:18 PM
Response to Reply #5 |
12. Are you Robert Englund? |
Screaming Lord Byron
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Fri Jul-09-04 04:39 PM
Response to Reply #12 |
76. Englund expects every man to do his duty. |
sus
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Fri Jul-09-04 03:12 PM
Response to Original message |
6. do you mind if my cats Abbie and Evita come along?? |
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Abbie is an excellent driver.
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LynneSin
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Fri Jul-09-04 03:19 PM
Response to Reply #6 |
16. People would love to have Abbie and Evita on a date |
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Because they're such lovebuttons!!!
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Fenris
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Fri Jul-09-04 03:20 PM
Response to Reply #16 |
17. Lovebutton? Is that a female anatomical reference of some kind? |
LynneSin
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Fri Jul-09-04 03:24 PM
Response to Reply #17 |
25. I give my pets pet names |
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Last week they were cuddlebuns
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Screaming Lord Byron
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Fri Jul-09-04 03:12 PM
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7. You know, in this light you kinda look like Ann Coulter. |
Ithuilwen
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Fri Jul-09-04 04:08 PM
Response to Reply #7 |
72. That would make me run screaming! nt |
GOPisEvil
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Fri Jul-09-04 03:13 PM
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8. I'll be out in a minute. I have to slip on my Vulcan ears. |
sus
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Fri Jul-09-04 03:15 PM
Response to Original message |
9. have my children and help spread my superior genes! |
GOPisEvil
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Fri Jul-09-04 03:17 PM
Response to Reply #9 |
11. Ohmigod...I'm ovulating right this second. Take me NOW! |
DiverDave
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Fri Jul-09-04 03:43 PM
Response to Reply #11 |
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That was good for a LOL LOL LOL.
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sus
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Fri Jul-09-04 03:17 PM
Response to Original message |
10. umm..before we leave, do you think you could help me fake my urine test? |
Misunderestimator
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Fri Jul-09-04 03:19 PM
Response to Original message |
13. Hello, I'd like to introduce you to my husband... |
NewJeffCT
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Fri Jul-09-04 04:10 PM
Response to Reply #13 |
74. something like that happened to me... |
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I was making out with this woman in a parking lot after we shared a few drinks. She was a little more aggressive than most women I've met, but I'm not complaining, as she was a great kisser.
I then notice a guy a few cars over from my car looking at us, watching us intently... she goes, "oh, that's my husband!"
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Misunderestimator
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Fri Jul-09-04 04:32 PM
Response to Reply #74 |
75. Nice... well, my experiences with that always managed to be when |
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some woman comes up to me in a bar and I'm thinking... she's attractive... then a few minutes later... voila, the husband appears next to her. Just freakin wonderful.
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Fenris
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Fri Jul-09-04 03:19 PM
Response to Original message |
14. You don't mind if my priest tags along, do you? |
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I want to make sure this is all on the up and up with Jesus.
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Dogmudgeon
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Fri Jul-09-04 03:19 PM
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15. My age usually does it |
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I look like I'm in my late 20s. I'm actually 46.
More than half of my family members look a lot younger than they are. However, I'm just about the last unmarried one over 25.
The last time some excitable young thing tried to "hook up" with me, you would have thought it was a case of murder by the way she howled. For somebody who took the initiative and made the proposition, I would have expected her to be just a bit nicer about it.
I don't spend a lot of time thinking about how old I am, and see no reason to advertise it. There's enough pressure to look for a reason to avoid someone in this world. They can hate me for being poor or not having cool friends as far as I'm concerned.
--bkl
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pagerbear
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Fri Jul-09-04 03:20 PM
Response to Original message |
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Edited on Fri Jul-09-04 03:25 PM by pagerbear
A guy I know is a flight attendant on long, long, long flights to Asia. Once a very old gentleman flew with him, and at one point asked my friend to catheterize him!
Not a blind date story, but somehow this thread reminded me of this.
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sus
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Fri Jul-09-04 03:20 PM
Response to Original message |
19. i feel weird. is it possible to trip on uric acid? |
Fenris
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Fri Jul-09-04 03:22 PM
Response to Original message |
20. You wouldn't happen to have a spoon and a butane lighter would you? |
GOPisEvil
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Fri Jul-09-04 03:22 PM
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21. Wow. You look like my ex. He was a jerk. I'm sure you're nice though. |
Fenris
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Fri Jul-09-04 03:23 PM
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22. I don't know what Robert was smoking. Your breasts are not small. |
sus
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Fri Jul-09-04 03:23 PM
Response to Reply #22 |
NewJeffCT
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Fri Jul-09-04 03:52 PM
Response to Reply #22 |
61. OMG - I have tears I'm laughing so hard! |
sus
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Fri Jul-09-04 03:23 PM
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23. yeah well..WHATEVER...we Libras tend not to believe in astrology. |
sus
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Fri Jul-09-04 03:24 PM
Response to Original message |
26. to quote the brilliant "Reno 911" |
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Are you a drama queen?? because I can't have you FREAKING OUT every time you find a body part.
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GOPisEvil
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Fri Jul-09-04 03:26 PM
Response to Reply #26 |
29. *snerk* That was hilarious! |
GOPisEvil
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Fri Jul-09-04 03:25 PM
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27. Mind if I bring my Yanni, David Hasselhoff and Michael Bolton cds?? |
sus
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Fri Jul-09-04 03:27 PM
Response to Reply #27 |
sus
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Fri Jul-09-04 03:25 PM
Response to Original message |
28. I used to fuck guys like you in prison.. |
GOPisEvil
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Fri Jul-09-04 03:27 PM
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31. My mom's gonna drop us off and pick us up, ok? |
Fenris
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Fri Jul-09-04 03:27 PM
Response to Original message |
32. Don't get me started on the Jews.... |
GOPisEvil
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Fri Jul-09-04 03:30 PM
Response to Original message |
33. Hey, can we swing by the Klan rally before dinner? |
sus
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Fri Jul-09-04 03:32 PM
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34. The Cubs are really gonna do it this year!!!!!! |
Fenris
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Fri Jul-09-04 03:35 PM
Response to Original message |
35. So she drove me to the ER and the doctor removed half a ham from my rectum |
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(I was going somewhere with this one and got lost along the way.)
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sus
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Fri Jul-09-04 03:37 PM
Response to Reply #35 |
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okay so i had the gerbil, the crystal meth, and the toilet paper tube, but i wasn't gettin' nothin'! i can't figure out where i went wrong...
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Fenris
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Fri Jul-09-04 03:39 PM
Original message |
You might be Richard Gere. |
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He's been known to partake of rodent stimulation.
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sus
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Fri Jul-09-04 03:41 PM
Response to Original message |
42. i have a close friend who gets really upset when i mention |
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that sort of thing. he insists it's urban legend. "you KNOW people don't DO that for real, RIGHT??" so i don't mention it anymore. not that it was a hot topic of conversation to BEGIN with though...
nevermind.
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sus
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Fri Jul-09-04 03:42 PM
Response to Reply #42 |
44. hey, listen..do you mind if i shave my armpits in your car? |
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i was a little pressed for time.
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Fenris
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Fri Jul-09-04 03:44 PM
Response to Reply #42 |
47. Perhaps it is just a myth. |
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Like the story about Rod Stewart and the gallon of semen pumped from his stomach.
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GOPisEvil
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Fri Jul-09-04 03:36 PM
Response to Original message |
36. Hey - those jeans make your ass look big. |
Nlighten1
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Fri Jul-09-04 03:37 PM
Response to Original message |
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Mom always said..."if she doesn't swallow, don't marry her"
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DiverDave
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Fri Jul-09-04 03:39 PM
Response to Original message |
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that extra box of ammo in the closet? Oh, and take the mac-10 for yourself.
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Canuckistanian
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Fri Jul-09-04 03:39 PM
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41. Have you let Jesus into your life? |
DiverDave
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Fri Jul-09-04 03:41 PM
Response to Original message |
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It's a cold sore, really.
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DS1
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Fri Jul-09-04 03:42 PM
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45. Can I masturbate while you paint your nails? |
GOPisEvil
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Fri Jul-09-04 03:45 PM
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48. What's that? Oh, I never wear pants. Too confining. I like being FREE! |
sus
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Fri Jul-09-04 03:45 PM
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49. my arm is numb and i have shooting pains in my chest. should i be worried? |
Fenris
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Fri Jul-09-04 03:46 PM
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50. I must warn you that my genitals developed on my chest. |
sus
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Fri Jul-09-04 03:47 PM
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51. I wish you weren't a girl.... |
Fenris
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Fri Jul-09-04 03:47 PM
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52. You know, for a fat man you aren't very jolly. |
ewagner
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Fri Jul-09-04 03:48 PM
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53. Can we stop at the mall on the way? |
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"I've got to pick up a new training bra".
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GOPisEvil
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Fri Jul-09-04 03:49 PM
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55. French fries? Aren't you a little fat for fries? Have a salad instead. |
Fenris
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Fri Jul-09-04 03:49 PM
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56. Has anyone ever told you that you look like Walter Mathau? |
sus
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Fri Jul-09-04 03:49 PM
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57. and THAT's how I accidentally swallowed semen. just givin' you a heads up! |
sus
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Fri Jul-09-04 03:50 PM
Response to Reply #57 |
58. actually...nevermind. that doesn't really apply. |
sus
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Fri Jul-09-04 03:51 PM
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59. you are the weakest link!!!!!!!!!! |
GOPisEvil
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Fri Jul-09-04 03:51 PM
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60. Why, yes...I did vote for George W. Bush, and I intend to again. |
sus
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Fri Jul-09-04 03:52 PM
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62. I brought my new William Hung cd. Hope you don't mind if we listen to it! |
Fenris
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Fri Jul-09-04 03:53 PM
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63. I vomited in my car earlier today, so you might wanna sit in back. |
NewJeffCT
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Fri Jul-09-04 03:53 PM
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64. Sus - I hope these aren't true stories |
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You have way too many of them...
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sus
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Fri Jul-09-04 03:54 PM
Response to Reply #64 |
66. that's for me to know and for me to know! |
sus
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Fri Jul-09-04 03:54 PM
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65. I swear...this NEVER happens to me. |
GOPisEvil
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Fri Jul-09-04 03:55 PM
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67. Oh wait...let me grab a rubber (wink, wink). Just in case. |
sus
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Fri Jul-09-04 03:57 PM
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68. I'd like to begin by discussing my vague dissatisfaction.. |
NewJeffCT
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Fri Jul-09-04 03:59 PM
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69. not sure if it's a line... |
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But, I had a woman on a blind date start itching & scratching uncontrollably, in obvious discomfort. She said that she thought she was having an allergic reaction to the material in her new bra.
Needless to say, I never heard from her again.
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sus
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Fri Jul-09-04 04:01 PM
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70. I just had a colonoscopy, so I'm a little gassy. |
sus
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Fri Jul-09-04 04:04 PM
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71. gracious me, you PC feminists sure are defensive... |
King Of Paperboys
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Fri Jul-09-04 04:10 PM
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73. "So, are you shaved? Down there? Because I totally dig that." |
arbusto_baboso
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Fri Jul-09-04 04:56 PM
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77. Are you answering personal ads again? |
m-jean03
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Fri Jul-09-04 05:14 PM
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78. THE BEST LOUNGE THREAD!! |
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Nearly every one of these has made me crack up. Thank you guys, you rock!!
:loveya: :loveya: :yourock:
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Skittles
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Fri Jul-09-04 05:37 PM
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79. Vigorously scratch your crotch while saying |
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Edited on Fri Jul-09-04 05:38 PM by Skittles
I'V BEEN TAKING PILLS FOR THIS FOR THREE WEEKS BUT THEY ARE NOT WORKING.
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Book Lover
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Fri Jul-09-04 05:39 PM
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80. And I thought you were quoting Stewie! |
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I have never gone on a blind date, so I can't say. Gee, I have been really lucky! These stories shake my faith in any hope for humanity :-)
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Tue Apr 23rd 2024, 02:20 PM
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