I have a very weird question

[demwing]

How would you respond if you walked in on your spouse lying in bed with your 15 year old child? On the one hand, the TV is on, the covers are off, and everyone is clothed. Your 10 year old and 4 year old are asleep in the same room, but not on the bed.

On the other hand, your spouse and your child are of different genders, the 15 child has their back turned to the TV, facing your spouse, and your spouse has been drinking?

What would you do?

Would it matter if the spouse and child were "mother and son" or "father and daughter"?

[WindRavenX]

1. It really depends

I wouldn't think a thing if it was of the same genders..but the different genders + drinking...that might be a problem.

[Gore1FL]

2. I don't think it would botrher me

assuming I trusted the spouse. I virtually always watch TV lying on a bed or a couch. I doubt I would change that habit if someone else was watching with me.

[demwing]

3. Trust is slight, but thats not the real problem

I'm at the end of my trust because the spouse has a chronic (but mild) drinking problem but refuses to acknowledge such, and has cheated previously. We are in therapy.

My big concern is that spouse was sexually assualted as a child, once by a stranger and once by a sibling. Also, the 15 year old child is very physically mature, and I have never seen the two lay so close together. It is not common behavior for them.

[Fridays Child]

5. Are they biologically related?

And has your spouse previously demonstrated a sexual attraction to someone young enough to be his or her child?

[demwing]

7. Yes, they are biologically related.

No, nothing of thesort has ever been demonstrated, but the spouse was molested as a child on two occasions. Both times by an elder, once by an immediate family member.

[2cents]

4. I would look for a bigger apartment ...

and tell my wife to stay off the sauce when she's alone with the kids.

[demwing]

6. We've a three bedroom, two story house.

the two older kids have their own rooms, the four year old stays in his own bed in the master bed room with us. It is in our room that this just happened.

I thought everyone was asleep. I was playing on the computer, and I heard a noise, went up stairs, and there they were.

[2cents]

10. Sorry, everything I said is n/a

[Maddy McCall]

8. Both clothed, watching TV, other kids in the room...

Sounds like a family watching the telly to me.

Unless your wife has given you reason to believe that she is acting inappropriately with the children, I would not make an issue of this.

[demwing]

9. I want to let it go, but..

the teen was watching anything but the tv, and the spouse was drunk.

I don't intend on making it an issue at home, but if I just ignore it and later I find out that I shouldn't have...

Fuck. I'll just bring it out in our next therapy.

[Fridays Child]

15. Good idea. Obviously, what you saw is outside your comfort zone.

It should be examined from all angles. You could be on to something or it might be that, with everything else going on, your ability to correctly evaluate such a scene is skewed. In either case, you'd be wise to bring it up in a therapeutic setting.

[Bunny]

11. Why is everyone assuming that the spouse in question is the

wife? The OP has been careful to keep things gender neutral. But my guess is that the spouse is the husband, the 15 yr. old is a girl, etc.

Did this happen just before your OP? At approx. 4:00 AM? Or was it at a different time? You heard a noise, went upstairs, and found them there? What did they say? What was on the tube?

I think the situation seems very peculiar. You said that nothing like this has ever happened before, but can you be certain of this? Pubescent child, liquor involved, peculiar setting. Assault can occur with clothes on, covers off, and others asleep in the room.

It adds up to weirdness to me, and you must think so too, or you wouldn't be asking. If you're in counseling, this should definitely be brought up at the next session.

On edit: after reading post #9 - I think you have a real problem here, and I think you should contact your therapist today. You said your spouse doesn't acknowledge the drinking problem, what else could he/she be denying? Get some professional help today.

[demwing]

12. Yes, just before, about 2:30 am.

I have no idea what was on the tube. I told the child to go to bed, with loud protests that they were just watching TV, even though the child was turned away from the TV facing the parent.

Don't assume anything about the genders, other than that the child and parent are of opposite gender. I'm keeping it neutral so as not to bias the answers, as I know that men are much more likely to engage in such behavior than women, and I assume that most people on DU would know this as well, being the educated group you all are.

[KurtNYC]

16. If your gut says "something's wrong"

then probably something is wrong

[nothingshocksmeanymore]

20. But that makes me feel like you are playing games with us

If I had a reason to suspect sexual activity and were in therapy, I would confront the situation regardless of gender.

If the teen were checking out the spouse, that is because teens are curious....

[Gore1FL]

13. My advice is to assume innocence

Everyone deserves that much. This certianly is somethign that should be brought to the attention of your counselor. Either your hubby is untrustworthy, or you are unable to trust him. In either case, this represents a significantif not a focal issue with your relationship.

[izzie]

14. Gee I do not think it would get me up-tight.

We all lied around on the floor and watched TV. Right from when I was a teen ager and when I had teen ages and grandchildren.

[La Lioness Priyanka]

17. omg!

this is completely and utterly disturbing!

i often lie in bed with my dad and chat with him..why is this an issue?

[demwing]

18. Because of the context!

You often lay down in a bed with your dad. My child and spouse have never done this, at least not for the last 3 years or so.

When you lay down in bed with your dad, is he often drunk?

Was he sexually abused as a child?

Those issues applied here. Whether I'm being overprotective or not, I don't know. But I thought it was weird, and I still do.

I was just wrong for thinking I should bring it up here. I thought that a little anonymity might shed some light. I should do as I myself suggested, and bring it up in marriage therapy.

[La Lioness Priyanka]

19. i think the problems is that there is more going on

that we are not privy to (rightfully so) and therefore its very difficult to judge