Post your Bush jokes here!

[cheezus]

George W. Bush was having a photo-op at an elementary school. After a while, he asked if anyone had any questions for him about being president.

Billy raised his hand and said:
"I have three questions for you. 1. Where are the WMDs? 2. How come you can't find Osama bin Laden? 3. Why wouldn't you testify under oath before the 9/11 commission?"

Bush started fumbling for an answer, and the lunch bell suddenly rang. The children went to lunch, and then came back to spend more time with the president. The president again offered to answer questions.

Sally raised her hand and said:
"I have five questions for you. 1. Where are the WMDs? 2. How come you can't find Osama bin Laden? 3. Why wouldn't you testify under oath before the 9/11 commission?" 4. How come the bell rang an hour earlier than usual? 5. Where did Billy go?"

---------

George W Bush was recently overheard telling a story about a flashback he had to his Vietnam era service in the Texas Air National Guard.

"There I was, staring eye to eye with Charlie. He took a shot! Then I took a shot! Then we both took another shot! And another! And another! And another! And another!!!

Boy, that Charlie -- nice guy, hell of a drinker"

[jedicord]

1. George W. Bush

eom

[Qanisqineq]

2. hahahahaha

I get it.

[AlGore-08.com]

3. Answer: Vietnam, Divinity School and Congress

Question: Where was Al Gore when George W. Bush was drunk?

[Beaverhausen]

4. Bush Fans?

There's a teacher in a small Texas town. She asks her class how many of them are Bush fans.
Not really knowing what a Bush fan is, but wanting to be liked by the teacher, all the kids raise their hands except one boy--Johnny.

The teacher asks Johnny why he has decided to be different. Johnny says, "I'm not a Bush fan."

The teacher says, "Why aren't you a Bush fan?"

Johnny says, "I'm a John F. Kerry fan." The teacher asks why he's a Kerry fan. The boy says, "Well, my mom's a Kerry fan, and my Dad's a Kerry fan, so I'm a Kerry fan!"

The teacher is kind of angry, because this is Texas, so she says, "What if you're Mom was a moron, and you're dad was an idiot, what would that make you?"

Johnny says, "That would make me a Bush fan."

[cheezus]

9. hahahahahaha!

nearly spit beer all over the laptop. nice one, I'm definately stealing it :)

[ncrainbowgrrl]

17. Lol! That's great-

Now I have to clean the diet coke off my computer screen from laughing while drinking...

[Bhaisahab]

20. hahaha!! brilliant!!

[Lisa]

5. George W. Bush walks into a truck stop holding a baby pig ...

The waitress says, "What are you doing with that swine?"

Bush tells her, "I'm on my way to the ranch and I'd like a cup of coffee ..."

The waitress interrupts -- "I wasn't talking to you."

[Padraig18]

6. At an elementary school:

The 3rd-grade class is having career day, and their parents are there. The 1st kid introduces his dad and says "My Dad's a police officer, and puts bad people in jail." The second kid introduces his Mom and says "My Mom is a doctor, and she helps sick people get well." The next kid introduces his Dad and says "MY dad runs a whore house and sells crack."

The teacher interrupts, saying "Johnny, you know your father works at the White House as an aide to President Bush, so why did you say those awful things about him?" Johnny answers, "Because I was to embarrassed to tell the truth!"

:P

[Brewman_Jax]

7. How many Bush administration officials...

Q: How many Bush administration officials does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A: Ten.

1) one to deny that any light bulb needs to be replaced

2) one to personally attack and question the patriotism of anyone who dares to ask questions about light bulbs

3) one to unscrew all the light bulbs at Dover AFB so it is too dark for cameras in the middle of the night when the KIAs are sneaked
back into the country from Iraq

4) one to blame the previous administration for the need for a new light bulb

5) one to plan the invasion of a country rumored to have a secret stockpile of light bulbs

6) one to get together with VP Cheney and figure out how to pay Haliburton a million dollars for a light bulb

7) one to arrange a photo op of W costumed in a flight suit and wrapped in the US flag changing a light bulb under a sign saying BULB CHANGE ACCOMPLISHED

8) one to write a provision into the Patriot Act that makes it treason to discuss light bulbs with your friends

9) one to explain to W in small words the difference between screwing in a light bulb and screwing the country

10) one to install bulbs to light up previously closed draft board offices

[PittPoliSci]

8. Photography.

Okay, this is just a test of morality. It's a judge of character, and nothing more. It poses and extremely hypothetical situation and forces one to determine what he would do in that situation. Now, without further ado...

You are a photographer for Newsweek, standing at the end of a dock in South Carolina, covering the biggest hurricane to hit the area in years! As you snap photo after photo, you notice that people are being swept out to sea left and right. But all of a sudden, you see President Bush out in the water, fledgling, struggling for his life. You have your chance here to save the life of the president, or take a no doubt award winning photograph that would go down in history as one of the most stunning pictures of all time. Now the question that is posed before you is simple:


****wait for it****

















Do you use color film, or opt for a more classic black-and-white look that better captures the moment?

[CO Liberal]

10. Q - Why Does Laura Get on Top When The Bushes Have Sex?

A - Because all George can do is f**k up.

[CO Liberal]

11. kick

:kick:

[gmoney]

12. What's Laura Bush's preferred birth control method?

Before they go to bed, she gives George a stick of chewing gum.



(Apologies to Chevy Chase, and Betty & Gerald Ford)

[TheCentepedeShoes]

13. Sorta lame but anyway...

Bill Clinton, Al Gore, and George Bush are on a trip together to a politically unstable third world country. On their first day there an uprising occurs, the boys are separated from their security detail, and are captured by the rebels. Taken to a remote jungle outpost and installed in a cell, they quickly assess the seriousness of the situation. Their only hope for survival is to escape and make their way back through the jungle to the capital. That night they easily break out of their rickety cell, tiptoe past a slumbering guard, and reach the jungle. It isn't long, however, before their absence is noticed and the alarm is sounded. The boys can hear the shouts of the rebels and the baying of the bloodhound as they race to recapture the prisoners.
Clinton pulls up, panting. "Guys this isn't going to work. With that hound on the scent, the rebels are sure to overtake us. We need to think of something."
"I've got it," says the quick-thinking Gore. "We'll each hide in one of these trees. When the dog tracks you down, just make an animal sound to confuse him."
The three agree on Gore's plan, each man picks a tree, and conceals himself in the foliage.
The rebels arrive at Clinton's tree first.
"Whatta you got up there?" the rebel handler asks.
And from the high branches comes a clear "MEEOOWW."
"Aw, that's just an ole pussy cat. What's the matter with you?!!" the rebel exclaims as he drags the puzzled pooch away from the tree.
Next, the rebels arrive at Gore's tree. The dog reacts the same as before and his handler asks the same question.
And from the top of the tree comes a plaintive "WHOOO-WHOOO."
Now the handler is really ticked.
"That's nothing but an old hooty-owl. You really are the dumbest dog alive!!"
Moving onward, the rebels finally reach Bush's tree. Again the dog does his act and the hopeful rebel asks him, somewhat sarcastically, what he has treed now.
And from the leafy loft comes a tentative, "Uh - MOOO."

[LiberalTechie1337]

14. Presidents and the Airplane

Jimmy Carter, Bill Clinton, George W. Bush, and John Kerry are on an airplane. Carter stands up and says, "I'm going to make someone happy today" and he drops a $100 bill out the plane for someone to find. Clinton then stands up and says, "Well, I'm gonna make 10 people happy today" and he drops 10 $100 bills out the plane. After seeing this, John Kerry stands up and says "I'm gonna make the whole country happy today" and he throws Bush out the window.

[AlFrankenFan]

18. lmao n/t

[More Than A Feeling]

15. How about this?

A man walks into a bar and sees Colin Powell and the President talking. He walks over and says, "Hey, what are you talking about?"
Bush says, "We are planning the invasion of Iraq, and we have just determined that it will kill 50,000 Iraqis and a bicycle repairman."
"Why the bicycle repairman?" asked the man.
Bush turned to Powell and said, " See? I told you no one would notice the 50,000 dead Iraqis!"

[TOhioLiberal]

16. The old man and the marine.

One sunny day in 2005, an old man approached the White House from across
Pennsylvania avenue, where he'd been sitting on a park bench. He spoke to
the Marine standing guard and said, "I would like to go in and meet with
President Bush."

The Marine replied, "sir, Mr. Bush is no longer president and no longer
resides here."

The old man said, "OK," and walked away.

The following day, the same man approached the white house and said to the
same Marine, "I would like to go in and meet with President Bush."

The Marine again told the man, "sir, as I said yesterday, Mr. Bush is no
longer president and no longer resides here."

The man thanked him and again walked away.

The third day, the same man approached the White House and spoke to the very
same Marine, repeating, "I would like to go in and meet with President
Bush."

The Marine, understandably agitated at this point, looked at the man and
intoned, "sir, this is the third day in a row you have been here asking to
speak to Mr. Bush. I've told you already that Mr. Bush is no longer the
president and no longer resides here. Don't you understand?"

The old man replied, "oh, I understand. I just love hearing it."

The marine snapped to attention, saluted, and said, "see you tomorrow, sir!"

[Hailtothechimp]

19. A man walks into a bar with a robot bartender....

The robot bartender asks "what is your IQ?"

The man says 150.

The robot gets the man a drink and begins talking to him about quantum physics. The man thinks to himself, this is pretty cool. So he finishes his drink and leaves the bar.

A minute later, the man re-enters the same bar. The robot bartender asks "What is your IQ?"

This time the man says 100.

The robot gets the man a drink and starts talking about baseball. The man thinks to himself, this is really cool. So he finishes his drink and leaves the bar again.

A minute later, the man walks into the bar a third time. The robot bartender asks "what is your IQ?"

This time the man says 50.

THe robot gets the man a drink and says "bu$h supporter, huh?"