I am shy anyone else? it really makes me have a hard time socializing

[JohnKleeb]

I am pretty good around other guys but I get nervous around girls. I really havent had a girlfriend ever maybe thats a good thing maybe its bad. I just need to work on it especially this year, I am like a junior. I dont know my problem, maybe its natural nervousness, dont know what I am gonna say, yet I can talk to y'all fine without getting nervous or im chat yet face to face I am horrible especially with girls. Maybe I am too shy, I dont know my problem really.

[WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot]

1. Girls are people too

Half of them are going to be nervous talking to you too. There really is no cure for being shy other than working past it. If I could do it, you should have no problem.

[JohnKleeb]

2. I dunno whiskey

I am pretty shy :(. I realize they are bound to be nervous.

[Pert_UK]

3. I used to be, but kinda grew out of it.....

As you find yourself socialising more and more you'll get more comfortable with just general, casual chatting IMHO.

The main thing, I suppose, is to try not to worry about it too much. It's a vicious circle, but the more you worry about talking in front of people / girls, the more uptight you get and the more likely you are to say something embarrassing, which will then make you feel even worse.

One other piece of advice - although many people feel less inhibited and more relaxed after a couple of drinks, it's vitally important not to either over-do the booze, or rely on it to create you a whole new personality. You might find it easier to chat after a beer at a party, but nobody likes the slurring drunken idiot who can't shut up!

All the best.

P.

[Kenneth ken]

4. I know shy

it's not a particularly desirable character-trait.

two exercises:

1. study how you post on DU; how long do you spend typing a reply to a post? Work on cutting down the time; that will help you learn to compose your thoughts quickly and concisely.

2. each day at school, compose a topic in your head, pick a random girl, go up to her, ask if you can speak to her a minute, and spew your topic-of-the-day to her. Finish by asking her opinion.
She may laugh, or whatever. Doesn't matter. It gives you practice talking to girls, lets you see that if a girl laughs, you won't die. And maybe you impress girls with your wit and charm.

oh - see if you can get into the drama club, if your school has one.

good luck, have fun!

[JohnKleeb]

5. thanks everyone glad to see I am not alone

and thanks for the tips.

[gkdmaths]

6. DUDE!

Quit sweatin' it!

Before long, you'll be a grown-up nerd and you'll be proud of it. It will make you unique and special, and because of that your door will be flooded with loads of women anxious to be with you because you are who you are.

and they'll be the right women. (perhaps a few dudes too, but ya never know)

trust me, I know. ;-)

well, so there's a few women...but they're the right chicks, man :thumbsup:

[JohnKleeb]

7. I am no nerd

All the others my age here are in :) AP classes, I am regular :).

[Pert_UK]

8. And another thing.....

Although you might be really worried about speaking up in public or to girls, and scared of saying something stupid, nobody else will know about your concerns. It's not like everyone is waiting for a huge statement to come from you and just itching to shoot you down.

Seriously, it's not like you've got to stop everyone, appeal for silence and then make an announcement - nobody will even know that you're nervous, so don't worry so much about being judged and just chip in when the time's right. You make it worse for yourself if you picture every conversation as a formal, distinct event which will go down in history - it all flows, and most things will be forgotten in 5 minutes.

Also, always remember that EVERYONE says something stupid from time to time, but rather than getting embarrassed, if you can laugh at yourself and get everyone else laughing too, then they'll remember that you made them laugh, not that you said something silly. If you stuff up, say "What a dumbass, I meant...." and you defuse the situation.

[DemBones DemBones]

9. With the election coming up, more people (including girl people)

will be getting interested in politics so you should have more opportunities to talk about a favorite subject with your peers in school. It's always easier to be comfortable talking about something you know something about.

Check your DU mail box.

[JohnKleeb]

10. ok wheres my pm

[caledesi]

11. JohnKleeb, I LOVE shy men,so

if this is your personality don't try to become someone you are not. It will only make you MORE nervous and won't be perceived as sincere.

JK, my prediction is the some day you will meet the RIGHT girlfriend for you....there are plenty of girls out there that are attracted to "shy" guys.

The only drawback to being shy, is having patience. You will meet someone.

There are plenty of shy husbands. (I am married to one)!

[qb]

12. Good rule of thumb - ask questions

It's an old cliche, but people like to talk about themselves. Ask their opinions about current events, school assignements, whatever. Work out in advance a bunch of questions and follow-ups. It may feel mechanical at first, but it works, and eventually you'll feel natural engaging others in conversation.

[Breezy du Nord]

13. You talk to them on the internet well...

that's not quite the same, but still...

Seriously though, there was this guy I really liked all through middle school that I went to mexico with. When i first found out he was going too, I wasn't sure what i was going to say to him.

By the end of the trip we were really good friends. So I suppose my solution to your dilemma is to find a girl you like and get stuck on a plane with her for about 4 hours. But then, maybe that won't work...

My problem with boys is that all of my friends who were boys were really short and I was really tall so we looked really stupid together. Then I really stopped caring how we looked, but at any rate, hang in there john, girls love shy guys, especially smart ones.

Breezy