Feeling blue today

[Beware the Beast Man]

The first time I've felt this way in a long, long time. I'm close to $50, 000 in debt (student loans included). I have anxiety almost daily. I miss my friends and family back in PA. I'm addicted to cigarettes and just can't stop no matter how hard I try. I'm 100 pounds overweight and despite losing 15 so far, it's an uphill struggle. I'd seek counseling, but I can barely afford to get prescriptions filled. My wife and I can't start a family because we can barely afford to support ourselves. I feel like I've let her down. Watching the news scares the shit out of me. It seems as if lately I'm making more enemies than friends here on DU. Even my faith is in question thanks to all this nonsense over abuse scandals and denial of communion. Mind you, an acute fear of death keeps me from being suicidal. I would never do it. All I want to do is crawl into a quiet space.

[iconoclastic cat]

1. Dude!

First of all, don't read anything into the actions (or cyberactions) of your fellow DUers. I have thought the same thing, but I realized that negative, immature responses do not warrant any further consideration.

More in a second...

[MissMillie]

2. You need to have something in your life

that brings you nothing but joy. Seems you have lost pleasure in even the things that should make you happy--your wife (you feel like you've let her down), your faith, and even food has let you down (trust me, I know this one all too well).

Any chance you can get some credit counselling? Some organizations even do it on a sliding scale.

And find something... anything... to bring you some joy. Life is too short to live it without joy.

[Ruffhowse]

3. Hang in there-I can relate to getting trapped in the blues.

The best advice I can give is don't focus on the feelings. Acknowledge them and accept them, but don't focus on them. Focus instead on whatever action, big or small, you can do to improve your situation. That takes you out of getting lost in the feelings to looking outward and being active. Once you start accomplishing things and making progress, no matter how little, you start to reinforce your actions with positive feedback. Hope this helps at least a little.

[sniffa]

4. i consider you a friend

[EstimatedProphet]

5. You could be my twin from 5 years ago

Especially the acute fear of death part...
I hope it doesn't sound trite, but things can and do get better. You're at a low period, but you won't always be there.
One thing that can help: find something that you do enjoy a great deal. For me it was fencing and aikido; I could lose myself in those things and feel better, at least for a while. It helped.
Also, crawling into a quiet space isn't a bad idea. Maybe a mental health day or two might help.

[iconoclastic cat]

6. And furthermore:

Okay, let's take this one step at a time. I'll have to be brief, because I have a crapload of resumes to send this morning.

1. Debt--I'm sure somebody out here can help you with specific resources, but I know there have to be strategies for tackling this. Mrs. Cat and I only use our credit card for emergencies, for instance.

2. Smoking--Check out my wife's favorite non-political forum: http://groups.msn.com/FreedomFromTobaccoQuitSmokingNow/messageboard/gen
She smoked for 13 years, tried everything and still couldn't kick. Then she found this forum, quit cold turkey (the only way--I did it too), and has been smoke-free ever since.
By the way, for a shocker, calculate exactly how much you spend on cigarettes in a year. Try putting that away toward you debt.

3. Weight--Yep. Mrs. Cat and I have been walking 4 miles per day, doing pilates every other day, and avoiding all sugar. We eat regular portions now, though, because when you try to starve yourself, your body goes into fat-conservation mode.

4. Counseling--Don't even get me started on this. Unless you're suicidal or agoraphobic, my opinion is that counseling is not productive. If I say any more, I'm going to offend someone. My opinion.

5. Starting a family--Yeah, we were in that spot, but you know what, I know so many people who are damn near broke who seem to be able to have (and feed, clothe, nurture) kids, I say go ahead! There is never a perfect time to have kids.

6. Marriage--Keep communicating, at all costs. And, schedule fun!

7. News--Again, don't get me started! Do what you can to create the world that you want.

Other ideas: Mrs. Cat is volunteering with a literacy program for inner-city special ed students; try finding something that you feel is important, and spend some time doing it. I also find that writing and playing music helps--and it's free!

[johnnie]

7. Write some music

And chalk this blue feeling up to life. I get them once and a while, and they go away sooner or later. Think of the good things you have in life and concentrate on that for a little.

Here is one of my favorite Zen stories:

There was once a man who was being chased by a ferocious tiger across a field. At the edge of the field there was a cliff. In order to escape the jaws of the tiger, the man caught hold of a vine and swung himself over the edge of the cliff. Dangling down, he saw, to his dismay, there were more tigers on the ground below him! And, furthermore, two little mice were gnawing on the vine to which he clung. He knew that at any moment he would fall to certain death. That's when he noticed a wild strawberry growing on the cliff wall. Clutching the vine with one hand, he plucked the strawberry with the other and put it in his mouth.

He never before realized how sweet a strawberry could taste.

[demnan]

8. Have you considered

contacting one of those debt management companies?

Believe me, debt can change your whole outlook on life. You need some help getting out of those impossibly high interest rates. It took me a long time and believe me I know. I just bought my first home. I was in such debt for years I couldn't afford one.

Some credit cards will give you 0 interest. That's how I happened to pay my debt off. That and the last $4,000 was included in the mortgage.

Consolidate and move that debt!

[Beware the Beast Man]

9. Thanks, everyone for the advice

I don't know, I just had a little pang this morning. Thanks for being so kind.

[MissMillie]

10. Everyone has those days

and sometimes the best we can do is give a :hug:

[livetohike]

11. Hey fellow Pgh. Steelers fan!

:hi:

I enjoy bantering with you on DU! I share your pain in living away from home and I'm really far away.

Don't try to attack all of the things you feel you need to change at once. Take one goal at a time. You've made some progress with your weight loss for instance.

Things will get better :-) .