not sure how many more times I can take this.

[ulysses]

As some DUers know (because I keep posting about it here), Ms Uly and I have been in the open adoption process for a little over two years. We had our first match in March, which was last minute and didn't work out for reasons we never knew.

At the end of May, we met with a birthmom and dad and hit it off really well. They told us three or four weeks ago that they wanted us to be the parents of the child, which was due a week ago today, July 8th. We really thought this was the one.

We found out yesterday that she'd had the baby Tuesday night, a boy. They'd told us that they would call us to the hospital before she gave birth, so that was a kick in the stomach. Then today, she finally called and told us that she'd decided to parent the child.

Honestly, I do understand (at least as much as I can) the kind of experience that she's had and why it would lead her to about-face on nine months worth of intent to place the child for adoption and two months worth of bonding with us. I imagine that by tomorrow I won't be angry any more, although the feeling of having had a child die will take longer to fade.

It's just that having your hopes and emotions nakedly flapping in the breeze gets old. We met with her folks, his mom, we were willing to let them visit often and send pictures regularly, we were scraping to help with expenses...only to be told today that she just knows that we'll be great parents. The unspoken coda is, "if we ever get the chance".

</vent>

[GOPisEvil]

1. Damn, damn, damn...

...that's just...heart-wrenching.

A :hug: for you and Mrs. Uly. Your time will come.

[ulysses]

7. thanks, David

Good to have you still pulling for us. :)

[Cats Against Frist]

2. Not to make light of your situation,

but why don't you adopt a child that already has parental rights severed?

[ulysses]

6. we really want an open adoption

and we really want a baby the first time around.

That said, I did start looking at fostering and state agency adoption again last night.

[demnan]

3. Have you considered adopting from another country?

I know there are people who go overseas to adopt children. Also there are abused kids in need of homes all over the country if you don't have to settle for a baby.

[ulysses]

9. overseas = great expense

and we're already in about $10k. We've thought about abused and older kids and we may do that later, but we're just not in a position right now to take on that kind of child.

[Misinformed01]

4. We are so sorry

For you and MrsUly--I can't even imagine the pain and disappointment.

Stephanie and Michael

[ulysses]

11. thanks, guys

It's hard. The one in March wasn't as great a surprise. This one just hurts.

[Dookus]

5. I'm sorry, Uly

that's gotta be really difficult.

[ulysses]

12. thanks, Dookus

:)

[MuseRider]

8. That is brutal.

I am sorry. It must feel like a death to you. Take care. :hug:

[ulysses]

14. it really does.

It's a different thing than the waiting with no contacts, different kind of pain. Thanks.

[Crewleader]

10. I'm sorry to hear this....

you both will succeed, don't give up! :hug:

[ulysses]

15. thanks, Crew.

Call it a lesson in persistance. :hi:

[Magrittes Pipe]

13. Damn, Uly.

I'm sorry to hear that. :hug:

[ulysses]

16. thanks

I know you've had your own pain lately. :hi:

[Padraig18]

17. I'm sorry, Uly...

Never give up, lad; somewhere, someday, somehow you will become wonderful parents to a child--- I just know it!

:hug::loveya:

[ulysses]

18. I appreciate it, Paddy

:)

[johnnie]

19. I remember your post from a few weeks back

I'm truly saddened to hear about all you are going through with this. Keep up some faith, I believe you will become the parents to the right child.

[ulysses]

20. faith

comes harder the third time around. Still, it's not as if we want to be parents any less than we did on Monday, so we recoup and go back at it. We're going to go visit some friends out of state tomorrow, drink too much and play poker, so that'll help. :)

[Red State Rebel]

21. Awww crap!

It took me almost 3 years to get pregnant with my daughter, I will never forget how horrible those years were for me. Seeing other people with babies and wondering why, crying every time I started another period. Dr. visits, uncomfortable proceedures and medications, temperature charts and everything else...

It has to be so devastating going thru this process twice! Please try to keep faith - I know it must be so hard by now.

I'll be praying for you!

[Coventina]

22. My deepest condolences

I have a close friend who has an adoption horror story of her own, so I know something of the pain, though not first-hand.

I believe the Goddess will send you a child.

Blessed be.....

[greatauntoftriplets]

23. Very sorry to hear that....

Maybe this will help. The triplets' parents went through three rounds of in vitro fertilization before my niece conceived. IVF is easy for the man, but the woman must undergo several weeks of painful injections, plus the procedures where the eggs are removed and then replanted after fertilization.

But, the third time was the charm, and the evidence is Christian, Jordan and Alexandra who will be four at the end of October.

[flamingyouth]

24. Oh, I am so sorry

I am sure thinking of you guys. :cry:

[nothingshocksmeanymore]

25. Aw Uly

regrets to you and Mrs Uly...I know this breaks your heart