Bush-Cheney: Right-wingers extraordinaire

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Bush-Cheney, the Most Right-wing Ticket in History

Republicans have made much noise about Kerry-Edwards being the "first and fourth most liberal" US Senators. What they haven't told you is that this was established by analysis with the Halliburton Liberalometer(tm), which is only accurate when the analyzer has consumed large quantities of hallucinogens. But that's a different story...and a fun way to kill a Saturday night in an undisclosed bunker.

What Republicans know, but won't admit, is that the Bush-Cheney ticket is the most right-wing in the history of the US. This is easily proven by their four years in office. They far exceed the right-wingedness of even Ron Reagan, who was recently appointed Vice-God. Indeed, Reagan pales in comparison to the brazen "rightness" of our current (alleged) leaders.

War

Reagan, and every other Republican President before him, needed an actual reason to go to war, pretend reasons weren't good enough. Not Bush-Cheney! These guys don't fool around with silly, time wasting things like international law (which, like science, they claim doesn't exist) or waiting for countries to become an actual threat or develop WMDs. No, no, no! Pretend reasons are more than enough for the Dysfunctional Duo. They destroyed a country because of "WMD program-related activities", which I believe translates into 'Saddam had IODIZED table salt." The bastard! No right-winger before these heroes would have thought that up.

Of course, Reagan does deserve partial due to his being a co-inventor (with Cheney) of the Welfare of Mass Destruction of the 1980s. Places like Iraq and Pakistan could never have been the imaginary menace that they later became without the help of good conservatives like Reagan and Cheney.

But it took the combined rightness of Bush-Cheney to use this program to start a full-blown war against a country that hadn't attacked us, couldn't attack us, and seemed to be more or less minding its own business. Now THAT's conservatism!

Jobs and Taxes

Conservatives have always abhorred taxes. It seems to be in their blood or genes or anti-depressants. Previously, conservatives have just used the rather blunt approach of simply reducing taxes. Not Bush-Cheney, oh no! They came up with the rather novel idea that when people are thrown out of work, they stop paying taxes. Therefore, the fewer people working, the larger the tax-cut. This program has been a stunning success and has led to a world-record $700 billion swing in our budget, from a near $300 billion surplus to a $400 billion deficit. And it only gets better from here!

Domestic Issues

The average right-winger would have used 9/11 as a reason to level Afghanistan and discriminate against Muslims here at home. Not Bush-Cheney! No, sirree! They leveled what they could in Afghanistan, and were sorely disappointed at how precious little there was to bomb, so they went on bomb Iraq, too...even though Iraq had nothing to do with anything. It only made sense since Bush-Cheney believes that we'll eventually have to bomb everyone. Canada had better watch its step!

But first they turned their attention to protecting America, which they have renamed Homelandia apparently. Their reasoning was that if they just protected us from the Muslims, it would be discrimination; but if they protected us from EVERYONE (even ourselves) not only would we would be much safer, it wouldn't be discrimination. And if they could work torture into the law, it would appeal to their base and those that their base hold hostage.

The only thing that stood between them and their goal was that pesky Constitution. Fortunately, they thought of a way around that: The Patriot Act. Now that huge portions of the Constitution have been rendered more impotent than Bob Dole and Mike Ditka put together (not a pretty thought, is it?), "America is safer" according to Bush. Of course, we're still not safe enough. Bush-Cheney need to figure out how to postpone/cancel elections. After all, the terraists can't disrupt the elections if we don't have 'em! These achievements dwarf anything any right-winger before even attempted!

Clearly, Bush-Cheney are the most right-wing ticket in American History.

[Nicholas D Wolfwood]

1. How the general populace was ever duped into the notion

that they were moderates or uniters is far beyond me. Some people are fucking gullible.