Post your all-time favorite Homer Simpson lines.

[Kid_A]

"If that horse loses, we're taking a trip to the glue factory. And he won't get to come!"

Marge: "Homer, the power plant called and they said if you don't show up for work today then don't bother showing up Monday either."
Homer: "Woohoo! Four-day weekend!"


Best. Show. EVER.

[Zeke]

1. Here You Go...

"Son, it's every parents dream to out-live their children." H.Simpson

[kingdamon]

2. Beer, the cause of and solution to all of mans problems. n/t

[Beware the Beast Man]

3. "Alcohol."

"The solution to, and cause of, life's problems."


"Donuts....is there anything they can't do?"


EDIT_ I'm paraphrasing.

[skypilot]

4. "He'd better not be in my ass-groove!!"

:donut:

[trotsky]

5. Dialog from the high school reunion episode

Marge: "Time to go to the reunion!"
Homer: "It'll be great seeing the old gang again: Potsie, Ralph Malph, the Fonz..."
Marge: "That was Happy Days!"
Homer: "No, they weren't all happy days. Like the time Pinky Tuscadero crashed her motorcycle, or the night I lost all my money to those card sharks and my dad Tom Bosley had to get it back."
Marge: "Hmmmmmmm"

[Fenris]

6. "A ghost terrorizing my children is one thing;"

"it's another thing entirely when he starts playing my Theremin!"

[ET Awful]

8. hehehe I'd forgotten about that one :) n/t

[ET Awful]

7. "Sweet Merciful CRAP!"

and, of course . . .

"Alright brain, I don't like you, and you don't like me, so just get me through this exam so I can go back to killing you slowly with beer."

[AngryAmish]

9. "Remember when daddy hit the referee with the whisky bottle?"

[underpants]

12. Daddy's down for the day why don't you go capture him some potato salad

One of my alltime faves.

[commander bunnypants]

10. The classic D'OH

DDQM

[chelsea0011]

83. Yes....Admit it. you use it.

[underpants]

11. "Okay... I was down at Moe's eating mustard packages"

The episode with the X-Files

Mulder is asking him about what he was doing the night they saw the "alien" (really Mr.Burns post treatments to cheat death for another week)

Homer:"Ah yes I remember that evening, I retired to the gentleman's club where over a game of ......

Mulder:"Mr.Simpson you do realize that it is a crime to lie to a federal officer don't you?"

Homer"Okay, I was down at Moe's eating mustard packages"

Something like that.

[johnnie]

13. The time when the family was trying to escape the sheriff

They were heading for the train tracks with a train coming.
Marge says "Homer, you'll kill us all"
Homer says "Or die trying"

Guess you would have had to be there.

[BigMcLargehuge]

14. I guess I shouldn't have eaten that packet of powdered gravy I found

in the parking lot.

See Bart, you're not the only one who can abuse a charity.

Time to take out the trash! (throws Selma and Patty onto the lawn)

You know Marge, in some ways you and I are two very different people. (when Marge suggests that just because Homer saw a billboard for a clown college doens't mean he has to enroll)

That's it! You've stood in the way of my dreams long enough! I'm going to clown college!"

I am so smart. S - M - R - T.

[vivalarev]

20. "Its pronounced NUKE-LE-AR"

btw - this episode aired before bush took office

[VelmaD]

32. Hate to nitpick ya...

but what he says is, "It's pronounced Nuke-u-lar."

[ET Awful]

15. I've seen teams suck before. . .

but they were the suckiest bunch of sucks who ever sucked.

[underpants]

28. Not the DENVER BRONCOS!!!!

Your quote was about the Isotopes I know but I always loved that Homer (a Cowboys fan) didn't want the Broncos.

[ET Awful]

30. Marge you just don't understand football :) n/t

[Fenris]

16. "If only God were alive to see this!"

[Tredge]

17. Soldier: "Name please!"

Homer: "Certainly. I'm.. the piano genius from the.. movie 'Shine!'"

Soldier: "Uh huh, and your name is?"

Homer: "Uhh...Shiny McShine?"

[Syrinx]

18. Homer when he was on medical marijuana

"I could walk up to the president and blow smoke in his stupid monkey face."

[BigMcLargehuge]

23. dude, this guy sounds just like Flanders!

One of the few recents ones that doesn't outright suck.

[Nightjock]

33. You forgot to say in YOUR opinion.....

Even episodes I think suck are funny when I see the rerun.
(In my opinion.)

Favorite line

"TRYING is the first step towards failure."

[Fenris]

19. "Simpson, Homer Simpson!"

"The greatest guy in History!
From the heart of Springfield,
He's about to hit a chestnut tree!"

[Toby109]

21. After a candy machine-induced coma

Marge: You lost 5% of your brain!
Homer: Me lose brain?... Why I laugh?

[lil-petunia]

22. hey dude,

"I WILL run for GOP senator from Illinois."

[Fenris]

24. "God, you're everywhere. You're omnivorous."

[underpants]

26. (praying) If you are up there...SAVE ME SUPERMAN!

:bounce:

[Fenris]

29. "Jesus, Allah, Buddha, I love you all!"

[flamingyouth]

34. You beat me to it

:D

[baldguy]

25. You tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is never try.

Donuts! Is there anything they can't do?

[NewHampshireDem]

27. Well, I don't know if it's my favorite, but ...

It's the one I say most often:

"Outta my way, jerkass!"

I think most of my favorite quotes come from "The Cartridge Family" episode, when Homer joins the NRA ...

--"Five days!? But I'm mad now!"

--"A gun is not a weapon, Marge. It's a tool, like a butcher's knife or a harpoon or...uh...an alligator"

--"I felt this incredible surge of power, like God must feel when HE'S holding a gun"

--"Hey! It's a handgun! Isn't it great? This is the trigger, this is the thing you point at whatever you want to die..."

--"See you in hell...dinner plate!"

And how about the best Treehouse of Horror Quote: "Don't blame me, I voted for Kodos!"

My favorite from Lionel Hutz: "Mr. Simpson, this is the most blatent case of fraugulent case of advertising since my suit against the film 'The Neverending Story.'"

[underpants]

31. Cut..this whole page is cut...GROENIG?! I already cut you....cut...Soo cut

during the credits after he was the football coach. Classic

[Zolok]

38. "Facts?!!...

You can prove anything with FACTS!"
:)

[Maestro]

46. Here is one

Homer: Lisa, if the Bible has taught us nothing else, and it hasn't, it's that girls should stick to girls sports, such as hot oil wrestling and foxy boxing and such and such.

[Malikshah]

52. You're cut shushhy...:)

Love that last one.

[underpants]

72. Cut.......Azaria you're cut....Namath you stay...Shearer, cut.............

:bounce:

[Tredge]

35. From the Missionary episode

Homer: "Now, if The Flintstones has taught us anything, it's that pelicans can be used to mix cement."

Native: "Homer, why are you building a chapel?"
Homer: "Because you are all horrible sinners."
Native: "Since when?"
Homer: "Since I came here."

And the classic of them all...

Homer: "OH SAVE ME JEEBUS!!!"

[Fenris]

36. "Good things don't end with 'eum'. They end with 'mania' ... or 'tarium'."

[flamingyouth]

37. Wow, you're good

You're starting to remind me a little of the comic book guy this morning. ;)

[Fenris]

42. Well, he's probably about 3 or 4 Fenrises

I'm not a hefty fellow.:D

[flamingyouth]

43. THAT'S not what I meant

Although I'm happy for you, nonetheless.:D

[Worst Username Ever]

39. mmm... floor pie.

[tcfrogs]

76. One of my faves, too

We have a refrigerator magnet with that on it.

Welcome the the 500 club, too!!!

[Fenris]

40. "I don't apologize. I am sorry Lisa, that's the way I am."

[flamingyouth]

41. LOL

:loveya:

[Fenris]

44. "Don't eat me. I have a wife and kids. Eat them!"

:loveya:

[flamingyouth]

63. Did I tell you I once met Matt Groening in college?

He was the keynote speaker at a college journalism conference I went to in New Orleans. He came up to us and said that ours was his favorite paper in the country, and that we were "really out there on the edge."

Whoa, that was high praise indeed.

[Fenris]

66. Neat!

:D

The only celebrity I've ever met was Matthew Perry. :crazy:

[flamingyouth]

68. I swam once with Pearl Bailey

In a Holiday Inn pool in Sparks, Nevada. I was about three or four. She was very nice to me.

So, how long did you wait in line at the mall to meet Matthew Perry, anyway?:evilgrin:

[Fenris]

71. LOL!

Actually, it was entirely random that I met him. He sat next to me at a showing of "Star Wars: The Special Edition" at Mann's Chinese.

Ah, fond memories of my brief California life. My mother saw Rosie O'Donnell and Penny Marshall in a K-Mart filming a commercial. My dad saw Larry King at a restaurant in Calabasas. My sister got Kurt Russell's autograph on a golf course. California is a strange place.:D

[dr.strangelove]

45. Too Many - but here is my favs

When you participate in sporting events, it's not whether you win or lose, it's how drunk you get.

What have I done? I smashed open my little boy's piggy bank, and for what, a few measly cents? Not even enough to buy one beer ... Wait a minute, lemme count and make sure ... Nope, not even close.

Upon meeting the giant one-eyed aliens ... "Please don't eat me. I have a wife and kids. Eat them."

If the Bible has taught us nothing else, and it hasn't, it's that girls should stick to girls' sports: such as hot oil wrestling and foxy boxing.

I'm not a bad guy. I work hard and I love my kids. So why should I spend half my Sunday hearing about how I'm going to Hell?

[Fenris]

47. Do you want to change your name to Homer Jr.? The kids can call you Hoju!"

[Nightjock]

51. LOLOLOL

I forgot about that one!

[Reverend_Smitty]

I named a goldfish I once had Hoju

that name just cracks me up!

[Fenris]

48. "I like my beer cold ... my TV loud ... and my homosexuals flaming."

[Malikshah]

54. Uh, it's fah-laming

:) it's all in the delivery...;)

[GOPisEvil]

49. I'm not normally a religious man,

but if you're up there, save me Superman!

[Richardo]

64. you got mine!

:D

[GOPisEvil]

50. Marge, old people don't need companionship.

They need to be isolated and studied so it can be determined what nutrients they have that might be extracted for our personal use.

[Malikshah]

53. Hmmm urninal cakes...

Or is it urinal fresh?

(Episode where he quits to take a job in the bowling alley, but then Marge gets pregnant w/ Maggie..)

[LiberalTechie1337]

55. I've been a fan of this one since SElection 2000

Lisa: The bird sanctuary! They've ruined it!
Homer: No, they didn't. They just surrounded it wit something wonderful, like a MONKEY IN A COWBOY SUIT. (emphasis mine)

[Fenris]

56. "This perpetual motion machine she made is a joke!"

"It just keeps going faster and faster. Lisa, get in here! In this house, we obey the laws of THERMODYNAMICS!"

[Fenris]

57. "Lisa, remember me as I am - filled with murderous rage!"

[cmf]

58. "Me so hungy"

In the one where he does a hunger strike to protest the Springfield Isotopes move to Albuquerque.

[NewHampshireDem]

75. "I'm kinda like Jesus, but not in a sacriligeous way."

:)

[cmf]

77. That episode is one of my all-time favorites

And it was on last night. Laughed MAO.

[Fenris]

59. "Lisa do I have my pants on?"

[VelmaD]

60. Bioduplication...Nude alien conspiracies...

OH MY GOD! Lyndon LaRouche was right!

:)

[Zolok]

73. "Kill my boss?

do I dare live out the American Dream??"

[Reverend_Smitty]

61. some good ones

Homer : Does this make me look fat?
Lisa : No, it makes you look like a tool of govt. oppression.
Homer : But not fat?

You kids are no help at all. Go to your rooms and spank yourselves

Homer : It is spelled M-A-X-P-O-W-
Woman : Monograms are just initials, sir.
Homer : Max Power does not abbreviate. Each letter is as important as the one that precedes it ... may be more important.

Television! Teacher, mother, secret lover.

Lisa, Vampires are make-believe, like elves, gremlins, and eskimos.

and the list goes on and on...

[baldguy]

74. Come, children!

Let us bask in the warm glowing warming glow of television!

[Fenris]

62. "Pffft, English. Who needs that? I'm never going to England."

[Kid_A]

65. Here's another fave of mine:

Flanders: "Homer, I can't help but notice that you took all the flowers out of my garden."
Homer: "You can't make a float without flowers."
Flanders: "True enough, but did you have to salt the earth so that nothing will ever grow there again?"
Homer: "Heh heh, yeah."

[Reverend_Smitty]

67. I am a rageaholic...

I need rage-ohol!

[patcox2]

69. Beer, the cause of, and the solution to, all of life's problems.

The code of the schoolyard: Never snitch, always make fun of people who are different, and never, ever, say anything, unless you are absoultely sure that everyone else thinks exactly the same way.

Homer: Son, no matter how hard you practice and how good you get at something, there will always be about a zillion people who are way better than you.
Bart: Got it, don'y try, it doesn't matter. (words to that effect).

[Reverend_Smitty]

70. Thats it young lady...I've had enough of your Vassar bashing

[SmileyBoy]

78. "But Marge, it's making my eyes better. And it's legal..."

"I could blow smoke in the president's stupid monkey face, and he'd just have to be grooooovin in it."

[SmileyBoy]

79. "Trabampoline!!! Trumbopoline!!!"

"Ooh look, they're giving away surplus drums of mayonaise from Operation Desert Storm!!!"

[NewHampshireDem]

84. "Sax-a-ma-phome ... sax-a-ma-phome."

:0

[bloodyjack]

80. Marge: Do you want your son to become become Chief Justice

of the Supreme Court, or a sleazy male stripper?

Homer: Can't he be both, like the late Earl Warren?

Marge: Earl Warren wasn't a stripper!

Homer: NOW who's being naive!

[bloodyjack]

81. Homer: You know, when I was a boy,

I really wanted a catcher's mitt, but my dad wouldn't get it for me. So I held my breath until I passed out and banged my head on the coffee table. The doctor thought I might have brain damage!

Bart: Dad, what's the point of this story?

Homer: I like stories.

[bloodyjack]

82. Protest signs on Duff Beer commercial before getting soaked w/ beer:

—WE ARE NOT SEX OBJECTS

—DOWN WITH SEXISM

—EQUALITY NOW

Protest signs on Duff Beer commercial after getting soaked w/ beer

—GET ME DRUNK

—PARTY DOWN

—I'M EASY!

[NewHampshireDem]

85. "Quit banging my wife!"

I love the trouble-making donkey ... and the headline "Local Man Ruins Everything" :)