I am terribly conflicted.

[trof]

But I'm not putting this in the form of a "What should I do?" poll.
I'd just like to hear your thoughts.
Maybe I'm looking for some positive reinforcement for a decision I'm not entirely happy with.

1. My favorite (only) uncle (86) had a stroke last week. He lives a little over 700 miles away.
I am very close to him and his daughter and son. Miz t. and I were with all of them at his birthday party in May.
Chances of recovery are nil. His wife died about 4 years ago. I think he welcomes death, as much as a God believing man can.
He is in hospice, and we are just waiting for the end.

2. Next Wednesday we plan to attend the wedding of the son of our closest friends. I mean REALLY close. Like brother and sister. Their son is like one of our own. The wedding is in the hinterlands of British Columbia. About 8 hours from Vancouver. My daughter, son-in-law, and 2 year old grandson Jack are also going. We'll meet in Seattle and proceed together to final destination. They are counting on at least one of us to help with Jack. We'll be gone for a week. We plan to stop in Seattle on the way home for three days to see family and friends there. We booked airline tickets, hotel rooms, and rental cars months ago.
I'm ashamed to let money enter into this, but we're on the hook for around $3000 (non-refundable) that we can really ill afford.
A guy's gotta do what a guy's gotta do.

My window of opportunity to attend my uncle's funeral closed today. If he dies tonight, I don't think the funeral could be held before Monday. We need a day before our Wednesday departure to get pets to the vet, and generally get last minute stuff squared away before we leave for the airport at 3:30 a.m. A Monday funeral would mean driving all day Tuesday. It just won't work.
I can't afford to fly, which would actually take almost as long as driving anyway.

Bonus: Our geriatric German Shepherd is on her last legs. She's damn near as much a member of our family as my uncle is. Just effing great.

So...I've decided to go to the wedding. I can just rationalize the hell out of this decision.
1. It's a celebration of the living.
2. I do not want to send Miz t. off on her own, given the difficulties with dealing with airport security, the current (who the hell knows?) terror alert, etc., etc. She's a big girl, but I just don't want to ship her off by herself. My daughter needs the help of at least one of us.
3. I don't really want to see my uncle lying up in a bed, non compos mentis. He's pretty much comatose and doesn't know anybody anyway.
4. I'm an atheist, so I don't think he'll be "looking down" or anything approaching that.

So why don't I feel "right" with my decision? I don't feel "wrong". Just not "right".
I think I'm doing what I "need" to do. But it bothers me.
OK, bring on the group hugs.
;-)

[NMDemDist2]

1. he won't care if you're at the funeral, but why don't you talk to

his kids and tell them what's going on

Tell them that you will be out of contact for a week and let them know you are thinking of them and wish you could be there...

did that help?

[trof]

2. Thanks. Anything helps at this point.

Both of his kids are great.
She said "If you need 'permission', I give you permission. I understand."
They understand the situation.
I still don't feel right.
Sometimes life just sux.

[madmax]

3. You just don't 'feel' right because...

you're a loving caring person, trof. It's ok - you'll always have fond memories of your uncle. I lost my favorite uncle a few years ago but, I always feel him near.


I agree with AZDem, talk to your cousins and tell them what's going on, I'm sure they will understand.

:hug: You're such a mensch!

[trof]

10. Thanks, max.

That's what I need, I guess.

[Shakespeare]

4. Celebrate the living--the dead will take care of their own.

I suspect your uncle would agree; honor him in the form of happy thoughts, fond memories and a toast of your favorite spirit.

[trof]

5. That's the way I feel.

It just pisses me off that this has all come together at the same time.
Thanks.

[Book Lover]

6. My two cents

Your cousins sound great - one actually gave you explicit permission to go. Now you need to give yourself permission to go and enjoy the wedding. I hope you can :-)

:hug:

[trof]

7. My call?

Maybe you're right.
Thanks.

[SW FL Dem]

8. Trust your gut. I missed my grandmother's funeral

I had a new job, family and an old sick dog in the hospital. My mom was miffed at the time, but she understood. I know what my grandmother would have said. I felt guilty at the time, but I know I did what was right for me. My grandmother was a feisty woman who put her family ahead of anything and I believe she wasn't upset I put my family first.

You know your uncle the best. If you know he would support your decision, you know you've done the right thing. Mourn his loss by celebrating life.

[trof]

9. Goin' with the gut.

I think Uncle Tom would say the same.
Thanks.