A day in the life of a liberal...

[Viking12]

On another board I frequent, I posted this response to a freeper who asked what I do for a living. My post was inspired by some of DU's great responses to "What is the Homosexual Agenda?" Given the very creative people here, I'll warmly accept suggestions to augment this little ditty...


Well Dave, since you already know what the stereotypical liberal does for a living, I probably don’t need to tell you what I do, but here’s a daily rundown.

10:00am – Get out of bed and go to the couch to wait for the welfare check to show up. In the meantime, I sit around pullin’ hits off the bong, soaking in as much librul media as I can, laugh at how stupid the RightWingNuts Stanley Hubbard, Rupert Murdoch, Gannett, Knight-Ridder, and Clear Channel are to allow their media conglomerates be used indoctrinate the populace with librul ideas.

1:00 – The welfare checks only come twice a month so the other 28 afternoons that I’m not at the casino to cash and spend my check I’m free to pick up a few extra bucks driving my sky-blue Cadillac around to force women to go to the abortion clinic. They pay $20 dollars for every woman I bring in with a $50 bonus for every teenage daughter of a registered Republican. On Thursdays I have a regular gig recruiting homosexuals by passing out literature at the local middle school. The best technique is to tell them how great it is to be gay because nobody ever bothers you and especially because they’ll have all kinds of special rights– again $50 bonus for every teenage recruit whose parent is a registered Republican.

4:20 – Back home for a few more pulls off the bong.

5:00 – Night School at the Academy for Communist Conspiracy and World Domination. Most courses are dedicated to the subversion of small businesses and other capitalist enterprises, but two nights a week are dedicated to eco-terrorrism where we learn cool things like torching SUVs.

9:00 - ??? – Satanic gatherings sponsored by the ACLU. We usually drink the blood of fetuses after we take acid, then we conjure pagan spirits to force G*d out of ‘murika.

Then it’s back to bed to do it all over again. Except on Saturdays, then I go fishing.

-or-

maybe I’m in sales.

[NMDemDist2]

1. ROFL have you got a response yet?

this i gotta hear!

[Viking12]

3. No response from the freeper

but several other participants were amused. Thnaks for the kind words.

[lachattefolle]

2. You're hilarious

but make sure the freeper knows you are kidding cuz they tend to be dense and you otherwise might get a visit from your friendly local FBI.

[Viking12]

4. I thought about that

but even if I siad I was joking, he probably would take as the truth. :)

[Kurt Remarque]

5. you need a latte. chill out and save those welfare checks for a volvo

[TroubleMan]

6. You should have told him you do his mom for a living

nt.

[Viking12]

7. Eeeewwwww...

I'm sure she's a freeper too. Heebie-jeebies.

[JohnnyRingo]

8. Hey !! ...Except that I get a pension check...

That sounds like someone's been following me around....And I label myself a moderately positioned Democrat.