PET PEEVE #680: When adults use pet names to refer to their grandparents

[markses]

OK. You're speaking to a co-worker at a popular lunch spot. You're having a conversation about, say, World War II. Blah blah blah, you're talking. Suddenly, your co-worker says "My grandpa was in the Marines, in the South Pacific, etc..." Um, your grandpa?!? We're both adults here; we're all growns up. Say "grandfather" like an adult! Yaaargh.

Situation 2: You're speaking to a perfectly rational and good-loking person that you're sexually interested in, over, say, cocktails. This person then launches into a story about his or her grammy, and I ain't talking a music award. Your grammy? What are you, five?

QUALIFIER: I do not mind if people use these terms when they are actually addressing their grandpa or their grammy or their Nana or their Nonie. Not at all. Hell, I don't even mind if they use it with other members of their family when referring to these people (say, asking your brother whether he's heard from grammy).

BUT FOR GOD'S SAKE, when you are in a conversation with somebody who is not in your family, and you refer to your grandfather, just say "grandfather"!! You sound like a fucking idiot.

------END RANT-----

Aaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. That felt GOOD!

[pagerbear]

1. One suspects you have strong feelings about this.

[markses]

2. Ya think?

Oooooohhhh, I hate 'em.

:evilgrin:

[oneighty]

4. Yes

Gramps be agreeing with your assessment.

180---Gramps

[markses]

7. As I said

I have no problem with your grandchildren referring to you as Gramps, nor do i have aproblem with you referring to yourself as Gramps. However, if I was out with one of your grandchildren, and he or she said "My Gramps is often on DU," I would just about blow a gasket. :evilgrin:

[oneighty]

11. Truth is, sigh

my grand kids called me 'Grampa Ugly' Why? Gee I do not know.

Actually I do know but I will not tell.

Sigh.

180

[ayeshahaqqiqa]

3. I think that

"grandma" and "grandpa" are considered common names for earlier generations. "Nana" and "Mamaw" are less common. As a genealogist, I tend to use the terms "grandmother" and "grandfather" when referring to generations further back, while I use "grandma" and "grandpa" for my immediate grandparents.

[markses]

5. Nope

They are informal terms to be used informally with family. Strangely enough, they differ from "Dad" and "Mom," which are much more acceptable for adults to use in non-family conversation: "My dad's coming into town tomorrow" is nowhere near as informal or infantilizing as "My grandpa is coming into town tomorrow." There is no reason for this, other than general usage (or my own dementia - one of the two). If you were in a conversation with me and started in about your "grandma," I'd think you a fool or at the very least someone unfamiliar with adult conventions.

[pagerbear]

8. I don't agree

And neither does my mommy.

[ayeshahaqqiqa]

19. Are you familiar with genealogical terms?

That's the only reason I could think of where I would even mention my ancestors. And then I would be using genealogical terms. In many family lines, nicknames are commonly used, and they sometimes include titles such as "grandma" and "grandpa", or even "granny". They are used by genealogists because they help label particular individuals, which can come in handy when many people have the same first name. I have been doing genealogical research for over a quarter of a century, and have yet to have anyone tell me it was improper to use these titles.

[DainBramaged]

6. What about pet names for private parts by Grandparents

Tha's even more rude.

[fortyfeetunder]

9. Rather they say "grandpa"

than the old SOB...

Seriously, grandpa and grandma are terms of endearment.

[markses]

10. They are terms of endearment

Which is why they should not be used with people outside that relation of endearment. If I was telling you about my wife getting the car fixed, and I said "My honey took the car to be fixed," you would be correctly embarrassed by the breach of decorum - and the decorum is precisely based on the different emotional relationships at stake. I can call my wife honey, but referring to her as honey to someone else is silly, because that person is outside the relation of endearment. Same with "grandpa" and "grandma" (much less the even more laden-with-feeling Nana or Nonie or Pawpaw, or other such terms).

[Moonbeam_Starlight]

31. I would be embarrassed by your lack of decorum?

No, I actually would think it was cute that you referred to her that way, but like I said below, different strokes. Don't assume we all have the same reactions you have.

[markses]

37. Who assumed that?

The thread is called "pet peeves," after all. :eyes:

[Moonbeam_Starlight]

40. Rightchere:

"If I was telling you about my wife getting the car fixed, and I said "My honey took the car to be fixed," you would be correctly embarrassed by the breach of decorum..."

You are assuming people would be embarrassed and thus share what you would feel.

I was simply saying, no I wouldn't be. Don't assume I'd share your reaction. I wasn't referring to the intent of the thread, simply your statement above.

[markses]

51. Oh, right: But that's a reasonable assumption

Me: "Where's your car today?"

Co-worker: "My sweet honey baby took it into the shop; the tires need to be rotated."

Oh, yeah. It's completely unreasonable to assume that most people (you excluded, of course) would be embarrassed by this term of endearment used in this kind of situation! I'm completely out of touch with general practices. :eyes:

[Moonbeam_Starlight]

53. So now it's "my sweet honey baby"?

From "my honey"? You ADDED two cutesty parts to that!

Foul.

[markses]

55. The point is the same

The addition was merely for demonstration. Are you saying you would be embarrassed by "my sweet honey baby"? Are you claiming that that is illegitimate? How insensitive of you! Maybe that's just what my co-worker likes to call his wife in all conversations! Why should anyone be embarrassed if he says "My nootzie wootzie took it into the shop?" or any other such terms of endearment?

[Moonbeam_Starlight]

58. See now you are just engaging in hyperbole

because you don't want to just say "yeah I assumed it".

How often do I ever hear people say "my nootzie wootzie"? Never.

This isn't an issue for me, it is for you. I was simply pointing out an assumption you made about other people's reactions and then you have to turn it into "sweet honey baby" and "nootzie wootzie". You are getting ridiculous to make your point and that's always a bad sign.

[markses]

61. I said it was an assumption after you pointed it out

But I maintain it is a reasonable assumption. Hyperbole works for demonstration, in any case. Did I assume that people would be embarrassed if someone like a coworker said "My honey took the car in" rather than "My wife." Yes. And it is a reasonable assumption, or at least one that comports with experience. Is it absolute. No. Some people wouldn't bat an eye. I'd still maintain that most people would find it strange. there is nothing wrong with assumptions per se, if they are reasonable or probable.

[Moonbeam_Starlight]

65. Thank you

that's all I was looking for. A little reasonableness. There it is.

[markses]

66. You had it at Post #51

But continued to carry on anyway, for unknown reasons.

[Snoggera]

12. I disagree

For one thing, it is not "grown-up" to say grandmother if you have been raised in an area of the country where the proper term, used by all and shunned by none is Nana. If someone here said grandmother instead of Nana, they would be looked at as though they had just stepped out of a bad novel. Just one example.

People use the terms they are comfortable with. I cringe when I hear someone call every carbonated drink "cola", but accept that they simply learned to use a slightly different term than I.

It's all in the geography and closeness to the community. It is also seen as a sign of respect. Most of this, of course, still occurs in the many thousands of small communities scattered across our great land. I shudder to think of what my Nana would think if she went to NYC and heard a granddaughter call her Nana Grandmother.

[rucky]

13. Mee-Maw would kick your ass n/t

[Snoggera]

14. You sound like one angry young BoBo!

:evilgrin:

[zbird]

15. Quite frankly, I don't care what people call their grandparents....

when talking to me. I think they are lucky to be able to talk about them or have memories of them. All four of my grandparents had died by the time I was 2, so I have no memories of them at all.

[olddem43]

16. I think you are basically right but

isn't there more important things to bitch about? If not, is there at least something more interesting?

[markses]

18. That's why it's in the Lounge, baby

;-)

[olddem43]

24. I'm just Sittin' in LaLa waitin' for my YaYa

[curse10]

17. I say Opa and Oma

no matter who I am talking to. It's what I've always called them. Grandfather and Grandmother sound weird when I say it. They aren't my grandfather and grandmother- they are my Oma and Opa and if I were in Germany, that's just par for the course.

[ayeshahaqqiqa]

21. My neice uses those terms

when speaking of her German grandparents. It's very helpful, as we immediately know who she is talking about. If one uses the term "grandmother" and "grandfather", one must either append a surname or use the term "paternal" or "maternal" to differentiate. In the Midwest, where I am from, using such formal terms in conversation would be looked upon as a pretention.

As for calling my husband by an endearment rather than his name-that is very common here in the South. In my work, I must talk to people every day, and they often say, "Wait until I've talked with my hubby (or my sweetheart or my bride of forty years).

[curse10]

30. Yep- my mom's parents were grandma and grandpa

I never understood those people who said stuff like "Grandma Smith" and "Grandma Brown" :-)

[Moonbeam_Starlight]

32. Right

my daughter has a gramdma, an Opa and a great-Oma. No biggie.

[LynneSin]

20. My grandpap served in the South Pacific for WW2

if I called him anything but grandpap he would give me the evil eye. He loved that name.

Now why would I insult a WW2 veteran or even the memory of him simply because of a inane pet peeve?

[Raven]

22. Come on!!!

Children grow up calling their grandparents certain names because they are too young to pronounce "grandmother" or "grandfather". The names tend to stick and even the childrens' parents end up using them. While I try to refer to my grandparents in a formal way, sometimes I mess up. So shoot me! :eyes:

[LynneSin]

23. So when Will has grandkids - what will your grandmother name be?

:loveya:

[Raven]

26. Damn, I don't know!

Actually, I think the baby decides but, my grandparents were "Gummy" and "Pop". Will and his cousins called my parents "Yaya" and "Papou" (my older brother's kids were born in Greece and the names stuck). Will called his other grandmother "Mee Maw" (which I think is common in the south). I never had a nickname growing up...maybe "Jane" (my real name) would be nice...or "hey you"... :hi:

[markses]

39. Again, I have no problems with the way kids refer to their grandparents

But you do seem to notice the difference between formal and informal usage, if you say that you "mess up."

[Kahuna]

25. *Snarf*

I hate it when they say, 'my Grammy.' :puke:

[Roon]

27. You made me realize something

When I am talking about my Grandparents I always say Grandfather or Grandmother. Otherwise, when I am talking to them in person it's Grandma or Grandpa. I never noticed that about myself.

[markses]

41. You are speaking correctly

Congratulations! I think the reason why was hit upon here: They are terms of endearment, so they sound off when used in conversation with people outside those emotional relationships.

[UrbScotty]

28. It's a personal thing.

Some people like to call their grandparents 'Grandma Smith,' 'Grandpa Brown,' etc.

My maternal grandparents went by 'Grandpa {surname}' and 'Grandma {Surname}.' I call my paternal grandparents 'Nannu' and 'Poppa.'

Heck, my mom calls her dad 'Daddy.'

If your co-worker likes to call him his 'grandpa,' so what?

[Moonbeam_Starlight]

29. Geez I hope I never meet you in real life

and can I ask where you are from? Maybe it's a regional thing, but around here, people do it all the time and no one bats an eye.

Ah well, different strokes, I guess.

But by the way, all my grandparents are dead and they were my Mamaw, Papaw, Mimi and Papaw. I loved them dearly.


And on edit: I can't imagine saying "my maternal grandfather" instead of "Papaw".

[markses]

43. Oh, you sound like a gem, too

:eyes:

Different strokes, though.

I'll just note here that the way you refer to your grandparents with others has no bearing on whether or how much you loved them. Yikes.

[Moonbeam_Starlight]

47. Of course not

I was just throwing that out to make you feel badly for trying to shame me into not calling them "mamaw" or "papaw" around you.

Could you share your other pet peeves? These are interesting. I had no idea people felt this way!

[markses]

52. Whose trying to shame anyone?

You're trying to make me "feel badly," but was I trying to shame you? I don't think so.

[Rowdyboy]

33. As my departed mom once threatened my nephews.....

"Your ass is grass and I'm a lawnmower!"

[JitterbugPerfume]

38. I had a

mommy and a daddy and a gramma and a grampa

at my advanced age I am to old to change

to my grand children I am gramma ---so be it

[Nikia]

34. I assert my right to use Grandpa and Grandma

I am not sure why you consider this to be less formal than Mom and Dad. They are words in common usuage so its not like someone might not know to whom I am referring. My grandparents had a big part in raising me and were in some ways more of parents to me than my actual parents are. Until I lost my grandpa last month, I had all four of them. They have always been a big part of my life and helped me grow up to be a decent person. I will use the equivalent terms of Mom and Dad as terms of endearment when referring to them if I so choose.

[Moonbeam_Starlight]

35. Right that doesn't make sense

to say it's ok to say "mom" and "dad" but you have to say "grandmother" or "grandfather". How weird.

If you insist on grandmother and grandfather then it's consist to also insist on mother and father which sounds horribly formal.

I'm still wondering where the OP is from.

[markses]

46. I've already addressed this point in Post#5

n/t

[Moonbeam_Starlight]

49. Ok I read it now

and all I can say is wow. You think people are fools for saying "my grandpa blah blah blah..."? Whoo. Again, mind if I ask where you are from and/or where you live now? I have a theory.....

[markses]

57. I'll confirm or deny your theory

Spit it out.

[Moonbeam_Starlight]

59. I asked you where you are from

and/or where you live now.

My theory is that this might be a regional thing, but I'd have to know your region in order to go any further with it. If you don't wish to share that information, so be it. No biggie.

[markses]

I'd like to see the guess

I'll confirm or deny it. If you have a theory, spit it out.

[Moonbeam_Starlight]

62. I already told you my theory

that it's a regional thing. If you don't want to tell me where you live, forget it.

Edited to add I don't have a GUESS, as you seem to think.

Emily Litella voice: "NeverMIND!"

[markses]

64. So spit it out

Where do I live? Where am I from?

It's YOUR theory? Why won't you say it?

JEEEEZUS.

[markses]

44. Feel free to do so

I certainly cannot stop you, though I will think you're being silly and childish for all that.

[Raven]

36. Dare I ask? What is PetPeeve 679?

:-)

[markses]

45. Turn Signal after Breaking for Turn

The invective is endless. ;-)

[Gildor Inglorion]

42. I'm SO glad this is all you have to worry about!

And also thankful you live in a country where your right to insist on proper forebear terminology is respected and enforced. }(

[markses]

48. I never said I wasn't an obsessive asshole, did I?

:evilgrin:

Now I have a bunch of whiners who think I'm telling them that they don't love their grandmammies, and they're all here to lynch me! Clowns.

[Moonbeam_Starlight]

50. Oh WELL!

You didn't include the obsessive asshole part! Now I can put this pet peeve in its proper context! Thanks! Not out to lynch you anymore!

(Excessive use of exclamation marks! Another pet peeve?)

;)

[shanti]

54. jeezus chrise

it's not that serious! :eyes:

[markses]

56. I never post serious posts in the lounge

Do you?

[Moonbeam_Starlight]

60. I just saw one

about what restaurants give to each political party. Had a link to opensecrets.org.

There are sometimes serious posts here. Doesn't mean yours have to be, God knows mine usually aren't.

Just sayin'.

[markses]

63. I said "I" never post serious posts in the Lounge

And that's all I said.