I am a 22 year old virgin... How big of a f*cking geek am I?

[battleknight24]

???

[salinen]

1. Well, you're not a fucking geek

you're a geek.

[battleknight24]

7. Okay... seriously, I admire your honesty...

...

[Dookus]

2. the two have no relation

whatsoever.

Your virginity isn't something to denigrate or be ashamed of, and it has nothing to do with any "geekitude" you may feel.

I've known geeks who got laid at 13 and totally awesome people who first got laid at 25. Don't give it another thought.

[Ohio Dem]

32. Dookus is right.

(I never thought I'd say that, not because I usually disagree with Dookus, but saying "Dookus is right" isn't something I thought I would ever say. It's hard to say that about a Dookus. :) )

Dude, it's only as important as you make it.

[Dookus]

44. I understand...

*I* never say "dookus is right".

[Ohio Dem]

59. LOL

You should. You usually are.

[leftofthedial]

53. that means you have three years to get laid

before you're officially a geek

[TheMightyFavog]

3. Don't be sad.

I was a virgin until I was 22. Maybe thhis will be your lucky year.

[iconoclastic cat]

4. Perhaps soon you'll fall in love with a nice Iranian girl.

Sounds like a movie script ending to me.

[Fenris]

5. None. Too much importance is placed on losing one's virginity.

Try to stop thinking about it.

[Sperk]

6. I was a virgin until 23 and I am not, nor have I ever been a geek

and your probably not either :-)

[Radical Activist]

8. Just get professional help

and I don't mean a counselor. Life will be better.

[battleknight24]

13. "Just get professional help, and not a counselor..."

???

[Nevernose]

15. I reccommend

http://www.sexuality.org/l/workers/nevada.html\
A good first start.

I also recommend "Frankie Goes to Hollywood" while you're there, but feel free to ignore that advice.

[battleknight24]

17. That's what I thought you mean...

... but I rather do it with a woman who REALLY wants to do it with me...

[Radical Activist]

19. that's understandable

there is a lot more pressure for a man to lose his virginity. I came from a very religious background and was fairly old when I lost mine. Its not a big deal to wait.

[andino]

22. Given enough money

I am sure that you will find a woman that REALLY wants to do it with you....

j/k I couldn't resist.

[battleknight24]

31. That's a good one... really!

:)

[Khephra]

9. Not any

I'm not conservative by any means...never was (excluding the year that my step-father became brainwashed as a "born again").

and I didn't have my first kiss until I was 18.

Say I'm ugly, if you will. Say I was fat, which I was. But I had 30 year old women wanting to bed me because of my "innocence". Still, I waited till love...

and then she tore my heart out and shit on it...but that's another story.

[battleknight24]

10. (Original poster here) I forgot to mention I was a guy...

...

[Snow]

39. You forgot to mention you were straight, too, but

I think most o us figured that out. And now that we know what you were, what are you now? ;-)

[sandnsea]

11. But have you ever been in love?

Love is much better anyway.

[Rowdyboy]

12. Its different for everyone....There is no calendar or timetable

In retrospect, 30 years later, I would have been far more sexually aggressive with a few guys, however thats just me. I was never really sexually satisfied until my mid-30's so you have no reason to bitch yet.

[Dookus]

16. heheh

same here...

If I knew then what I know now...

I would've bedded the cop who was so obviously hitting on me when he picked me up for hitchhiking... I would've bedded the college football jock who was giving out big signs...

[Rowdyboy]

28. My best friend (who is now a doctor with two grown daughters)

practically screamed at me for 5 years in our youth and I only took advantage a few times. We were alone nightly for months. What a freaking waste!

[coloradodem2005]

14. I'm 24 going on 25.

No girlfriend, No sex. One girl expressed surprise at that. Or should I say feigned surprise at that.

[Ellen Forradalom]

18. You're fine the way you are

It's not when you do it, it's how good it is. Don't have bad, rushed, cramped, awkward sex just for the sake of losing your virginity.

[DemBones DemBones]

20. Think of it this way: some 22 year-olds

have had many sexual relationships. . . plus STDs, out-of-wedlock children they can't support, or perhaps a divorce or two. Some your age have AIDS. Being a virgin at 22 is truly preferable to many of the alternatives.

Don't worry about what others do, just live your life. You've kept your virginity this long, think of it as waiting for the right person and don't worry about when you're going to lose it.

And don't believe everything others say about how often they have sex or how many partners they have -- people often lie to impress each other!

[battleknight24]

26. you know... I haven't really thought of it that way lately...

... you make some good points...

[Merusault]

43. Waiting for the right person is crap.

When you get a chance, go for it.

[DemBones DemBones]

45. Waiting for the right person is better than

doing it with just anybody. It's a shame when people have bad memories about their first time.

[ringmastery]

yup

Frankly, it's good to get a little "experience" under your belt, even if it's with an average girl or a girl you don't particularily care for, so when you do meet the "right person" you'll know how to please her in the bedroom and won't mess things up. Not all women are willing to play teacher to a 25 or 30 year old virgin. Many women would sadly think "loser."

[tcfrogs]

50. Agreed

Sex is an experiment - play around when you're young & enjoy it!!!

[SheepyMcSheepster]

21. so was I

don't sweat it. things will work out.

[Syrinx]

23. I got laid when I was 16, but the last time was when I was 22

Or it seem like it anyway. ;)

[flamingyouth]

24. You're not a geek at all

Way too much importance is placed on when or whether people have sex, believe me. And there is the issue of great sex versus lousy sex, which is a whole other issue, trust me.

It's probably easy for me to say because I'm 13 years older than you, but it would be helpful if you could relax about this a bit and let things run their course. I rushed into a relationship way too young when I should have thought things through a lot more. Deep breaths, there is no hurry, you have a lot of life before you, trust me.:hi:

[HEyHEY]

25. Aw, you're not a geek, you're just lame.

Just kiddin....man I got news for ya, LOTS of people don't loose the V until they're in their 20s

[SmileyBoy]

27. I'm a 21 year-old virgin.

Turning 22 in 7 weeks.

I feel for you, man...:hug:

[jdonaldball]

29. Now, be honest, which would you rather be....

...would you rather be a virgin? Or someone who has slept with Anne Coulter?
I rest my case. Lighten up and get some perspective. :-)

[battleknight24]

33. Damn... you know what... I feel a little better!

!

[nothingshocksmeanymore]

40. Excellent reply and quite comforting to a young man :)

[politicat]

30. So was my husband.

It's no big deal.

Our society puts far too much emphasis on early sexual experience when it can be a miserable and possibly hazardous experience if the parters are not prepared for it - and while studies conflict, it can be very bad for women. (There's nothing out there that compares to the early cervical cancer rates for men.)

Relax.

If you can't, write a men's version of "Sex for One". I'm personally of the opinion that what the world needs now is a lot more self-love.

Pcat

[rlev1223]

35. finally...

the world needs something I'm good at!

edit for spelling.....seriously

[Aftershock]

34. You have money for a hooker?

Nah man. I'm kidding. Don't worry about it. Your time will come. I didn't lose my virginity until I was 20. It really was no big deal losing it.

Hang in there. You'll lose it sometime.

[medeak]

36. no worries

son was a month short of 22 when he called to tell me "I'm not asexual anymore"

Has met nothing but psycho women since....swearing them off for awhile.

[jus_the_facts]

37. Be glad you've still got so much to still look forward too......

....it's NOTHING to feel ashamed about...be GLAD you waited...it's really a POSITIVE not a negative! :) :hug:

[battleknight24]

38. (ORIGINAL POSTER) WAIT...WAIT... WAIT... SERIOUS QUESTION...

Am I a virgin if I have if I have performed oral sex or ... how should I say... pleasured a woman by other means...

NOTE: If this message crosses the line, have it blocked out. I don't mean to be crude intentionally...

[nothingshocksmeanymore]

41. Depends on who you ask

Most people think you haven't had sex if you didn't stick it in.

[DemBones DemBones]

47. Obviously, he did not have sexual relations with that woman!

Hey, nsma, did you think the same thing I did when Clinton said that?

Namely: "Oh, shit, he's saying they haven't had intercourse but they've been up to some other hanky-panky." I couldn't believe the press all took it to mean NOTHING had happened.

Were they stupid or pretending to be so they could slam him later? I get so tired of "He lied to the American people." Wish I had a dollar for every time I've yelled at my tv, "No, he didn't, you morons just didn't get that he chose his words very carefully -- like the lawyer he is!"

[Kat45]

73. Yes, DemBones! I. too, have said that many, many times.

It would drive me crazy, too. Whenever people would start saying Clinton lied to them, I would say, "He didn' lie. He didn't lie to me." Exactly, he chose his words carefully like the lawyer he is.

Thank you--it's good to see someone else saying what I've been saying for ages.

[Rhiannon12866]

54. If this counted for Bill Clinton,

then it counts for you. Right?:shrug:

No offense on this board. We are family, or certainly a community. It takes a village to raise a child.:D

[Merusault]

42. So am I

Exactly 22 years and 4 months... and a virgin. And I don't care anymore.

[Rhiannon12866]

56. You're perfectly normal, as well

It's those who rush these things that get into trouble. There is a season for everything and you will find yours, believe me. Just take your time and know when it's right. I did.:-)

[Old and In the Way]

46. If I had a nickel for every minute I wasted thinking about having my

1st real sexual encounter in my teens/early 20's....I could have retired at 22. I have to concur with my learned colleagues, you're in the norm. Damn, I'd just be happy to be a 21 YO virgin again...
:-)

[Bat Boy]

48. Nothing geeky 'bout that at all.

There's no rule book on this shit. When it's right, you'll know. Until then, if anyone gives you shit, fuck 'em.

Not that way. The other way. You know.

BTW - I was about the same age. As I recall, virginity caused no permanent damage.

[TrustingDog]

sex ain't all what it's fucked up to be...

otoh, making love is quite nice. Takes some time to find love, it does.

[DemBones DemBones]

49. My best advice: once you do become

"sexually active" (though it seems you haven't been entirely inactive, anyway, but are more of a "technical virgin"), DON'T be one of those guys who wants to know "How many other guys have you been with?" If the girl gives you an honest answer and she has more experience than you, you'll both probably feel bad to know that. I've seen that kind of honesty ruin a couple of marriages. Sad, because everyone is entitled to privacy and not to have to reveal their entire past.

Don't ask, don't tell! You don't even have to tell your first partner that it's your first time.

[Rhiannon12866]

51. Of course you're not a geek

Quality is much more important than quantity, especially in today's sexually dangerous world. Take your time and make sure it is right for you. I did, and I have never been sorry.:-)

[Porcupine]

52. Paaaah!!! Get laid early and often....

take yoga classes, ballroom dance, art classes, juggle, go to massage school, hire a pro. Women love to see a man who exhibits manual dexterity. (video games do NOT count) The truth is that in life even married people will go through periods where 12 times a year is a goal.

You ARE going to get older. Opportunites will come less often. I am 39 and have not even met an eligable women since my seperation 20 odd months ago.

Young people have more time and interest. Get it while you can.

[Guaranteed]

55. Get a prostitute, and get it out of the way.

I'm serious. For the sake of your mental health, you need to get this out of the way. Just find a prostitute and be done with it.

[DemocratSinceBirth]

57. ROTFLMFAO

Maybe the poster can find one like Julia Roberts character in Pretty Woman or Rebecca DeMornay's character in Risky Business...

[Shrek]

58. I was 24 and I'm not a geek

I was raised by a single mother and she programmed me from an early age to "save myself for marriage" so I did . . . I never thought of doing otherwise. In retrospect, I don't regret it; sometimes it's nice to gaze at my wife "afterwards" and realize that we've never shared the experience with anyone but each other.

I don't think you're a geek at all. Wait for the time that's right for you and treasure it when it happens.

[LibertyorDeath]

60. You are not a Geek You are a 22 year old Virgin

There are people who would kill for a 22 year old Virgin.

Your time will come.

[elsiesummers]

61. Our society has a coital focus

Seriously - sex is sex - and everything involving sex is part of sex.

This deliniation between intercourse and oral sex and even kissing is a social notion.

Intimacy is what it's all about.

The actual act of intercourse is way overblown.

But, don't ever do something you don't want to do because of foolish pressures.

A lot of what is talked up is no big deal. Even those who act like they know more than you really don't - they're just faking it, or they just think they do.

One thing - after you lose your virginity you'll see it's no big deal and the pressure to have sex will be off.

There is nothing wrong with an adventurous life - but be careful out there - be safe.

[WindRavenX]

62. You nailed it on the head

You said: Intimacy is what it's all about.

The actual act of intercourse is way overblown.



I had sex before I discovered intimacy; the act of intercourse means, to me, absolutly nothing unless I love the person (I know, cheesey). It doesn't even feel good. But when I'm with someone I care for...then it is divine.
I do not regret having care free sex because it showed me the importance of intimacy.

[Dogmudgeon]

63. My mileage did vary

I was a few weeks short of my 24th birthday when my then-girlfriend initiated me into the mysterium tremendam of coitus.

In retrospect, had I known what sex would be, I would have started my "career" when I was about 13. I had a lot of fears about intimacy and sexuality that had no basis in fact, and that gave me no end of misery when I was younger.

I maintained a friendship with the second girl with whom I was "intimate", and her daughter started having sex in May. The kid is 18. She's going through the same thing I did -- "Had I known about it, Mom, I would have started earlier, like you did." Of course, Mom is devastated. Well, a little devastated.

There should be no hurry to "lose virginity." On the other hand, it should not be avoided, either. Just use your common sense and adequate barrier contraception and all will be well with the world.

--bkl

[Swamp Rat]

64. A Virgin at 22? What a total wussie geek!

Just kidding... ;) You are as normal as normal can be... look at Ed Grimly, he's not worried.

Whenever sex happens for you, I hope you and your partner enjoy it... over and over again. Listen to your inner-self and ignore the "morality" and piety of others. Don't let silly conventions like religion and "love" keep you from sexual freedom. Just don't forget to protect yourself and your partner.

[AmyDeLune]

65. I was

a vigin til I was 23 and I didn't have a date to the prom either. Really, there's no need to rush, quality truly is better than quantity...you'll find out! ;)

[Cybergata]

66. Don't feel bad...

lots of guys will not admit it, but there are probably a lot of 22 year old virgin males. I'd expect a lot of men who aren't virgins could if they would, admit to once being 22 year old virgins at one time.

Ain't nature cruel. When men are at the horniest (teens & early 20s), they seem to have less opportunity for sex. Again, the cruelty of nature, the same is true for women (40s).


:hippie:

[SarahB]

67. Better a virgin than STDs or an unplanned pregnancy.

Being able to easily obtain sex doesn't necessarily make one's life any better or easier (or that you have to obtain the sex just for the sake of sex alone). When it happens, it will mean something for you. Nothing wrong with that.

[truthspeaker]

68. it has nothing to do with being a geek

Establishing a relationship takes honesty, compassion and respect.

But that's easy. Meeting the right person takes lots and lots of LUCK.

[hunter]

69. Oh for goodness sake, don't worry about it.

I'm a bigger f*cking geek than you'll ever be.

[DelawareValleyDem]

70. Not as

big of a geek as Bush

[Cybergata]

79. Don't insult geeks by putting...

that horrid creature (bush) in our ranks!

:hippie:

[RetroLounge]

71. May I suggest all the virgins posting in thie thread

get together in person and DU each other?

Seriously, you are NOT a geek, at least not due to virginity...

RL

[AngryAmish]

72. Sorry to say, but yes

There are so many girls out there. Go find one of them. Most of them are willing.

If you feel like a geek because of looks, or lack of stylishness, etc. Find a girl around your age (sister, cousin, friend) and ask her to go shopping with you. At the risk of gross stereotyping, most women really like to buy clothes for men. Spend some money. Buy her lunch/night on the town as repayment. I really don't know how to dress myself, but I get complements on my clothes because I have women buy them for me.

Some people are shy. So am I. Booze helps. But just do it.

Social skills are just that, skills. It comes more naturally to some than others. But one can learn these things.

[Shananigans]

74. From a chick perspective...

don't worry about it. I didn't get my first kiss until I was 18 and lost my virginity at 24 because I was sick of waiting for love. I don't regret it, but it might have been nice to wait a little longer.

Man-virgins are sexy. Unless they don't have all their teeth or something. If people ask, just tell them you are a virgin by choice! It works!

[NewJeffCT]

75. I was until I was 22 1/2 and...

It took me almost 9 months of begging to get 1 girl to have sympathy sex with me...

[skippysmom]

76. You're fine

I was pretty old when I first had sex with a man, and after age 16 I was no geek either. (Before that...well, let's just say adolescence wasn't pretty.) I just didn't have very many opportunities to meet guys. And I think I turned out okay.

[Lisa]

77. unless it's on your mind night and day ...

I don't think you should feel you have to rush out and get laid!


Seriously. It's the tyranny of averages. Our society's so consumed by statistics, anybody who doesn't conform to the married-at-22.4-years, 2.1-children, etc. stereotypes, can feel a lot of pressure. (When I was 11 years old, my home-room teacher phoned my parents to express concern over the fact that I wasn't flirting with boys yet! Luckily my folks laughed it off.) Unless you have psychological issues (e.g. actively avoiding possible mates), no worries. One of the great things about living in the 21st century is that the social expectations for both genders are MUCH looser than they were a century ago, for example. There's greater sexual freedom -- and I interpret this to mean that it can also mean not feeling you HAVE to have sex, otherwise it's just replacing one form of social control with another.

I know a number of people who are celibate by choice, and they aren't monks or nuns.

Given how the human lifespan has increased -- if you're 22 now, you can probably expect to live to age 80 -- geez, you're still a kid, demographically speaking! Plenty of time. If you're a contented, busy person, my bet is that you're going to get opportunities (since this tends to attract people who are also happy and fun to be with).


p.s. The last guy I met who asked me if I thought he was weird and geeky -- he was about 10 years old, and I guess he figured I had that air about me too and might be sympathetic -- and I was. Anyway, I opened the newspaper last week, and recognized his name (Jeremy Greenspan). He formed a rock band which is apparently very popular in England now. Things turned out okay for him. You'll be fine as well. If you are indeed a pensive geek, this is NOT a bad thing at all.

[TEXASYANKEE]

78. You're not.

I was almost 25 before I lost "it." I've never regretted that I waited so long. Don't despair -- enjoy life for what it brings to you, and sex is only a very small part of that.