Should I take my fiancé's last name?

[ChavezSpeakstheTruth]

I already changed my name when I was 8 (my stepfather adopted me). I'm used to changing my name why should she change for me?

[CO Liberal]

1. Today, It's Optional

When Mrs. CO Liberal and I got married, she was 32. Since she had lived so long under one name, she went hyphenated. It doesn't bother me at all - I don't own her, and that's what the name change symbolizes.

[ChavezSpeakstheTruth]

3. If she hyphenates I feel that i should hyphenate

seems fair

[Frodo]

4. "Ownership"? Bah!

We're one family, we share one name.

You do what you want. Don't tell us that one of us is "property".

[ChavezSpeakstheTruth]

5. I agree that the ownership thing is a little too reactionary for me

This isn't the middle ages anymore - its a tradition.

[Frodo]

13. IT wasn't so much "tradition" for us (though I guess that's part of it)

We just felt a family should have a family name. IT hardly mattered whether I took hers or she took mine or we invented an all new one ("meet Mr & Mrs NotBush"), but we were going to share a name.

Since 99%+ of families that share a name were using the husband's, and that allowed some kind of tracing of lineage through history (though admitedly paternally weighted) - we went with that - so Baggins it was.

[ChavezSpeakstheTruth]

17. I know going with Sackville-Baggins would be OUT OF THE QUESTION!!

Understandable - blasted SBs!!!!

[Yupster]

35. I agree

I also think it's nice if the kids and both parents have the same last name, Certainly easier on their teachers.

[October]

36. Not always

Personally, I was happy to share my husband's name.

I had to carry my father's name for years, even though he'd abandoned us totally when I was 5 mos. old. (He never even remembered us at Christmas or birthday time. No support money either.) Anyway, I grew to hate his name. Imagine being called on in class -- it felt like an announcement to the world of his absence. It wasn't -- but it felt like it.

So, you see sometimes one's reasons for name change might surprise you.

Now, I have a wonderful life with a man I love, and I took his name by choice.

Friends of mine switched their last names. Hers was Brown, His was Gold. (True story.) They became the BrownGolds. No hyphen, just two capital letters. Same for their children.

To each his/her own.

[philosophie_en_rose]

2. It's your choice.

I'm afraid I'd be fairly shallow. I like my last name and might hyphenate, if I get married. However, I would never change my name to a last name like "Bush" or "Schitt."

[HuckleB]

6. I think it's up to each individual.

I know it's a partnership, which is the point. If she wants to hyphenate, then that is her choice. It's not thusly required that you hyphenate. Nor is it required that she hyphenate if you choose to do so. Such "requirements" become demands rather than connections, IMHO.

The whole thing is symbolic, with the meaning given to it by you and her. Another way to go is for each of you to take the other's last name as a middle name. Or you could just adopt the hipper last name, which is, of course, my recommendation.

Speaking of symbolism, have you thought about just adopting "French" as a last name and ridding yourselves of those family tie notions?

Good luck.

[molly]

7. You are a man I respect!

reading the other thread I wondered what century we were in. :shrug:

Perhaps the fair thing to do would be draw straws - yours, hers, none and hyphenated. For instance your name is Jones - hers is Smith. She could be Smith-Jones and you could be Jones-Smith - that way everyone wins. :bounce:

[tigereye]

8. what did I miss

was there a "we want our wives to take our names" thread?

Chavez, how about a new cool name. Some friends of mine did that. Whatever you decide, I'm sure it will be good. :)

[ChavezSpeakstheTruth]

10. Sounds good - I think we should make up a new name and both change

Mr and Mrs Trouble

[tigereye]

12. that's funny

how about some Coltrane or jazz song. ;)

[ChavezSpeakstheTruth]

16. She'd want Mingus

Mrs and Mr Porkpie Hat

I'd go for Mrs & Mr Love Supreme - sounds plush to me!

[tigereye]

31. Pork Pie Hat

cool. How about Mr and Mrs. Crepuscule, I love that word.

[ChavezSpeakstheTruth]

32. What exactly is a crepuscle? Hold on a sec.......

Ah - now that makes sense:

cre·pus·cule     P   Pronunciation Key  (kr-pskyl) also cre·pus·cle (-psl)
n.
Twilight.

And I thought it was something unsavory.......y'know, I'm kind of disappointed

[tigereye]

33. when I found out I thought it was really cool

a walk in the twilight with your sweetie. And it made the composition make more sense, in a way.

[ChavezSpeakstheTruth]

34. Too true - it definately does

To tell the truth, the word sounded to me like some kind of problem with Monk and Nellie

[NewJeffCT]

9. my wife kept her last name, but...

She may want to change it when she officially gets her citizenship, as she thinks my American last name will look better on a resume than her Chinese last name that nobody can pronounce. Even though Chinese women traditionally keep their last names after marriage.

I know another Chinese woman that is an Ivy League educatd cardiologist that did something similar. She got married & then divorced and kept her ex-husband's last name even when she got re-married to a Chinese guy several years later.

[Magrittes Pipe]

11. RandomKoolzip wants to bed HoJo.

[ChavezSpeakstheTruth]

14. Randomkoolzip flaunts a red logo

[Magrittes Pipe]

19. RandomKoolzip likes to dance go-go.

[ChavezSpeakstheTruth]

21. Randomkoolzip hikes his pants lo-lo

its scary

[Magrittes Pipe]

23. It wouldn't be so bad...

...if he didn't insist on wearing that thong. :scared:

[ChavezSpeakstheTruth]

24. That odious thong - omnipresent in my nightmares!

The horror - the horror!

[Magrittes Pipe]

25. He's been like that ever since that Sisqo song came out.

Thong-thong-thong-thong-thong.

[ChavezSpeakstheTruth]

26. There's no talking to him

Alas - as he thongs I burn!

[Magrittes Pipe]

27. Let's stop now.

Seriously, dude, I now have a mental picture of RKZ wearing a thong, and it ain't going away.

We must cease before this image is permanantly burned in my brain.

[ChavezSpeakstheTruth]

28. Agreed!

Whew!

[RogueTrooper]

15. Does your name sound better with her

second name or your current second name?

Vanity, not political correctness should be your measure. ;)

[ChavezSpeakstheTruth]

18. They're both interchangeable anglo names which betray our non-anglo

ethnicities.

[Nicholas D Wolfwood]

20. I'm not a fan of hyphenation

Because what happens when your kids get married? Are they going to wind up with 4 last names? That'd be ridiculous.

My SO is an artist, so she would probably keep her last name, at least where her work is concerned, but I would insist on our kids having one of our last names only, whether mine or hers.

[dr.strangelove]

22. Do you like your name, does she like hers.

My wife's maiden name was a source of great personal discomfort to her and she looked forward to changing it. She considered legally changing her to her mother's maiden name, but decided it would be better to wait until we were married so we could start a new life for our children, and give them one naem we could all use with love adn respect. Hopefully I'll live up to her very high standard.

When I was younger I used to think it would not bother me if the woman I chose to marry wanted to keep her own name. Now that we are married and we have the same name, I'm glad. We are a unit, and having the same name give's simple external identification unit to our team.

While I would never judge anyone else's decision, my wife's hatred of her maiden name resulted in a very positive situation for me. Consider all the factors before changing your name. Its history is a part of you both, but a new name can be symbol of your new future as a team.
Good luck.

[ChavezSpeakstheTruth]

29. Thanks!

:toast:

[hunter]

30. I voted "Go for it, man!"

Actually my wife and I never even thought about it. Huh? People change their names???? Really? Which ones?

It is often a great source of amusement to us when people try to figure out what our "last" names really are. And now our kids are old enough to play the game too.

We have our professional names, and our legal names, and the names we use with family and friends -- which is pretty handy, because if someone thinks they know who you are, you can often tell how they got to be thinking that.