Decorum and protocol at a freeper / fundie funeral: what is proper?

[PartyPooper]

I will probably attend the funeral of a certain step-parent next week. This is a very difficult task for me because of several reasons.

Mostly, I'm troubled because of the way this (repuke) "step parent" of over 40 years treated me and my siblings and the grandchildren when my "natural" (independent) parent died.

I will spare you the details here. But, suffice it to say, we were all shut out entirely and screwed by this "step-parent"-and close relatives when our "natural parent" died. The "natural parent", of course, would be spinning in the grave over how we've been treated by the surviving spouse. :eyes:

In the meantime, we still have yet to "negotiate" some of the finer points of the estate (what's left of it, anyway!)...and, clearly, we step-children were all disinherited by this step-parent on a significant portion of what's left.

I'm particularly getting tired of hearing how our step-parent found Jesus in the last couple of months by one of the perpetrators of this take-over. (And, a huge beneficiary, BTW!) Such hypocrisy!

What should we do? Should we play nice until the estate is settled? Or, should we be nasty?

Some of the grandchildren want to have a confrontation-even during the funeral service. What do you think?

Should we even bother to attend?

BTW, Bible verses are welcome...if you know any to counter their position.

Thank you!


O8)

[2Design]

1. lawyers might help

[PartyPooper]

7. We have one, thanks.

:-)

[Guy Fawkes]

2. If you *do* go to the funeral, behave yourself, and dress nice.

It doesn't matter who dies, if you go to the funeral, make sure you look nice. I don't care if it was Bush! Behave yourself, please.

</nag>

[PartyPooper]

8. Of course, if I attend, I will dress nice and behave.

I was brought up that way.

:-)

[nini]

3. does your attendance affect the negotiations?

if not, to hell with them.. don't be a hypocrit and go to a service that is supposed to honor someone's life - especially if this person did things your natural parent would have frowned upon.

Get a hard ass lawyer and avoid the BS..

good luck,

[PartyPooper]

9. I don't wish to be a hypocrite and attend the services.

But, I'm experiencing gentle pressure to attend. There are lots of layers here.

I want to be supportive of my siblings, too. There would be lots of supporters of my "natural parent" who would logically want to attend these services.

:-)

[Rhiannon12866]

12. A funeral can be a very healing experience.

You may never forgive the wicked step-parent, but it will be a chance to come together with your siblings and, if those who were close to your parent are going to be there, this will also be a chance to celebrate his/her life. I think that this will also give you some closure. If you don't attend, you may always feel like you have unfinished business. Hang in there.:hug:

[PartyPooper]

14. Thank you, for such a wise post!

I'm still thinking.

:hug:

[Rhiannon12866]

19. Thank you. Let us know what you decide and how this turns out

I've been to too many funerals in my family, so I know how this works. Just know that your DU family is here for you and that we care.:grouphug:

on edit: Added a couple of words. My dog just wet on the couch and I had to go take care of it. It's always something.:shrug:

[Dookus]

4. don't go

unless you just wanna double-check to make sure the bastard's dead.

[PartyPooper]

10. Can you say "fried"?!?

Cremation is the only way to go. And, I put in my 2¢ regarding that!

:evilgrin:

[GAspnes]

5. I buried my father two months ago

Put on your best face, do the kind and gentle thing. At least, that's what I did. I think it was best.

[PartyPooper]

11. That's my style. That's me.

Thank you.

:-)

[GAspnes]

13. you're welcome

It's just me, too.

[Rabrrrrrr]

6. Funeral protocol is always to be respectful and nice

Even if you couldn't stand the person who died, there will eb many people there for whom the funeral means something. By being respectful, it isn't so much showing respect for the dead, but for the ones who are there.

Outside of the service, though, feel free to be as nasty as you need to be.

[PartyPooper]

15. I'm always respectful and nice.

But, maybe this time I'll make an exception.

:evilgrin:

[porkrind]

16. bring a pin...

Check that no one is looking, and then stick it in the corpse. :) Just kidding. Kind of. :) At least it's fun to think about. Pour a jar of spiders into the casket. How about going drunk? Or wear a tacky blue tuxedo with frills?

Just kidding. :) Bad Porkrind!!! :spank:

[PartyPooper]

18. We're talking cremation.

Maybe I'll bring a HUGE fan, eh?

:D

[LibertyorDeath]

17. Pass out Swastikas

That should set the Mood.

[izzie]

20. Funerals are for the living not the dead.

Show your class and hire a lawyer for the other stuff. You may find you are due nothing as people can do what they want with what they have even if it is leaving it to the SPCA as long as the state laws are left intact.In other words a man could not leave things to his children and for get a wife.State laws protect with or with out a will.

[JSJ]

21. you need some Willie the Shakes...

..."I see the nose but not the dog that took it"- Otello to Iago

[jukes]

22. i wdnt go

your going to get screwed on any inheritance, clearly have no respect for this person, or the thieves that manipulated him.



go have a cookout on funeral day, dressed in hawaiian shirts w/the other disenfranchised heirs and forget about these toadying, greedy fucks.

[Divernan]

23. This situation highlights the absolute necessity of Prenuptial Agreements.

Such agreements were probably unheard of when your mom/dad married the stepparent. But a word to any DUers with kids who are considering remarrying, or if you have a parent n that position, DRAG them to an attorney to get such an agreement. A lot of people refuse to even consider one because they focus on the divorce aspect of such an agreement. They say, Oh but we're soooooo in loooooove, and we wouldn't get married if we thought there was ANY chance of divorce. Given the fact that there is a higher divorce rate for second marriages than for first ones, this is a head up their orifice attitude. But you can skip that argument and say, Oh of course, you guys would NEVER get a DIVORCE, but you can get an agreement that just covers inheritances.

Anyway, I wish you closure soon on the whole mess. When I went to my stepfather's funeral, I was the only one who shed a tear - his son & dtr.-in-law, who had banned him from their house several years before he died, got up at the mass and read bible passages - what hypocrites. Were they pissed when they found out he had changed the beneficiary of his little $10,000 life insurance policy to my Mom. And that was all he left her - no pension, and she had supported him the last ten years of his life. Step families can be very upsetting.

[Ganja Ninja]

24. I wouldn't bother to go.

What's in it for you? If you didn't like the deceased or his family then stay away. If you feel your entitled to an inheritance then let your lawyer handle it.

[Bridget Burke]

25. For the sake of any survivors you care for....

Go to the funeral dressed decently. Behave circumspectly.

If there's a post-funeral gathering planned, skip it. Repair to another location with your fellow step-children & anybody else worthwhile. At this location, circumspection can go out the window. Refreshments should include alcoholic beverages for those who imbibe.

[noonwitch]

26. Be nice and let the lawyers sort it out

The people who the man didn't shut out will be grieving him.

He's gone and can't cause any further pain. Maybe this is a good time for reconciliation with others? Or developing a better understanding of who he was by seeing him how the people he did love saw him? I'm not defending the way he treated you, but utlimately, he was a human being who made mistakes. Being angry with a dead man for too long only hurts you, in the long run.

[Commie Pinko Dirtbag]

27. Keep reminding yourself

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