I've been offered my dream job.

[mac56]

Or at least, as close to "my dream job" as I can imagine. That's the good news.

The bad news is that it means selling my house in Georgia, returning to Minnesota, buying a house there, and again living in the cold winter weather I left three years ago.

I'm pretty jazzed about the job. It's something I'm good at and genuinely enjoy, working with people I like and trust. The salary will be comparable to what I'm doing now, with a lot more job security. No job is perfect, of course, but this one has a lot going for it.

So why am I hesitating?

My lovely wife is a bit wary, and not as jazzed about it as I am. That of course dampens my euphoria. She hates winter as much as I do. Her take on it is, "We need to know that this job is worth moving back across the country for, not just that 'it would be pretty cool'."

I'm starting to think there's something wrong with me. Part of me really wants to go for it, but another part has a hard time being selfish.

Constructive feedback welcomed -

[livetohike]

1. Go for it!

I have followed my huisband around the country for work (and he followed me once).

We have returned home (Pgh) twice and now live in CA.

We are gypsys at heart, so every move has brought opportunity, new friends, etc.

BTW, we lived in Eagan, MN for a couple of years, too!

[22181]

2. In a similar situation

But looking for a possible move from VA to NC. I was actually the one for it (it's my husband's opportunity) and he was hesitant. His hesitance disappeared after he spoke to another coworker who did it (Boston to NC). She said she and her husband looked at it as an "adventure" - just something to try and see if they liked it, and they loved it.

If you really love this job, consider making the whole experience an adventure. If it doesn't work out after a couple of years, you can start up a new "adventure" somewhere else. I'm all about advancing and doing things you love.

[elehhhhna]

3. Go to MN & budget for winter vacations.

JUST DO IT!

[The Doctor.]

4. Weigh and measure

The issue is indeed complicated.

The first thing I would do is be sure I've weighed the options. I like to 'project' a few years into the future for each scenario (stay or go) and try to develop a realistic picture of what life will be like.
It is also good to realize that the 'other' option always looks a little better than it really is. We tend not to look at the minutia which will be poured on us when we get what we are after.
I acquired a 'Dream Job' which has been wonderful for years but is beginning to lose it's luster in lieu of starting my own business.
Such a business will indeed have it's pitfalls as well, but the rewards and sense of accomplishment will make it worth while.
Keeping in mind that we will ALWAYS be looking for something better and more rewarding (unless you like zombification), I would suggest projecting Past this opportunity to what it is you Ultimately want.
(Retire in comfort, start a business, world domination... etc.)
If this opportunity fits in with or assists in getting you what you Ultimately and truly desire to achieve; then there is no question you should pursue it.


My only real concern is that your wife may have stronger feelings on the issue than she admits. Perhaps she should be aware of your ultimate ambitions for your family and yourself. It is NEVER selfish to do what's right for your family.

PS: what's the job?

[mac56]

9. Thanks, Doc.

A well-reasoned response.

My problem is that I can't always do what you recommend - look past the opportunity at hand to see how it may advance toward what I want in the long term. Those things are hard to identify. And I have trouble being "selfish", and feel terribly guilty when I am.

The job? I'd be chief operations officer of an established small-market radio station, with the possibility of starting a second one from scratch. The person I would answer to is someone I have known all my life.

[The Doctor.]

18. Then it would appear

You are in the hands of the divine. (God, The Universe, The Great Dream, Allah, Human Superconscious Impetus, Lightbringer... what have you.)
When we do not measure, weigh, project, plan for contingencies, or factor in every possibility- something amazing happens. We become the instruments of a Higher Cause.
There is much to be said for 'letting go' and letting the universe have it's way with you. For one you must understand that your mind is far more powerful than perhaps you ever realized. And no- we don't just use 10% of our brain... we use it ALL! -We just couldn't handle having access to all that information. Your mind is a reflection of the universe - you know more than you think. All that processing power is too complicated for us to cognizantly handle and still function day-to-day. So it filters through to us as impulses, visions, decisions we have no rational basis for... all to guide us to where the smarter parts of our brain need us to be. (Trust your feeling Luke....)
So know that, no matter what you choose, it is not the wrong choice. Things may become hard, but you were meant to deal with it.

Good luck, God bless, and get back to us,

(Dr. Eldritch is not a clinically liscenced Cognitive Psychologist but has participated in a number of twelve-step programs, counselled many deranged family members and does drink frequently. Side effects of Dr. Eldritch may include.....)

[Nlighten1]

5. I have grown to love the cold weather.

I live in the northern most city in Indiana, right on the tip of Lake Michigan. The winters are brutal but the summers are to die for. Having grown up in the deep south I appreciate a change of seasons and a mild summer.

[madrchsod]

7. you mean you don`t

like the "lake effect snow"?

[Nlighten1]

21. It doesn't bother me at all.

And the "Lake Effect" beer is pretty good too.

[flordehinojos]

6. On the one hand your heart and you will be replenished,

by doing what you want and like your heart will be replenished. On the other hand that seems to bring a certain emptiness into your wife's heart? Is her heart filled now? Is she doing what her heart likes to do do and love? Is she needing to find that special thing that she likes to do and loves whether in Georgia, or in Minnesota?
Does your move take away from her? Does your move add or take away from her replenishment? Is her replenishment based on what she likes to do, or on where she lives?

Tough life questions, tough life answers to have to answer sometimes. Hope you and she find your answers and are able to meet each other somewhere in the answer.

O8)

[mac56]

15. good answer, flor

thank you

[madrchsod]

8. what city are you moving to?

[mac56]

10. Not allowed to say right now.

About an hour from the Twin Cities metro.

[Mr.Green93]

11. listen to your wife

really listen

[mac56]

13. Of course I am!

Tell me what you mean by that.

[Mr.Green93]

16. sometimes we hear what we want to hear

because we are not listening

[mac56]

17. Thanks

I guess I'm just not in a "moment of Zen" mood right now. Thanks anyway.

[cheezus]

12. Planning on having kids? They deserve snow.

C'mon, winter is FUN! Get a snowblower or hire a service to clear your driveway. Go to the St. Paul winter carnival. Enjoy knowing that there's something for santa to sleigh upon. Snuggle with your wife by the roaring fireplace (be it wood or fake gas).

I don't understand hating Winter. You can always put more clothes on, but there's a limit to what you can take off.

[mac56]

14. I lived in MN for 45 years.

Never thought of winter as anything better than an annoyance to be tolerated.

[LiveWire]

22. Snow is the DEVIL!!!

Take it from someone who lived in Southern California all his life. Nothing good can come from snow, only species-ending Ice Ages an frostbite!

[cheezus]

23. that's pretty sad - didn't you ever go sledding?

I notice your calvin and hobbes avatar

[mac56]

24. Sledded like a banshee when I was a little kid.

Did all the reindeer games. Got real cold and went indoors. Never liked the need to put on tons of protective clothing just to be able to go outdoors.

[SiouxJ]

19. Well good for you Mac!

It's great that you are so concerned about your wife's feelings too. I think you guys will have to discuss this at great length. Perhaps you could take frequent vacations to warmer climates? I don't really know what else to suggest but good luck, whatever you decide!

[mac56]

20. Hi SiouxJ!

:loveya:

Thanks for the support. We've been discussing it all week long, from every possible angle, as is our tendency. Our decision-making strategy has always been that everything takes two "yes" votes. So we shall see.

[Donkeyboy75]

25. That's a fantastic strategy...the two "yes" votes.

My wife and I found ourselves in a similar situation. We are moving overseas in a month for my career, and she had to quit a great-paying job. We have the same "yes" vote rule.

We talked about it a lot, and decided to envision a "worst-case" scenario. We did, and came to an agreement that if either hated it after a year, we'd scrap it and move back. It sounds like the two of you are communicating, which is essential.

Also, since this move is because of you, it would be a good idea to take care of the annoying moving details (do a majority of the packing, the crappy errands, etc.). I've found this to be helpful to continuing our harmonious relationship.

Best of luck to ya! :hi:

[mac56]

26. thanks, Donkeyboy

The annoying moving details? I do most of them anyway.

I like the worst-case scenario idea. Good luck to you and your wife with the move and new job! Stay in touch with DU.